Frost Arch (30 page)

I walked at regular pace across the grounds, shivering and clutching at myself. I thought of happy, distracting things like ponies and flowers as I made my way towards the stables.

The great wooden form of the stables loomed closer and I stumbled towards it, tripping over my own feet. I felt as though I was oblivious to my surroundings as I headed for my destination; deaf and blind to everything that surrounded me, besides the stables. My safe haven, because no matter whether I was in the company of Jack, Hawthorne or Camryn, I felt as though I would be safe.

I felt bile rise in my throat.

It was coming to this cursed city that had doomed me in the first place, I could feel it. If I had stayed at home I would not be facing death so soon. Soon. It made me dizzy. What would cause it? Would it be an accident? Would someone hurt me? Would it be someone I knew whose fault it was? My mind reeled with questions. I wondered if given the choice, if anyone would want to know when they would die.

Illness, accidents, murder, betrayal. Which one would kill me?

I was suddenly aware of that familiar rasping noise that seemed to be coming from my mouth. Was I really having an anxiety attack? I couldn’t feel my body, couldn’t make it respond. All I knew was my feet were bringing me closer to the stables. I was a mere twenty meters away now, but Jack was already emerging, having seen me through one of the windows. He could tell instantly that something was wrong for he rushed to me and brought his hands down upon my shoulders. He bent to look into my eyes.

“Avalon? Where have you been?”

Jack seemed to sense instantly that something was terribly wrong, which was usually the case for me.

“What’s wrong? Why is your face so dirty? What happened?” He fired, shaking me a little.

My mouth moved but no sound seemed to come out, and everything was moving in slow motion. I was scarcely aware that Jack seemed to be ushering me into the stables, using his strength and basically dragging me there. I was going into shock, I knew it, but I couldn’t seem to calm myself down. I was gasping for air and my body was shaking violently. I was going to die. Why? Why was I going to die? Seth hadn’t helped me at all, he had just frightened me.

Jack sat me down upon a stool and I realised I was already inside the stables. How had I gotten here so fast? Time was too fast. Too fast. I would die soon. When? How?

Jack’s worried voice was an echo, hundreds of miles away. Hawthorne’s cold nose pressed against my cheek and neck, searching for a response. Camryn wasn’t saying or doing anything, she merely watched me silently, waiting.

I didn’t know what to tell them. Hell, I didn’t know whether I should tell them at all, they would only worry and make unnecessary plans. There was nothing they could do. Something was coming for me. Maybe I would fall ill and would pass away slowly like Noah’s Madeline.

Jack’s voice was a distant echo, “Ava? Ava, tell me what happened, sweetie.” His hands were on my shoulders and I felt Hawthorne’s nose nudging against my ear, his warm breath washing over me. Too close. Everyone was too close. I felt as though I might spontaneously combust at any moment. The walls were closing in and I was drowning in deep, dark ice.

“No.” I managed to mutter.

Jack fell silent as I seemed to be talking now. What was I saying? I wasn’t sure. I didn’t even remember controlling my mouth. Did that really come from me?

“No, what?” Jack asked, “What is it?”

“Don’t.” My voice cracked with effort and a fresh wave of sobs rolled forwards. I was not in control.

“Don’t what?” Jack seemed to be getting angry at my unhelpfulness.

“Jack, stop shaking her!” Camryn’s voice cracked like a whip.

Was he shaking me? I couldn’t even feel it. I was going to die. I was going to die. I was going to die.

“I don’t want to die.” I gasped, my arms clutching at my waist.

“You’re not going to die.” Jack said irritably.

“Something must have happened.” Camryn mused.

“You don’t say.” Jack hissed.

“No, no, no.” The words came from my mouth, but I had no control over what I was saying.

“She has gone into shock.” Jack said, “Camryn, hand me that rug.”

Bustling could be heard, and then a sudden weight was put across my shoulders. I was so cold. The rug did nothing.

Hawthorne was whining loudly next to me, the sound reverberating through my skull. Suddenly everything was much too loud. Too close, too loud. I needed space. I needed air. Space. Air. I could hear Jack and Camryn arguing, but it was so loud I couldn’t make out the words. All the sounds around me became one and I could not distinguish one noise from the other. Far too loud. Cramped, cold, loud. Cramped, cold, loud.

“I need space!” I found myself shouting. I need space, I need space, I need space. Again and Again. Before I was aware of it, my fists and feet were jerking out, making contact with everything around me. I kicked and punched my way free of the deep, dark ice. Space, I needed space.

“Avalon!” Jack’s voice rose above the deafening noise that was everywhere.

I was scarcely aware of the cries of pain that came from both Mage and animal. I was flailing, trying to break free. I didn’t know what was going on. I was most definitely beyond going into shock. This was something different. This was panic, fear. All self control seemed to be lost and over come with terror. I wondered if other people had behaved so cowardly when they discovered that they would die. I was a coward. I didn’t want to die. Would my demise be so anti-climatic that no one bothered to remember me? I’d always hoped I would either die old, surrounded by the people I loved, or doing something heroic to save another. That would be a good way to die.

“Avalon!” Jack’s voice reverberated through my skull again. I felt several pairs of hands upon me, holding me down. Didn’t they understand I needed space? I was drowning.

One thing I was certain of was that I would not die from illness. Becoming unwell was rarely fatal to a Mage, as a Healer would often be close by. The rare exception of course was Noah’s Madeline. Besides, Jack loved me and would not allow me to become ill.

Then what would it be? I couldn’t think about it anymore. But how could I not? How can anyone forget something so scarring? I would be thinking about my own death until it finally caught up with me. Was that really any way to live out my remaining days; obsessing over my demise?

“For the love of god, Avalon, calm down!” Someone had restrained me for I could not raise my arms any longer and a great pressure was on my body. It was several seconds before I realised I was on the stable floor, and the world was looming above me. Jack. Jack was looming above me too. More seconds passed and I realised that he was sitting on my chest, pinning my arms to my side with his thighs. Camryn was holding down my legs with great effort. My vision seemed to clear and I was seeing red no longer. My chest was heaving up and down, and tears streaked my face. Finally I regained control of my body and went relaxed. I simply lay there sobbing and shaking.

“I think she’s calming down.” Camryn panted, removing herself from my legs.

Jack however did not move and simply watched me sob beneath him, making sure I would not lash out. Through my tear clogged lashes I saw a smear of blood from Jack’s nose. No doubt I had caused that. But of course I could throw as many punches as I liked at Jack and it would leave no lasting damage. That isn’t to say it wouldn’t be painful for him.

“I’m sorry.” I blubbered, panting hard, “Oh, Jack. Something terrible is going to happen!”

Jack cautiously removed himself from me and helped me into a sitting position. I noticed how weak and cold I still felt, though I ignored it now and clung to his chest. He rubbed my back in a soothing manner and held me close.

“It’s okay.” He cooed, “Just calm down first, then tell me.”

After several minutes of incoherent blubbering, during which Camryn seemed annoyed at something and departed from the stables, I finally managed to splutter two recognisable words.

“Seth Swaggart!” I sobbed into Jack’s chest.

I felt him grow tense instantly and he growled angrily. Before Jack got the wrong idea I felt I had to explain the situation.

“No, Jack, you don’t understand.” I began breathlessly, “It’s not what you think.”

“What did he do to you?” Jack pressed.

I sighed angrily and felt like hurting him again, “You always assume the worst.”

“I have to when it comes to you, Redding. You’re a magnet for bad luck.”

Ignoring that remark I continued, “Swaggart didn’t hurt me at all, he just needed to tell me something. I wish he hadn’t though. He dragged me into the alley-”

“He dragged you?” Jack fired up.

“He took me into the alley. He wouldn’t let me see his eyes, he knew it would hurt me when-”

“He wouldn’t curse you? Then why did he grab you in the first place?” He shot.

“For God’s sake, Jack.” I fumed, wiping away at the tears clinging to my lashes, “Will you listen to me? Swaggart didn’t curse me. He’s never cursed anyone, it’s not what he does.”

“I don’t understand.”

I spent the next five minutes explaining everything that had happened to Jack. I was glad that Camryn seemed to have disappeared. As much as I liked Camryn, I did not feel the same bond with her, as I did with Jack.

I explained why Seth Swaggart followed people, I explained his power, which was also a great burden and curse. I told Jack about my own life line, which was apparently ridiculously short for someone so young. Jack’s face grew more sombre as I continued my explanation. When I had finally passed on all relevant information I took and great heaving breath and fought back more tears. Jack’s eyes were on the floor and he seemed to be thinking hard.

“Do you think we should believe him?” He muttered.

“It makes sense.” I wish it didn’t.

“He may be trying to lure you.” Jack hissed.

“Into what?” I said incredulously.

“We can’t trust him.”

“Be that as it may, something is coming for me, and I don’t know when.”

“He could have been lying.” Jack snapped.

I put my face into my hands and breathed heavily, ignoring the world. I was now feeling ashamed of my little episode earlier. I had reacted badly and owed Jack and Hawthorne an apology.

“I’m sorry I lost control.” I whispered.

“No harm done.” Jack sighed.

“Hawthorne, I’m-” I turned to search for my fox, but found no one behind me. I swivelled my head and searched for him but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Where-?”

“He ran outside.” Jack said softly

“Hawthorne?” I called as though he might answer me.

“Avalon, he’s not here.” Jack petted my hair soothingly, though it did not calm me.

“Jack, where is he?” I tried to get up, but my legs shook violently when I put weight upon them.

“He copped a few blows when you started thrashing.” Jack whispered.

I gasped, “No, I didn’t mean to-”

“I know, I know. It’s okay, I’m sure he will come back soon.”

I groaned, “Oh, Jack, we have to find him.” What had I done? I had harmed Hawthorne in my moment of insanity. My face was still wet from tears, and my heart still pounded with fear for my own life, yet my mind was on Hawthorne.

“Avalon, you are going to make yourself sick if you worry about anything else.”

“But he doesn’t know what it’s like out there!” I protested.

“Either do you.” Jack challenged.

I tried once again to get to my feet, this time with Jack’s help. I shook all over and my skin felt like ice.

My life had changed so much since coming to this strange city, changed in ways I had not predicted. The best and worst things in my life had occurred over the last few months, and I wondered if I would ever trade it up for something more normal.

“We’ve got to go looking for him. I need to apologise. I don’t believe I did that to him. Do you think he is okay?” I fretted, tears threatening to flow once again.

“It’s okay, Camryn went to look for him.”

“She did?” I suddenly felt an overwhelming fondness for my red haired friend, “We have to go and help her.”

“We nothing.” Jack disagreed, putting an arm across my shoulders and steering me to my stool which he picked up from the ground. Once it was upright he sat me upon it and pulled the rug tightly around me.

“But-” I began.

“Be quiet.” He ordered, “I’ll go and look for them both now, all right? You just stay here until I get back. Hawthorne can’t have gone far. He can’t fly without you, remember?”

This calmed me slightly and I nodded.

Jack departed from the stables to help Camryn search for Hawthorne. I waited patiently for their return so I could apologise and hug my big ball of fluff. I didn’t even remember what I had done during my panic attack though Jack had said I had punched and kicked every bit of him Hawthorne that I could reach. Had I really been so violent? That kind of reaction was quite unlike me and I felt horrid just thinking about it. I was currently successfully repressing the memory of Seth Swaggart and the back alley at present as I was worrying about someone other than myself, which was also quite unusual.