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Trying to unravel the mystery made me think about some detective guy mom had always talked about, Hemlock something. He had use a phrase that went something like, “When you’ve ruled out the probable, then the improbable, no matter how impossible, is the only solution left.” I remembered reading his stories, but I preferred Shakespeare, who had more sex. Hemlock just had a violin, a sidekick named Watson, and his disguises. I remembered one story where he even posed as a woman. Well, Shakespeare did that a lot, too, and suddenly it came to me. I knew how we could make an impression on Mr. Charles Colby. I spent the rest of the watch making notes on my tablet.

As we were heading down the ladder from the bridge, Mr. von Ickles asked, “Last minute studying?”

“I had a breakthrough on one of two problems,” I said.

“Do I want to know?”

“If you don’t mind, sar, I think you’d prefer to have the ability to deny any knowledge.”

“I appreciate that, Mr. Wang,” he said with a smile. “And now that we’ve established that you’ve refused to tell me your plans, perhaps you might fill me in on some of the details I’m not supposed to know?”

I went over the basic concept I had come up with. He actually offered some enhancements that I wouldn’t have considered. In the end he said, “You may be the most deviously disturbed individual I have ever met, Mr. Wang. It’s an honor to know you.”

“Thank you, Mr. von Ickles. I do try. And may I say, sar, you’re no slouch yourself.”

“You’re very welcome. And may I add how pleased I am to have you on my watch?”

“Because of my skill and native wit, sar?”

“No, Mr. Wang, because I feel the sudden need to keep you under close observation.”

“Thank you again, sar.”

“You’re quite welcome, Mr. Wang. Carry on.”

“Yes, sar. Thank you, sar. I’ll see you in the office after breakfast, sar.”

I hurried off to the mess deck and managed to pull Brill aside.

“I’m ready to kill him myself,” she said without preamble.

“If you do that, you’ll have to stand his watch,” I said.

She laughed. “It would be worth it! At least I’d know he’s not going to poison the ship.”

“You willing to try magic?”

“I’m willing to try anything!” she said. “Magic?”

“In a way. I’ll explain more later. We have a lot of setup work to do. We’ll only get one shot, so it has to be good.”

“You have that look in your eye, Ish,” she said with a grin. “I think I’m going to like this.”

“Okay, the hard part is going to be backing off on him,” I said.

“You can’t expect me to ignore him!” she objected.

“Oh, I didn’t say ignore him. Just give him enough rope.” I outlined the plan quickly and her face went from frown, to disbelief, to amusement.

“Okay, I’m in,” she said. “But if this doesn’t work, can I kill him?”

“If this doesn’t work, we may need to, but let’s save that as a last resort, shall we?. Death is so final.”

I gobbled my way through two plates of scrambled eggs and sausage, four biscuits, and three cups of coffee. The meal was delicious, and I began to feel like maybe things were beginning to come together.

Trust Lois
, I thought, then laughed out loud. Biddy Murphy and Rhon Scham were at my table and looked at me with a bit of concern. “Mid-watch,” I said. “Just a little punchy this morning. Sorry.”

They nodded and I excused myself to go take the Messman exam.

I was the only person taking any steward exams that day—no surprise there—so Mr. von Ickles met me in the office at 07:15. I finished by 08:30 and he shook his head in amazement. “You’re slipping, Mr. Wang. Only a ninety-two on that one.”

“I’m distracted this morning, sar, and tired after a long night of plotting.”

“I can understand that perfectly well, Mr. Wang. I’ll see you on the bridge this afternoon. Try to get some sleep.”

“You, too, sar. And thanks.”

“You’re welcome, Mr. Wang. See you in a bit.”

My brain boiled over with ideas so I was afraid I might not be able to sleep—for about forty-five seconds. I was glad I set my tablet to wake me in time for a run and a sauna before watch. As I ran, I looked around for the right accomplice. It had to be somebody with just the right tone. Somebody who could make CC believe.

I knew exactly who it should be.

The afternoon watch went quickly. I spent it laying out the groundwork for my little magic show. The systems console gave me access to all the pieces I needed and Mr. von Ickles even showed me some tricks that I wouldn’t have thought of. He had his own brand of sneaky that I grew to admire. CC would have the evening watch and then he’d be off for twenty-four. When he came back on duty, life was going to become very interesting for Mr. Charles Colby.

When watch ended I headed for supper. Going through the mess line, I saw Pip and Sarah.

“Hey, guys, you’re just the people I wanted to see. I’ve got a little favor to ask.”

“Anything, Ish,” Pip said.

Sarah just nodded.

“I’ll be back after mess. I need some help with a project.”

They shrugged and looked puzzled, but I had to move along to keep from blocking the mess line.

Brill had Diane and Francis sitting off to one side and I went to join them.

“Okay,” I said. “I got the systems work done today, and I think we have our voice talent lined up. We can test it tomorrow while he’s off. All I’m missing is the guest of honor, but we have a few days to find her. We’ve got almost two weeks before we pull into Niol, and if we can’t do it that amount of time, it won’t happen at all.”

Francis said, “I made sure he knows about the pooka. He was already familiar with the concept, but I made a joke about seeing her walking the passages in the middle of the night.”

I grinned. “Excellent. We have to be careful to play it loose. His warped brain will do the rest.”

“Diane,” I said to her, “you’re going to be playing the receptive ear on the back side of the watch. It’s up to you to keep him off balance. It’s going to be hard because he’s going to be suspicious that it’s a set up. We have to convince him that we think she doesn’t exist.”

Brill touched my arm to get my attention and leaned in close to my ear. “Ish, Lois doesn’t exist.”

“Perfect!” I said with a grin. “You could almost convince me.”

They each wore a similar little worried expression as they stared back at me. I just laughed and finished my dinner. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to go write some scripts for tonight’s recording.”

By 20:30 I had all I needed and I headed to meet Pip and Sarah. They were sweeping and swabbing the galley down and I checked the mess deck to make sure we would not be overheard.

“Okay, guys, we have a little problem and I need some help,” I said. I grabbed a broom and helped them sweep while I explained the situation with CC. “So, we’ve tried everything and nothing is working. I think Lois wants us to help him understand the danger he’s putting the ship in by not doing his job.”

Pip says, “Okay, Ish, you know you’re—”

“Yes, yes, I know. The point is we need to give Lois a voice to tell him how much he’s hurting her.”

We finished sweeping and Sarah stood with her arms folded tightly under her breasts. “You want me to be Lois’s voice?”

“Yes. Lois has helped you already, and it’s time for you to help the next person in line. You’re a shaman. Healing is your specialty and we need to heal Charles.”

Pip looked at me like I had lost what few marbles he credited me with, but I didn’t care. Sarah had the voice and believed she was a shaman. I knew she thought that the ship had helped her. She’d be able to sell it like nobody else aboard, but I needed her to believe.

Sarah on the other hand examined my face. I do not know what she was looking for, but I made myself as open to her as I could. “You want to scare him,” she said at last.

“I want him to understand that he’s hurting Lois. We’ve tried other ways to make him understand, and now I want Lois to tell him directly.”

“Why not ask Lois to tell him, then?” she asked me. “Why have me
pretend
to be Lois?”

“Because I don’t think he can hear her like you and I do. I can’t do it because he wouldn’t believe a man’s voice.”

“You want me to speak for Lois?”

“Yes, I want you to be Lois’s voice. Tell him how he hurts her so he can hear it for himself.”

“What do you want me to do?” Pip asked.

“Keep watch. I don’t wanna be caught making the recordings.”

He grinned. “You’re serious.”

I nodded. “I’ve already rigged the speakers in environmental, and tomorrow Francis and I are going to mount a few more with some special controllers on them. By the time he comes back on the mid-watch tomorrow night, environmental will be wired for sound.”

“Where do you want to record?” he asked.

“Here in the galley, where I can get a little echo.”

“Are you up for this, Sarah?”

“Yes.”

Pip headed out to the passage and kept an eye open, while I settled down with Sarah and my tablet. We recorded Lois’s pain for about half a stan before Pip gave us a sign and we stopped recording. Sean Grishan came into the galley, got a cup of coffee and a cookie, and left.

Sarah said, “That’s enough for now.”

“Are you okay with this?” I asked her. “I’ll delete it right now if you’re not.”

She smiled. “It will be fine. Thank you.”

She turned then and walked out of the mess deck.

Pip stood there shaking his head. “She’s still a little odd.”

“Pip?” I said.

“What?”

“We all are.”

He considered that for a moment, before nodding in agreement. His face broke into a grin. “I wish I could be a fly on that wall.”

We both chuckled. “Come on, I heard there’s a gym on this ship. Let’s go check it out.”

He slugged me on the arm. “You are never going to let me forget that, are you?”

“Never!” I said, and slugged him back.

The watch stander didn’t have to do much to get me moving in the morning. I was anxious to get up to the bridge and start cutting up the audio. I had the normal daily stuff to deal with first—backups, securing the logs, checking for systems problems. I had all that finished by 08:00 and pulled Sarah’s audio off my tablet.

Mr. von Ickles showed me how to mount the headset so I could listen and edit without disturbing the bridge crew. By the time I got done clipping, cutting, splicing, and arranging, the watch was almost over and I had expanded the half a stan of recording into almost two stans of Lois in pain. About half way through Mr. von Ickles came to listen to some of it.

“Who’s the voice?” he asked.

“Sarah Krugg.”

“She’s good,” he said. “You think she sounds a little too real?”

“Too much like Lois?”

“No, too much like a person.” He took my tablet over to the air vent and recorded almost a full tick of blower sounds. “Here, load that.”

When I finished, he showed me how to mix the voice and ventilation noise together so it sounded like the blower was speaking. Even though I knew how it was put together, it still made the hair on my arms stand up. I tried to imagine what it would sound like down in the environmental section late in the watch with nobody else around.

“Sar?” I said.

“Yes, Mr. Wang.”

“You think I’m disturbed, then you come up with that? Well, sar, you bested me.”

“Thank you, Mr. Wang. I like you too.”

The watch changed just as I was finishing the audio editing. I had just enough time to load it to the storage space I had prepared in Brill’s system account before heading down to the galley for lunch. Then I headed over to the office for my last full share exam.

When I got to the mess deck, CC was there with the rest of the environmental team so I just gave Brill a nod and a wink and sat with my bunkies, Art James and David ben Dour—good guys, both of them. Art wasn’t the brightest bulb in the overhead, but he had more heart than any three professors I had known back on Neris—mom excluded, of course. David was good natured and moved from moment to moment without letting any problems he ran into effect him too much as they passed.

Lunch was my favorite chicken and pasta dish, and I enjoyed it so much I went back for seconds. When Cookie saw me he beamed from the back of the galley, and I gave him a nod and a thumbs up for the meal. He took such good care of us.

At 13:30 I presented myself at the office and found Mr. von Ickles waiting with a funny grin. He offered no explanation for his expression, and set me right to work on the Cargoman exam, which would round out my complete collection of full share ratings. Knowing it was the last one I’d be doing for a while, I sank into it and just let the experience unfold. When I surfaced at around 15:00, I looked up at him with a grin. “How’d I do?”

“You missed two,” he said, and turned the screen around so I could see the score.

Behind me, the room erupted in applause, which startled me so much I almost fell. I turned around and found the captain, Ms. Avril, Mr. Kelley, Mr. Cotton, and Brill standing just inside the door. From the sounds of things the passageway outside was full as well. There was clapping and cheering. It was crazy.