FullDisclosure (21 page)

She sighed. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Noah. I’m just—” She turned away, walked back to her bunk and plopped down on the mattress.

He followed her. “You’re just what?”

“Confused. I’m just so confused.”

He considered that for a moment. “About what? About how you feel about me?”

“No!” She looked at him, softened her voice. “No. I’m very clear about how I feel about you. And that’s what is so confusing.”

He laughed, sat down beside her and took her hands in his. “Okay, you gotta clear this up for me. You’re not making any sense at all. How can being sure about something be so confusing?”

She was about to tear her hands from his and turn away, but then she looked into his eyes and was lost all over again.

His hands were so warm on hers, his eyes that deep, rich color that reminded her of melted brown sugar. And they were gazing at her with such intentness and understanding. She said nothing, allowing herself a small moment of solace. He was the eye in the storm. And yet he was the storm.

She just wanted the storm to stop.

“Rachel?” He brushed a strand of hair from her eyes and ran his finger down her cheek. She closed her eyes and savored that touch. “Talk to me.”

“I-I can’t. I don’t think I can explain it.” Didn’t want to explain it, more like. Because explaining it to him would make it all more real.

“You have to try. I noticed there was something wrong this afternoon, and at supper. You seemed distant. Distracted. I want to help you. I
need
to help you.”

Because she wasn’t ready to reveal—or deal with—the storm of conflicting emotions that she had involving him she shifted her focus slightly. “I saw something today. Something that bothered me, I guess.”

“Oh? Tell me.”

So she did.

When she finished, his reaction was not exactly what she had expected. She wasn’t really sure
what
she had expected, but she didn’t expect him to say, “And what was it about that that bothered you?”

She blinked stupidly. It was so obvious to her. And it should have been obvious to him too. It should have been simple to put into words, and yet now that she was pressed she wasn’t sure how to do it. “I…uh…”

“They obviously loved each other, right?”

“Well, yes. Of course. But—”

“But what? Isn’t that really the only thing that matters? Isn’t that what God is all about? How can we judge people or criticize them for loving? What kind of sense does that make?”

Well, when he put it like that. Her mouth hung slack. He did have a point. It made perfect sense. And yet what she had seen went against every moral code she’d been raised with. So perhaps she should ask herself where, exactly, had those moral codes originated from?

Well, there were scripture verses. There were the commandments. But wasn’t Jesus’ first and most important commandment to love one another? Wasn’t that exactly what they were doing? And if she judged them for loving, what did that say about her? How was
she
living the commandment?

“I don’t know,” was all she managed. “It’s just all so new and strange for me I guess. I’m a little overwhelmed.” That was certainly the truth.

“I know,” he said softly, taking her chin in his hands. “And that’s my fault. I was probably in too much of a rush. I shouldn’t have brought you here yet. But the retreat was this weekend and I was afraid that if I missed this opportunity there wouldn’t be another one for a very long time.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad I came.”

“So am I. Because, you see…” He lavished a slow, sweet kiss on her lips. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

Those words stole her breath.

“I know it’s only been a few days, but when it’s right, it’s right. I can just feel it. And I want you to be a part of my life.”

She felt herself falling just a little more. “Oh, Noah. I want you in mine too.” And she wanted those lips on hers again. So much.

He must have sensed it because he leaned in to gift her with another slice of heaven. His hand slid around her waist and drew her close. His tongue slipped past her lips and she accepted it freely. Eagerly. She wanted more of him inside her. That thought startled and excited her all over again. She tried to put it out of her mind—knew she should—but the need was so deep and so innate that she felt as capable of stopping it as she was of willing her finger to fall off.

He stopped. “But there’s something I need to tell you first, Rachel. Something you need to know about me.” He hesitated. “Or rather about my family.”

“I don’t care,” she breathed.

“But you need to know.”

All she needed at that moment was him. She needed the questions and the confusion to stop, even if it was just for a few hours. She’d deal with the consequences later. Not that she was thinking about consequences at that moment. “Later. Tell me later.” She slid her hand under his shirt and felt the exciting shiver of his skin beneath her fingertips. “Right now I just want you.”

His eyes were looking down on her with a combination of concern and desire. Desire that burned through to her soul.

“Please,” she whispered. “I just want to be with you.”

At last he relented and took her mouth again. This time with more passion, with a fierceness of intent that at once startled and incited her. He unbuttoned her shirt and slid his hand inside the plain cotton bra. She swooned just a little more at the touch, realized that she wanted more of his skin on hers. She tugged at his shirt, and a moment later both items of clothing were on the floor. Her bra quickly followed, and they lay back on the bunk, his chest pressing against her breasts.

The forbidden and exciting ridge beneath his jeans was nudging her center. It felt so good—so right—she arched her hips against him and gloried in the soft groan of frustrated pleasure.

He kissed her harder, grinding himself against her. She caught her breath, the need in her growing to epic proportions. She slid her hand between them and reached for his belt. He stopped, sent her a question with his eyes, and she nodded. He stood and quickly stepped out of his jeans and briefs, watching in silence as she removed her own. She lay naked before him, as she had that afternoon. But this time was different. This time she felt even more exposed, more vulnerable—and yet more eager. With a smile he slid his hand between her thighs, and she parted them in utter joy at his touch.

His fingers slid inside her and a surge of wetness followed. His lips touched a breast as he reached deeper and his thumb brushed her clit. There was a tiny moment of discomfort as she felt something inside her give, but then it was gone.

“Do you want my mouth?” he breathed.

She shook her head. “No.” She touched his cheek. “I want you.” She was unable to bring herself to say the word, but he seemed to understand.

“I don’t have a condom.”

She was almost in tears from the anguish of waiting. “I don’t care.” She was due for her period in three days, she knew it was safe that way. “Please!” Her voice took on a note of desperation.

And at last he was inside her.

Her body had betrayed her, but she was so lost in the glory of it that she didn’t care. His body on hers, skin on skin, flesh on flesh. His cock—she allowed herself to think the word—filling her in ways she had only dreamed. It hurt a little, but not for long. And soon she was drifting on the sensuous pleasure of feeling him move inside her.

“I love you,” he said, his thrusts picking up tempo and his skin becoming slick with sweat. “I need you to know that I love you.”

She clutched his back and arched her hips to meet every thrust. “I love you too, Noah. God help me, but I love you too.”

Rufus glanced down the dim hallway to make certain he was alone before taking out his tools and making quick work of the lock on Sadie’s apartment door. This particular skill had come in very handy in the police force. Search warrants could be such a pain to obtain—and were especially inconvenient when one was planning on planting evidence rather than obtaining it. He was grinning to himself as the lock clicked into place and he slipped easily into the apartment.

He closed the door snugly behind him.

Cyril would be irritated with him if he knew he had left his post outside Evan’s apartment building. The plan was to follow and watch and wait for an opportunity to get Sadie alone. But the waiting game had been driving him nuts, and he’d decided that if Sadie was going anywhere it would be back to her apartment. She did have a few meager possessions here—and he was quite certain a few of them would have some sentimental value. She was bound to come back sooner or later, so why not just bide his time here, watching her TV and eating her food, rather than sitting in an uncomfortable car and drinking gallons of paper-cup coffee. And then not having anywhere to take a piss.

His stomach grumbling, he lumbered to the kitchen and yanked open the refrigerator. Considering her limited salary it was surprisingly well-stocked. Although much of it consisted of leftovers from the diner, it was considerably better fare than he was likely to get out on the street.

Selecting a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs, he stuck it in the microwave and hit the button. Now if only he had a beer to go with it.

While the microwave timer clicked off the seconds to his dinner, he scanned the room. Maybe if he looked around he might find something useful. When the microwave dinged, he pulled out the plate, found a fork, and while stuffing his face, made a circuit of the living room.

Truth be told, there wasn’t much here. There was a stack of mail on a small desk in the corner, but it mainly consisted of the usual bills and flyers. No suspicious letters from lawyers or insurance agents.

Damn.

Then his eyes alit on the telephone. It was truly annoying that the woman didn’t have a cell phone. What fucking century did she live in, anyway? But then an idea began percolating in his brain. What if he called Sadie at Evan’s? Or better yet, broke open a pipe or two so that there would be a flood so that the super would have to call her. Then she would
have
to come home.

He was really getting excited about this as he stuffed his face with week-old pasta, when suddenly it occurred to him that there was no way in hell the building super would have Evan’s number. Sadie hadn’t come home after leaving the restaurant, and her lack of a cell phone severely hampered the super’s ability to contact her. There would be no reasonable way that anybody here would know where she was.

He was stuck. Again. Damn.

Then he noticed the old-style answering machine that was attached to the phone. It had been ages since he’d seen one of those. Considering most people had voice mail on their cell phones, or otherwise automated electronic voice mail with their land lines, the things were about as common as VCRs. But then again, the poor thing was destitute. She had to make do with whatever she could scrounge up from the thrift store or the pawn shop.

He grinned at that, at the knowledge that she could have a cool two million if she just woke up and looked into things a little more closely. But she was so determined to forget everything to do with her old man that the money didn’t matter to her. She’d told him that once, when he’d questioned her about her past, and silently he’d snickered at her for it. Somehow it made the irony of it that much sweeter.

He stuffed another mouthful of spaghetti into his mouth and was just wondering if she had cable on that ridiculous little TV when the damn phone actually rang. Scared the bejeebers out of him. He almost dropped the damn spaghetti!

He had to stop himself from reflexively picking it up and forcing the damn thing to stop ringing. Now
that
would be stupid. Instead he waited patiently, hoping against hope.

And lo and behold, his prayers were answered.

“Sadie?” asked the voice, after the machine had made its plea for the caller to leave a message. “It’s Karey. You there?”

There was a brief pause, and Rufus worried that she might leave it at that. But a moment later, she sighed. “No. Of course not. What was I thinking. You’re probably with Jake. I happened to run into Evan Valerian and he mentioned that you were staying with his friend. I’ll try there. But just in case you come home and get this first, give me a call, will you? Seeing Evan recently got me thinking about something. Anyway…I’ve looked into the will and the life insurance policy again, and it seems to me that there’s something not quite right. At the very least we need to talk about it. So call me.”

She hung up.

Rufus stared at the phone. “Fuck.”

Evan propped himself up on one elbow and gazed down at Sadie sleeping softly beside him. In his bed. His new love. Or was she his old love? Even during the long years of her imprisonment, when he had thought of her it had felt as though he’d known her forever. Although he’d never seen her all that regularly, her absence had left a gaping hole in his life. And when she reappeared, although it had been painful and uncomfortable at first, it hadn’t taken long for her to slip snugly into place.

He curbed the urge to touch her cheek, trace the line of her jaw and press a gentle kiss to her forehead. She was exhausted and needed to sleep. Not only had their lovemaking been energetic and taxing, but he suspected her body needed extra time to recuperate. Jake’s efforts at rejuvenating her had been exemplary, but it had been only a few days and she still seemed so frail.