Gabe (Steele Brothers #6) (8 page)

I thought of all the girls I’d dated. While most had their redeeming qualities, none could compare to Kendra. “This situation is complicated,” I said, referring to Jason. “If she was already divorced and I didn’t know her ex—”

“It would be easy. But since when do you ever do easy? You like a challenge. This is a challenge. So just figure out a way to make it work.” Nex stood, gripping my shoulder. “Take my advice, bro. Before it’s too late.”

***

Kendra

I’d just picked Char up from her grandparents’ house after a twelve-hour shift when she whispered, “I miss Daddy. Why can’t he come over?”

I felt the familiar stab of guilt. It’s not that I was trying to keep Char from her father. On the contrary, I encouraged Jason to spend as much time with her as possible. I just asked him to call first. Was that too much to ask?

“Baby, you know Daddy’s been busy with work,” I said, glancing at her in my rearview mirror.
And no doubt charming the ladies.

“Gabe works too and he still has time for us,” she said, pouting.

It was true that Gabe’s job was even more demanding than Jason’s because of the additional responsibility that came with his recent promotion. “Why don’t you call your dad tonight?” I suggested, trying to put the focus back where it belonged, on Char’s relationship with her father. “I’m sure he’d love to hear from you.”

She nodded and her eyes drifted closed. I released a sigh, grateful for a reprieve.

“Mommy, do you like Gabe?”

So much for being let off the hook. “Sure I do. Don’t you?”

“I mean do you like-like him?” Her eyes were wide, brimming with tears. “Is that why we can’t go back home?”

I knew she meant the home she’d grown up in, the one we’d shared as a family. “Baby, we can’t go back home because…” I’d already had this conversation with her numerous times, but it never got any easier. In fact, it seemed to be getting harder. “Well, Mommy and Daddy just aren’t happy living together anymore, sweetie. Like we told you when we separated, we’ll always be a family. We just won’t be living under the same roof anymore.”

“Daddy says we might be a family again someday if you’ll just give him another chance.” Her lip trembled when she said, “Why can’t you give him another chance, Mommy? Please. For me. I miss him.”

My heart broke for her but that didn’t mean I’d give in. Not even to her. And I was going to throttle Jason when I saw him. How dare he try to use our daughter to manipulate me! “You know I’d do just about anything for you, don’t you?”

I pulled into our drive and put the car in park, slipping into the backseat beside her. I took her hands, my expression as solemn as hers.

“Char, you do know that, right?”

She nodded, her eyes shifting to my knees.

“But, baby, I can’t do this. I can’t go back to your daddy.”

“Why not?” she whispered as a tear slipped down her cheek. “It’s not fair.”

I had to agree. This must seem grossly unfair to a little girl who just wanted her family back. As far as she was concerned, I was probably being stubborn. And since I would never paint her father in an unfavorable light, I had no choice but to let her go on believing that.

“Sometimes things don’t seem fair,” I agreed. “But later, we come to realize that everything happens for a reason. Your dad came in to my life for a very important reason.” I slid my finger under her chin, tipping her face up to meet mine. “You. You were the reason. And I am so grateful for that. I couldn’t imagine my life without you, Charlene.”

She reached out her arms, hugging me hard. “Love you too,” she whispered, burying her face in my hair.

I was choking back my own tears by the time she unbuckled her seatbelt and raced inside, claiming she had to go to the bathroom.

Nex was heading down Gabe’s drive when I slammed my car door.

“Hey, beautiful,” he said, his smile slipping when he caught a glimpse of my face. “What’s wrong? You look like you just lost your best friend.”

I pointed to the door Char had slammed behind her. “Just had a little chat with my girl.”

“Is there a problem?” Gabe asked, hearing the tail-end of our conversation as he rounded the corner from his backyard.

“I guess she’s just missing her daddy.”

Gabe and Nex shared a look before Nex asked, “How ’bout you, Kendra? You missin’ him?”

Gabe looked like he was holding his breath, waiting for my response.

“No, not at all.”

Nex surprised me by crossing the yard to give me a hug. “I know this isn’t easy, but stick to your guns, sweetheart. It’ll be worth it in the end.”

I watched him climb on his bike and ride away with a quick wave to Gabe before I asked, “What was that all about?”

“Don’t ask,” Gabe muttered, walking toward me. He grabbed my shoulders, looking in to my eyes. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Just let me check on Char,” I said, pointing to the porch swing. “I’ll get us some lemonade and be right back.” The last hour of my shift I’d been looking forward to coming home and putting my feet up after getting Char ready for bed, but I could tell Gabe was worried about me and I didn’t want to blow him off.

Char was playing with her dolls when I walked into her bedroom. “Since you had dinner at Nan and Pops, we’re going to have to get you into the bath and ready for bed soon. I have to be at work by six again, so that means an early morning for both of us.”

I didn’t know what I’d do without my parents, who dropped Char off at school and picked her up when I had to work a twelve-hour shift. Thankfully those twelve-hour shifts meant I only had to work three days most weeks, so that gave me plenty of time for my daughter.

“Can I play a little while longer?” she asked, redressing one of her favorite dolls in a pretty pink dress we’d stitched together.

“Sure,” I said, understanding her need for a little alone time. “I’ll just be out on the porch, okay?”

She nodded, looking solemn. I knew she was still upset and confused, but I just couldn’t find the words to make her feel better when I was running on fumes myself. One thing was for sure, my ex and I were going to have a little chat tomorrow. This state of limbo we’d been living in had to end, and I refused to let him go on giving our daughter false hope when I knew a reconciliation wasn’t in the cards for us.

By the time I made my way outside, Gabe was sitting on the porch swing, scrolling through his phone.

He looked hesitant as he took the glass from me with a smile of gratitude. “No offense, but you look beat, Kendra. We don’t have to do this now. If you’d rather talk tomorrow—”

“It’s okay.” I sank down beside him, heaving a sigh. “I just found out Jason’s been telling our daughter we could get back together if only I’d give him another chance.”

“That’s not fair,” he said, clenching his jaw. “For him to try and make you look like the bad guy.”

“I don’t know why I should be surprised,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck with my free hand. “Jason’s never been real big on accepting responsibility for his actions. That was a big part of the reason I walked out on him. It wasn’t just that he cheated on me. It was the fact that he tried to downplay it like it was just one of those things that happened.”

“He’s an idiot if he implied that,” Gabe said, sounding disgusted. “I know plenty of guys who’ve never even been tempted to cheat on their wives.”

“Like Ryker?” I guessed, thinking how lucky his wife Mackenzie was to have a man she could always count on.

“Yeah, like Ryker.” He took a sip of his lemonade before he said, “I knew if I ever got married that’s the kind of husband and father I’d want to be.”

“Your brother is a good role model,” I agreed. “No doubt about that.”

“Maybe that’s part of the reason I never got in too deep with a woman,” he said, sounding hesitant. “Maybe I didn’t think I had it in me to be the man he is.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, frowning.

“Mac and Ryker have hit some rough patches over the years,” he said, setting his glass down on a small table. “But he never stopped being there for his family, never stopped loving them.” He shook his head. “I don’t know. He’s as solid as a rock, and as much as I admire his devotion to his family, maybe I’m afraid I don’t have what it takes to be… that guy.”

I heard what he was saying. He questioned whether he was more like Jason than Ryker. He was worried that he would hurt me and disappoint me the way my ex had. Not that he would cheat, because that wasn’t the kind of man he was. But maybe that he wouldn’t be enough to live up to my expectations of what a husband and father should be.

“I don’t know where this thing between us is going,” I said, knowing I needed to take some of the pressure off him. “What I do know is you’re twice the man Jason is. He’s a firefighter because he likes all those days off. You do it because you’re heroic.” When he didn’t look convinced, I added. “When someone asks Jason for help, he wants to know what’s in it for him. You help people without wanting anything in return.”

“I’m not a saint,” he said, shaking his head. “If you try to paint me as one, you’ll be disappointed.”

“That’s really what you’re afraid of, isn’t it?” I asked, touching his leg. “Letting me down?”

“I’m afraid of letting both of you down,” he said, clearing his throat. “There’s an innocent little girl in there who’s already had her heart broken once. I don’t want to be the guy responsible for breaking it again.”

My heart went out to him because I knew no one tried harder or struggled with more self-doubt than Gabe. Touching his back, I said, “Kids are pretty resilient. Char is struggling right now because she’s still holding out hope that Jason and I can get back together. Once it’s official, she’ll adjust to our new reality.”

“You’re probably right.” Leaning forward, he looked at me over his shoulder. “But I don’t want her to hate me because she thinks I’m the reason you guys can’t be a family. I couldn’t live with myself if she thought that.”

This didn’t come as a surprise to me. I’d known all along it was a big part of the reason he’d been holding back. “As a parent, you learn pretty quickly your kids will find hundreds of reasons to hate you. At this stage, it’s because I won’t buy her a toy she wants or I make her clean her room when she wants to go out and play.”

He smiled, nodding. “I guess so.”

“Later it’ll be because I tell her she’s too young for her own phone or I make her work for her spending money instead of just handing it over.” I remembered what I’d been like as a teen, so I couldn’t blame my daughter if she followed in my footsteps.

“I guess I never really went through that phase. You know, hating my mother. I was too worried about whether she’d be around for my next birthday or Christmas to get caught up in that trivial, day-to-day stuff.”

I knew Gabe had never fully recovered from his mom’s death. He’d been young when she died, only nine years old. He was a scared little boy who still needed a parent. Thankfully, he’d had older brothers to take care of him, but losing that maternal figure in his life had taken an unspeakable toll on him.

We were silent for a few minutes and I was sure he was trying to recall something, anything about his mother. Her smile. Her laugh. Her unique scent. Anything that would bring her back to him, even if only for a moment.

“My point is,” I said quietly, when I was sure he was back with me, and no longer lost in his memories, “being a parent is hard. And being public enemy number one goes with the territory. I’m dreading it, but I’m pretty sure there will come a day when my daughter tells me she hates me more than she loves me.”

“Are you trying to tell me I need to develop a thick skin if I want to be a part of Char’s life? That I can’t be so sensitive, worrying about whether she likes me all the time?”

“Something like that.” I leaned forward, resting my chin on his shoulder. “I don’t know where this thing between us is going, Gabe. And neither do you. Maybe we’ll go on being friends and neighbors, nothing more. Or maybe we’ll fall in love and you’ll be Char’s step-dad someday.” I knew which one I’d vote for, given the choice, but he had to feel the same way I did. My days of trying to convince a man how to feel or behave were long over.

“No pressure, huh?” he asked, obviously wrestling with how he felt about that.

“No pressure.” I linked my arm through his, resting my cheek on his shoulder. “In my experience, these things have a way of working out the way they’re supposed to.”

“What about you and Jason?” he asked, seemingly surprised by my philosophical take on relationships. “That didn’t work out the way it was supposed to. You must have gone in to your marriage hoping it would last forever, didn’t you?”

“Don’t we all?” I asked, trying to let go of the last vestiges of bitterness. “In the end, sometimes, it’s meant to last forever, and sometimes, it isn’t. But I’d never say it didn’t work out as it was supposed to.”

“I guess I don’t follow,” he said, looking confused. “If you—”

“If I’d never met and married Jason, I wouldn’t have Char. I know, without a doubt, that little girl was meant to be a part of my life. Because of her I’m a better person. So, even if Jason only came in to my life to give me Char and teach me some tough lessons, I’m okay with that.”

“You’re pretty amazing, you know that?” His full lips turned up in a half-smile. “Most women would want to castrate the bastard who cheated on them and turned their family upside down.”

“There’s no place in my life for hate or regret,” I said, reciting the words I’d written in my journal dozens of times since the separation. “I have to let go of all of that. It’s the only way to make room for the life I want.”

“I have to ask again,” Gabe said, entwining his hand with mine. “Are you sure you want to take a chance with me? I’m not very good at this whole relationship thing. Like Jason, I could be a really lousy risk.”

I kissed his cheek, lingering long enough to breathe in his spicy scent. “I don’t think you will be, but even if you are, it’s my risk to take. No matter what happens, Gabe. I won’t have any regrets.”