Gabriel's Light (Doms of Chicago) (12 page)

“Which is why I can’t do this, Gabriel. You’re still in love
with her and you haven’t let her go yet. I understand. I’ve been there. Even as
big an ass as Ossie turned out to be, there were still times I woke in the
middle of the night reaching for him. It’s hard to accept they’re no longer
here for either of us.” She sank on to the edge of the daybed “You haven’t
accepted she’s not coming back yet. But I can’t risk my own happiness again on
a man who won’t commit to me a hundred percent. You’ll never be able to give me
that until you’ve decided to move on.”

“I never asked you for anything other than to protect you…the
petting was just a bonus…” He tried to protest but he knew she was right. The
ghost of Sara was still everywhere in his life. Despite his body’s response to
Zhenya, and even the intervention on the guys’ part, he still hadn’t let go of
Sara’s memory.
And by moving Zhenya into
my home and doing what I want, well it’s nothing short of giving her false
hope. I can’t do that to her.

“True, and it’s my own fault I thought it was more.” She cradled
her head in her hands.

He shifted uncomfortably at the pain in her tone, and her
defeated posture. Zhenya wasn’t supposed to be like this. She was vibrant, full
of life and laughter. Had he done this to her? Turning on the bed, he wanted
nothing more than to pull her into his arms and protect her…even from himself.

“As much as I desire you, asking you to stay with me wouldn’t be
fair to you or Sophia. I’m not ready to move on.” He cupped her cheek. “Not
that seeing to your pleasure wasn’t one of the hottest things I’ve done in a
long time. You will make a very lucky Dom a happy man—just not me.”

She shrugged her shoulders, but avoided his eyes. “Perhaps
someday. Maybe after this situation with Sebastene is over.”

He nodded and for the first time in his life as a Dom, he walked
away from an upset sub. He couldn’t help her. In fact, his presence was only
making it worse.

Chapter
Twelve

As Gabriel left the playroom, the tears Zhenya had been holding
at bay, spilled over her cheeks. It had taken all her control to say no to him
- to stop him when her body had screamed for more. Hell if it had even been a
week ago, she’d have said yes and gone with him.
And probably gotten my heart broken in the process.
Not that it
wasn’t hurting already. Her blood might still be singing with the pleasure he’d
given her but his whispered plea had stung, nearly as bad as it had earlier
this week, when she’d realized he was fantasizing about Sara while he held her.

She hadn’t lied to him. She wanted a Dom who could love both her
and Sophia equally. And while she knew he was enamored with Sophia - it had
been obvious since the first time he’d held her newborn daughter, she also realized
she couldn’t just settle for a man who would only care but not truly love her
mother. She wanted one who could love her just as much, and not for the child
she could give him.

It had come to her while arguing with Sebastene earlier. She’d
rather be alone than settle for a man who merely wanted only what she could
give him like Ossie had. She wanted what she’d witnessed between
Nisey
and
Caelan
, and Jude,
Olivia and Micah, along with numerous other couples she’d met since joining
Olivia’s.
Damned if I don’t want it to be
Gabriel.

Wiping furiously at the betraying moisture, she tried to compose
herself. She’d have to go upstairs soon to face not only Gabriel, but also
Caelan
and
Nisey
. While she
wasn’t too worried about the men,
Nisey
was much more
observant than them. The last thing she needed was the other submissive knowing
how upset she was.

“Zhenya?”
Nisey’s
soft voice came from
the doorway, and what little composure Zhenya thought she’d had crumbled as her
friend walked into the room. She burst into a fresh round of tears as
Nisey
crawled onto the bed with her.

“Aw, honey…”
Nisey
drew Zhenya into
her arms. “
Shhhh
, I know it hurts. He’s a stubborn
thick-headed fool. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.” Rubbing her head against
Zhenya’s, she slowly rocked her.

Then as if someone had opened the flood gates, it all came
pouring out. She couldn’t have stopped it if she’d tried. For the first time
since the death of her husband, Zhenya lost it and cried. Not only for the
whole idiocy of it, but also for all she’d lost - her home, her security, even
the good memories of her time with Ossie. It hadn’t all been bad. Tears
streamed down her face, her nose began to run, but through it all
Nisey
held her. Listened to how all Zhenya had left was
Sophia now. She even spilled the truth of her marriage, how she’d been a virgin
when she’d came to Ossie, never wanting to raise a child alone because of a
medical quirk that wouldn’t allow her to take birth control. How she’d wanted a
man who was Dominant to be her husband. She babbled about how here she was, a
single mom who’d been so desperate, she jumped at the chance to have a new man
in her life and she’d ignored all the warning signs.

Even knowing she was wallowing in self-pity, she couldn’t seem
to stop and through it all
Nisey
held her, soothed
her, until she finally collapsed in an exhausted heap against her friend. As if
sensing the storm was over,
Nisey
sighed.

“That was a long time in coming, wasn’t it?”
Nisey
stroked her hair with one hand while the other held her close.

“Yeah, you could say that.” Zhenya hiccupped and lifted her
head. Now that it was over, she couldn’t help but feel appalled by her
behavior. She couldn’t believe she’d just indulged in a pity party, and her
friend had been lucky enough to witness it. Even as Zhenya squirmed to get
free,
Nisey
clucked at her, holding her with ease;
her strength surprising for one as slender as her. “My guess is this is the
first time you’ve let go since he died.”

Laying her head back down on her friend’s shoulder, Zhenya
sighed. “I couldn’t break down. I had to stay strong. I had to leave Greece
before
Ossie’s
parents found out I was pregnant. I’ve
had so many miscarriages. If a miracle happened and I managed to carry to term,
I didn’t want them trying to take the baby. Then when I arrived, I was so busy
trying to erase my tracks and prepare for Sophia’s birth…”

A knowing smile crossed
Nisey’s
face.
“You didn’t have time to let it sink in, to mourn for him.”

She nodded. “But not just for him… for our marriage.” She sighed
and sat up. “I was going to file for divorce, even if he hadn’t died,
Nisey
. I couldn’t do it anymore. He wasn’t the man I
thought I’d married…the Dom I’d given my submission to - that man was gone.”

“Not to criticize but wouldn’t it have been better to talk to
him?. He was your master…”

“Yes, he was.” Zhenya folded her hands on her lap. “What I’m
about to tell you…well I haven’t told anyone else. Not his judgmental parents,
not my
subbie
group. My husband was killed on his way
to his mistress’s house. She was the wife of one of our prominent clients at
the resort. My late husband’s father owns one of the most elite resorts in
Southern Greece.” A bitter laugh escaped her. “How pathetic was it I didn’t
realize he was sleeping with one of our guests? For Christ’s sake, I actually
worked in the accounting department at the resort to help out. I’d never have
found out, if I hadn’t called the client in question about a transaction that
hadn’t gone through on his card.” When
Nisey
looked
intrigued, Zhenya quickly explained. “You see it had expired. So I called him.
Told him who I was, and I was calling in regards to his wife’s stay at the
hotel on said date.”

“Oh no,”
Nisey
expression was
horrified. “You broke the news to him. He didn’t know anything about it?”

A rueful smile twisted Zhenya’s lips. “Oh, no, he knew
everything about it. He’d been having his wife followed, and had just found out
about her and
Ossie’s
affair. So when I called up and
introduced myself as Mrs. Ossie
Sikkenga
, he wanted
to meet me. So I agreed to lunch that afternoon at a local shop.” She leaned
back against the headboard. “What a fool I was. I went thinking he wanted to
straighten out the billing situation.”

“It was about the affair?”
Nisey
guessed, lying down next to her.

“Yeah. Complete with the humiliating pictures of my husband and
his wife.” A rusty chuckle escaped her. “Dear Lord, she had him dressed up like
a pony, complete with a bridle and saddle, and even a tail. She was perched on
his back, using a crop on him.”

“
What?
”
Nisey
choked on the word.

Zhenya giggled. “It seemed the highly esteemed son of the
Sikkenga
Resorts actually was a closet switch, and while he
loved dominating his wife, he wanted a mistress who would tie him up and ride
him like a pony.”

Nisey
burst out laughing. “You’re shitting me, right?”

Shaking her head, Zhenya looked at
Nisey
solemnly. “Nope. To say I was mortified beyond anything I’ve ever felt when I
gazed down at the man I’d called Master since we’d gotten married, was an
understatement.”

“So did you confront him?”

Zhenya shook her head. “Not right away. You see I’d just found
out about Sophia, and I was worried about traveling during my first trimester.
So I waited six agonizing weeks, playing the dutiful wife. Then on our tenth
anniversary, the night I’d originally planned on telling him about our child, I
handed him the pictures. The look on his face was…”

“Priceless?”

Zhenya rolled over to face
Nisey
. “No.
He just stared at the pictures, then looked up at me and calmly asked me what I
was going to do. You see he was waiting for hysterics and accusations, but I
refused to give them to him. That’s when I informed him I was leaving him.” She
chuckled softly. “That’s when the hysterics started. He wanted me to continue
to play the role of his dutiful wife. When I told him I was divorcing him, he
went off the deep end, threatening all kinds of things. How I wouldn’t get a
dime of his money if I tried to leave, how his father would make sure I was
detained, how I’d never see America again.”

“So what did you do? How did you get away from him?”

“I didn’t have to get away. Whether he was pissed off at me or
the situation, I have no idea, but he locked himself into his study with a
bottle of whiskey. It must’ve been about midnight when I heard him leave. It
wasn’t ‘til the next morning as I was getting ready to leave that Sebastene
arrived with the police. Ossie had been killed in an auto accident the night
before. Due to the rain and the alcohol he’d consumed he’d hit a tree head on.
It later came out that he’d been on his way to his mistress’s home. In fact,
the tree he’d hit was at the corner of the property her husband owned.”

“Good Lord, what a mess.”

“Talk about shock. Sebastene threw me out right then and there.
I left with nothing more than my clothing and a few jewels my father gave my
mother.” She rolled onto her back. “As soon as the police cleared me, I sold
everything but my mother’s wedding ring, then hopped on a flight to New York.
Using a school visa and my father’s residency, I disappeared into the vast
place you call America. Or at least tried to.”

“And now he’s found you.”
Nisey
exhaled softly. “What a mess.”

“Yep.” Zhenya closed her eyes briefly, before finally speaking
again. “Is he still up there?”

“He?”

She opened her eyes. “You know tall, dark, and moody?”

“He left.”
Nisey
pushed up from the
bed. “I wish things were different for you. I’ve known Gabriel a long time. He
and Sara were there when I took my first baby steps into the lifestyle. She was
a mentor, a confidant when I struggled with what I wanted.”

“Then you knew her?” Zhenya held no ill will against the woman.
She was dead, but while she was alive she’d obviously made Gabriel a very happy
man. It was only natural to be curious about the woman.

“Oh, yes. The first time I met her was at a munch at
Pínaka
ti̱s
Mi̱téras
.
She allowed
Caelan
to demonstrate a basic tie in the same private room you had Sophia in. God, it
was probably one of the most erotic things my twenty-two year old eyes had ever
seen.”
Nisey
gave her a grin. “I was innocent then,
totally inexperienced. I knew enough to realize I was missing something, but
until
Kalinda
offered me a place to stay, I had no
idea how to even go about finding it. I grew up with
Kalinda
,
but had never met her sexy older brother until after we both graduated high
school. He was raised by his mother in Ireland, while she was raised by hers
here…”
Nisey’s
voice trailed off.

“And you met his Sara at this munch?”

Nisey
grinned. “Yes. Shortly after I moved in with
Kalinda
,
Caelan
offered to take me to one of the local
munches. That’s where I met quite a few people who are very much part of my
world today, including Sara. Mistress Olivia, she was there with her
ever-present crop. She hadn’t settled down with Jude and Micah yet, but she had
her sub of the week with her. I often wonder what happened to him. Reese
something or other was his name.”
Nisey
tapped her
lips thoughtfully. “Of course, Gabriel was hosting it, and Josh was around as
well. He hadn’t wised up yet about
Kalinda
. They were
all there. It seems so long ago, but it’s only been four years. Since then
almost everyone has paired off.
Kalinda
with Josh and
Dominic, Olivia and her men, even
Caelan
and I… but
at the time the only people who were in an actual relationship were Gabriel and
Sara.”

“How long where they together?”

“According to
Máister
? They were together nearly five years before I met
them. I think it would’ve been ten years in July since their collaring
ceremony.” Tears welled up in
Nisey’s
eyes. “You
should’ve met her. She had such a bubbly personality. Always had a ready smile
on her face. You could just see the wheels turning behind her eyes. I think at
times, she was what kept Gabriel so young. She wouldn’t let him get too serious
about himself.”

“Really?” Zhenya leaned forward, curious. The Gabriel she knew
was very somber. “I can’t imagine him playing.”

“Oh yes,”
Nisey
looked around the
room. “Don’t tell
Caelan
I told you, but Sara used to
have a running bet with Gabriel.”

“She did?”

Nisey
giggled. “Yes she did. She used to sneak under his desk at work, and wait for
him. Then she’d wait until he was on the phone with one of his suppliers to
unzip his pants.”