Gail Whitiker (11 page)

‘Robert, I beg you, do not keep me in suspense any longer,’ Hannah cried. ‘What was the nature of this package?’

He took another long, deep breath, and then turned to face her. ‘A baby.’

Had he told her the Regent himself had been left in the carriage, Hannah could not have appeared any more astonished. He watched the colour drain from her face. ‘Dear God.’ She put a hand to her mouth, and her fingers were trembling. ‘Someone left…a
baby
in Mama’s car
riage? But who would do such a thing? Whose baby was it?’

‘Mama had no idea. There was…a letter tucked inside the baby’s blanket, but it made no mention of who the infant’s parents were or where it had been born. It said only that…the mother was dead, and that the father knew nothing of its existence.’

‘The mother was dead—’ Contrary to her resolve, Hannah sank weakly into the nearest chair. ‘Oh, Robert, this is not at all what I had been expecting you to say.’

‘No, I’m sure it isn’t,’ Robert murmured. He noticed the whiteness around her mouth and took a step towards her. ‘Are you all right? Can I pour you a brandy?’

‘No, no, I’m…fine. I’m just horrified that Mama would have been put in such a terrible position. But who would have done such a thing?’ She looked up at him with eyes that spoke eloquently of her sadness. ‘How could anyone with a heart or a conscience abandon an innocent baby in such a way?’

‘Apparently, those were my mother’s sentiments too. And because she was still so deeply grief-stricken over my father’s death, she did what most people would have considered unthinkable. She brought the baby back to Sussex with her.’

Hannah drew a quick breath of utter astonishment. ‘Oh, poor Mama. What anguish she must have suffered in making such a decision. But I cannot say I am surprised. It would be just like her to try to help the poor creature. She must have taken it to the orphanage. Mr Howard and his sister have always been so good with the children—’

‘She did not take the child to the orphanage, Hannah.’

‘She didn’t?’

‘No. Because what I didn’t know was that my mother
was desperate to have another child. She and my father both were. But she could not conceive a second time. So she brought the child…here.’

Hannah stared at him in confusion. ‘But I don’t understand. Mama
did
conceive a second time. She gave birth to me only a month before we left Scotland. And there’s never been any other child here. There’s only ever been you and me.’

‘That’s right, Hannah.’ Robert took a step towards her. ‘There has only ever been you and me. But you weren’t conceived before my father died.’ He looked at her, needing to see her eyes when he told her. ‘In fact,
my
father had nothing to do with your conception.’

She gazed at him, struggling to comprehend what he was saying. ‘Nothing to do with—’ Then, horrified, she gasped. ‘
Oh, dear God!
Oh, Robert, please don’t tell me…’ Her cheeks turned a bright, flaming red. ‘Surely you don’t mean to say that Mama…that my father…’ She gulped hard and closed her eyes. ‘That Mama was with…
another man
?’

Had the situation not been so grave, Robert might have laughed at hearing Hannah whisper aloud the dark suspicion he’d harboured most of his life. But now, in light of the shocking truth, it seemed anything but humorous. ‘No, Hannah. Mama was not involved with another man. She loved my father deeply, and she remained faithful to his memory until the day she died.’

‘Then what…?’

‘The baby she found, the baby she raised here, as her own child—was you.’

She stared up at him for what seemed like an eternity. Then, as the harsh reality of what he was saying finally sunk in, Hannah’s face went deathly pale. ‘
No!
It isn’t
possible
—’

‘It is possible. In fact, I’m afraid it’s more than possible.’ Robert dropped to the floor at her feet and took her ice-cold hands in his. ‘Mama let everyone think you were her daughter, and the timing of it led everyone to believe that you were. But the sad truth is, you’re not her daughter by birth.’

‘This isn’t true!’ she gasped.

‘I wish to God it wasn’t, Hannah, but I can’t keep the truth from you any longer. You
were
the baby left in my mother’s carriage. You were the child whose mother died.’

‘No—’

‘I’m so sorry. I wish I could tell you it was all a lie—’

‘But it is a lie!’ Hannah’s eyes widened in shock and disbelief. ‘I wasn’t abandoned. Mama gave birth to me…in Scotland. My father…was your father! Why are you telling me these terrible lies?’

Robert could hardly bear to look at her. He had never seen another human being in such anguish and pain. ‘Hannah, I swear to you, I’m not lying—’

‘You
are
lying! You must be!’ She jerked her hands free and got to her feet. ‘What proof have you of this? What…justification have you for telling me such a contemptible story?’

‘I have no physical proof. I only know what Cousin Margaret told me—’

‘Cousin Margaret!’ Hannah’s eyes flashed blue fire. ‘You heard about this from her? Is that why she wanted to see you first? To tell you these abominable lies?’

Robert slowly got to his feet, but he did not attempt to approach her. ‘They’re not lies, Hannah. Lady MacInnes is my mother’s first cousin. She would have no reason to lie to me or to you.’

‘She must have, otherwise she wouldn’t have said
these things! None of it’s true! I don’t care what Margaret told you! She’s making it all up!’

‘No, she isn’t, Hannah. Nor am I saying this to hurt you.’ Robert kept his voice low, knowing it was imperative that he remain calm. Hannah was hurling words at him, lashing out in pain. If he responded in kind, God only knew what kind of damage they would inflict upon one another, upon their relationship. ‘I truly wish I could tell you this was a mistake—’

‘It
is
a mistake! Mama would
never
do this to me. She loved me.’ Hannah gazed up at him as tears filled her eyes and then spilled down over her cheeks. ‘She wouldn’t have lied to me. She
loved
me! She loved…’

Robert caught her as she fell, scooping her up in his arms and gently cradling her head against his shoulder. She was a delicate wisp in his arms, and the scent of her filled his head like sweet, heady perfume. But as he carried her up to her room, he couldn’t help but think how ironic it was that the very first time he had
ever
put his arms around his sister was the very day he had found out she was not.

H
ANNAH
opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling.
Where was she?

For a moment, she had no recollection of that, or of what had happened to her. Then, blinking, she looked around and realised she was in her bedroom. But how had she come to be here? The last thing she remembered was standing in the drawing-room talking to her brother—

Robert…

Hannah gasped as memory returned.
Oh God.
Yes,
now
she remembered. And with the memory, came pain. Terrible debilitating pain that left her gasping for air as she recalled the horrible lies Robert had told her. Because they had to be lies, she thought feverishly. They couldn’t be true. They couldn’t possibly be true!

Hannah slowly sat up in bed, groggy and lethargic, as though she’d had one glass of wine too many. Someone had left a candle burning at her bedside but the rest of the room was in darkness. She pressed her fingers to her throbbing temples and tried to shut out the memory.

Why had Robert said such horrid things to her?
Why would he claim that she wasn’t his sister? Granted, there was little enough affection between them, but surely he did not hate her so much that he would speak to her this way. Surely there was no justification for lying to her in such a vile, contempt ible way!

Hannah dropped her head into her hands, aware of feeling as sick at heart as she did in body. For a moment,
she feared she would be physically ill, but she took a few deep breaths and the nausea passed. Unfortunately, the trembling in her body did not, nor did the memory of his cruelty.

She was not Hannah Winthrop.
She had not been born at Burgley Hall to the Viscountess Winthrop. She had been born in an unidentified place, to a nameless stranger who hadn’t wanted her. A woman who had abandoned her when she’d been only a few weeks old.

And Robert was not her brother. He was just…a man. Someone she had spent the last twenty years
believing
to be her brother, but who was, in fact, no more related to her than…Philip Twickenham or any other gentleman of her acquaintance.

But what did that make
her
? Who was she? Who were her parents? And why, dear God, why had she been tossed aside?

Sally!

Hannah caught her breath. Sally would be able to tell her the truth. Sally had been with her mother since the early days of her marriage. She had gone with her to Scotland following her husband’s death. She would know what had happened on that fateful day.

Sally would know if she was the Viscountess’s legitimate daughter or not!

It took some doing, but eventually, Sally opened her door. She stared at Hannah in bewilderment, looking sleepy and dishevelled in her mobcap and gown. ‘Miss Hannah?’

‘Sally, I
have
to talk to you,’ Hannah said in a low, urgent whisper. ‘It’s of the utmost importance. I’m sorry to have woken you, but it can’t wait until the morning.’

‘Well, bless your heart, miss, I can see you’re in a tizzy, but whatever is this all about?’

‘I have to ask you something, Sally, and I beg you to be honest with me. You
have
to be honest, no matter what.’

For the first time, Hannah saw a flicker of doubt—of alarm—in the older woman’s eyes. ‘What question are you wanting to ask, miss?’

‘I need to know what happened twenty years ago, when Mama went to Scotland to stay with Lady MacInnes.’ Hannah swallowed hard and, glancing up and down the hall, lowered her voice even further. ‘I need to know…what she found in her carriage.’

Sally gasped, and in the dim light of the candle, Hannah saw her face go white. ‘Oh, miss, I can’t. I darn’t—’

‘Sally,
please
. I’m begging you! I
must
know!’

She could see that the woman was struggling—and as soon as she did, Hannah felt the walls begin to close in around her. For Sally to be this uneasy, there had to be some truth to the events.

‘Come inside, miss,’ the older woman said abruptly. ‘It won’t do to be talking about things like this out in the hall.’

‘Then…it’s true?’ Hannah said as the door closed behind them.

‘I didn’t say whether it was or it wasn’t.’ Sally bustled across to the table, and taking up a candle, lit it from the one in Hannah’s hand. ‘What have you heard, and who told you?’

Briefly, Hannah relayed the information Robert had given her, but when she mentioned Lady MacInnes’s name, Sally put her hand to her heart and uttered a soft cry.

‘Are you all right?’ Hannah asked, alarmed to see tears form in the old woman’s eyes.

‘Oh, miss—’ Sally pulled a handkerchief from her sleeve and dabbed at her eyes. ‘I always feared it would come out. It just didn’t seem right you not knowing, but I always wondered where it would come from. If it was one of the servants, I might have thought to deny it, but if her ladyship herself told Lord Winthrop what she knew, then there’s no point in trying to.’

‘You mean…it
is
true? I’m not—’ Hannah closed her eyes and swallowed hard. ‘I am not…Hannah Winthrop.’

‘You
are
Hannah Winthrop, as sure as I’m Sally Taylor,’ the woman said fiercely. ‘And don’t you ever think otherwise. It’s just that…’ She stopped and took a deep breath. ‘It’s just that you weren’t born in the usual way. That is to say, her ladyship wasn’t the one who—’

‘Gave birth to me,’ Hannah said in a hollow voice. ‘Which means the same thing. I’m not Hannah Winthrop.’

Hannah stared down at the floor. She was aware of Sally saying something but she had no idea what it was. Because until this moment, she hadn’t been willing to believe that what Robert had told her was the truth. She’d harboured a tiny hope, clung to it in fact, that for whatever reason, Robert had concocted this wild story to discredit or embarrass her. But now, hearing the story confirmed by Sally, when she knew the woman had no reason to lie, or any grudge to bear, Hannah knew there was nothing she could do but accept it as fact.

‘I can’t believe this is happening to me,’ she whispered in a hoarse voice. ‘I can’t believe Mama would do this to me. That she would
lie
to me all those years.’

‘She never meant to deceive you, Miss Hannah.
Indeed, she didn’t,’ Sally said, as fresh tears pooled in her eyes. ‘And don’t you ever think that she didn’t love you as fierce as any daughter born of her own body. But she was just so lonely after her husband died, and she wanted so desperately to have another child. But try as they might, she wasn’t able to conceive a second time.’

‘How did it happen, Sally?’ Hannah hesitated, trying to find the words. ‘How did I…come into her life? I need to know.’

‘Yes, I suppose it’s only right you do. Indeed, my dear lady was planning on telling you the very night she died.’

Hannah stilled. ‘Did she say that?’

‘Oh, yes.’ Sally wiped her eyes with the handkerchief again. ‘When I took her up to bed that night, she told me she was going to tell you the truth the very next morning. She said it was time you knew, and that you were old enough to make your own decisions as to what you did with the information. But then, she took that turn and…’

‘Start at the beginning, Sally,’ Hannah said quietly. ‘Please. I must know it all.’

And so, reluctantly, Sally told her. She told her how Lady Winthrop had gone to stay with Lady MacInnes in Scotland after her husband’s death, and how, upon returning to her carriage that fateful morning eight months later, she had discovered a tiny baby left in her carriage. A baby she had brought home and raised as her own.

‘So I wasn’t conceived by the Viscountess before she went to Scotland,’ Hannah said, needing to say it out loud. ‘And she was not…with child, at any time during her stay.’

Sally hung her head. ‘No, miss.’

The nausea hit again, bringing a dappling of perspi
ration to Hannah’s forehead and lip. She closed her eyes and willed it to pass. Her body was continuing in its normal functions. Her heart was still beating, her chest still rising in concert with her breath. But inwardly, it was as though everything had stopped.

She had become a different person. She wasn’t Charlotte Winthrop’s daughter any more.

‘Dear God,’ she said, aware that the pain in her chest was far too deep to be assuaged by tears.

‘Aye, that’s much what I said at the time and all,’ Sally murmured.

‘But who could have done such a thing? Who would have left me there like that?’

‘I wish I knew, miss.’ Sally’s sigh was filled with remorse. ‘The baby was wrapped in a shawl as soft as thistledown but it gave us no clue as to where the babe had come from.’

‘So no one saw…anything, or anyone, the night I was left in her carriage?’

‘No, miss. Her ladyship did ask the coachman, but he said he hadn’t seen a soul about. And it was just after I found the letter.’

Hannah stiffened. ‘So there
was
a letter.’

‘Yes, miss. Tucked down inside the blanket. Unfortunately, it still didn’t tell us who the baby was.’

‘You mean, who
I
was,’ Hannah said dully. She saw the look on Sally’s face and sighed. ‘Well, you may as well say it, Sally. There’s no use pretending I don’t know any more.’

The older woman’s face fell. ‘No, I don’t suppose there is.’

‘I still don’t understand why Mama—’ Hannah blushed furiously. ‘Why Lady Winthrop didn’t take me back into the inn.’

‘She was going to,’ Sally admitted. ‘But then you made a sound, just the faintest little cry, and her ladyship pushed the shawl aside and looked into your sweet face. And that was it.’

Hannah sucked in her breath. ‘It happened so quickly?’

‘Oh, yes. Your Mama was fair entranced. But even then you had the most beautiful blue eyes, and when you smiled up at her she quite lost her heart. We both did.’ Sally chuckled. ‘I said you were smiling at her, but her ladyship said I was talking nonsense, that babies so young didn’t smile at strangers. But then she held you close and smoothed her finger over your cheek, and told me it had been a long time since she’d held anything so small and precious. That’s when she told me you were her little gift from God.’

‘She said that?’ Hannah asked, needing something positive to hold on to.

‘Yes. And though I’d never known her ladyship to believe in fate before, she surely did that day. She told me that God had sent you to her in exchange for the husband He’d taken. In fact, did you know that your second name means a gift from God?’

Hannah shook her head in wonder. ‘In truth, I didn’t.’

‘Well, it does. Your Mama firmly believed there was a reason we’d stopped at that particular inn on that particular night. Because it wasn’t the type of place she normally frequented. But, stay there we did, and when your mother came down to find you in the carriage, she honestly believed that it was meant to be. She said it would have been wrong to ignore what God so obviously wanted her to have.’

‘So she…took me with her.’

‘Yes, miss, that’s exactly what she did.’

From somewhere deep inside, Hannah found the courage to smile. ‘You must have thought it all a little bizarre.’

‘A
little
bizarre?’ Sally gave a laugh. ‘To be truthful, I said to her, Whatever will people say, m’lady? A widow can’t be bringing a child back from some God-forsaken place and raising it as her own. To which she replied that nobody had to know the child wasn’t hers, except me, of course, and she trusted me to keep silent about the matter. Then she went on to say that it was entirely possible she’d been with child at the time of his lordship’s death, and given that she’d been away all that time, there would be nothing strange in her returning home with a baby a few weeks old.’

‘But Lady MacInnes knew the child wasn’t hers.’

Sally’s expression changed, her smile fading. ‘Aye, she knew. And that was the one thing that nearly made your Mama change her mind. She said it was one thing to try to deceive people who
didn’t
know the truth, but it was another to try to deceive those who
did
. And since she had no intention of allowing Lady MacInnes to think you were another man’s child, your Mama wrote to her and told her what she’d done.’

‘It must have come as a tremendous shock to my…to Lady MacInnes.’

‘It did indeed. In fact, Lady MacInnes came down to see your Mama the very next week. And she tried everything she could to persuade her not to do what she was planning. But it made no difference. There was no talking your Mama out of it.’

‘But if Lady MacInnes knew the truth, why didn’t she tell anyone? Why did she wait until Mama died before telling Rob…Lord Winthrop what she knew?’

‘Because your mother made Lady MacInnes promise
that she wouldn’t breathe a word of what she knew to anyone,’ Sally said, ‘unless it was absolutely necessary. That is, to prevent a personal slight, or a grave injustice being done.’

Was that why she had come down here now
? Hannah wondered. To prevent a grave injustice being done? Was that how she—and the rest of society—viewed the leaving of thirty thousand pounds to the bastard child of a dead woman?

‘Did my…arrival on the scene have anything to do with my…with Lady Winthrop and Lady MacInnes not seeing each other again?’ Hannah asked in a choked voice.

‘I’m afraid it did, miss. I know how much it hurt your mama, because she and Lady MacInnes had always been close. But keeping you safe meant more to her than anything else in the world. She said that whoever put you in her carriage wanted you to have a chance at a better life. And as God is my witness, she said, that was exactly what she was going to give you!’

Hannah drew another long, deep breath. Well, she knew it all now. And it still seemed too incredible to believe.

Hannah wasn’t aware of Sally getting up until she heard the sound of a drawer being opened behind her. She looked around to see the old woman take a small package from the chest, and held her breath as Sally handed it to her. ‘Here, Miss Hannah. I think it’s time you had this.’

It was a small bundle, wrapped in white silk and tied with a pink ribbon.