Gail Whitiker (14 page)

‘My lord—’

‘Robert,’ he corrected automatically.

Hannah sighed in frustration. ‘It is not appropriate that I address you in such a manner.’

‘I don’t give a damn whether it’s appropriate or not. You’ve called me Robert all your life. Why should you start addressing me by my title now?’

‘Because our altered circumstances demand it.’

‘In your eyes, perhaps, but not in mine. I refuse to be
hobbled by such altered circumstances, as you call them. My name is Robert. Be so good as to call me that. At least when we are alone together.’

Hannah gave him a reproving look. ‘It is not the accepted thing.’

‘It is not the accepted thing to call Philip Twickenham by his first name either, but you do that when you are alone.’ He sent her a teasing glance. ‘Why should I not receive the same consideration?’

Hannah caught her breath. ‘How did you know that?’

‘You would be surprised at the things I know.’

The colour deepened in her cheeks. ‘You should be willing to divulge your sources so that I may reprimand them for being indiscreet.’

‘Oh, come, Hannah, surely you do not expect me to start calling you Miss Winthrop?’

‘As a matter of fact, I do. Unfortunately,’ Hannah said in a quieter voice, ‘I do not know that I am even
entitled
to be called Miss Winthrop any more. Perhaps I should start calling myself Miss MacDonald, or Miss MacLean.’

‘Those are highland names. You’d more likely be a Miss Douglas or a Miss Gordon, coming from the area you did.’

She glanced at him—surprised by his impertinence—then realised he was still smiling. ‘Odious man, you are teasing me.’

‘Of course I am. A childish impulse, I admit, but one which seemed entirely appropriate at the time.’

Because she couldn’t help herself, Hannah started to laugh. Whether it was hearing him repeat something she’d said herself only a few days ago, or the strain of the past few weeks catching up with her, she really
didn’t care. She needed to laugh. And she was delighted to hear him laughing right along with her.

‘You do have the most annoying memory, my lord,’ Hannah said when her laughter faded away. ‘And you are shameless for encouraging me to behave in a manner that is not at all appropriate.’

‘Ah, Hannah. We spend so much of our lives behaving in an appropriate manner. Do you not find it refreshing to be able to say what you really think, or to do what you really wish?’

‘I imagine it would be liberating indeed, but we are not always free to give in to the wishes of our heart. Nor is it easy to change the patterns which have been so deeply ingrained in us.’

‘Really?’ He glanced at her in amusement. ‘I do not find it difficult at all. In fact, I welcome the opportunity. For example, the flow of conversation and the conduct between a brother and sister should be natural and easy, yes?’

‘Of course.’

‘And yet, that same ease is noticeably lacking between a man and a woman, is it not?’

‘It is.’

‘So are you saying that you and I must forfeit one because we have suddenly become the other?’

‘I suppose I am.’

‘All right. Then what about Mr Twickenham?’

Hannah turned her head and met his eyes. ‘What about Mr Twickenham?’

‘By your own admission, you’ve made an exception in the way you speak to him, and he is no more a brother to you than I. Can you not make an exception in my case, if you can make one in his? After all, at one time we did
believe
ourselves to be brother and sister,
whereas he has
never
been able to claim such an association with you.’

Hannah made a little moue of frustration. ‘Are you so persuasive in all of your arguments?’

‘Only in the ones that matter. Come, Hannah. Let us continue to behave in the manner we always have.’

Hannah thought about it for a moment, and then, deciding that no harm could come of it, agreed. ‘Very well. When we are alone, I shall continue to talk to you, or try to, in a manner befitting that of a sister talking to her brother.’

‘Good. We are making progress. That does, of course, beget the next question.’

‘Which is?’

‘If you start addressing me as Lord Winthrop when we are in company, it will generate some very quizzical looks.’

‘Oh! I hadn’t thought of that.’

‘Perhaps you should. Because if you start treating me differently in public, people are bound to know that something has happened between us.’

‘Perhaps they will think we have quarrelled.’

‘They might. But curiosity being what it is, they will most certainly ask what we have quarrelled about. And when you continue to address me in such a way, yet remain civil in every other, they will begin to wonder even more.’

He was making a very good point, and Hannah was surprised she hadn’t thought of it before. But it all came down to what she intended to do about her problem. Once she let it be known that she was not the Honourable Hannah Winthrop, she would certainly have to treat others—and expect others to treat her—in a completely different way.

‘It is a dilemma which warrants further consideration,’ Hannah said at length. ‘But perhaps, as you say, in the interim it would be best if I continue to address you as Robert, in all situations.’

‘That’s my girl.’

‘And now that we have overcome that little hurdle, I suggest we move on to the next.’

‘Which is?’

‘How am I to go about finding out who I really am?’

She couldn’t have surprised him more had she told him she wanted to go to America and live with the Indians. ‘You want to do
what
!’

‘Well, surely you did not think I would leave matters as they are?’

‘As a matter of fact, I did. Why on earth would you wish to dredge up the details of your past? They can have no bearing on your present life.’

‘No bearing? How can you say that? My past life has
everything
to do with my present one. Without my past, I have no idea who I am, or who my parents are.’

‘True. But who’s to say that if you
did
know, you would be happier than you are now? Chances are you’d feel a damn sight worse.’

Hannah bit her lip. ‘I have to do this, Robert. I have to at least
try
to find out where I came from. You’ve already said you can’t imagine what it would be like to wake up one morning and discover you’re not who you thought you were.’

He looked at her then, and his expression was grim. ‘No, I can’t. But you may never find out.’

‘I know. But at least I will have tried. Please say you understand my need to do that much, if nothing else.’

Robert didn’t answer for a while, because he knew that whatever he said wasn’t going to make any differ
ence. Hannah was going to try to find out who she was and where she’d come from, even though he knew for a fact that she had absolutely no idea how difficult the task would be. Tracing her roots back to a place where no one knew her, or even of her existence, would be like trying to trace a wild creature back to its place of birth.

‘How do you intend to do this?’ he asked, deciding to see if she had given it any thought at all.

‘I suspect it would be best if I returned to Scotland,’ Hannah said promptly. ‘Perhaps I could stay with Lady MacInnes. After all, she knows of my circumstances, and does not seem to hold me in dislike.’

‘She may not, but I have a feeling her husband may not share her sentiments,’ Robert warned. ‘It was Lord MacInnes who told Margaret that he didn’t want her to see my mother any more.’

‘It was?’

‘I’m afraid so.’

Hannah bit her lip. ‘Ah. I suppose that also explains why I was never invited to stay at Burgley Hall. Which means there is very little chance of my staying there now.’

‘Never mind. I have a better idea,’ Robert said. ‘Why don’t we go to London? You can stay with Aunt Prudence while I start making enquiries.’

‘
You?
But…why would you make enquiries rather than me?’

‘Because I’ll have a much better chance of getting answers than you will. Doors which will most certainly remain closed to you will be opened for me.’

Robert’s confidence in his ability to get answers might have made Hannah angry, had she not been as familiar as she was with the ways of the world. Men and women were not equal in any way, and certainly not when it
came to matters pertaining to the law. ‘You really think we should go to London?’

‘I do. I think we should also agree to strike a bargain before we set off.’

‘What kind of bargain?’

‘I propose we say nothing to anyone of what we have learned,’ Robert said, ‘and that we carry on completely as normal. That means you will go to London and stay with my aunt and uncle until such time as your period of mourning comes to an end and you start going about in society again.’

‘But I am not entitled to move in society any more!’

‘You are as the Honourable Hannah Winthrop,’ Robert reminded her. ‘And if you agree to the bargain, that is precisely who you will continue to be.’

‘But—’

‘The other reason I suggest it is because it will help keep your mind off your worries. If your time is occupied with fending off all manner of eligible young gentlemen, you will hardly have time to worry about who you really are,’ he said in a teasing manner.

Her smile faded and her eyes darkened to the colour of sapphires. ‘Please do not lessen the importance of this, Robert. Who I am is the only thing that matters in my life right now.’

‘Forgive me. I did not mean to make it sound any less significant than it is, Hannah. But you must be prepared to face facts. It may take a very long time to find out who your parents were, if it is possible to find out anything at all. Remember what the letter said. Your father has no knowledge that you exist, and the woman who bore you is dead. The trail back to either one of them may have been lost a very long time ago.’

They were hard words to say, but Hannah knew she
had to hear them. ‘Everything you say is true, Robert, but I must try regardless. If I do not, I shall always wonder if someone out there knows who I am and is trying to find me. I know the chances are slight, but before I abandon the idea altogether, I must try to discover my roots. And to that end, I agree to your bargain.’ Hannah took a deep breath, and lifted her chin. ‘I shall go to London and do my best to carry on as I always have. But I will not make you a promise as to what I shall do at the end of the time, because until I am forced to
make
that decision, I cannot say what I shall do.’ She drew the mare to a halt, and then turned to face him. ‘Have I your agreement on that…Robert?’ she asked, slowly extending her hand.

He likewise drew the stallion to a halt and clasped her hand in his. ‘You have my agreement on it…Miss Winthrop.’

I
T WAS
amazing how quickly one could make things happen when one put one’s mind to it, Hannah reflected. Because not more than a week after she and Robert talked about their removing to London, that was exactly what they did.

Thankfully, Robert saw to all the pertinent details before they left Gillingdon Park. He advised the staff of their intention to go to London, and assured them that they would all be kept on. Then he wrote to his aunt and told her they were coming, advising her that Hannah would be staying with her for an unspecified length of time.

‘Thank goodness I keep only bachelor quarters in Town,’ Robert had said as the two of them had enjoyed a last leisurely stroll through the gardens at Gillingdon. ‘Had I a large house, people might have expected you to stay with me, and while I would have no objection, I doubt
you
would take kindly to staying alone in the house of an unmarried gentleman who was no longer your brother.’

It was the first time they had talked about the nature of their relationship in such terms, and seeing the wicked look in his eyes, Hannah had felt her cheeks glow. ‘I suppose it would be inappropriate,’ she’d agreed. ‘But you are right, it is just as well we have no need to worry about it. I confess, I still feel exceedingly ill at ease, knowing that Lady Montgomery is not really my aunt,
and that I am planning on staying with her as though I had every right—’

‘You do have every right. We agreed we would maintain our positions, and you cannot back out of the bargain now. There are penalties to be incurred for the breaking of contracts in such a manner.’

In spite of her concerns, Hannah had smiled. ‘You are harsh indeed to threaten penalties merely for the talk of dissension.’

‘Ah, but what better time to threaten than when the chance of transgression is so slight? I would far rather warn you of retribution, than be forced to administer it.’ Robert had raised his hand and brushed it lightly against her cheek. ‘I should hate to be the one to inflict such cruel punishment on one so lovely.’

Hannah thought about his remarks now as she sat in the morning-room at Sir Roger and Lady Montgomery’s comfortable house in Cavendish Square, remembering how startled she had been upon hearing them. She had never expected Robert to be so sympathetic, especially given the distance that had always existed between them. It had been strange to hear him so attentive and thoughtful. Almost as though he had become a different person.

But then, why would that seem strange? He
was
a different person—and so was she.

‘Cousin Hannah, are you ready to set off? Mama said the carriage is waiting.’

Hannah glanced up to see her cousin, Miss Alice Montgomery, fairly dancing with impatience, and carefully bit back a smile. Alice was always in a hurry to go somewhere, whether it was to the modiste’s for a new gown, or simply out for an afternoon walk. It was a peculiarity Hannah had noticed almost from the moment of her arrival in London some four months ago. And
while it was not necessarily a negative trait, Hannah felt sure it must be tiring on the girl. Certainly it was on anyone who found themselves in her company for any length of time.

Overall, however, Alice was very pleasant company. She was bright and cheery, flitting about the house like a little sparrow, so that at times Hannah was inclined to think of her in such a way. She was slim and dainty, barely reaching Hannah’s shoulder, and had light brown hair and warm brown eyes. And she was clearly in great spirits tonight as a result of their being off to enjoy Hannah’s first foray into society since Lady Winthrop’s death.

Hannah had spent most of her time in London in tranquillity, not accepting invitations or seeing visitors, but content to pass her days quietly at home. Sometimes she read, or wrote in her diary. Other times she played Lady Montgomery’s pianoforte, or browsed through Sir Roger’s extensive collection of books, which he had kindly made available to her.

Lady Montgomery and Alice, of course, were now finished with their mourning, and free to accept whatever manner of invitations they wished. And clearly Alice was delighted to be back in colours again.

For her own part, Hannah agreed to have a few new outfits made, and for the dinner tonight at Lord and Lady Donaldson’s home, she wore a most becoming gown of lilac silk. The occasion was not a grand one, but it would be the first time Hannah had ventured into society of any kind since arriving in London. The first time she would take her place as the daughter of the late Viscountess Winthrop.

Hannah might have been daunted by the prospect had Lady Winthrop’s lessons not been so well learned. She
had spent too much of her life
believing
she was a lady to act as anything but one now. Besides, Alice was convinced that her elegant country cousin would most surely attract the attention of every single gentleman who happened to be in attendance.

Thankfully, there was no malice in Alice’s enthusiasm, for she did not seem to harbour jealousy. She was pretty enough that she seldom lacked for admirers, and though she did tell Hannah there was one particular gentleman she liked above all others, she could not be persuaded to say who he was.

Hannah was content to wait. She knew that sooner or later, Alice would tell her who he was. It was virtually impossible for the girl to keep a secret longer than two days. It might even be that the gentleman would be there tonight, which would make their attendance even more interesting.

And Robert would be there too, of course.

Hannah drew a deep breath and released it slowly. It was difficult to comprehend the degree to which her relationship with Robert had changed. Not only was he more compassionate towards her, but he had also become an invaluable source of support over the last four months. Indeed, they were more like brother and sister now than they had ever been. And as the comfort level between them grew, Hannah was more inclined to let down her guard, and to be even more natural with him, thereby allowing him to see a side of her—and her of him—that neither of them even knew existed.

Tonight, for example, as Robert escorted her from the carriage into Lord and Lady Donaldson’s elegant Eaton Place townhouse, he leaned in close to make a comment about her gown. Hannah turned to find her face only
inches from his, and caught her breath, seeing his eyes rest briefly on her lips, and his smile broaden wickedly.

‘Never say that I am responsible for that delightful blush,’ he whispered. ‘Lady Donaldson will certainly be wondering what I have said to you.’

‘Odious creature!’ Hannah hissed, hiding her embarrassment in a scold. ‘I merely thought I had stepped on your foot. I hadn’t realised you were standing so close behind me.’

‘Ah, but it provides such a lovely view. Has anyone ever told you you have lovely shoulders, Miss Winthrop?’

Heat suffused her face, as though the temperature had suddenly risen twenty degrees.

‘No, I thought not.’ Robert chuckled as they walked into the house.

Deciding it was best to keep a still tongue, Hannah said nothing. But it was becoming painfully clear to her that the one area of her education in which Lady Winthrop had not spent as much time as she should was in the receiving of flattery. And yet, to be fair, she seldom blushed when other gentlemen paid her compliments. And she’d never felt any kind of embarrassment when Philip Twickenham had told her how lovely she was.

Why, then, was everything so different with Robert?

Lady Donaldson had already greeted Sir Roger and Lady Montgomery, and now turned to welcome Robert and Hannah. ‘Ah, Lord Winthrop,’ she said warmly. ‘How very good to see you again.’

Robert bowed over her hand, and smiled. ‘Lady Donaldson, you are looking very well. Have you met my sister?’

‘Not officially, but I am very pleased to do so,’ the lady said. ‘And please accept my condolences on the loss of your dear mother. She will be greatly missed by all who knew her.’

Hannah dropped a curtsey. The reference to being Robert’s sister still sat awkwardly on her ears, but she smiled nevertheless, knowing it was expected. ‘Thank you, Lady Donaldson.’

‘Well, Lord Winthrop, I vow all of the ladies in attendance will be pleased indeed at finding you back in London,’ the older woman said with a twinkle in her eye. She leaned in closer to Hannah. ‘I must tell you, Miss Winthrop, that your brother is one of the most eligible gentlemen in London.’

‘Is he, indeed?’ Hannah forced herself to say.

‘Oh yes. In fact, I once held out hopes that he might have offered for my own dear Kitty,’ the lady confessed, ‘but then she fell head over heels in love with Lord Peckford, and well, that was the end of that. Still, I dare say your brother will have the pick of the crop.’

‘Do not tell her too much, Lady Donaldson,’ Robert warned, ‘lest she try to persuade me to favour one over another.’

‘Nonsense. As your sister, she has every right to try to affect your decision. After all, she will be sister-in-law to your wife, and, given the closeness of such a relationship, why should she not tell you which lady she likes best?’

Hannah kept the smile on her lips, but was aware of feeling strangely hollow inside.
Why
she should feel that way, she had no idea. After all, there was certainly no reason for her to feel any kind of disappointment at the thought of Robert marrying someone else.

‘I am quite sure my brother will choose the lady most
suitable to being his wife,’ Hannah said quietly. ‘As to my liking her, I dare say it won’t matter. I shall not have that much to do with her.’

‘Ah, but perhaps that is because you will be busy setting up your own establishment,’ Lady Donaldson said knowingly. ‘Now that you have finally come to London, and being as lovely as you are, I dare say your name will soon be on the lips of every eligible gentleman in Town. But now, come in, my dears, and meet the rest of the company.’

There were twenty people to dinner that evening. Four of the couples were married, two were engaged, and there were five other singles besides Alice, Robert and herself. Not surprisingly, Robert seemed to know them all quite well. He identified the single ladies as Miss Caroline Thorpe and Lady Jane Merriweather, and the gentlemen as Lord Rutherford, Sir Geoffrey Turnbull and Mr James Stanford.

Mr Stanford, it seemed, was a particularly good friend.

‘Hannah,’ Robert said, bringing that gentleman towards her. ‘I would like to introduce my good friend, Mr James Stanford. James, this is my sister, Hannah.’

Hannah gracefully inclined her head. ‘Mr Stanford.’

He bowed. ‘Miss Winthrop. I am delighted to make your acquaintance. And please accept my condolences on the loss of your mother. The news came as a great shock.’

His voice was all that was polite, yet Hannah could have sworn there was something in his manner that indicated surprise at meeting her. ‘Thank you, Mr Stanford. It came as a shock to…all of us.’

The mention of the lady she had so long believed to be her mother still brought a lump to Hannah’s throat.
It was hard to accept that the Viscountess passed away four months ago. At times, it seemed like only yesterday…

‘Are you enjoying your stay in London?’ Mr Stanford asked. ‘I know you’ve not been here long, but I was wondering if you’ve had an opportunity to see the city?’

‘I have not seen a great deal of it,’ Hannah admitted. ‘My aunt and uncle have been most kind, but we have been leading a somewhat restricted life these past few months.’

‘Of course.’ Mr Stanford’s expression softened. ‘And knowing that, I’m very glad you decided to favour us with your company this evening.’

‘Hannah, will you excuse us for a moment?’ Robert interjected. ‘There is someone to whom I promised Mr Stanford an introduction. Will you be all right on your own?’

‘Yes, of course. I shall go and speak to Alice. She is looking a little out of sorts at the moment.’

Robert glanced over towards his younger cousin, who was indeed looking a little perturbed, and grinned. ‘I shall rejoin you directly.’

‘Miss Winthrop,’ Stanford said, again with a most amiable smile.

Hannah dipped a curtsey and then set off in her cousin’s direction. To her surprise, Alice did seem unusually anxious to talk to her.

‘Cousin Hannah,’ she said in a voice that was perhaps a touch overly bright. ‘Are you having a good time?’

‘I am, thank you, Alice. And you?’

‘Oh, yes, delightful. Lady Donaldson has invited an interesting assortment of people, do you not think?’

Hannah glanced over the assembly and nodded. ‘From what I can gather, they are all very nice.’

‘I saw you talking to Mr Stanford.’ Alice fluttered her fan in front of her face. ‘Did you find him pleasant company?’

Hannah glanced at the girl, hearing something in her voice that suggested more than a passing interest in the gentleman, but she only smiled. ‘Yes, very pleasant. Robert introduced us. Are you acquainted with the gentleman?’

The fan fluttered a little faster. ‘We were introduced earlier in the Season. And we did dance, once or twice. He’s quite handsome, don’t you think?’

Hannah looked at Alice again, her suspicions confirmed by the colour in the girl’s cheeks. ‘Yes, though to be honest, he does not appeal to me in that way.’

Alice all but gasped. ‘He doesn’t?’

Hannah wished she’d thought to bring her own fan so she might hide her amusement. Clearly, Alice found it difficult to credit that not
all
ladies found Mr Stanford as dashing as she. ‘No. I have always preferred gentlemen with dark hair, rather than fair.’

‘Oh. You mean, like Robert.’

Alice’s relief almost made Hannah laugh. ‘Yes, I suppose I mean like—’

She stopped, unable to finish the sentence. She had been about to say that men
like
Robert were attractive to her, until she realised that she wasn’t talking about men
like
Robert.

She was talking
about
Robert.

At the other side of the room, Robert was undergoing an interrogation of his own.

‘I say, Winthrop, you’re a devil for keeping secrets.’ Stanford muttered in tones of obvious exasperation. ‘If
I didn’t know better, I’d almost be tempted to call you conniving.’