Game Over (19 page)

21-
Back To Business

As corny as it may sound, our eyes gazed into one another’s across the small table like we were lovers. How he managed to snag
me, I still wasn’t quite sure. Obviously, he was minor compared to the dudes I was accustomed to. People knew I did only athletes or movers and shakers in the Hip Hop world. Roc was neither. Thank God. The only thing he had that resembled them was long money, although he was infamous in a way that I can’t say for now.

We’d met a few weeks prior in Vegas. My first thought when I saw him at the Cheesecake
Factory was not to give him my number. Then I thought, why not try normal and average? I’d been involved in the bullshit of the entertainment industry for so long that maybe I wanted to see if things could be more realistic and stable with someone who was just a regular person. The only problem, though, Roc was still in a relationship with someone else; one he’d said had gotten old. Words like that were common for me since I’d been dealing with trained liars for years. That’s the main reason why to this day I can’t believe I fell for this dude. My life had really changed.

We were chilling on
South Beach having lunch. It was a gorgeous day with the sun beaming, waves rushing. Women strolled in little to no clothing while couples held hands. It was exactly the atmosphere I’d moved to Miami for in the first place.

“So
, what are we really doing?” I asked Roc, needing to know exactly what he wanted out of our three week old relationship. I’d been through enough games that men play and was tired of it. I was too grown now. I wanted him to be straight up.

“Look, you know I’m in this situation right now,” he said.

I had to sigh at that one and took a sip of my drink. It sounded so much like Swizz. Although I already knew his situation, something about hearing it come from his mouth disappointed me. I was no longer okay with sharing my men. There would be no more playing second base. I thought back to the day when Smiley’s other chick rolled up on us looking way better than me. I was done with that life. 

Seeing my change in demeanor, he reached across the table, grabbed my hand and said, “I’m just trying to separate myself from her with the least amount of problems as possible. In the meantime, Winter, you know I like you. I want you with me.”

He was so sexy to me: the look and feel of his beard, the way he spoke. It all turned me on, especially since his money was right. But it was countered by the game he was trying to run on me. Older and wiser, I understood when men were trying to have their cake and eat it too.

“So, what are you saying?” I asked needing him to be completely clear about us, although I knew in my heart I was playing with fire.

“I’m saying I’m breaking it off with her.”

“When?”

“Soon.”

Soon
… meant game. I’d never ridden the short bus to school when I was a kid. I wasn’t slow at all. And especially not in 2010 at thirty-one years old. If he truly wanted to break it off, all it took was a phone call. Yet, instead of getting mad, I decided to go after what I felt would be in my best interest.

A Sugar Daddy.

I grinned, realizing how I’d play things until I figured out if he was being truthful about his situation. “So, while you’re handling that, what are you going to do for me to make me want to be yours? Assuming you’ll end things quickly,” I added. I felt like both Dame and Swizz’s business sense were now guiding me.

“I’ll take care of you.”

That sounded good to my ears….but I wanted no more drama. Although I was still full time at Slip-N-Slide his proposition would give me a little more money, which meant more stability, especially if I played my cards correctly. So there would be no misunderstandings of what I needed, I reminded Roc of how expensively I was catered to when I was with Skip.

“I got you,” Roc said as if it were no problem. “I just want you with me.”

It was on. We were a couple. Even though he lived in Jersey and me in Miami. Deal—signed, sealed, and delivered. From that day on, things began to move quickly between us. Thankfully so because my love life had been in the dumps for a while.

Feelings began to stir deeply inside me. They seemed to be more extreme than before. I remember praying that they didn’t get to the level of emotions that I felt for
Big Money. I was now afraid to go back there…but a part of me began to wonder if the feelings were moving towards love, but knowing myself, that wasn’t the case. Big Money messed me up that badly. Still, though, I was spending every weekend in Jersey. I was even doing little catty shit like leaving clothes and shoes behind to mark my territory, just in case there were some chicks coming around I didn’t know about.

Eventually, h
e was feeling me so much that he introduced me to his mother. His mother and I hit it off and spent countless hours together, shopping, going to dinner and just hanging out at Roc’s house drinking wine and cooking out. They felt like family even though they weren’t my blood. As time went on Roc and I talked about having our own family since my feelings for him were growing deep. I really wanted to have a baby, someone I could nurture, love and take care of. My age was becoming a factor for me although under forty, while older women around me were talking about freezing their eggs. That type of talk made me try to get pregnant even more. 

Roc was a good candidate
for a father since I’d seen the way he catered to his daughter who lived in North Carolina and the relationship he had with his mother. I’d even gotten his name tattooed on my stomach…ROC…written with fancy letters. That’s how much I wanted to snag him and keep him under lock. I now realize that tattoo was a bad move. I wouldn’t advise any female to do that since you never know how life can take a sudden turn. I still have that tattoo today—with slight alterations. Meanwhile I wanted for nothing.

Journal Entry

Trying to get pregnant. What else can I do? Prayed about it- keep trying too. Nothing. 

Just as he’d agreed, Roc took good care of me, not allowing me to want for anything; not even allowing any of my bills to go unpaid. The main difference between him and others
—he took care of me mentally.

At first.

Most of us know that when something seems too good to be true, something bad happens. Instead of things falling through with Roc, my career took a sudden turn. In August I got that call, the one all grown-ups hate. Randy asked if I would mind working for free for a few months until the label was back on track.

“
Hell no,” I said. I was not ok with that. I felt like Randy came in, spent a ton of Ted’s money with very little to show for it and now he wanted me to work for free.
Fuck out of here
, I thought. Although I was grateful for all Ted had done for me I couldn’t work for free.

Then Randy
made a statement that pissed me off. “You need to grind like everybody else.”

I
let loose on Randy. I had to remind him I was the one who got Shonie the deal at Def Jam. Upset, I decided to keep it moving, not wanting to bring any drama to Ted’s label. Onto the next project. Of course I ended up back in Jersey with Roc for one of our planned weekends together. At least with him there was stability.

Or so I thought.

One night after dinner at a lavish restaurant we were heading back to his house. As Roc drove, he began to pay close attention to his rearview. I could sense something was wrong.

“Baby, what’s up?” I asked.

Roc didn’t answer. He just kept glancing in the rear view, causing me to do the same. All I could see were headlights. Roc busted a quick right onto a side street.

“Baby, what’s up? Where are we going?”

Something definitely wasn’t right. Ignoring me, Roc sped up slightly. I looked in the rearview just in time to see the head lights of a car quickly turn onto the side street right behind us. Approaching Roc’s bumper, its head lights began to flood the interior of our car.

“Roc, what the hell is going on?” I ask
ed him frantically.

Ignoring me, Roc slammed on the gas pedal so hard my back slammed against my seat. Within a fraction of a moment, I knew we were up to at least sixty miles per hour. What the fuck had he gotten us into
? I wondered. My thoughts were going a mile a minute. Were there drug dealers behind us? Had Roc crossed someone? Did he owe someone some damn money?

“Roc, who’s behind us
?”

Without saying a word, he skidded onto a busy street.

Before I knew it, he busted another quick turn onto a side street. We were on a one way going in the wrong direction, causing cars to skid out. The sounds of the brakes screeching loudly as they avoided us by only inches had me going wild.

“Roc, stop it! Stop
now
! Let me out!”

Roc’s cell phone rang, sitting underneath the center console. He glanced down at it but didn’t answer. He was completely focused on dodging the oncoming traffic, while continuing to glance in the rearview every now and then. After several rings, the cell stopped. Common sense told me the person who was calling was the chaser.

We were going so fast and dodging so many cars I was scared to death. I mean, I almost literally pissed on myself. All I could see in my mind was us running head on into someone’s car and flying through the windshield. Soon, the cell phone rang again. Roc didn’t even look at it this time. We reached the end of the one way and skidded onto another busy street so hard the force almost threw me completely into the driver’s seat with Roc. He dipped and swerved in and out of traffic. Then after a few quick rights and lefts, he looked into the rearview and slowed down relieved.

“Fool, what the
hell is wrong with you?” I screamed angrily as we entered Garden State Parkway. “You could’ve killed us back there! Are you crazy?”

A strange look spread across Roc’s face, a stress filled one. He looked at me almost pitifully. “That was my girl chasing us,” he finally admitted.

That one took me all the way by surprise. It took me back to when Dame had the girl in the car. At that moment, I realized nothing had really changed in my life.

“I thought you said you and her were done?” I blasted.

Well, he never verbally told me she was officially gone but his actions showed me she was definitely out the picture.
I assumed he’d gotten rid of his old chick since she never called his house the many times I stayed there. Guess I was wrong. I felt like I had to go in full “I’ma get you back mode.” At the time I wasn’t sure what needed to be done. Friends later told me I was crazy for never asking questions about him ending it with his chick. I guess I didn’t want to really know. The relationship seemed genuine and I didn’t want to lose it. 

The two of us grew silent as he drove home. I was seething. He’d made me look like a
n idiot. All this time, I’d thought he was different from the rest. Come to find out he was just as much about games as every other man I’d been with. Although angry, I let things die down, vowing to hang in the relationship, but now just for the money. The green always seemed to pull me back in.

I never spoke on it again, choosing to let it go. That was until one day while washing
Roc’s clothes, I found some wack ass cheap bloomer panties. Knowing they were hers and that he still hadn’t let her go, I realized it was the last straw. My gut was speaking to me. God was trying to tell me something. I would no longer give him my all. I thought about calling it quits but figured since I didn’t have a job I’d just keep him around a little longer. I vowed not to deal with another man who couldn’t respect me and treat me right. I also came to the conclusion that if my relationships were going to work I needed to be straight up and committed too.

The Roc situation had me messed up but new light was shed on my work situation. My phone rang early 2010
while at home in Miami. Raheem’s voice said excitedly from the other end of the line, “Yo, Winter, you interested in taking a meeting with Slim from Cash Money?”

Immediately, I leaned forward in my chair, “Definitely, why?”

“I hooked it up for you.”

“Are you serious?”

“Hell yeah.”

The meeting was right on time. I definitely needed a pay check coming in after leaving Slip
-N-Slide. The only money I had coming in at that moment was the change from Roc, but his infidelities weighed heavily on me. After discovering the panties in the laundry, I still hadn’t forgiven him, although I had him believing I did. He’d never have my trust or my heart again. It was all about the money. But having my own steady income would definitely help me out.

“Alright,” Raheem said. “He wants to meet you tonight at one o’clock.”

“No problem,” I told him.

A one o’clock meeting may sound suspect to most people. But actually, it’s the norm in the Hip Hop world. Between touring, promoting, endorsements, and so much more, executives and artists have to squeeze meetings in wherever and whenever they can.

Raheem came back to my place so he and I could go to the meeting together. He’d been staying in Miami with me for a while making me think the sudden opportunity was meant to be. In blue jeans, red bottoms, wife beater and a vest, I climbed out of my BMW in front of a studio with which I was familiar. During my Murder Inc. and Fabolous days, I’d been here plenty of times.