Gas or Ass (20 page)

I gave Dale a pleading look. “I want it. I love it. But it should go to Caine.”

“This is between him and me.” Dale bounded up the stairs.

“Dale, that’s no car for Shelby,” Mom began as he strode past.

He paused. “Woman, if I hand her the keys and she wants to drive it, that’s the end of it.” He pointed to Colt. “See, what’s gonna happen is, you’re gonna put the keys to the GT500 into Caine’s hand. Shelby drives the ‘Cuda, you drive the ‘Vette. I lit a fire under their asses over at the Volkswagen place today, so by this time tomorrow, everybody here’s gonna have somethin’ to drive.” He strode past and jerked the side door open. “When’s lunch happenin’, Macy?”

I stared at Mom, unsure what to say or do. She broke our gaze first, following Dale inside. I had no idea what to say to Colt. He just sat down again, in that same spot on the stairs, and stared at the Barracuda, so I went to my room.

Dale’s voice carried down the hall from Caine’s room, which was across the hall from our parent’s bedroom. He gave Caine the same explanation he’d given the rest of us. I heard my stepfather pass my door again. The television turned on and Mom began to rattle pots and pans. I thought about Caine’s face the night he told me about that car, I tried to figure out how to make this right. A few minutes later, a soft tap sounded on my door. I was expecting Mom, but Dale entered.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t want the car if Caine’s going to be upset,” I sobbed.

He sat down on the bed at my side. “Shush. The boys know those old cars belong to me, Shelby. I’m keepin’ the title, so I don’t know why they’re all riled up. You can drive it, same as Colt and Caine have keys to the Mustang. I reckon you’d let them run that car at the track, if they wanted, right?” He sighed. “You need a car and that one was already here. They’ll get their asses off their shoulders soon enough.”

I nodded, but thinking about how much Caine loved that car brought forth a fresh burst of tears. He ruffled my hair. “Stop bawlin’. You need to learn to change a tire, so let’s go.”

“I
don’t know what to do.” I pressed the button to lower the top.

Caroline continued her walk around the Barracuda, even though the bell marking the start of fourth period carried to the parking lot. “About what?”

“About Caine. He’s hurt over this car.”

She ran a finger around one of the iconic gills on the front quarter panel, but peered into the back seat. “Wouldn’t you be?”

I nodded. “I should’ve told Dale right away I’d rather have something else, but—”

“But he fixed it up for you.” She reached inside, touching the piping on the rear seat. “It’s kinda girlified now. Caine’s been working on how he’d customize this car for years, Shelby. And his plan sure as hell wasn’t white with purple trim. He and Brandon would talk for hours about what all he wanted to do to this car. He’d have kept the black interior and he had his heart set on the wide Hemi stripes.”

I should’ve burned my sketch. No wonder Caine had blown off my design. But why hadn’t Dale? “But Dale didn’t ask me. He didn’t talk to Caine, either. He just told them to load it on the trailer, and when he brought it back last night, this is what it looked like and he gave the key to me.”

She opened the door and slid behind the wheel. “I get that. I think he’s tryin’ to make you feel a part of the family. He just picked a way that made Caine feel like shit.” She jerked the passenger door open and slid into the seat. “I mean, you know this is what Caine does, right? He customizes cars. Modifications under the hood, interior work, racing stripes, neon. So, for Dale to cut him out completely, he’s bound to be hurt. I don’t see how Caine or Colt can hold you responsible, but on the other hand, if you weren’t around....” She traced the ‘Cuda emblem on the door panel and frowned. “Well, chances are, it’d still be sitting under that tarp in the carport.”

My heart sank. All day, I’d counted on her being able to help me figure out a way to make this right. “So, even if I refuse to drive it—”

“The damage’s been done. It’s never gonna feel like Caine’s now.”

I saw no point to explaining that he meant for Caine to get the GT500, so I sighed and slung my book bag into the back. “I gotta go. I have an appointment at the Health Department to get on the Pill. Not that I think I’m going to need to be on the Pill now, but that’s why I’m cutting my afternoon classes.”

“He’ll get over it.” She opened the door.

“Caroline?” I gripped the steering wheel.

“Yeah?”

“Why do you have sex with other guys? I mean, is it something you want to do?”

She shrugged. “It’s like NOS, Shelby.” She wasn’t looking at me, but she must’ve felt my puzzled stare. “Sex is just sex. I mean, once you know what’s gonna happen, sometimes it’s great and other times, it’s just... sex.” She darted a look at me. “But when I know Brandon’s into it and it’s what he wants, it’s like dumping NOS into my bloodstream. Even a half-assed fuck is hot. It’s hard to explain, but it’s not about the sex with the other guy. It’s about the connection me and Brandon have while it’s happening.”

***

“S
helby, Dale’s talking about renting the motor home again so I can go to Martinsville with him. Now that you have a car, I think I’m going to go.”

I twisted in my desk chair to look over my shoulder. Trying to keep the excitement off my face, I frowned. “Okay. When are you leaving?”

With Mom out of the house for a few days, surely I could fix the rift between my stepbrothers and me. Colt was as cool toward me as Caine. I guessed he didn’t like giving up the Mustang.

“Tomorrow. But I want to talk about something else.”

I closed my laptop, to hide the instant messages from Caroline. “Okay.”

She sat on the edge of my bed. “These college acceptance letters are starting to stack up, but not a single one has offered you a scholarship. You need to think hard about attending UNC-Charlotte. You could live here, even if it’s just for a year or two. We just can’t afford the full tuition, plus the expense of living on campus, Shelby.”

“But, I can get student loans,” I protested. “And so can you. We talked about this after that seminar we went to last year. You just need to look at that loan package everyone’s sending.”

She scowled. “What can you possibly major in that would let you eat, pay for your own transportation, and living expenses after graduation, if you have to start paying back student loans, too? Be realistic, Shelby. You’re an adult now, so I’m going to treat you like one. You don’t have an aptitude for math or the sciences. You griped your way through that little class in computer coding you had to take as a sophomore. What do you anticipate majoring in? Let’s look up the entry-level salary and make an informed decision.”

Reluctantly, I opened my laptop. Giving Caroline a brief good-bye, I closed the messenger and started a search for graphic artists’ salaries.

“That’s not a practical career choice,” she said instantly. “And certainly nothing you’d need a four-year degree to do. You can learn graphic design at any tech school.” She pointed over my shoulder at an online ad that came up alongside my search. “See that? That place is right in Charlotte.”

Attending King’s College was worse than going to UNCC. I stared at the screen, unable to think of a single other career that interested me.

“See?” She got to her feet. “I’m sure you’ll make good grades, dear. But why go in debt for a degree that’s barely going to earn you a living wage? If you’d be an adult about this, you’ll see that we’re not trying to rob you of your dreams. We just think that, if you spent two years going to school and living at home, you could get all the basic classes under your belt, then transfer to anywhere you’d like. And at that point, you’d be making a more informed decision about where to transfer, because you’d have a better idea of your major. I mean, that college in South Carolina? Did you even bother to check the tuition rate for out-of-state students? It’s astronomical.”

“But....” Her liberal use of “we” made me wonder what’d happened to that promise Dale made me the night Mom dragged us here.

In truth, I didn’t know if I wanted to go to a college two hours away anymore. I’d started to think that if I could get a room on campus at UNC-Charlotte, Colt and I wouldn’t have to sneak around.

Or, I’d have been more inclined to fight for that, if I hadn’t ruined things between us the night Caroline and I had come back from South Carolina. The car had only made a bad situation worse.

“Shelby, I don’t have a job, honey. I can’t qualify for one of those tuition loans they give parents. I’d have to ask Dale to apply, and then he’d be responsible for the money he’d borrow on your behalf. I just don’t think that’s fair to him. And look at Colt and Caine. They both have good jobs and still can’t afford to move out on their own. So, you need to think about that, too. How would you feel about having to move back home after a stint at college, because you were so far in debt you couldn’t do anything else? They’re saving to buy a place together, but realistically, it’ll be years before they can do that.”

I stared at the computer screen, filled with resentment and as confused as I’d ever been. Neither Caine nor Colt had spoken to me since the day Dale had given me the keys to the Barracuda. I’d decided the only way to make things right was to ask Dale to buy me a regular car, but if he didn’t want to assume any debt on my behalf, then how sincere had his offer been?

Mom’s being home all the time prevented me from trying to work out things between me and my stepbrothers—not that either seemed interested in offering an olive branch. Colt eyed me with scorn. Caine never looked at me at all. They’d gone back to using up all the hot water, and if Mom made a snack, they ate every bite without any regard for whether I’d gotten a taste or not.

Now, it was plain, the center of Mom’s world had shifted. I felt more like an outsider than I had the night I’d curled in the corner of this room and tried not to cry while they’d set up my bed. She had Dale, Dale had her and his sons, and the brothers had each other. I was on the edge of those relationships, all alone. Now, she expected me to be “reasonable” and continue this impossible situation for two years?

The only way that could happen was to sort things out between Colt and me. I believed she’d be against our having a sexual relationship, which might make her rethink her position on me living at home and going to college. But, if I was wrong, and she held to her belief that he was a “nice young man”, then at least stepping out of the shadows would force our relationship into some semblance of normalcy, wouldn’t it?

I was eighteen. She couldn’t stop me from having sex with Colt. And if she disliked the fact that we lived under the same roof, well, she was the one who’d created this mess.

Sorting out Colt’s motivations absorbed my every waking hour. Did he mean anything he’d said? The way he swung from hot to cold made me insane, mostly, insane with lust.

Something had to give. I welcomed the time alone with them, hoping I could sort through the problem Caine had with me having the Barracuda, as well as work through my issues with Colt.

That evening, Dale arrived with another motor home. Mom made a trip to the grocery store and brought back pizza for dinner. The guys helped them load the groceries and pack the coolers. Every time I came out of my room, Colt made a point to scowl and look away.

I could hardly fall asleep, so anxious was I for the night to pass. Mom and I said our goodbyes the next morning, and I fidgeted through a long school day.

After school, I paced from the den to my room and back, unable to settle down and do my homework. The time they usually arrived home after work approached, then passed. By dark, I still hadn’t seen either stepbrother. I forced myself to do my homework, with one ear out for traffic, but the lonely lane was still.

I picked up my phone about a thousand times, thinking I’d send Colt a text, but since I had no idea if Dale could see the messages sent over his account, I always put the phone down. Eventually, midnight came and went. I showered and climbed into bed, letting my tears fall. Everything was messed up and I didn’t seem able to fix any of my problems.