Geli Voyante's Hot or Not (17 page)

‘Theo?
Theo from work?
You’re seeing him
?’ she screeches.

I don’t know why she’s so surprised
. She’s kept her boyfriend secret for six months. We can all have our secrets, except now I feel guilty at hearing the delight in her tone – that was a proper sisterly reaction, unlike mine over David.

‘A-hu
h,’ I say. ‘Sort of. Not really… maybe.’

‘Tiggy said I couldn’t take David,’ she tells me in a small voice
.

Oh dear. I had expected squealing, but c
learly she’s thinking what I’m thinking; Tiggy has doubts about the longevity of the Claire-David relationship so she hasn’t invited him. How very curious then that she must think Theo and I
could
last.

‘
Tiggy does work with Theo,’ I point out gently.

And whereas it is true that they work in the same building, they do not by any means work
together
. They’ve barely spoken to one another, although I do recall her trying to talk to him at the Christmas party last week. Thankfully, he managed to escape her within sixty seconds. I know, I timed it. I watched
any
female that got within ten metres of him, but Claire doesn’t need to know that. As if a man like Theo would have anything to do with a magazine like
Glitz
though. Pfiut.

‘I suppose
,’ she mumbles.

Subject change. ‘What have you bought Mum for Christmas?’ I ask brightly.

It works
. Claire starts to drone on about presents which, in turn, becomes speculation about what David might have bought her for Christmas, and what did I think her chances are that she’ll score a shiny engagement ring? Blah, blah, blah.

Sadly I know Santa won’t be popping
a ring in my stocking, but it would be just typical if he decides
Claire
can have one… I’m always made to feel like the last one picked – why should Santa treat me any differently?

‘Angie,’ a voice coos at me.

Irgh
, I do not need this first thing on a Monday morning as I enter the Gherkin. Monday mornings are bad enough as it is – the whole readjustment to the fact that you can no longer sleep in past noon because you have to be at work, combined with having to get out of bed when it’s cold and dark. It’s horrible.

I blame the fact
that I always had a horrible subject at school first thing on a Monday morning. Like they could never put you in a decent subject to kick-start you into an appropriate mood for the rest of the week, oh no. It had to be Maths or Games. Irgh. I think it must be that way for everyone though because the only people I know who like Mondays are those who don’t work Mondays. I hate Mondays at work, as well as Thursdays and Fridays… Tuesdays and Wednesdays haven’t been that great of late either.

I will be a grown-up about this though
. I will accept the fact I am at work on a Monday morning and that Tiggy has just cooed at me – just like I have accepted that Theo spent the weekend in Newcastle and, which he failed to mention to me, will not have to face a Monday morning because he’s coming home tonight. The paranoid part of me can’t help but think he’s avoiding me, but I’m probably being an idiot.

‘
Morning, Tiggy,’ I mutter. ‘Nice weekend?’

‘Lovely,
’ she trills. ‘Calvin took me away to the country. His idea. Yourself?’

I want to strangle her. I am still in shock
that she has managed to not only get engaged, but to a man who has heard of the term “mini-break” and actually takes her away on one instead of choosing to spend the weekend with his pals boozing it up in Newcastle. I can picture roaring log fires and hearty dinners and I feel a stab of envy.

‘Lovely,’ is what I trill back at her with a
fake smile.

‘Did you spend it with Theo?’ she asks, but I can see a glint in her eye that suggests she knows otherwise
. ‘Only,’ she continues, ‘I know Glinda and Jeeves must have been busy all weekend celebrating. Oh, and isn’t it wonderful about Claire and David?’

It takes enormous strength to restra
in myself from punching her in that smug face of hers. Yes, everyone seems to be pairing off with their perfect partners yet, in my case, my boyfriend – if indeed that’s what he actually is – has chosen to forsake me at one of the loneliest times of the year to go out clubbing with his mates, to drink beer, and to eat dodgy kebabs. She might as well have twirled her engagement ring in my face and yelled: “I’m getting married and you’re not. Ha ha ha!”

‘Wonderful,’ I reply.

‘So, Theo?’ she asks.

She is not letting me off the hook. Bitch. ‘Theo had a Christmas catch-up with his friends,’ I tell her, still smiling
insanely. I catch Alec, one of the security guards looking my way in concern, or maybe he’s checking out Tiggy’s legs. It’s Daisy Dukes, cowboy boots and a winter white rabbit fur coat for Tiggy today. Hideous.

‘Newcastle,’ she
simpers. ‘How lovely. Does he have many
close friends
up there?’

I do not like the way she has emphasised that
, like she suspects Theo has spent all weekend shacked up with some woman and the mates bit was just an excuse. And how does she know he was in Newcastle?

Oh she is conniving – she is actually smiling at me l
ike she knows something I don’t. I know she’s just trying to make me feel paranoid, but she’s succeeding.

‘Oh look,’ I say, ignoring her jibing line of talk
. ‘Here’s Savannah and someone.’

‘Stella,’ Tiggy delights.
‘This is my stepsister, Angelica. I’m sure you two have
lots
in common.’

‘Hi,’ I say to Stella. ‘Hi Sav.’

‘And Savi,’ Tiggy coos. ‘The woman who introduced me to the most gorgeous man in Britain. What an angel.’ There’s that smirk again.

‘Hey Geli,’ Sav replies
, smiling at me.

Sav is
actually really nice. I can’t believe she’s such good friends with Tiggy. Poor misguided Sav. I can’t understand why Tiggy thinks Stella and I have lots in common though. One look at her and I know she’s not my kind of girl. She screams fake, even worse than Tiggy. She has bright red, layered hair, tipped midnight black, and is wearing neon pink eye shadow which matches her Gucci Indy bag. It clashes with hair dreadfully. No doubt this is so ridiculously on trend though that everyone will look like this in six months’ time.

‘Tiggy,’ Savi says
after the pleasantries are over, ‘we have to go. We have the
Sloane
meeting.’

‘Oh shoot,’ Tiggy answers clutching her head. ‘I totally forget about that one – I’ll see you two later
.’

H
onestly, she doesn’t expect me to stand here and talk to Stella, does she?

‘Angie knows Theo by the way,’ Tiggy says
, raising her perfectly waxed eyebrows. ‘Later.’

Stella’s face darkens into a glare at Tiggy’s departure. That’s surprising.
‘You’re really her stepsister then?’ Stella asks me quite curtly.

‘Unfortunately,’ I answer catching a strong whiff of hatred from Stella towards Tiggy. ‘Bitch that she is,’ I add.

Stella laughs. ‘She’s not so polite about you either, especially when you mention STIs in your column,’ she says conspiratorially.

G
ossip!

‘That’s what the Sloane meeting really is
. Doctor Sloane,’ she expands. ‘Tiggy’s caught something...’

Ha! This is perfect. Absolutely perfect. Then I remember m
y upcoming trip to the doctor and suddenly I don’t feel smug. I’m glad to note however that Calvin
isn’t
perfect. Tut tut. I’m also revising my view of Stella. Maybe we do have lots in common, like a mutual hatred of Tiggy.

‘A-huh,
’ she continues. ‘Of course, she’s not told Calvin that’s why she’s making him wait until their wedding night. She’s gone for a check-up today, but she’s paranoid so that’s why they haven’t done the deed. A waste of a mini-break if you ask me.’

‘You mean?’

‘A-huh.’

‘It wasn’t Calvin who
?’ I raise my eyebrows.

‘Nope. She saw this guy – one-night affair – and she liked him.
Really
liked him, except he wasn’t interested. He left her a nice present to remember him by though.’ She grins evilly.

‘Who was it?
’ I ask curiously. ‘And when?’

‘She wouldn’t say who
, but it was only the week before she met Calvin. She’s done well to get a ring out of him with nothing done to convince him for it.’

I can’t wait to tell Glinda this juicy gossip
. Who knew it was suddenly 1920 again and abstinence really does score you a ring on that finger? Except, there’s one crucial thing I really don’t like about this snippet of gossip – that somehow Tiggy has managed to snag herself a fiancé based on looks and personality alone. This amazes me. And disgusts me. And intrigues me. Plus a million other emotions.

‘Well
, I definitely can’t wait to meet Calvin now. He seems out of this world.’ In a whole different era in fact, yet he looks so normal in all his photos – so modern – who knew?   

‘You’ve not met him?’

‘No, I’ve been busy with my boyfriend and Tiggy and I aren’t exactly bosom buddies.’ I smile apologetically. ‘But I’m certainly intrigued.’

‘Who’s your boyfriend?’ she sneakily
asks.

Clearly Stella is a gossip collector. She probably thinks she can score some tit-bits from Tiggy if Tiggy doesn’t know this pe
rtinent piece of gossip. She’ll be sorely disappointed revealing this to Tiggy though; I’ve already had that pleasure.

‘Oh it’s
–’

‘Geli Voyante,’ a voice interrupts. ‘You need to be upstairs
,
right now
.’

‘Ah
, sorry. I have to go. It was nice meeting you,’ I say. I almost mean it given the gossip she’s just supplied.

‘You too.’ S
he smiles at me. ‘See you around, Geli, is it? Not Angelica?’

‘Yep, it’s Geli.
’ I smile.

‘I’ve read your c
olumn. You work with that dishy–’

‘Geli!
’ the voice bellows.

‘Y
ou’d better go,’ Stella says apologetically. ‘See you around.’

I have a feeling she was going to ask if I work with the dishy pol
itics columnist because there is no one else who works at the paper who I would describe as “dishy”. That makes me feel smug because he’s all mine, even if Tiggy wants to insinuate that he’s been up to antics this weekend.

‘What are you doing talking to
her
?’ Jerry asks as I walk over to him.

‘Good morning to you
, too,’ I reply. ‘Yes, I had a lovely weekend, thanks for asking. How about you? Actually,’ I say before he can answer, ‘I had a lousy weekend. Glinda got engaged, Theo was in Newcastle and, by the sounds of Tiggy’s country break with Calvin, she also had fun in a very non-Tiggy way. Could my life suck anymore?’  

‘At least you’re not Stella,’ Jerry says conspiratorially.

It’s gossip central in the lobby this morning. Unfortunately though I never get to find out about what Stella has been up to because Susie spots Jerry and I “pointlessly hanging around downstairs” as she screams at us. Susie then decides to spend the
whole
day sat in Theo’s empty pod to check on our productivity. There’s no gossiping, limited tea breaks, and no phoning Glinda. I daren’t even e-mail her or sneak on Facebook. This has possibly been one of the worst days I’ve ever had here, made even worse by the lack of Theo and the fact I have to go the doctor’s after work for a very embarrassing appointment.
Fab
.