Geli Voyante's Hot or Not (25 page)

‘Happy Valentine’s Day, gorgeous.

‘Thanks,’ I mutter sleepily.

‘Do you want to open your present?’
Theo asks enthusiastically.

‘
Mmm.’ I don’t really mean it. All I want to do is sleep.

Sinc
e Saturday night, I’ve been hideously ill and in residence at Theo’s because of it. I guess that explains why I was quite out of it imagining the boys saying things. Maybe I imagined everything at Cobra’s and we were actually in a sophisticated wine bar somewhere in posh London. There was no porn on the walls and a lack of loos but, instead, a dapper tuxedo-clad gent was playing a sexy little jazz number on his sleek black Steinway grand piano and there was a powder room to die for. A girl can hope.

Theo
called the doctor out on Sunday night after my temperature soared even higher – oh the perks of
New News
and our private health benefits – who informed him (I was pretty out of it), that I have this rather nasty bug that is going around, which equals lots of bed rest and taking some funny-looking orange tablets the size of horse tranquilizers. They seem to have taken the edge off – and knocked me out – but haven’t cured me yet.

Secretly
, I’m hoping this illness holds out not because I fly to South Africa next week, but because Theo is being absolutely lovely to me. He insisted I stay here at his so he can care for me, and he even cancelled a night at his beloved Cobra’s to stay with me. All-in-all, apart from feeling lousy, it’s been quite nice. It’s given me the unexpected glimpse into what it would be like to live with a boy. Which might happen to me. One day.

He opens his bedside drawer.
‘Here you go then.’

He’s
still had to pop into work from time-to-time, but mostly he’s been writing from home. I must be ill because in his absences I’ve not even had the energy and strength to have a sneaky poke around his things. Not that I would. I trust him completely...

‘Thank
s.’ I try and sit up in bed quickly but it hurts. I feel so weak. ‘I’ve not bought you–’

‘Shush, shush,’ he soothes. ‘It’s
OK. I understand.’

Tentatively, I pick up the elegantly
wrapped box in front of me as I finally make it into a propped up position. Sweat is pouring off me by this point, and I want to sink straight back down and snuggle under the duvet.

It’s small
, looks jewellery-sized. Jewellery is... serious. Slowly I begin to tear at the wrapping, digging my fingernails underneath the sellotape. My heart is racing with possibilities.

I do not want to open this present.

I put down the box, picking up my card instead. Slowly opening that stereotypical red envelope will prolong the present opening. I’m sick; I do not need this stress. My boyfriend is selfish to panic me with expensive jewellery-shaped boxes on Valentine’s Day.

Theo laughs
. ‘Aren’t you going to open your present?’

‘You should always open the card first,’ I
say quickly.

Amused by my answer, he picks up
my gift and tears off the textured wrapping paper whilst I take my time reading his card that’s full of generic sentiments. My name could be interchanged with any of his ex-girlfriends – it lacks any personalisation, and the mushy-looking heart-holding brown teddy bear on the front makes me cringe. Still, the box Theo is holding out to me looks more promising, though the ramifications of it terrify me. Nervously, I take it from him.

I
t’s a black satin-finished Theo Fennell box. Ooh, I wonder if... from my column last week – not that I
was
hinting, of course – yes, it is. It’s the four-figure heart necklace I drooled about in my column. White gold with an aquamarine heart – to match the colour of my eyes, no doubt – nestled in an intricate white gold larger heart. It’s stunning, and I’m speechless. No one has ever bought me a piece of jewellery before, let alone one that cost nearly five grand.

I gasp audibly
as I recollect my part.

‘I
t is the right one, isn’t it?’ He sounds nervous.

I nod. I still can’t formulate words. I cannot believe Theo has sp
ent so much on a present for me, so soon. Automatically I wonder what he has been up to for me to deserve this… No, stop that paranoia. Theo likes me, he could even love me. I must accept I have a nice, devoted boyfriend, one with no hidden agenda, who enjoys buying me obscenely expensive Valentine’s Day gifts. There’s nothing suspect about this at all. It’s just my fever making me think inappropriately. Again.

‘Thank you,’
I manage to wispily deliver as Theo fastens it around my neck. I’m sure without consulting a mirror it doesn’t complement my sleep clothes. ‘But it’s–’

‘No, no.
It’s my pleasure. You deserve this, so much more actually, because…’ There’s that pause. ‘I love you.’

There it is. The l
-word.
Love
. A word never aired between us, but one which Theo has just declared as easily as he could have asked me what I’d like for breakfast.

I know I should be happy,
yet there’s all these niggles and doubts. I
know
I should be happy because
Theo loves me
… This is all I ever wanted.

I should be
really
happy with this pretty serious token of affection adorning my neck and I should tell him, if I was a decent sort of girlfriend, that I’m never going to take it off. Oh, and I love him, too. But, the truth is, I don’t feel happy about this in the slightest and I’m riddled with more self-doubt than I ever thought possible.

I
’m starting to wish I had taken up Mum’s offer of babysitting me – she’s currently on half-term. Anything would be better than dealing with this. God, why am I such a freak? Why can’t I just be grateful that my gorgeous, intelligent boyfriend loves me and wants to lavish expensive designer jewellery on me? I’m not normal, am I?

‘Geli?’ Theo asks uncertainly. He’s looking at me expectantly
. I know it’s for an “I love you, too” response.

‘Oh,’ I
croak. ‘I’ve got a card somewhere.’

Thank goodness
Glinda brought one over. It’s strange though, I’ve barely seen her and I probably won’t until after I get back from the wedding, unless she pops round tonight after work. (No chance, it is Valentine’s Day.) Tomorrow night her and Jeeves are heading away for a romantic weekend and then she flies over to New York to spend two weeks at the Candygurl PR office there. She finally got that promotion – rightly so – but this means I’m currently best friendless at a particularly desperate time. I guess we’ve always got Facebook, and I have Theo
. Theo who
loves
me
. Perhaps I misheard though – I’ve not taken my morning tablet yet – maybe I’m working myself into a dither for nothing.

The necklace hanging heavily on my chest tells me otherwise.

‘Thanks.’ He takes the card from me. I look at the ceiling – anything to avoid eye contact. He glances at it. I have no recollection of what Glinds bought for me. I just scrawled in a rather cruel “From Geli” – no kisses – and left it at that. Such. A. Bitch.

‘Geli?’
he asks when I don’t say anything.

‘Theo,’ I mut
ter back. I’m still refusing to look at him. Why am I being like this? Why am I being such a
child
? This is everything I ever wanted... right?  

He sighs
.

‘Do you really?’ I ask in a tiny voice.

‘I do.’

‘Right,’ I slowly reply, when
all I want to do is fire a million questions at him. Questions which can be summed up in one word:
Why?
Why do you love
me
? What’s so special about today, other than it being Valentine’s Day? What’s so special about me?

Theo seems to get all this though
from one fretful look from me. ‘You are amazing, Geli Voyante,’ he says. ‘Amazing, talented and beautiful.’

I snort at this one
because I hardly look attractive right now. I’m ill, wearing hideous night clothes with an ostentatious bit of bling around my neck. Yes, really lovely.

‘Yo
u are,’ he repeats. ‘And you’re–’

But I never get to find out what else I am as
his phone rings. As Theo picks it up, I start to formulate excuses, glad of the extra few minutes. I could kiss whoever it is on the phone.

“I really like you and I value you as a person Theo,
but love…”

No,
it sounds like I’m breaking up with him. What else?

“It’s just that love
...”

Theo
suddenly leaves the room. Whoever he’s on the phone to, he doesn’t want me to hear his side of the conversation. I would be intrigued, perhaps a little paranoid, if it didn’t afford me the perfect opportunity to drop back to sleep. I mean, I am
very
sleepy, and I do need a plausible excuse to avoid the l-word.

‘Geli... Geli. Come on, wake up sweetheart.
’

I groan. Why can
’t Theo just let me sleep? I don’t want to say the l-word to him.

‘Tiggy
and I were both on our way over to say hi, but there’s been some sort of
New News
emergency so Theo and her have gone to the office.’

That does not sound like Theo
’s voice.

‘
Still,’ he says brightly. ‘This gives me a chance to get to know my favourite sister-in-law to be a bit better.’

I crank open my eyes. This cannot be happening. I must be hallucinating. There cannot be the delectable Calvin Murphy-Lee here in Theo
’s bedroom, sat on Theo’s king-size stripy John Lewis bed sheets, staring at me with a fond look on his face when I look like
this
. Like I have been living in this bed for the past five days which, let’s face it, is exactly what I have been doing. I must smell quite a bit, too...
This is my worst nightmare. I must be dreaming.

‘Hi,
’ I croak.

Please let me wake up.

‘Hi Geli baby.’

Oh. I am hallucinating. Only Theo would call me
that
hideous name.

‘Sorry?
’ I mutter.

‘I said hi Geli.
’

I reopen my eyes. Yes, it
’s true. That really is the delectable Calvin Murphy-Lee. In my boyfriend’s bedroom. The boyfriend who loves me... who has just gone somewhere with Tiggy, was that?

‘Theo and Tiggy?
’ I cough. I desperately need a drink. And a magic wand for a miracle makeover.

‘Have gone to the office,
’ he repeats. ‘I’m not sure of the specifics, but I’m sure it will be fine.’

‘
I should be there,’ I sleepily say. This is the oddest dream.
It has to be a dream, right?
He grabs my hand and I jolt from the crackle that passes between us. Shit
,
this
is
real. Not to mention, I look an utter state and, oh,
he still has hold of my hand
.

‘Don
’t make me put you on my knee and spank you Geli Voyante,’ Calvin says. ‘I’m under strict orders to entertain you and cheer you up, so no thoughts of work please. You need to rest and get better.’

Spank me?
I know he’s joking –
spank me
– but with the previous jolt and the tingles caused by those words that have just come from his perfectly kissable mouth, I feel wet. This is odd as the tablets I’m taking have totally killed my libido. Christ, I fancy him. This is wrong on so many levels.

I
make myself sit up. He really does look more delectable now I’m vertical. Calvin is wearing dark Diesel jeans with a chunky grey man knit and an adorable grey beanie that covers his dark brown hair. He looks so down-to-earth; how did Tiggy Boodles manage to snag this man again?

‘Calvin?
’ He
still
has my hand. ‘Are you really here?’

He laughs, a deep throaty laugh that makes me want to pounce
on him. I need to get a grip.

‘Theo warned me you might be pretty out of it. I am here.
’ He lets go of my hand. ‘Look, why don’t we run you a bath and then I’ll make you some breakfast. You’ll feel better for it.’

I no
d. This is bizarre and, despite Calvin’s reassurances that I needn’t worry about work, if both Tiggy and Theo have been called in for a
New News
emergency then that’s a bigger issue with the publication group rather than just the paper. That’s serious. We’ve heard rumours that our main rival might be laying off staff, and we’re not as old and established as other publications... Who says we will ride out this recession? Maybe I should go in.

‘
And then I’ll head to the office.’ I get out of bed, treating Calvin to the glorious sight of me in my light blue winceyette Paul Frank pyjamas, covered in tea stains and ketchup.
Brilliant
. He definitely won’t fancy me now.

‘
No, no,’ he sternly says.
Hot
. ‘I have my orders. Entertain you and let those two worry about work stuff.’

‘
You don’t have to stay with me.’ I am aware now that I’ve not brushed my teeth in the past two days. Such. A. Catch. ‘Shouldn’t you be at work anyway?’

‘
Tigs and I had the day off to sort out my suit but we thought we’d pop round and see you first. To be honest...’ He chuckles. ‘You’ve done me a huge favour. I’d rather spend some time with you than pick out my wedding outfit.’

Is he mad?
He should be deliriously happy planning his wedding, looking forward to everything, not preferring to spend time with me, as much as that admission makes me tingle. There is something seriously wrong here, even to my drug-addled mind.

I raise my eyebrows in response. I b
et they need a good waxing, not to mention other parts of me down below that need some attention.

‘
No, no!’

He throws his hands up in the air. My, they
’re big, I wonder if...
Stop it, Geli.

‘
Not like that,’ he continues. ‘I mean, of course I can’t wait to get my suit but, c’mon...’ He leans in conspiringly which only reminds me that I must smell horrific considering how delicious Calvin smells. ‘You’ve been shopping with Tigs. She takes all bloody day. It’s painful.’

He has a point.

‘I hear you had a successful shopping trip the other day though, picking out your bridesmaid dresses? Tiggy said you looked stunning. I can’t wait to see you in your dress.’ He winks at me.

‘
Tea?’ I ask weakly.

How on earth can he be flirting with me in this state? I appreciate it but this only seems to remind me that Calvin, as gorgeous as he looks and as much as I fancy him, has some weird quirks... I still would though, a treacherous thought given I
’m sat on my boyfriend’s bed.

‘
I thought I told you to take a bath.’

Stern
. I know my mental state will not take the thought of me, naked, under the same roof as Calvin. It’s bad enough having him within touching distance of me on this bed...

‘
I should have some food and take my tablets first,’ I say.

A perfect excuse.
Now I just need to go to the bathroom and assess how bad I actually look. I may be ill, but I have standards... Funny how that hasn’t applied to Theo. I’ve not cared how bad I’ve looked since I fell ill... that’s another issue.

Crikey, what am I doing? I touch my necklace.

‘That’s pretty,’ Calvin remarks.

It may be pretty but
Theo’s Valentine’s Day gift is choking me – he really shouldn’t have bought me it. I reach my hands up to the back of my neck to take it off, but Calvin stops me.

‘
Here, let me do that.’

‘
I’m fine,’ I say tersely.

‘
Don’t be silly. You’re clearly struggling with that clasp. They’re always fiddly. It’ll take me two seconds to take it off for you.’

I am struggling but I do not want him touching me
there. That spot would be torture. I can imagine him lightly stroking my neck, brushing my hair to one side, then slowly grazing his teeth over my neck. Pushing my neck to one side, kissing up my neck and turning me around to kiss me fully on the lips...

‘
Don’t,’ I snap. My fingers are frantically trying to undo the clasp, but I can’t get it undone.

‘
Geli,’ he says sternly and, with that, he moves my fingers from the back of my neck, and has the clasp undone and the necklace in his hand before I can even register what he’s done, though when he catches the back of my neck with his fingers – I can’t help it – I moan softly at his touch.

‘
There you go.’

He smiles
at me good-naturedly – like my outburst was nothing, like he just didn’t hear me moan – and he drops the stupid necklace into my out-stretched palm which makes me flip. Why is he here? I’d rather deal with Theo than this pent-up frustration but, of course, I can’t say that to him.

S
o, instead, I do something completely silly. I throw the stupid choking necklace as hard as I can against the wall and start screaming in rage, in frustration, in absolute sheer terror because this is not what was supposed to happen. Tiggy Boodles was not supposed to get a man I desperately fancy and, whilst I did get Theo,
it wasn’t supposed to be like this
. It wasn’t supposed to be confusing or awkward or...
disappointing
. It was supposed to be
everything
, and it’s not.

Calvin has hol
d of me, trying to calm me down, yelling my name.

What must Theo’s neighbours think?
Theo
. That stops me screaming, except it’s Calvin in front of me and he’s so close to me, he still has hold of me, and I can’t help but do something even crazier. I grab him and kiss him; I
really
kiss him. And he’s kissing me back. Urgently. Deeply. With intent. I don’t want to. I really don’t, but I have to stop this kiss because if I don’t...

I push him away. We both look wild, his beanie is on the floor where I had pushed it off in a desperate attempt to claw at his
hair, to pull him closer to me, and my heart is racing. I feel exhausted.

There
’s silence, apart from the sound of us panting slightly, until...

‘
I wish I’d met you first,’ Calvin says slowly.  

What do I say to that? The only thing I can say given that this is my stepsister
’s fiancé and I’m not that sort of girl... even if it was just me who instigated that kiss... even if Tiggy would steal Theo from me in a heartbeat if she was still single and had the chance... even if I agree and wish that too...

‘
I think you should go,’ is what I say, even if I don’t exactly mean it.

I turn and stare at
the wall, a stab of guilt shooting through me as I clock the necklace crumpled up on the floor, that ridiculous expensive necklace that my loving boyfriend bought me. The one who has been looking after me with such devotion, the one whose bed I am on.
I am a hideous person.

‘
You feel it too, don’t you?’ He reaches out and touches my arm.

A massive jolt shoots up
it, and it takes all the willpower I have to ignore him, to not turn around and kiss him again. I do feel it, but I can’t do this. I’m not that sort of girl. If he wants to leave Tiggy, he leaves her, but I’m not going to be the girl in the middle. I will never be anyone’s other woman. It’s despicable. What we have just done is despicable, even if that was the best kiss of my life.