Geli Voyante's Hot or Not (28 page)

Oh
, there’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.
There’s no place like home.
I’m home. In i Theku.
Durban
. Feel that glorious sun. Listen to the sound of the ocean. Oh, how I love this place. It’s scorching hot, made even sweeter knowing that everyone is freezing back in London, even more so in Durban’s sister city of Leeds. I’ve not been this happy since I lived in Leeds – what has happened to me in London? That’s something I need to rectify on my return.

‘You look happy
,’ Calvin says to me, breaking me away from thoughts of less stressful student days in Leeds and fun times with Glinda. ‘In fact,’ he continues, ‘this is the first time I’ve seen you smile since we picked you up from the airport.’

Well, what does Calvin expect? He may be thrilled
at gaining Ursula as a mother-in-law – OK, I’m sure he’s not deep down – but I have not relished having her back as my stepmother, staying under her roof whilst we’re here. It’s funny, as the mother of my best friend – before Eric, before the death of Uncle John – I used to love Ursula. Now though I’d rather be stuck in a lift with Mugabe than her. Combine her with Tiggy and an approaching wedding... make that Mugabe, Hitler and Pol Pot.

I have a reprieve
from their constant wedding chatter today because they insisted I show Calvin the sights of Durban as no one has given him a tour. I had every intention of keeping out of his way – truly, I did – but out of the two evils, I don’t know which is worse.

B
eing back here reminds me how much I love my hometown and I’m happy to share that with Calvin, even if I feel horrifically guilty. All I can think about is kissing him again, but I am not going to try and break them up or do anything untoward – that’s Calvin’s decision to make.

I guess I
could
incorporate her behaviour into my tour though:

“
This spot here, this is where Tiggy stole my boyfriend away from me. And over there, behind those rocks, is where he gave her herpes.”

Tempting as it is, I’m too happy to ruin the day with black comments about Antigone, even if she richly deserves them.
Oh, and let me face the sobering truth here, I would be doing that to try and steal Tiggy’s fiancé away from her. Pot. Kettle. Black. As much as I want to, I’m
not
that sort of girl.

‘I am happy.
’ I smile, cranking open my eyes to be greeted by the sight of the dazzling Indian Ocean. ‘How about you?’ I ask. ‘Enjoying the tour?’

‘I love it,’ Calvin sincerely replies. ‘I can see why you’re so happy here
. It’s a beautiful place.’

In a perfect world, Calvin would lean over to me and follow up Durban’s compliment with “but it’s not as beautiful as you, Geli” and then we’d kiss.
He’d go on to tell me that he’s not stopped thinking about me, that I’m the one for him, how it’s destroying him that we’re apart, and that the wedding is off. Of course, the reality is that Calvin has dismissed what happened between us as a silly misunderstanding because I was quite out of it on my meds, evidently, and he is going to marry Tiggy, the one for him... Pfiut.

‘It is,’ I agree.

And really, it is. I don’t know whether it is because I’ve not been home in nearly seven years, or whether it is because we left London in bleak, freezing conditions – maybe it’s being in the presence of Calvin in his cheeky red board shorts with his smooth, bare chest – but Durban looks wonderful today. It’s a toasty 36°C, there’s a light breeze and only a few fluffy white clouds in the sky. The sun is shining and we’ve had a lovely morning.

I started off by showing him
the Berea properly – where Dad and Ursula still live, which is not the house I grew up in – and then we headed down to the Golden Mile so I could show him the mini-town of Durban, followed by lunch at Joe Cool’s (obviously). Spicy slivers of chicken liver in a hearty brandy-based stock, mopped up with seed bread and a side of springbok biltong. I was rather disappointed by Calvin’s lack of adventure; he chose a steak roll. Now we’re sat here on the beach taking in the surfers whilst our food goes down. Bliss.

This afternoon
we might hit Gateway – I’ve never been there because typically it opened the week after I left Durban for the UK, so I have to go. I mean, c’mon, it’s the largest shopping centre in the southern hemisphere. Or, if Calvin gets his way (which he will because I can’t resist a gorgeous face, especially when it’s one that is attached to a divine body), it’s uShaka Marine World for us. Ah well, the shops will wait – and I’ve never been there either – but the sharks won’t. It’s not as if I can make Tiggy take him with what happened to her dad. Even I’m not that insensitive.

But now, glorious now, I’m happy to ignore all health risk warning
s about being in the sun when it’s at its highest and kick back and sizzle into relaxation. I’ve not felt this peaceful in a long time. It must be the weather and the happy Vitamin D it’s producing in me, but I have a sneaky suspicion it could be Calvin’s influence. Did I mention, he’s
lovely
? Cheeky red board shorts. Smooth, toned chest.

I’ve yet to meet any of his family, but I’m sure they
’ll be the same. Maybe I can befriend them and sit at the groom’s side of the chapel?

‘W
hen do your family get here, and who’s your best man? I can’t wait to meet them!’

‘I’m
… well, I’m an orphan,’ he says apologetically. ‘And Adam, my best man, broke his leg skiing last week. I never thought to ask anyone else to take his place.’

I sit up in shock.
How to put my mouth in it, but bloody Tiggy could have warned me about not mentioning his family
before
we left the house this morning.
An orphan
. It explains a lot really, like why he’s marrying Tiggy. She probably learnt this key Calvin-enticing gem from Sav and then used it to hook him in by presenting herself as womanly and earthy. Mother Nature. Old-fashioned. The mother he never had… OK, that’s actually quite disturbing. How could she take advantage of a hapless but gorgeous orphan? Poor, poor Calvin.

‘It’s probably why I asked Tigs to marry me so quickly,’ he confesses ruefully, as I gawp at him with my mouth wide open at my heinous mistake (space waitin
g for my foot to be inserted). ‘I was powerless to resist her when we met.’  

I
curse under my breath.

‘Geli?’

‘Never mind,’ I say as brightly as I can; I must remember not to let slip to Calvin about his future wife’s murky past. He shouldn’t hear this from me. ‘So, tell me, what made you propose to Tiggy? I can’t believe I don’t know this tale!’

I manage to gush at him like I genuinely care about this
fascinating
(read, mind-numbing and vom-inducing) story. It has to be a story – in reality Antigone should never be able to land a catch like Calvin Murphy-Lee.

‘I don’t know actually.’ H
e looks worried for a second. Seeds of doubts are beginning to bloom from my subtle probing.

‘Calvin?’

He looks dazed. Maybe he’s had too much sun and I should take him into the shade, but look at those surfers. There’s a reason why they call it the great outdoors.

‘Can I be completely honest?’ he finally asks me.

‘Of course.’

Maybe there’s hope
yet. Calvin does not deserve a man-eater like Tiggy, he deserves someone genuine and nice… Not me then.

‘And this will stay between us?’

‘It won’t be spread, Calvin,’ I reassure him.

Only to G
linda. And Mum. Possibly Claire. And, if I’m very drunk, there’s a 10% chance I
won’t
tell Tiggy.

‘It’s
, it’s just that…’

‘Go on,’ I pounce
, such is my need to hear that this wedding may not happen and Calvin could be on the market again. A girl can dream. ‘Go on,’ I repeat more demurely as he looks at me funnily.

O
oh, that surfer looks familiar…

‘Well, I think I may have rushed into this marriage business a bit too hastily
,’ he finally says. ‘I mean, I love Tiggy,’ he rushes out, mistaking the meaning of my raised eyebrows. ‘But I can’t help but wonder if this is all a little too...
soon
.’ He clears his throat. ‘I mean, especially with what happened between... us. Adam thinks we’ve rushed into this – me and Tigs, I mean – and I... I think he might be right.’

Crikey.
That’s the first time we have mentioned
that
. Yes, do it Calvin! Or, rather, don’t do it.
Don’t
marry Tiggy. Call off the wedding. It
is
too soon. Something magical happened between us. Listen to the little voices in your head, listen to Adam!

‘A marriage is forever
, and forever seems like an awfully big commitment,’ he continues when I grimace in response. I don’t trust myself to speak. ‘Does that make sense?’

It makes sense al
l right. I’m a commitment-phobe. Theo has been my longest relationship-to-date and I’m looking for excuses to end it even when we’re separated by thousands of miles and he can’t cause me to panic about where our relationship is heading, let alone the fact that I don’t
actually
want a relationship with him because, well, I fancy the man sat next to me... The concept of marriage then?
Yikes
. Funny, because all I wanted a mere few months ago was a ring on that finger when everyone else started getting one.

Needless to say, I’m
no longer hankering after becoming Mrs Theodore Bones. I can’t think of anything worse than being
his
wife, though with the right man... I’m sure I would feel differently. I can see where Calvin’s apprehensions are coming from, and not just because Tiggy Boodles is involved and I had the best kiss of my life with this man.

‘D
o you want to get married?’ Calvin asks me as I nod to show how I perfectly understand his thought process. I’m scared what I might blurt out if I open my mouth. He has to make this decision on his own.

Wait
, did Calvin just ask me to be his wife? No, of course not. Who’s had too much sun now? Firstly, I am opposed to marriage, like I’ve just stipulated. Secondly, he’s already got a wife in mind –
the reason I’m here in Durban
– and, my, that surfer does look
awfully
familiar. Concentrate, Geli.
Concentrate
. Calvin needs an answer. Do I want to be a wife? No, no I don’t.

‘
Yes, to the right husband,’ is what I find myself saying though. I’m glad I have my aviators on and he can’t see my eyes. I’m not sure what they’d tell him.

‘And this c
hap you’re with…?’

The one whose bed we made out on? He p
ales in comparison to you.

‘Theo,’ I supply, even though Calvin knows Theo
’s name full well.

‘Theo.
’ He nods thoughtfully. ‘Is he the right husband for you?’

This may just be wishful thinking, or perhaps
a sun-induced illusion, but does Calvin’s face suggest that this answer
really
matters to him? Like he’s
jealous
of Theo? Crikey, that surfer is awfully familiar… And he’s getting closer by the second. Bloody Hell.
It can’t be.