Get Even (30 page)

Lenny had assumed they would follow in his footsteps; in fact, that was what Lenny expected, whereas Ray talked to them about education and what opportunities there were if only they were willing to work hard. These conversations pleased her because she thought along those lines too. She could never bury her sons like she had her husband, and like James Brewer Senior had buried his boy. She was determined to keep her boys as far away from villainy as possible. She knew first-hand the horror it could bring to the women involved, as well as the men. She wanted more for them.

Ray kept them in hand; they were already quieter, more ready to listen to reason because of his influence. When Liam had been fighting again, Ray refused him the opportunity to go on an outing, only taking young Lenny, and that had given the boy food for thought. Ray said the best way with kids was to praise good behaviour and punish the bad. It was as simple as that. Then he added ruefully that it had not worked in his case, but then his mother had been a lone parent like her. Boys didn’t listen too hard to their mothers it seemed.

Now, as they drove home, Sharon hoped fervently that he would at least attempt to kiss her. She had been looking at herself lately with critical eyes. She had given birth to two sons but her body was still in pretty good condition. Maybe she wouldn’t pass muster in broad sunlight, but she looked good enough considering. Plus she wanted this man, and that had to be a good thing, surely? After Lenny, and what she had found out, she wasn’t sure she would ever have wanted or trusted another man again. But lately she had begun to change her mind.

She watched Ray closely, noticing the way he smiled when he was talking to the boys. She saw how his thick, dark hair curled into his neck. She liked that his eyes were deeply blue and had a sparkle in them. Sharon Scott understood that she was falling in love with this man. He was another Lenny in some ways – a villain, a man who made his money off criminal activities. She knew he had been in prison for nine of his thirty-six years, yet she still saw him as the answer to her prayers. And, even knowing everything she did about him, she still desired him.

She had observed him intently with Reggie and, though they got on well and had a deep mutual respect, she sensed that was all it was. Gerry Dornan had nearly fainted at the sight of Ray and kept telling her she should de-trouser him at the earliest opportunity. She was a card, was Gerry. She was also a very beautiful girl, yet never once had she seen Ray treat her with anything other than friendliness. Gerry dressed with her assets always shown to their best advantage, but Ray had never let his eyes linger on her for too long. Sharon Scott hoped that she was right about this man because she really could not imagine her life without him in it. It was getting harder and harder to get into that great big bed and not think about what she could be doing in it with Ray Donovan. She blushed at the thought and saw that he was smiling at her, as always.

She invited him in for coffee and was inordinately pleased when he said yes. As they went into the house she felt the trembling inside her. The only man she had ever been with was Lenny Scott. They had courted from when she was thirteen years old and married at seventeen. She felt like a teenager again, not a mother of two sons. She was so nervous she felt ill!

In the kitchen she went to put on the coffee but he stopped her, saying quietly, ‘Sit down, Sharon. I think this might be the time for a brandy, don’t you?’ He could sense how nervous she was, and he knew why she was feeling that way. He wanted this to be perfect, or at least as perfect as he could make it. He followed her into the lounge and as she perched on the sofa he poured out two generous brandies. When they were sitting side by side he smiled at her and she felt the pull of him; it was almost a physical pain she wanted him so much.

‘Look, Sharon, I know you were happy with Lenny, and I don’t want you to feel that I will, in any way, denigrate the man who married you and fathered your children. But I have to tell you, before we go any further, that I have fallen for you, in a big way.’

She felt the tears come into her eyes. Oh, the big-heartedness of him, the kindness of him.

‘I am looking for a real relationship. I think the world of your boys, as you know. I think they like me too. At least, I hope they do. But I need to know how you feel about me . . . About us.’

She felt so shy again, and she wished she had more experience. But she guessed that, had she had the experience, he might not be so enamoured of her. Ray was a man who would not love lightly. For a start he had never been married, but that might be because he was banged up for nine years. She understood the world he lived in. He grabbed her hand and she felt the love inside her like she had never felt it with Lenny. Lenny had broken her heart; it was hard on a woman to find out she had lived what she believed was a good life with a man that, in reality, she had never really known. It still bit into her and hurt her. Now, though, the hurt came more from the knowledge that she had been duped by Lenny, that he had believed she was so naive she would never cotton on. She wouldn’t have known anything if it had not been for Liam.

She looked into Ray’s eyes and said honestly, ‘We weren’t that happy, Ray. Not when he died.’

He looked at her and waited for her to go on but she didn’t say anything else. She just looked at him with her big blue eyes and he felt his heart beating a tattoo in his chest.

He had never wanted a woman so much in his life. But there was so much he could never tell her about his life. The telling could destroy her. He would never intentionally hurt her. He had fallen madly in love with her; he had heard people say that they loved but he had never understood it till now. It had been a very strange experience for him, as he had always believed that he would never feel such emotion for another person. He wanted this woman on any terms, but he would be as honest as he could without hurting her.

So he said softly, ‘I know about Lenny.’ He saw the way her face paled at his words, but he went on. ‘Liam told me.’

She didn’t know what to say and she just sat there bewildered. ‘Told you what?’

It was a whisper and he felt so heart-sorry for her.

‘About what he saw with Lenny and Reggie.’

She was starting to panic and he took her in his arms and held her to him. She could hear the steady beat of his heart and it calmed her.

‘Look, I can’t imagine what it must have felt like to discover something so shocking. I ain’t defending Lenny when I say that, in the world we occupy, this is not something anyone with half a brain would broadcast. He suppressed it, I suppose, and from what I can gather he loved you with all his heart. As I do.’

She was frightened of his words and he understood why. This wasn’t something she would relish being spoken of by people in their world.

‘I just want you to know, Sharon, that I understand how it must have hurt and I want to take that hurt from you, darling. I want to make you see that you are a beautiful and desirable woman. I just want to love you, if you will let me.’

And she let him. Twice.

‘Oh, Sharon Scott, you are a jammy bitch!’

Sharon laughed at Gerry’s obvious delight. She had never felt so alive. Ray might never have been married but he was certainly not backwards in coming forwards. It was the best sex of her life, and that had been a revelation in itself. It had been a whole new experience for her. Lenny had satisfied himself; Ray wanted to satisfy her. She felt lighter inside somehow.

When she had found out about Lenny and Reggie it had made her feel less than a woman, especially when she remembered how vicious he could be with a few drinks in him. It amazed her to think just how under his influence she had been. She had lived her life only around him and her boys. She felt as if she had woken up suddenly and the world was a much brighter place. Her only worry was how the boys would react to the relationship with Ray, now it was on a more permanent footing.

Ray had told her that he loved her and wanted to be with her and the boys as a proper family. She loved that he had said that he did not want to take Lenny’s place. He had been their father and they would never be allowed to forget that fact. But Ray was willing to be a good stepfather to them. He said he already loved them because they were from her body – they were a part of her, so how could he not want the best for them?

Her other worry was Big Lenny. They had never really got back on any kind of good footing and she knew that Lesley blamed her for that and felt that she was trying to keep the boys away from her. How could she tell her the truth of it? How could she confide in someone who thought she had the voice of God in her ear twenty-four hours a day? Who would be mortified to think that her husband had tried to have a relationship with her dead son’s wife, insinuating that she needed a man and he was the man for the job. To make matters worse, Big Lenny knew that Reggie had sussed him out and that did not augur well for any of them. She sighed with sadness. Why couldn’t life be easier? Why did it have to always throw her a fucking curveball when she least expected it?

She busied herself making more tea for her and Gerry. She would put the shit that had accrued since Lenny’s death from her mind. She was happy and she intended to stay that way.

Ray Donovan felt like all his Christmases and birthdays had come at once. The night with Sharon was the best night of his life. In prison, he had dreamed of a good woman, a decent woman, someone he could love, respect and trust, and he had found her, under the most unusual circumstances. He was amazed that it was a woman who already had two sons and had been married to a piece of shit like Lenny Scott. Because, when all was said and done, Lenny Scott was scum, he now knew that better than anyone. He was a man who should never have married and especially not a girl like Sharon. She had been with one man and she had trusted him to do right by her. Lenny Scott had tried, Ray did not doubt that, but his nature had made sure that he could never really love her. Ray’s heart broke for her; for a beautiful woman to find out she had never really been wanted was a terrible situation to be in. But now she had him, and he would make sure that she never doubted herself again.

They had talked into the night and she had explained how her husband’s actions had almost destroyed her. Even little Liam still had the memory fresh in his mind. For a child to see that? It was tragic.

He had left her that morning a happy man. The boys had stayed at her mother’s and that had given them time together. He was thankful for that and he hoped that they would accept him. But they still remembered their father and he understood that it might be difficult for them at first. They would soon learn that life was hard even when you had more than most people.

He was nervous of seeing her today, and he wondered why. They were perfect together. He hoped against hope that she would not regret letting him into her life. It was all he had wanted from the first time he had seen her. That was the strange thing about life: you never knew what was going to happen next. It was what made it so exciting, and now he had Sharon Scott he would never let her go. He would grow old with her, and that thought pleased him. He loved everything about her, her face, her body, her personality – even her smell. He had never felt like this about anyone before.