Ghost of a Promise (18 page)

And he should slip out of her bed and return to his own room, because this sleeping with a woman
—
the actual sleeping part
—
he
’
d never done. Never cared to, really. Doing so implied more than he could give. Ava knew the risks. He
’
d even asked last night through gut-wrenching desire to be sure she understood.

He enjoyed sex as much as the next man, more so probably. He enjoyed the tangle of limbs, the thoughtless automatic response of two bodies together seeking pleasure. The fact that he felt little more than attraction with his partners was an added plus. No strings. No heart involved.

What happened last night wasn
’
t just sex. He didn
’
t know what word to slap on it, but it wasn
’
t sex. He could do rough. He could do sweet. He could do halfway in between or, Christ, upside-bloody-down. Flexibility, his middle name.

But not once had he almost lost it. Not like last night. Never had he fumbled, laughed and
…
connected to another like with Ava. The way he touched her, like his very life depended on giving her pleasure, and the way she responded, so openly, rolled around in his mind like an escaped ping-pong ball. Christ, his need for her was so fierce he
’
d fisted the headboard to keep grounded, then used the position as leverage to pound into her body like a lunatic.

And he enjoyed it. So did she. She came twice. He smiled into her hair now, remembering.

There was something so familiar about their joining, too. Not like the first time he kissed her, as if with someone else
’
s memory, but recognizable all the same. Something that went beyond physical, and again, he couldn
’
t name the feeling. As he took the time to learn her body, it was as if he knew every sensitive spot, knew where to kiss and touch to make her beg. It was
…
right somehow.

Familiar
and
new.

He’
d be quoting Yeats any moment now if he kept up this nonsense. Turn into one of those guys who gives up everything for a girl and the desire for a soul connection which didn
’
t exist. There was no such thing as soul mates. Sex didn
’
t equal love. Love came and went as often as the tide. Feelings changed. He never wanted to fall into that trap. Why allow himself to fall for something as frail as love?

He sighed, shook his head. No one said anything about love. Why, then, did his mind go there? Because he didn
’
t love Ava.

So yeah, he should get the hell up and leave before she woke. Yet he didn
’
t. Just stroked her hair and enjoyed the way their bodies fit together, their mingled scent and warmth filling his senses.

He knew the moment she awoke, because her lashes fluttered across his jaw.

“
Someone
’
s happy to see me,
”
she said in a sweet, sleep-roughened voice that clutched his chest.

Ignoring the strange sensation, he moved his mouth to hover over her ear, gliding his tongue along the outer shell.
“
Very.
”
He slid his hand down the soft, smooth skin of her back to cup her bottom.

She moaned and rolled him to his back, straddling his hips. She leaned down to kiss him and her red hair fell like a curtain around them. Maybe there was something to waking up with a woman after all. This woman, at least.

Breaking their kiss, she lifted her head and closed her mouth around his nipple. He gripped her hips so hard she
’
d have bruises later. By the time she moved her sweet, hot mouth to the other nipple he was panting with his eyes pinched closed. Open-mouthed kisses trailed lower, over his naval and
…

He cried out, shocked as he was, when she drew him into her mouth. Somehow he said her name, fisted one hand in her hair to pull her up, but she took his other hand and twined their fingers together. Her hot tongue swirled down his shaft, over the tip, and the onset of climax bloomed.

Taking her by the shoulders, he hauled her up the length of his body and sealed his mouth over hers. He held the back of her head to deepen the kiss. She raked her short nails down his chest and held his hips still between her thighs so he couldn
’
t thrust into her.

“
Condom,
”
she whispered.

He froze. And that
’
s when he knew he was in trouble. In way deep. He had never been so invested, so lost in passion, that he forgot protection.

She reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the packet he
’
d left there last night. He watched her roll the condom down the length of him, could feel her fingers close around his shaft, and he gritted his teeth. Determined to let her run the show, he crossed his fingers behind his head and waited.

Through heavy lids, she lifted her hips and came down around him.

So tight, so wet. So bloody perfect.

Setting a slow pace, she rode him until madness loomed. Her cheeks were flushed as she threw her head back, the ends of her hair brushing his thighs. Her liquid heat caused friction in maddening degrees.

Having all he could take, he clutched her hips and thrust, pulling her down as he rode up. She gasped, her inner walls contracting around him until he saw bloody stars. She quaked, jerked, and would have collapsed had he not pressed his palms to her breasts to keep her in place right where he wanted her so he could watch her come again.

Because, Christ, it was a beautiful sight.

When he was sure she was capable of staying upright, he slid his hand between their joined bodies and ran his fingers over her slick wetness where they joined. She bowed, panting out his name. He
’
d never heard anything so wonderful.

“
Say my name again, luv. I like hearing it on your lips.
”

“
Jackson.
”
She drove her hips forward, seeking more.

He sped up the pace, grinding into her and combating the pressure with his thumb on her mound. Just like last night, he barely held on, wanting, needing to release so feverishly but waiting on her. A bead of sweat trailed from his temple to his jaw. He ground his molars to dust.

It was worth the wait. Just as tremors rocked her a second time, she moved her hand behind her back and cupped his balls. He cursed, clenched her name through his teeth, and came hard and fast.

It took him days, maybe minutes, to come back down and find her lying like a limp noodle on his chest.

When he could, and that took some time, he sat up and cradled her to his chest.
“
I
’
m not sure if I should pray or celebrate.
”

She laughed. Sobered.
“
So, it was okay, then?
”

He stilled.
“
The sex?
”

“
No, Jackson, the thread count of the sheets,
”
she said dryly.
“
Yes, the sex.
”
She lifted her head and looked at him. The last thing he expected to see was insecurity.
“
It
’
s been a while for me. You
’
re quite the expert.
”

Suddenly, he felt like a shit. He brushed his knuckles down her cheek.
“
I have no complaints. And do me the honor of not asking that again.
”

She drew in a breath and let it out slowly, searching his gaze for truth.
“
Okay.
”

“
The sheets were nice, too.
”

She laughed and the sound filled cracks inside his chest he didn
’
t know were there. She looked adorable in the morning. Fresh face, wild hair, sleepy eyes.

He yawned.
“
Want me to make you some breakfast?
”

“
What?
”

Yeah, what?

He shrugged. “
I can make eggs and toast without burning down the house. You hungry?
”

“
Um, sure,
”
she said slowly. She bit down on her lip, making him want to kiss her there.

Instead, he lifted her off of him and searched for his pants. Finding them by the door, he donned them and headed for the small kitchenette outside her bedroom. She had just enough eggs in her fridge upstairs to feed them. He found a tomato and half a green pepper, so he got to chopping those before beating the eggs.

She came out of the bedroom wearing a robe just as the toast popped up. She
’
d brushed her hair because it looked tamer, but her cheeks were still flushed. When she sat at the table, silent, he set a plate down for each of them and joined her. They ate in silence.

First, he went to her parents
’
for Thanksgiving. Then he spent the night with her after mind-blowing sex. Now he was making her breakfast. He wondered what in the hell he was doing. Finding no answers, he bit into his toast.

“
What
’
s on the agenda for today?
”

She looked startled to still find him there.
“
Well, I was going to decorate for Christmas, but I
’
m feeling lazy.
”
She laughed.
“
It
’
s a tradition in our family to put up the decorations the day after Thanksgiving. Aunt Lois and I
—”

When she cut herself off suddenly, he glanced at her.
“
What is it?
”
Something dark and hollow crept into her eyes, turning down the corners of her mouth. He reached across the table and rubbed his thumb over her hand.
“
Tell me.
”

She stared at her plate and cleared her throat.
“
It
’
s just that
…
with Aunt Lois gone, there seems no point in putting up the tree. Or anything else. I mean, it
’
s not like anyone will see it.
”

His stomach cramped painfully. For a moment, he hurt too. The ache of her loss became his.
“
You’ll
see the decorations. Casey too, when she comes by. And the team. They return the day after tomorrow. I say do it. In fact, I’
ll help.
”

She looked at him through misty eyes, but her will shoved back the tears before they fell. His admiration for her notched two spaces.

“
Really? That
’
s out of your job description, don
’
t you think?
”
She laughed, trying to brush him off. Give him an out.

Adding holiday decorating to his list of what-the-hell-are-you-doings, he shrugged. For some reason, he didn
’
t want the out she offered.
“
Really, I
’
ll help. I draw the line at untangling a strand of lights, however.
”

Chapter Seventeen

Ava didn’
t have one Christmas tree, but three. One for the front hall by the base of the stairs, a small one for the parlor and a massive tree for the living room. They
’
d finished with them a half hour ago, but she was putzing with garland and snow globes on the mantle while he watched from the couch. She had fifteen more boxes of decorations stored away, but claimed she just wanted the trees and mantle decorated. They
’
d hung a rather large wreath above the columns on the front of the house and arranged a nativity scene for the yard earlier.

“
Does that look okay?
”
she asked, still facing the mantle.

“
It looks just as good as it did the last five times.
”

She muttered something about men and dropped her hands on her hips.

“
Come over here, Ava.
”

When she got close enough, he snagged the back pocket of her jeans and hauled her into his lap. Her back to his front, she laid her head on his shoulder as his arms circled around her. He nuzzled her neck.

“
Are we done with decorations now? I
’
m hungry.
”

Night had fallen an hour before, but he didn
’
t have the heart to point it out. She
’
d seemed so distressed about the decorations and who
’
d see them that he plowed through the task with her, wanting her to enjoy herself and keep her traditions. The whole day had been more intimate than their love-making the night before. Sex was sex. But there was something about decorating for a holiday that felt to him like picking out countertops and drapes. A couple-like thing to do.

“
Let me clean up these boxes and I
’
ll make us something to eat.
”

He brushed a thumb under her jaw and turned her face toward his. He kissed her deeply, long and thorough.
“
I wasn
’
t talking about food.
”

“
Oh.
”

Yeah, oh.
He was a little disappointed that every time he made a move, so much as said something nice, she was surprised. Instead of making him back away, form some distance between them as he should, it only increased his desire to offer more.

She shivered when he brushed his hand over her breast, working the nipple to a hard peak. Her back arched, grinding her rear end into his forming erection. He slid his other hand under the hem of her sweatshirt to the soft, smooth skin of her belly and unsnapped her jeans. The teeth of her zipper clicked loudly in the room.

One of her arms came up and gripped the back of his head. “
The camera
…”

“
Is off. No worries.
”
His fingers dove into her pants, past her curls to the wet folds.

She gasped, bowing as he worked her into a frenzy. Her fingers tangled in his hair, her hips pumped to the rhythm he set, until her inner walls tightened around his fingers.

“
Jackson, I
’
m going to
…”

“
Do it. Come, Ava.
”

He bit her lobe, wanting his shaft buried deep inside her instead of his fingers. Wanted to plunge into her slick, wet heat until his world righted again. He thrust his hips against her backside, hating the layers between them, loving how aroused she could make him without trying.

The most delicious sound escaped her throat as her body stiffened and shook with climax.

When finished, she slumped against him and sighed.
“
That was hardly fair,
”
she said.
“
You didn
’
t get to join me.
”

His arms tightened around her.
“
We have time. Later.
”

Except time wasn
’
t exactly on their side, was it? Another week and he was gone. He shook the thought away. They had this weekend before his crew returned and he
’
d make full use of it.

She turned and straddled his lap. Through her shirt her erect nipples grazed his chest.
“
Or now works.
”

Before he knew what happened, she had his snap undone and his zipper down.

He sucked in a breath.
“
Condoms are upstairs. I won
’
t make it that far.
”

She took him in her hands, working him slowly from base to tip in her firm, warm grip. Then
—
Christ, then
—
she slid off his lap to her knees. Between his thighs she tugged on his jeans. Even as the hesitation struck him, he lifted his hips in compliance so she could pull them down. His head slammed back to the couch, her hands working him, her hot tongue licking his tip.

Forcing his eyes open, he looked down at her. Unsure why, because normally he
’
d be all for some oral action and she felt damn good just now, he wanted her to stop. Ava wasn
’
t just some woman anymore. She deserved better than hitting her knees and
…

“
Stop,
”
he ground out.

She lifted her head just as a thought struck him. He shuffled into his pocket, digging out his wallet with shaking hands. He couldn
’
t remember if he had a condom stored there anymore, but
…

Yes, he did.

He ripped the package open, rolled the condom down his length and reached for her, assisting her out of her jeans and panties.

When she climbed on his lap, the look in her eyes stopped him. He cupped her jaw.
“
What is it, Ava?
”

She bit her lower lip.
“
That
’
s the second time now you
’
ve stopped me from
…
I
’
m just wondering why. I mean, is it offensive or
…”

Her words made his chest hurt. He gripped her hips and guided himself inside her.

Yessss. So good. So tight
.

“
You could never offend me.
”
He forced his jaw to loosen with a crack.
“
I can
’
t seem to get enough of you. This is what I want, Ava.
”
He thrust upward. Cupping the back of her neck and forcing her to look at him, he swallowed hard.
“
I don
’
t think you understand just what you
’
re doing to me. I have you and I want you again. It
’
s maddening.
”

Her teeth were working her lip again.
“
You haven
’
t used your accent all day.
”

He didn
’
t see that one coming. Being on the road ten months out of the year, he used his British accent more often than not. On location, on camera, with their cases. He did it without thought. In fact, the only time he felt comfortable enough not using it was with his family and sometimes the crew off-location. Damn.

“
Does it bother you?
”
he asked, keeping the American in his tone.

She shook her head and slid her hands up from his shoulders to his jaw.
“
I
’
ve always found British accents sexy, but you seem uncomfortable using it. When you
’
re angry, or really flustered, you drop it. I
’
d rather you be yourself, be relaxed.
”

This wasn
’
t the first time she saw past his facade. It probably wouldn
’
t be the last. Yet the intimacy of having this woman know him so damn well was unnervingly welcome.

“
I
’
m relaxed.
”
To prove it, he thrust again.

Her cheeks grew pink and her lips parted, not unaffected. Her gaze only left his when she pulled her sweatshirt over her head and tossed it aside. The bra came next. She lifted his tee over his head and discarded that as well.

His heart pounded a sickening rhythm watching her watch him. He couldn
’
t breathe.

“
You
’
re not relaxed,
”
she whispered, leaning over and lightly kissing his jaw, which he realized was still clenched.

Her fingers massaged the back of his neck, loosening the muscles as her mouth trailed over his stubble. His tension drained and allowed him to fully give himself to her. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back to the cushion. She ran her tongue over his throat.

“
Breathe.
”
She laced her fingers with his.

“
You make that damn hard, Ava.
”

He felt her smile against his skin just below his ear and brought their joined hands to the top of the couch to rest beside his head. She kissed his shoulder and nipped the tendon. He forced air through his nose.

“
See, that wasn
’
t so hard, was it?
”

Oh, he was hard all right. His dick jerked inside her, proving it.

“
Uh uh,
”
she scolded.
“
I
’
m doing all the work this time.
”

His heart rate tripped in excitement.
“
You
’
re driving me insane.
”

Her hips jutted forward, deepening their connection and causing the most delicious friction.

“
Again,
”
he begged.

He tried to remove his hands from hers to hold her against his chest, but her grip was firm.

He was always the one to conquer. To give up complete control to another was implying a trust he never had before. He was shocked to find she had his complete trust now. Not only did he trust Ava, but he connected with her on a gut-deep level.

He forced his eyes wide open.
“
Ava
…”

“
Shh.”

She took his mouth in a kiss that, by the time she finished, touched his bloody soul.

And then she rocked her hips, once, twice, setting a slow-as-hell rhythm he couldn
’
t think through. He felt the beginnings of his orgasm at the base of his neck, tingling down his spine and wrapping around his shaft. Her inner walls clenched and he exploded.

She kissed him through his eruption, through the quaking afterward, and only stopped when he let out a very unmanly whimper. Finally, she let go of his hands only to wrap her arms around his neck and bury her face in his hair.

Unsure what had just happened, only knowing he had to keep her against him, he enclosed her in his arms. The silence between them was deafening, but he couldn
’
t speak through the unexpected emotion in his throat.

“
Thank you for today,
”
she said at last.

He blinked slowly.
“
Did you just thank me for sex?
”
That kinda pissed him off. Scratch that, it
really
pissed him off.

As if sensing the shift in his mood, she cupped his cheek but kept her face buried in his hair. “
Thank you for going out of your comfort zone and helping me with the holiday decorations.
”
She lifted her head and looked at him.
“
I know your family doesn
’
t celebrate, and this must have brought up painful memories. It meant a lot to me. I was feeling pretty lonely.
”

Jesus. Just
…
Jesus.
“
It was nothing.
”

Immediately he knew he said the wrong thing.

Her gaze darted to his chest and lingered before she nodded once.
“
It was to me.
”

While she fished around the floor for her clothes, donning them without another word, he pinched the bridge of his nose trying to figure out what in the hell was happening to him. From the moment he set foot on her property something had shifted, was still shifting, until he didn
’
t recognize his own thoughts in his head, his own feelings.

Hell, he
had
feelings.

“
Ava
…”

“
It
’
s fine, Jackson,
”
she said calmly. Too calmly.
“
I
’
ll go make us some dinner.
”

He sighed when she left the room and set himself to rights before turning the camera back on and following her into the kitchen.

…

Ava didn’
t have the energy or will to make anything fancy. Besides, it was just her and Jackson. She stirred tomato soup in a pan at the stove and flipped grilled cheese sandwiches from a griddle next to it. Jackson entered the room and turned off the camera in the corner. She couldn
’
t tell what he was doing, since his movement grew silent and she couldn
’t bring herself to look at him.

And really, wasn’
t she just the typical female? Getting all attached and weepy and reading into things. Angry at herself for Jackson
’
s
it was nothing
comment and how she reacted, she stirred the soup with more force than necessary. What was she expecting him to say?

“
It wasn
’
t nothing,
”
he said from behind her.

She blew out a breath. Okay, yeah. Part of her was hoping he
’
d say
that.
Now the man was reading her mind. Or lying to her to spare her feelings. Much worse than not caring. She turned the burners off.