Ghostly (Darkly Devoted Book 1) (11 page)

“Please don’t hate me. I couldn’t stand it.” He frowned and ran his hands through his hair. Tears pooled in his eyes. “Just talk to me, please.”

“What are you talking about? How do you have
any
right to be upset right now? You tricked me! You knew I was vulnerable, and you took advantage of it! You knew exactly what I’ve been through. I’ve experienced suicide, first hand, and you thought this wasn’t important information?”

“That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you. It was just a game at first.”

“A game?” At that point I lost it. Tears ran down my face, large drops that poured out uncontrollably.

“Not now. No. You aren’t listening to me. Please, just listen.”

“No,
you
aren’t listening,” I said quietly, trying to make the tears stop.

His face turned stoic, but I could see the anger boiling in his eyes. He lowered his head and looked up at me. “You need to stop and listen to me.”

I couldn’t stand it anymore. Just looking at him made my heart crush under the weight of the truth. He called out to me as I ran up the stairs and toward my bedroom. My dad was home, so I knew he wouldn’t follow me.

I was so naïve for letting myself believe I could be with someone—that I might have found someone who was a lot like me. So stupid for thinking he wanted anything out of me other than a piece of ass. I was so gullible and stupid. I believed everything he said, even though deep inside I knew something was off.

He was just like all the other boys I’d ever met. He didn’t give a shit about me. He was a liar. He was someone who wanted to have me around until there was a better reason not to. I had known better than to open up to him and spend so much time with him because in the process of doing so, I feared that I had done exactly what I hadn’t wanted to do.

I fell in love with him.

I shut the bedroom door behind me and threw myself on the bed, gut-wrenching sobs coming over me as I cried into the comforter.

I didn’t see or hear from Cade for the rest of the night.

Chapter Sixteen

My nightmares were terrible for the next few nights. They came in spurts, each one worse than the other. Some of them seemed to be a failed attempt at an apology and others were just terrifying. By the time the sun came up, my eyes were so tired I could barely hold them open, but I managed to make it through the days. Even if I couldn’t focus. When the weekend came, I lay in bed and tried to sleep longer, but I still couldn’t drift off.

Finally, I rolled out of bed and forced myself to get dressed. The coldness at the nape of my neck told me Cade was nearby, but he didn’t show himself. Tears stung at my eyes at the thought of him so near, but I wasn’t ready to face him. Each day that had passed made me miss him more. I couldn’t get him out of my head, even when I was at school.

With a sigh, I pulled out my phone and texted Meredith. If nothing else, it would get me out of the house. If she was willing to have me over, maybe I could get a good night’s sleep. She agreed to pick me up, so I packed a bag and rushed downstairs to wait for her on the front porch.

“Briar?”

My hands tightened on my book at the sound of Cade’s voice. I pretended not to hear him; maybe he would leave.

“I know you heard me.” His combat boots formed in front of me.

Without looking up, I addressed him. “What?”

“We need to talk about that article you found.”

I stared at the pages of my book, but I couldn’t concentrate on the words. Really, I wanted things to be better. I didn’t like the sinking feeling in my stomach when he was around.

“Seriously, Briar, you can’t ignore me forever. I live here. With you. I want everything to be okay with us.”

A chuckle escaped my mouth. There wasn’t anything he could say to fix things with one small conversation. My world had been flipped upside down, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it yet.

“Briar—”

His words were interrupted by the honking of a car horn. Slamming my book closed, I shoved it into my messenger bag and stood up. I threw my bag over one shoulder and made my way down the path. Cade followed beside me, but I kept my eyes on my escape.

“Where are you going?”

“It’s none of your business anymore.”

“Yeah it is. You’re my girl—”

I stopped walking and whirled to face him. “I’m not your
anything
right now. I need some space, and I plan on getting it.”

The sadness in his eyes hurt, but I forced myself to continue to Meredith’s car and get inside.

“Who were you talking to? You looked pretty pissed.”

At least he hadn’t shown himself to her. “Just myself.” I rubbed my eyes and slouched down in the seat.

Meredith looked over at me. “You okay?”

“I just need some time out of that house.”

She nodded and pulled away from the curb. “Celeste is staying over tonight. I hope you don’t mind.” She shot me a worried glance.

My frown deepened. I didn’t want to deal with her drama too.

“Surely you two can get along for
one
night…”

“It’s not me that’s hard to get along with.”

“Listen, I know that Celeste can be a pain, but she’s an Aries and like I said, they are difficult. She does what she wants and looks out for herself, but she’s also protective over her friends. She’s a good person, and I’m sure if Ryder wasn’t interested in you—”

“So, she’s got a crush on him. Is that what all this is about?”

Meredith chewed on her lip but kept driving.

“I’m not going to say anything.”

“They dated in middle school when she first moved here, then he broke it off.”

I was surprised the two of them had dated. “Why did he break it off?”

“I dunno…probably something to do with her being wild and crazy. Even back then her parents let her do whatever she wanted to. Ryder isn’t one to get into trouble, so he probably wanted to steer clear of being with someone who did. Ya know?”

I shrugged. I didn’t know Celeste well enough to make a judgment call on that one. All I had to go off of was that she was really nice to me until she found out Ryder liked me. That was when she became an uber bitch.

She pulled down a gravel road and back into a wooded area. “I think she always thought he would end up choosing her. Goddess knows
I
don’t want him.” She made a gagging sound and parked her car in a grassy spot in front of a small, brick house. As we pulled up, several dogs ran from the back of the house to meet us.

“You’ve got a lot of dogs…”

“They don’t bite. They’re just excited to see me. Just tell them to get off you.”

I pushed open the door and stepped out of the car. One of them jumped up toward me, and I jerked back. “Get down!”

Meredith slammed her door and ran over to my side. “Down, Daisy, down!”

The dog backed up, and I followed quickly behind Meredith. She kept them away until we reached the door.

“No judgments, ‘kay? My house isn’t, uh, totally awesome or anything.”

“I live in a creepy ass haunted house. No judgment here.”

She laughed and opened the door. “True story.”

I followed her inside and was surprised at what I saw. The home was just as small as it looked from the outside and appeared as if no one had cleaned up in several days. The furniture was outdated and somewhat run down. An older man sat in the recliner watching television.

“Who’d you bring home this time?” he asked and looked up at us. The green eyes looking back at me matched Meredith’s perfectly. “Oh, it’s a girl.”

“Yeah, Dad, this is Briar.” She motioned to me and then back to him. “Briar, this is my dad John.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Ravencroft.”

“You too, girl.” He looked back at Meredith. “Well, that crazy friend of yours is waiting for you.”

She took my hand and led me down the hallway. I was surprised that she didn’t live in a rich person’s house, especially with the fancy way she dressed, but I didn’t want to ask her about it. It felt like intruding.

When we reached the end of the hall, she pushed open the door with “Mer’s Room” scribbled on it.

“Hey, Mer.”

“Hiya.”

We stepped inside, and Celeste looked up at me from her spot on the floor. She frowned. “Oh, hey Briar.”

“Hey.”

Meredith shut the door behind us and sat her purse down. “She needed time out of that house.”

“For sure. It’s massive and creepy, man,” Celeste agreed and pushed the box in front of her out of the way to make room.

Meredith took a seat on the floor, so I followed suit and sat on the carpet beside her. My eyes wandered the room. It was more of what I expected to see in her house, rather than the run down appearance of the rest of it. The walls were decorated in posters of fashion, models, and her own designs. Her major was graphic design, and she yearned to have her own clothing line some day.

I had no idea what Celeste wanted to do with her life. Play in her band and cause trouble as far as I knew.

“What’d the house do to you?” Celeste asked.

“Do? Nothing. I’ve just been having nightmares.” I didn’t want to give her too much information. It wasn’t any of her business.

“About the murders in that hell hole?”

“Something like that…I didn’t sleep well last night.”             

Celeste nodded. “I’m surprised you’ve gotten
any
sleep there.” She leaned back against the bed and placed her notebook in her lap. “You’ll have to tell me all about them. Maybe I can get some inspiration.”

Meredith took the notebook from her friend’s lap. “You having trouble?” She looked down at the scribbles on the paper.

“Yeah, I can’t get anything to come to me.”             

I peered over toward the paper. “What are you writing?”

“Music, well, I’m trying to. I’ve got some sort of writer’s block.” She sighed and ran her hand through her messy hair, but it fell back in waves of blonde and pink.

“You should write about Brett. Love songs are the best.” Meredith’s eyes sparkled as she looked over at Celeste.

“To write a love song, you’d have to be in love.”

“Aren’t you?” I asked, confused. I thought she was all into the guy she brought to my party or Ryder even.

She crinkled her nose. “No. I doubt I’ll ever find anyone crazy enough to love me.”

Meredith shook her head. “I don’t believe that for one second.”

“Well, believe it, sister, ‘cause I’ve tried. The one that I want isn’t…” She cast a glance at me then dropped her eyes. “He isn’t interested in me…”

A tinge of guilt flowed over me. She was talking about Ryder. “I get that.”

“Whatever. Apparently you can get any guy you want.”

“Correction, I get the
wrong
guys.” She didn’t know anything about me or my past. None of the ones I’d picked out for myself or had fallen for had been good for me. They’d all been the wrong ones, including Cade.

“Like Ryder?” she asked, boring her golden eyes into mine.

“I told you, I like someone else.”

“I don’t understand that. Ryder is funny; he’s cute and smart…You’d rather be with that weirdo neighbor of yours?”             

“We don’t always get to choose who we love,” Meredith chimed in. “You of all people should know that, Celeste.”

Snatching the notebook out of Meredith’s hands, Celeste slammed it shut and pushed it aside. “Yeah, well, that’s why all my songs have been about regret and heartache.”

“Not that
one
,” Meredith said.

“That one you like? No, it’s about longing for love. Not much better.”

Deafening silence fell over the room. It seemed as if Celeste and I had similar situations going on. I would’ve never guessed she had such issues. She was so tall and pretty, with curves in all the right places. Guys flocked to her concerts from what I heard, but she still held out for that one boy she loved. I felt sorry for her pain.

“I think we all long for love in some way,” I offered and looked up at her. “We don’t always get to have the one we want.”

“Well, I think that’s shit, dude. If love was real, then we could be with who we wanted.”

Meredith laughed. “My mom got who she wanted and see where that put her. You gotta be careful or you end up with
that
. Some drunk who sits around the house and dirties it up while you work your ass off to support your family. I don’t care if I’m single for the rest of my life as long as I don’t get pulled into something like that.”

“At least your parents are around,” Celeste said with a shrug.

My family had always been my biggest support, and we had a bond that I’d never had with anyone else…until Cade.

Cade.

He was at the house by himself without me, probably drowning in his misery again. The misery he claimed I helped fix. Would I lose him to the darkness he said was inside him if I didn’t return? Would he do something he’d regret? God, I was worried.

“So, what’s Cade like?” Meredith asked.

When I looked up, they both stared back at me.

“He’s…something else…”

“Is he good to you?”

I paused and looked away from them. He was, really and truly he was, but I wasn’t sure we could get past the part where he was dead. I would grow old, and he wouldn’t. Other than hiding that aspect of his life, he’d never done anything bad to me. In fact, he’d tried to protect me from his past and the ghosts. Although I didn’t have any proof of that.

“Is that a no?” Celeste asked.

“No, I mean, yes, I mean…Yeah, he’s good to me.” I fiddled with the edge of my skirt. “How do you really know when it’s love?”

She didn’t skip a beat. “When you can’t go without thinking about them, and it hurts when you can’t be around them.”

“
Oh
, that’s good. You should write that down.” Meredith pushed the notebook back to her.

Celeste picked it up and started to scribble in it. “I think that true love doesn’t die.”             

“I think true love returns the feeling.”

Celeste looked up at Meredith in anger at her reference to Ryder, and then sighed. “I know. I’m pathetic. I can’t help it. Maybe one day, Kirk Cobain will come back from the dead and fall in love with me.”

Meredith giggled. “And maybe Leonardo DiCaprio will finally come for me.”

I laughed with them, but I didn’t have anyone to add. No one had ever drawn me to them like Cade had, and no one ever would. Whether or not I wanted to admit it, I loved him. Deep down I did, and we had to find a way to address our issues before they took us under with them.