Ghostly (Darkly Devoted Book 1) (19 page)

Chapter Thirty

“Wanna try something new?”

“Yes.” I was up for whatever he wanted to teach me. I crawled up into his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck.

His smile faded, replaced with that solemn frown. He reached up to brush a stray strand of hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. “I love you.” It was more like a plea, painful and desperate, as it left his lips.

“I know.”

He couldn’t hide the disappointment in his eyes, but he tried. He picked me up out of his lap and stood up.

“Come here.” He pulled me to my feet and took both of my hands. “I wanna show you something.”

“What is it?”

“Stay here, okay?” The excitement on his face made me return his smile.

“Okay.”

Whirling around on his feet, he walked over to the closet and stepped inside. I wanted to follow him, but I was anxious to see what he was doing. After a few quiet minutes, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Cade?” I walked toward the closet. “What are you doing in there?”

The door burst open, and a monster stepped out. It growled loudly and reached for me. I screamed, but I couldn’t remove my eyes from it. The head was gray and black with an evil grin. Two horns stuck up on top of its head.

It cocked its head to the side and started to laugh. “Briar, it’s me.”

Cade.

I was across the room in two angry seconds. I grabbed a hold of the mask and tried to pull it off.

“Oh, watch it, it’s fragile.”

“You scared the shit out of me.” I stepped back and crossed my arms.

He continued to laugh as he removed the mask and pushed his hair out of his face. “You should have seen the look on your face.”

“Shut up. Where did you get that thing?”

“I made it.” He held it out to me.

I snatched it from his hands and looked at it. “Is this made of duct tape?”

“Yep. Pretty cool, huh?”

“Actually, yeah.” I held it up in front of me. “It’s pretty creepy. I like it.”

“I thought you might. I’ve got a few more in there.” He motioned toward the closer.

“Where’d you get the duct tape?”

“I’ve stolen it from families over the years.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Nice.”

He took the mask from my hands and tossed it onto the bed. “Anyway, I have this idea. I don’t know if it will work but I’m going to try.”

He closed his eyes for a second, and I did the same. His hands gripped mine tightly and it felt as if we were suddenly nowhere. No floor below us, nothing around us for a split second before I felt the ground under my feet again.

Cade laughed. “It worked. Bad ass.”

I opened my eyes to see him smiling at me, pleased with himself. The light blue coloring of the room and the train border along the walls gave away our location. We were in the corner of my brother’s room and somehow Cade had brought us there.

He took one of his hands away from me and raised a finger to his lips, motioning for me to be quiet. I nodded, and he pointed behind me. As I turned around, I prepared myself for who I would see.

Dillon was curled up on his bed, surrounded by stuffed animals. His eyes were focused on the book in his hands. He read out loud, one word at a time. At the more complicated words, he paused to sound them out, just like we used to practice. 

My hand flew up over my mouth to hide the gasp. I stepped forward, but Cade pulled me back into the corner.

He wrapped his arms around me from behind and whispered in my ear, “You can’t let him see you.”

“I know. I just want to be closer to him.”

“He’s fine right now, don’t make this harder on yourself
or
him.”

“Then, why’d you bring me here?”

He ran his fingers down through my hair as we stood and watched my brother struggle to sound out the next word of the book. “Because you wanted to see him.”

“He looks so lonely. Dad should be reading to him.”

“He’s lost in his own grief.”

“I should have gone out with Dad that night. We shouldn’t have been home.”

“Don’t blame yourself for this. It’s my fault; I should have been there to protect you.”

“But who’s going to protect
him
now…”

Dillon looked up from his book as if he heard something. His eyes paused at the corner where we stood. I froze in place. For a moment, I swore he looked right into my eyes. Then he went back to his book. He slammed it shut in frustration and pushed it to the floor. He pulled his little legs up to himself and buried his face in his knees. I could hear the small cries coming from him as his body started to shake.

“I can’t watch this.” I turned away. My heart broke.

Cade grabbed my arm. “Hold on. Stay here.”

I watched as his body fizzled as he sat down on the bed, becoming visible to my brother. “Hey, little guy.”

Dillon looked up at him and gave a small smile. “Hey, Cade.”

“How ya holding up?”

“I’m okay.” His lip quivered as he answered.

Tears formed in my eyes as I watched the two of them. They sat in silence for a few minutes. Dillon chewed at his bottom lip to keep from crying more. Cade reached up to brush his hair out of his face. I yearned to be the one comforting him, but I forced myself to stay put. 

“Lift up your hands,” Cade instructed. He glanced at me and then back at my brother.

Dillon did as he was asked, placing both hands face up in front of him. “I don’t want to play right now.”

“It’s a new game. I think you’ll like it.”

“Don’t think so.”

“Just close your eyes—there you go. Okay now count to ten.” He looked over to me and waved me over.

I shook my head. There was no way I could be that close and not show myself. 

“I’ll ground you,” Cade mouthed and motioned for me again.

With a worried breath I obliged and walked over to where he sat. He took my hands in his, lacing his fingers with mine, and closed his eyes. I did the same and felt a sudden tingling sensation take over my body. When I opened my eyes again, I was surprised to find that I sat in the same place as Cade had before.

What the—

When I looked up, Dillon was staring back at me. It was as if he looked right through me and still saw Cade. “What now. This is boring.”

Cade chuckled but it came from my mouth. His hands, no my hands, moved out palm down in front of me. “Put your hands under mine.”

My brother rolled his eyes but did as Cade asked. “Okay, now you gotta try to slap my hands.”

“Sissy and I used to play this. I don’t wanna play with you.”

My heart lurched forward in my chest.

“Just one game.” The words were mine, but the voice belonged to Cade. How was he doing that?

“Okay, I guess.” Dillon moved his hands underneath mine. He eyed me suspiciously before slapping his hands on top of mine. He won easily because just the sight of him so close enamored me. I couldn’t believe it. 

“That was easy,” he said with a scowl.

He’d picked that up from me.

I closed my eyes and fought back the tears that stung my eyes. Things would never be the same. When I opened them, I was back beside the bed with my hands in Cade’s.

His eyes were on mine, and he smiled before turning back to my brother. “You got me, dude.”

I backed away from them, still unsure of what happened, until I tripped over one of the toys in the floor.

“What was that?” Dillon looked over to where I stood.

I closed my eyes and hoped he couldn’t see me. When I opened them, I was back in my bedroom by myself. I let out a sigh of relief and plopped down on the bed.

I needed to go somewhere where I would have privacy, so I gathered up my blanket and a book. Closing my eyes, I concentrated on the basement. The musty, damp smell of it and the darkness. When I opened them back up, I was there.

Smiling in satisfaction, I curled up in the corner to read. I made sure to become invisible in case someone showed up and engrossed myself in the book.

Chapter Thirty-One

Staying out of depression is harder when you’re dead and have no reason to press on with hope. Cade had stayed silent for most of the night, just lying on the bed beside me and staring at the ceiling while music played in the background. He rolled over on his side and trailed a finger down my arm.

“You should get up, there’s something I want to show you.”

“Do I have to get up?” I asked and turned my head to look at him.

“Yes, you do.”

“Can’t we just keep listening to music? I was having fun with the music.”

He sat up and tugged on my arm. “No.”

“Ugh.” I groaned and stood up. “This better be good.”

“You can’t spend all of forever in this room. You are going to get depressed again.”

He dragged me out of the room and into the hallway. I followed him down the stairs and around the corner, avoiding any of my family as we stepped outside into the backyard.

“Wow, look, it’s my back yard.”

“Don’t be so cynical,” Cade said.

I focused my eyes on where we were going, the tree in the far corner of the yard by the fence, the one that was tall and round, limbs reaching up into the blue sky towards the sun that beat down on us. At the base of the tree was a blanket and a book waiting for us. Cade let go of my hand and ran over to the pile of things. He threw himself on the ground and made a crashing sound effect before smiling up at me excitedly.

“What’s so amazing that we couldn’t see from my window?” I sat down beside him.

He pulled me into his embrace, back up against the trunk of the tree, and wrapped his arms around me. “The sun, the sky, nature…”

“Screw nature.”

“I’m hurt. Deeply.”

“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes.

Cade rested his chin on my shoulder. “Sometimes it’s just good to get out in nature and let it surround you.”

“Ugh, seriously?”

“Just relax,” Cade whispered, his breath warm on my neck. He clutched me tighter as he talked about the scenery. It wasn’t often that I got to see him so vulnerable and open about the world around him.

I leaned back into his embrace and closed my eyes. I let his words sweep over me. It was moments like that when things were perfect. Just me and Cade. Screw the rest of the world. We were just two crazy kids spending time together, lost in our own world. I took his hand in mine and caressed it.

“I’m going to keep you safe, you know.” He planted kisses in my hair.

“As safe as you can keep a dead girl.”

“You won’t be lonely ever again. I will be here. You don’t have to worry about that.”

I turned my head so I could see him. He smiled at me, slightly but happy, dark eyes focusing on me. He kissed me softly; his lips brushed mine just enough to feel them. But that’s all it took for him to draw me in, those eyes, those lips, and smile. And I was a goner.

The thing was; I still wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.

I went into the kitchen and perched on the counter later that afternoon. My legs dangled off the edge of it as I fiddled with the frayed edge of my black dress. It was a feeble attempt to calm my nerves while I waited for my dad to show up. I had to see him. I had to confront him if I could.

The kitchen was his first destination after work. As if on cue, he walked into the kitchen past me and reached into the cabinet for a coffee mug. After picking one out, he stood beside me to use the coffee machine. He was close enough for me to reach out and touch him as he fiddled with the machine.

I closed my eyes and took in his familiar scent. His aftershave, cologne, coffee, and cotton. It was all rolled into one scent that reminded me of home. My heart ached for the things we hadn’t gotten to settle, things we hadn’t gotten to talk about. I couldn’t reveal myself to him yet. I had to make sure he could handle it before I did. 

It was enough just to see he wasn’t a sniveling mess due to the loss of his daughter. He was able to continue with work and his daily routine. That was a good thing.

He loosened his tie to make himself more comfortable and took a long sip of his coffee, that familiar slurping sound coming out of him as he did. He sat the mug back down on the counter and leaned over it with a sigh.

“Pull yourself together; you have to be strong for Dillon during Christmas time.”

My heart broke as he struggled to get a hold of his emotions. He continued to talk to himself and drink his coffee. I wished I could do something to ease his pain. I would’ve given anything to take away those tears he was trying to fight back.

I bit my lip and tried to hold back my own tears as I reached out a fearful hand to him. My shaky finger brushed his shirt and trailed down his arm before dropping down to my side.

He paused and looked around to see what the source of the touch was. Then he shook his head to clear his thoughts, gathered his mug, and left the kitchen. 

Whether or not it was good for us, I wanted to see him. I hopped down off the counter, but before I could take a step, a hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me back against a strong chest.

“Don’t go,” Cade whispered softly in my ear.

“I can’t stand this shit, Cade.”

He nuzzled my neck with his nose. His breath traveled into my ear and sent chills down my spine. “Stay with me.”

I turned around to face him. “He’s so hurt.”

“Everything’s going to be okay. He will be fine.”

“I don’t think
I
will be.” The tears finally spilt over my eyes and onto my cheeks.

Cade frowned and pulled me to him. “I know it sucks, but you’re not alone. I’m here; it’s going to be okay.”

I cried into his shirt and held onto him as I let all of my pent up sadness out. I needed to find a way to accept my new reality. My brother and father were alive, that was a good thing. They were hurting, but time would heal their wounds. They would be okay; they would move on. I could watch over them as long as they were in the house. Cade would too; I knew he would. I had to accept the fact that I was dead.
Dead
. Dead as a doornail.

Cade’s hands comforted me as they ran through my hair. I knew he felt guilty for everything, but it wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t there to save me. He’d saved me before, just not that one time. It was my fault I took off the necklace.

I pulled back from him and slid my arms around his neck. “Please stop blaming yourself for this.”

“If I’d been there like I said I was going to be…if I had just gotten back one second earlier I could have…”

“I’m not mad at you. I don’t blame you.”

“You don’t?”

“No, I don’t.”

His hands found their way to my hips and rested there. “You’ve been so off and on. Hot and cold. Mad and happy. I’m so confused.”

“I’m happy, here with you.”

“I will be here until you’re tired of me.”

“Never. Always, Cade, forever.”

His fingers ticked on me, showing that he still wasn’t completely satisfied with my answer. Even though his eyes were on me, it was as if he looked right through me. My dark lover was complicated.

“I love you.” I forced the words out before I could change my mind. I wanted him to know it, and he needed the reassurance.

A mixture of shock and ecstasy played over his face as a short gasp escaped his lips. His hands tightened on my waist, and he pulled me to him, kissing me passionately. I stumbled back against the island. My hands grabbed onto him to keep from falling; the edge of the counter cut into my back as he deepened the kiss even more. He’d never kissed me like that before. It was excited and frantic, as if he would stop breathing if his lips left mine.

No matter how hard I’d fought him for my heart, I knew that things were how they should have been. I belonged right there in the arms of my ghost boy while he reminded me what it was like to be alive.

“I’m so glad you hear you say that, Briar. I love you too.”

I ran my fingers through his hair. “I do, Cade. It’s just that saying it makes it real. When you make it real, that’s when people get hurt.”

“I won’t ever hurt you.”

“I know.”

“You, uh, you may not remember but…you told me when you were dying.”

So that’s why he keeps looking at me expectedly when he says it.
“Oh, I didn’t remember.”

“I didn’t want to say anything. I wanted you to tell me on your own, when you were ready again.”

I smiled at him. “I love you, Cade. Nothing will ever change that.”

I just hoped I was right.