Ghosts of the Pacific (17 page)

SITTING WITH PAUL
in the grandstands, waiting for the circus to begin, was the weirdest feeling. I felt honoured that
he had come, that he trusted me enough to break his lifelong sentence. But when the people crowded in and took
their seats, no one sat directly beside us, as if we had leprosy
or something. I supposed many of them recognized him
and were afraid of sitting too close to a “crazy” person. And
he did look like a hobo that had just wandered in. He didn't
seem bothered by that though. He just sat calmly and without much expression. I wondered if seeing so many people
so close might bother him but he hardly seemed to notice.
He appeared unmoved by the excitement in the air.

When the MC came out, I felt the same excitement as
before but I couldn't help stealing glances at Paul. Would
the circus work its magic on him, as it did on everyone else?

If it did, he didn't show it. I was certain that when Dickie
the Clown came out, Paul would start to laugh. But he must
have been the only person in the whole tent who didn't.
While people all around us were laughing, including me,
Paul's eyes began to water. But he wasn't laughing.

It didn't look like he was crying either, although tears ran
down his cheeks. His eyes were lit up and he definitely seemed
interested in what we were watching, but he sat expressionless while the tears made two wet lines down the front of his
face. How I wished I knew what he was thinking. But I didn't
dare ask.

During the intermission I asked him if he would like some
popcorn, and he nodded, so I stood in line and brought
back a bag and we shared it. I saw people staring, pointing
and talking about him, but nobody dared speak to him.
That didn't surprise me. They would have if they had known
how nice he really was.

Paul ate the popcorn the same way he watched the circus—without expression. I was beginning to wonder if I
had been wrong, that the circus wouldn't affect him in a
good way. But that wasn't so. When the show was over and
we followed everyone outside, I asked him what he thought
of it. He took my hands in his just the way Sheba did and
looked into my eyes intensely. “That was the best thing I
ever saw, Alfred. I just loved it. Is it on tomorrow too?”

“Yes, they're performing all week.”

“Do you think we could go again?”

“Sure! I'd love to. Do you want me to come by your
house at the same time tomorrow?”

“That would be great. Thank you, Alfred. Thank you so
very much.”

He shook my hands, let go, and wandered away. As I
watched him go I thought how he looked like a young man
and an old one at the same time, and that reminded me of
Sheba too. How I wished he could have visited her. If anyone could help Paul with his past, it was Sheba.

After Paul had gone, Cinnamon came out and we went
for our walk. I told her all about Paul. She listened carefully
but she didn't understand why I wanted to get to know him
or visit him, or especially why I wanted him to see the circus. And I didn't know how to explain it all to her.

“Making people laugh helps heal them from their injuries.”

“But what injuries does he have?”

“In his heart.”

“I don't understand. He's crazy!”

“No, he's not.”

I could tell that she didn't understand, which surprised
me. I thought that she would have.

The next night, I saw Paul smile. It was just a little smile,
and it didn't come until near the end, when Dickie the Clown
flew to the moon, but it was a real smile and it was like magic, as if a whole field of flowers blossomed in an instant. I
never knew that such a small thing as a smile on an old man
could look so wonderful.

When we came out of the tent that night, the winds had
grown a lot stronger and there was a wild energy in the air.
I found it exciting but people hurried home to board up
their houses. The big typhoon was finally coming.

Paul said goodnight and went home too. I asked Cinnamon if she wanted to take a walk.

“I can't. We have to take the tents down tonight.”

“Tonight? You're going to take them down right now?”

She frowned. “We have to. The typhoon will destroy them.
Are you going to stay and help?”

“Of course.”

We brought the animals back to the ship first. Then we
pulled everything out of the tents and took the tents down.
When things were brought onto the ship they had to be tied
down. I couldn't believe how quickly conditions worsened.
I also couldn't believe how fast everyone worked. They had
obviously done this before.

It took all night. But we didn't see the sun when it came
up. The darkness of night was replaced by the darkness of
the storm. The sea tossed violently now, even in the lagoon.
I couldn't imagine what the open sea was like. Everyone was
exhausted. I sat down on the deck, where Cinnamon found
me.

“Are you staying with us? We stay on the ship; it's safe inside the lagoon.”

“I can't. I have to find Seaweed.”

“Seaweed?”

“My first mate. He's a seagull.”

I suddenly realized I hadn't seen Seaweed in over a day. I
wondered if he had gone back to the spot where we had submerged the sub. That's what he would normally do when a
storm was coming. Suddenly I was anxious to find him.

“Can I come?”

I looked at her. I wanted her to come. But I thought of the
caves and how dark it was and how scary it would be to crawl
through the top part for the first time. Even though she was
so strong, what if she felt claustrophobic inside the cave?
What would I do? What if she panicked? Would I be able to
pull her through? I also had to carry Hollie. I wanted her to
come, I really did, but I couldn't imagine it. I shook my head.
“I'm sorry, Cinnamon. I want you to, I really do, but the
caves are too dangerous. I will come back as soon as the
typhoon is over. I promise.”

She sighed and frowned. “I wish you weren't so afraid of
me getting hurt. I'm not made of glass, you know.”

“I know. I'm sorry. It's a promise I made to myself. I have
to keep it.”

IT WAS A CRAZY
race across the island; a race against the
typhoon. I walked as quickly as I could and Hollie ran beside
me. But when we left the shelter of trees and crossed the
open spaces, I had to carry him in the tool bag. A couple of
times—when the wind came sweeping down the road, carrying leaves and branches with it—I was barely able to stay on
my feet. It was dangerous now. I had to watch carefully. Seaweed would not be in the air in this, he would be buckled
down between some rocks for shelter. He was a very smart
seagull, but I still worried about him. He would wonder
where we were. I should have come back sooner.

I ran along the edge of the jungle until I reached the
Grotto, then up the hill to our cave. I ducked inside the open
cavern, caught my breath and tried to think things through
clearly. It would take at least an hour to climb through the
caves with Hollie, jump into the sub and come up for Seaweed. And it was going to be a rough ride in the undertow
now. But what if Seaweed wasn't there? I was assuming he
was because that was his nature, but what if he wasn't? It
would take me a whole hour to find out. The typhoon was
getting worse every minute. I decided to climb over the hill
and see if he was there first.

Something told me this typhoon was going to be a lot
worse than the last one. I saw bunches of coconuts flying
straight across the sky above me. Any wind that could do that
could pick me up too. I bent low and held on to the rock as
I scampered over the hill. The sea was wild but wasn't showing the full force of the typhoon on this side of the island
yet. The sea was always a couple of hours behind the wind.

I climbed down the hill and found my first mate tucked
in between two rocks. It was a good shelter from the wind
but too close to the water for my liking. I had no doubt that
the waves would grow and strike this very spot without
warning. As smart and tough as he was, Seaweed had no experience with typhoons.

He squawked when he saw us, though I couldn't hear him
above the wind. I'm sure he was glad to see us. I jumped
down into the hollow and looked around. Could we sit out
the typhoon here? Not a chance. The tide was out. This whole
area would be under water in a few hours when the tide came
in, not to mention the wrath of the winds. I stood up, looked
down at the water tossing around like a pot boiling over on
the stove, and I made a decision. Sometimes a desperate situation requires a desperate action.

I pulled the tool bag off and laid Hollie down beside Seaweed. They were both safe for the moment, tucked in away
from the wind. The rain hadn't started yet, though it would
soon. “Stay, Hollie!” I said, though I opened the hatch of the
bag. I couldn't leave him locked in. What if I didn't make it
back? He would have a chance to make it to the cave. But
Seaweed wouldn't. No bird could fly in this wind. “Stay!” I
said to them both. “I'll be right back.”

I climbed down the rock, took several deep breaths and
tried to calm myself. Mr. Chee's advice to meditate and live
less dangerously flashed through my mind and I couldn't
help but grin nervously. I took one last deep breath and dove
into the sea.

I went straight down. The water was murky and pulled at
me in every direction but I swam as strongly as I could without working too hard. I needed all the air that I had.

It was seventy-five feet down but it took longer than it
should have because the undertow pulled me back and forth.
At one moment it dragged me sideways so far that I thought
I'd have to give up the idea. But it swung me back again and
I kept going. At the bottom I saw the dim light of the Grotto
cavern coming through its tunnel. To the left of that was the
other tunnel. But it was dark. I hadn't left light on in the cave.

As I swam into the tunnel it quickly grew black and I had
to feel my way along with my hands. It was fifty feet or so inside to the bottom of the cavern, but I couldn't see anything.
It was so difficult now. I had to concentrate and wait until I
reached a wall in front of me. Only then could I start up. But
it seemed to take so long. That's always what happened when
you were counting in seconds; it seemed to take forever.

When my hand hit rock in front of me I had to fight down
a panic feeling. Something inside told me that the safest
thing to do was to go back the way I had come, not go up
into the dark unknown. For a second I hesitated. How much
harder it was to think clearly at times like this. My instinct
said, go back. My plan was to go forward. I had to force myself to trust the plan I had made before diving into the water.
That was the hardest thing of all. If I were wrong, I wouldn't
make it out. I wouldn't have enough air.

I went up steadily. Even as I did my mind fought against
me, wanting to go back and save myself before it was too late.
Was this suicide? I opened my eyes. Everything was black.
Where was the surface? Why was the distance up so endless?
Where was the surface? Where was the air? I needed air now!

When my hand struck a hard surface above me, panic went
through me like an electric shock. My mouth opened and I
swallowed water. It couldn't be. It couldn't be. I couldn't
have made a mistake. Had I chosen the wrong cave? Was I
about to die? My heart broke as I realized I was about to die.
In a split second I thought of Hollie and Seaweed. I thought
of Ziegfried and Sheba. My grandparents. My father. My sister. I thought of Cinnamon and how sad she would be. I was
so sorry. I was so sorry for all of them. I had let them down
so terribly. In a final act of desperation I struck at the stone
ceiling above me. It was strangely smooth. In a second I realized what it was. It was the sub. I swam desperately to the
side, broke the surface and gasped for air, coughing and
throwing up sea water. I clung to the side of the sub and
cried. I had been frightened to death. It was the closest I had
ever come to dying. I didn't like it one little bit.

But there was no time to waste. I climbed into the sub, hit
the floodlights and went down and out through the tunnel.
The undertow tugged at the sub as it came into the sea and
it scraped and bumped against rock on the way up. As I approached the surface the waves tossed and pitched the sub
wildly. I had several ropes ready to tie up to the rock if it
were at all possible. I didn't mind a few scrapes, but I needed
to keep it from getting bashed against the rocks.

I surfaced completely and opened the hatch. The wind
almost blew me right out of the portal. I strapped on the
harness and tied myself to the sub with a fifty-foot length of
rope. I tied a rope to the dinghy and then inflated it on the
side of the sub, jumped into it and paddled over to the rock.
Water was spilling into the sub but I wasn't worried about
that. It wouldn't swamp so quickly. I saw the hollow where
Seaweed and Hollie were. I yelled but they couldn't hear me.
Reaching the rock, I climbed out and tied the dinghy down,
but it wouldn't stay for long. I climbed up the rock and found
the crew. Hollie was still inside the tool bag. He was such a
smart dog. I sealed the hatch on the bag and swung it over
my shoulder. Then I tried to pick up Seaweed but he would
have none of that. “Follow me, Seaweed! Biscuits! Biscuits!”
I had to yell it at the top of my lungs for him to hear me. I
started down the rock. He started to follow by hopping but
the wind picked him up. I flung myself at him, caught him
in the air and pulled him against my chest. I knew he didn't
like that, but too bad. When we reached the dinghy I shoved
Seaweed inside my shirt. That was the only way I could hold
on to him, untie the ropes and paddle to the sub. The second we climbed out of the dinghy the wind grabbed it,
snapped the rope and ripped it away. I saw it fly away into
the sky like a leaf. I climbed into the sub, let Seaweed out
from under my shirt, shut the hatch, went down and submerged. It was a bumpy descent. We banged rock several
times but I found the tunnel on sonar, motored into it and
rose into the peace and quiet of the cavern. I didn't think
anyone was ever so happy to be inside a cave before.