Giggling Into the Pillow (27 page)
Read Giggling Into the Pillow Online
Authors: Chris Bridges
Tags: #comedy, #humor, #sexy, #stories, #essays, #sexy stories, #erotica anthology, #silly
I don’t know how late our film crew was
there but all of ‘em was present and more or less awake at church
service the next mornin’. Judge Jackson was at the chapel door,
glad-handin’ everyone within reach, just like always. He did give
me and Junie a wink, though. Tollie’s eyes were glazed but he was
there sittin’ with his momma, Fat Jimmy looked like he was ready to
start snorin’, but Henry was wide awake to an alarmin’ degree.
Dolly Sue and Wilbur Tubbs was nowhere to be seen. I reckon they
had some restin’ up to do. After the service Henry run up to me and
sez, “Ollie, we got ourselves a tiger by the tail, here!”
I sez, “Two tigers, from the look of it, but
I ain’t sure which one’s got which one’s tail.”
“Lawsy, they was somethin’, wasn’t they?
Better than watchin’ the circus. I couldn’t have done that in my
glory days.”
I sez, “Well, I think Wilbur Tubbs has been
savin’ up for a few years, but I know what you’re sayin’. We get
enough for a movie?”
Henry sez, “We got a good four hours, so
even if we edit it down we’re good. I’d like to get another scene
shot, though, most of these movies got at least two scenes.”
We agreed on another shoot next Saturday,
which I thought was good ‘cause I wasn’t any too sure I was up to
another one of those right away and might need the week to rest up.
Henry took off to do some more editin’ and I got back to
business.
in town I thought for sure people were staring at me and smilin’. I
knew I was bein’ paranoid, no reason to think everybody thought I
was a porno-writin’ pervert, but damn if I didn’t feel like I was
under serious consideration. Could one of our crew have
blabbed?
After maybe half a second I thought, of
course they did. That group couldn’t keep a secret from a blind
deaf dog, and I was willing to bet that Wilbur Tubbs hadn’t touched
the ground yet. But I figgered I was only marginally implicated,
since they only got out two lines of my script.
Along about Wednesday Henry rung me up in a
panic. “Ollie,” he sez, “we got troubles.”
that night. “No one’s seen Wilbur Tubbs or Dolly Sue since Saturday
night. Ain’t neither one been to work this week, and old lady Tubbs
was just fixin’ to call the police and report Wilbur missin’, I had
to tell her he was on a pickup run for some parts, be back soon as
he could.”
No one asked if Dolly Sue’s aunt noticed her
missing; common opinion held that Beatrice Hendricks hadn’t noticed
anything since the Truman administration.
Henry sez, “And then today I got this.” He
held out a card, and Junie took it. It was pink and scalloped and
said “Billy Wenner’s All-Nite Chapel, Raleigh, NC.”
Junie’s hand shot up to touch her lips. “Oh,
my,” she sez. When she opened it we all looked at a picture of
Wilbur Tubbs and Dolly Sue… Tubbs, I guess, standing in a
rinky-dink church in front of a reverend looked like a used-car
salesman wearing a choir robe. Scribbled across it was “Thanks for
everything! Wilbur and Dolly!” There was little hearts scribbled
all over the bottom. “Oh my,” Junie said again. “That’s so sweet!
Oh, they look so good together, don’t they?” We all agreed that
they did, and that Wilbur Tubbs was an honorable boy.
“But,” Henry sez, “that still leaves us with
a problem.”
I sez, “Why? You said we got plenty of
footage. What’s the matter, they didn’t sign one of them model
releases or something?”
Henry sez, “I wish that was it, we could fix
it or fake it. No, I got ahold of the ay-dult video people, and
they want to buy our tape. Offered us $10,000 cash money outright,
without even lookin’ at it, so I’m bettin’ that once they see it we
can jack that up a touch.”
Everybody stood up and cheered and smacked
Henry on the back and generally whooped it up for a while, ‘til we
noticed that not only wasn’t Henry whooping, he looked downright
weepy. He looked up at us and sez, “They want more.”
I sez, “More of Wilbur and Dolly Sue? We
could prolly manage that, once we get ahold of them again.”
Henry sez, “No, they want a different
couple. They said that they can’t sell a tape of just one sex
scene, we gotta have at least two. We need more porno stars.”
Well I tell you, that stumped us. I sat down
and thought about who could possibly step up to the plate, so to
speak, and I come up empty, and from the look of the other faces in
the room they was just as dry. All of the single women I could
think of were either too proper to consider it or too shy to manage
it or too earthy to look good doin’ it or too innocent to know what
to do in the first place. Findin’ a feller didn’t look to be much
of a problem, there’s always a boy or a hundred ready to do most
anything to get ahold of something soft and sweet, but finding a
nice lady who’d get nasty on film was a whole different kettle of
filth.
We tossed out ideas, but all of them got
shot down right quick, sometimes by the person doin’ the
suggestin’. Fat Jimmy asked about trying to hire some actors but we
all figured it’d cost too much to be worth it. Henry finally sat
back, defeated. “Damn it,” he sez. “’Scuze me, June. For the first
time since the war this town’s got something somebody wants to buy,
and we can’t see it through. It’s enough to make a body cry. I was
all set to use that money to go into production for ourselves. A
whole series of ee-rotic mountain porno movies, home-grown and
purty. Friends, I was lookin’ at a career.”
Well, that stopped everything, and we all
stared at Henry like he’d just admitting to marryin’ a goat.
Fat Jimmy finally said what we was all
thinkin’: “You was gonna work, Henry? For a livin’?”
and lay there for almost an hour, just thinkin’. We started a lot
of sentences we didn’t finish, like, “What about… no, she wouldn’t
do it,” and “Hey, how about… no, she’s got that harelip.” Finally
we just hugged and held each other for a long time.
Junie sez, “It’s a shame about Henry. I
never seen him so worked up over anything, not even the time his
home-made cheese spread idea fell through.”
I sez, “I know. It’s a damn shame, watching
him get that close. And a shame to waste what we already filmed.” I
hugged her once more and rolled over to get to sleep. “Wish there
was something we could do.”
I was just at the edge of dropping off, just
starting to drift away, when I could hear my Junebug’s little voice
say real, real quiet, “Mebbe there is.”
bit.
to convince Henry we was serious and were actually gonna go through
with it, and considerable more than that to convince him to go
along with Junie’s conditions. He sez, “June, I don’t know how I
can film it that way!”
Junie just smiled at him like she would a
mental patient and she sez, “Well, I’m afraid you’re just gonna
have to learn, Henry. You’re young, you got time” We left him and
Fat Jimmy arguing over the details and we stepped on over to
Hattie’s for some breakfast. As soon as we left Henry’s place June
looked at me all nervous-like and asked me again if we were doing
the right thing.
I sez, “Well, neither one of us got family
close enough to care what they think. The worst that could happen
is that we’d be run out of town for being smutmongers and burned at
the stake at the county line. Or we’ll just get the cold shoulder
for a few decades, until we save an orphan from a burnin’ building
or something. Or, most likely, no one’ll ever find out and it’ll be
our secret. You remember what Henry said, they make thousands of
these type videos and it ain’t like there’s a thrivin’ ay-dult
supply shop ‘round here, so prolly no one we know will ever see it.
No one’ll ever know.
We walked into Hattie’s and sat down at the
counter just in time for her to bustle over to us and say, real
excited-like, “You two really gonna be in Henry’s movie?”
how easy it was to keep a secret in Hinch Hill. We also found out a
lot of things about our neighbors that we could have lived long and
happy lives without ever needin’ to know. Wilhemina Brown from the
hairdresser’s told Junie all about how to shave “down there, like
the pornie stars do” and how long she had been doin’ it. herself.
Steve Jr. caught up with me in the hardware store and told me he
had an interestin’ cream he made hisself out of bear grease and
tallow that was guaranteed to keep a man upright for a solid
winter’s day. I thanked him kindly and told him I was gonna use the
ancient Chinese secrets I had learned during my sojourn in Tee-bet,
but I really appreciated his input. June had to leave her Garden
Club meetin’ early because every woman there wanted to know exactly
what she had to do and for how long, and every one of them had
something their own men always wanted them to do and they all
wanted to complain about it at considerable length. Junie told me
later in confidence that husbandry bedroom antics wasn‘t exactly an
uncommon Garden Club topic, but this time she was getting’ a lot
more detail that she was happy with and that after hearing a few
choice words from Jenny Brady she would never again be able to look
Luke Brady or his horse in the eye again.
For the first time in my life, I noticed
women noticin’ me. In a good way, I mean. Well, in a “checking out
the livestock” way, I mean. Some of them was married women.
Friday night at supper Junie confessed she’d
been having second thoughts, especially after Granny Hopkins, her
old grade school teacher, came up to her in the grocery store and
asked her if she was gonna be on the box cover. Junie sez, “Honey,
I love you, and I know this was my idea, but I got to tell you I am
scared.” I held her and told her I loved her and that she didn’t
have to do nuthin’ she didn’t want to, and that helped a little.
Good thing to tell a woman any time, in my opinion. We talked some
more and argued over whether or not we should do anything the night
before (I felt we should, to make sure everything was in working
order; she took the opposing position that we should abstain, like
athletes do) (she won) and then turned in for what I personally
believe was the longest night ever recorded since God said, “Turn
on the light.”
up after breakfast. They didn’t come roarin’ in this time, which
was a blessing because June looked skittish as a newborn colt. They
both sat down to coffee and treated her just like always, which
helped.
Henry laid his hat down on the table and
looked up at both of us. He sez, “Well? You gonna do it?”
Me and June kinda glanced at each other, and
I saw just a touch of fear in her eyes. Well, I weren’t surprised,
so I sez, “No, I’m afraid we ain’t,” but at the same time Junie sez
real loud, “Yes! Yes we are!” Henry and Fat Jimmy seemed confused
but I ignored them and asked her, “Honey? You sure?”
This time when I looked I still saw that
fear in her eyes, but I also seen me a look I hadn’t seen so strong
since our courtin’ days. She stepped closer and took my hands.
Without lookin’ away from her, I sez, “Git your camera,
Jimmy.”
Junie kept looking straight at me and sez,
“Henry? You ‘member what I said?” Henry plainly did, and he didn’t
look none too happy about it, neither. He twisted his hat in both
hands while he backed slowly out of the room, like a youngun’ been
told to go to sleep when he don’t wanna go.
“But June,” he sez, kinda whiny. “How’m I
s’posed to dee-rect you if I can’t see what you’re doin’?”
She stepped into my arms and kissed me real
gentle on the mouth. “I think we can prolly figger out what goes
where.”
When we talked about it before, we decided
that letting someone film us in our own bedroom was a mite too
personal, and since we were getting’ kinda old to be doin’ it on
tile floors and hangin’ from towel racks and such, we’d go with the
family room. We fell on the couch together while Fat Jimmy scooted
along behind us. Thinking about it beforehand I had been worried
that having somebody watchin’ me would take the core out of my
pickle, but it turned out it didn’t slow me down in the least.
Wasn’t like Fat Jimmy was really watchin’, ‘cause I couldn’t see
his eyes behind the camera, and I wasn’t lookin’ his way anyway
‘cause Junie was all I could look at just then. My Junebug is
beautiful to me no matter what she’s doin’, and if she happens to
be unbuttonin’ my shirt while I’m looking at her than so much the
better. I kissed her gentle-like along her neck, something she
usually goes for, but she wasn’t havin’ none of that today. She
done grabbed my ears and kissed me like she was tryin’ to get
licorice outta my teeth, so I shoved my hands inside her dress to
catch up. She was breathin’ fast and her breath was hot and she
couldn’t get my clothes off fast enough to please her so I stood up
and let my overalls hit the floor while she skinnied out of her
dress and pulled me back down. I think I heard Fat Jimmy gasp when
she done that but I only remembered it later, I was too busy now
tryin’ not to get hurt. Junie slid both her hands between us and
grabbed onto me and made my eyes cross, and then all of a sudden
she let go and pulled me down hard on top of her while she yelled
past my shoulder. “Git outta here, Henry!” she yelled. She shuffled
a bit to where I was completely covering her. “Quit peepin’ through
our winders or I’ll call the po-lice on you, you see if I
don’t!”
All I could see was June’s shoulder and the
pattern on the couch cushion, but I could hear Henry’s voice comin’
from outside. “But I got to be able to see! Why cain’t I see? Jimmy
can see, why cain’t I?”
there but all of ‘em was present and more or less awake at church
service the next mornin’. Judge Jackson was at the chapel door,
glad-handin’ everyone within reach, just like always. He did give
me and Junie a wink, though. Tollie’s eyes were glazed but he was
there sittin’ with his momma, Fat Jimmy looked like he was ready to
start snorin’, but Henry was wide awake to an alarmin’ degree.
Dolly Sue and Wilbur Tubbs was nowhere to be seen. I reckon they
had some restin’ up to do. After the service Henry run up to me and
sez, “Ollie, we got ourselves a tiger by the tail, here!”
I sez, “Two tigers, from the look of it, but
I ain’t sure which one’s got which one’s tail.”
“Lawsy, they was somethin’, wasn’t they?
Better than watchin’ the circus. I couldn’t have done that in my
glory days.”
I sez, “Well, I think Wilbur Tubbs has been
savin’ up for a few years, but I know what you’re sayin’. We get
enough for a movie?”
Henry sez, “We got a good four hours, so
even if we edit it down we’re good. I’d like to get another scene
shot, though, most of these movies got at least two scenes.”
We agreed on another shoot next Saturday,
which I thought was good ‘cause I wasn’t any too sure I was up to
another one of those right away and might need the week to rest up.
Henry took off to do some more editin’ and I got back to
business.
in town I thought for sure people were staring at me and smilin’. I
knew I was bein’ paranoid, no reason to think everybody thought I
was a porno-writin’ pervert, but damn if I didn’t feel like I was
under serious consideration. Could one of our crew have
blabbed?
After maybe half a second I thought, of
course they did. That group couldn’t keep a secret from a blind
deaf dog, and I was willing to bet that Wilbur Tubbs hadn’t touched
the ground yet. But I figgered I was only marginally implicated,
since they only got out two lines of my script.
Along about Wednesday Henry rung me up in a
panic. “Ollie,” he sez, “we got troubles.”
that night. “No one’s seen Wilbur Tubbs or Dolly Sue since Saturday
night. Ain’t neither one been to work this week, and old lady Tubbs
was just fixin’ to call the police and report Wilbur missin’, I had
to tell her he was on a pickup run for some parts, be back soon as
he could.”
No one asked if Dolly Sue’s aunt noticed her
missing; common opinion held that Beatrice Hendricks hadn’t noticed
anything since the Truman administration.
Henry sez, “And then today I got this.” He
held out a card, and Junie took it. It was pink and scalloped and
said “Billy Wenner’s All-Nite Chapel, Raleigh, NC.”
Junie’s hand shot up to touch her lips. “Oh,
my,” she sez. When she opened it we all looked at a picture of
Wilbur Tubbs and Dolly Sue… Tubbs, I guess, standing in a
rinky-dink church in front of a reverend looked like a used-car
salesman wearing a choir robe. Scribbled across it was “Thanks for
everything! Wilbur and Dolly!” There was little hearts scribbled
all over the bottom. “Oh my,” Junie said again. “That’s so sweet!
Oh, they look so good together, don’t they?” We all agreed that
they did, and that Wilbur Tubbs was an honorable boy.
“But,” Henry sez, “that still leaves us with
a problem.”
I sez, “Why? You said we got plenty of
footage. What’s the matter, they didn’t sign one of them model
releases or something?”
Henry sez, “I wish that was it, we could fix
it or fake it. No, I got ahold of the ay-dult video people, and
they want to buy our tape. Offered us $10,000 cash money outright,
without even lookin’ at it, so I’m bettin’ that once they see it we
can jack that up a touch.”
Everybody stood up and cheered and smacked
Henry on the back and generally whooped it up for a while, ‘til we
noticed that not only wasn’t Henry whooping, he looked downright
weepy. He looked up at us and sez, “They want more.”
I sez, “More of Wilbur and Dolly Sue? We
could prolly manage that, once we get ahold of them again.”
Henry sez, “No, they want a different
couple. They said that they can’t sell a tape of just one sex
scene, we gotta have at least two. We need more porno stars.”
Well I tell you, that stumped us. I sat down
and thought about who could possibly step up to the plate, so to
speak, and I come up empty, and from the look of the other faces in
the room they was just as dry. All of the single women I could
think of were either too proper to consider it or too shy to manage
it or too earthy to look good doin’ it or too innocent to know what
to do in the first place. Findin’ a feller didn’t look to be much
of a problem, there’s always a boy or a hundred ready to do most
anything to get ahold of something soft and sweet, but finding a
nice lady who’d get nasty on film was a whole different kettle of
filth.
We tossed out ideas, but all of them got
shot down right quick, sometimes by the person doin’ the
suggestin’. Fat Jimmy asked about trying to hire some actors but we
all figured it’d cost too much to be worth it. Henry finally sat
back, defeated. “Damn it,” he sez. “’Scuze me, June. For the first
time since the war this town’s got something somebody wants to buy,
and we can’t see it through. It’s enough to make a body cry. I was
all set to use that money to go into production for ourselves. A
whole series of ee-rotic mountain porno movies, home-grown and
purty. Friends, I was lookin’ at a career.”
Well, that stopped everything, and we all
stared at Henry like he’d just admitting to marryin’ a goat.
Fat Jimmy finally said what we was all
thinkin’: “You was gonna work, Henry? For a livin’?”
and lay there for almost an hour, just thinkin’. We started a lot
of sentences we didn’t finish, like, “What about… no, she wouldn’t
do it,” and “Hey, how about… no, she’s got that harelip.” Finally
we just hugged and held each other for a long time.
Junie sez, “It’s a shame about Henry. I
never seen him so worked up over anything, not even the time his
home-made cheese spread idea fell through.”
I sez, “I know. It’s a damn shame, watching
him get that close. And a shame to waste what we already filmed.” I
hugged her once more and rolled over to get to sleep. “Wish there
was something we could do.”
I was just at the edge of dropping off, just
starting to drift away, when I could hear my Junebug’s little voice
say real, real quiet, “Mebbe there is.”
bit.
to convince Henry we was serious and were actually gonna go through
with it, and considerable more than that to convince him to go
along with Junie’s conditions. He sez, “June, I don’t know how I
can film it that way!”
Junie just smiled at him like she would a
mental patient and she sez, “Well, I’m afraid you’re just gonna
have to learn, Henry. You’re young, you got time” We left him and
Fat Jimmy arguing over the details and we stepped on over to
Hattie’s for some breakfast. As soon as we left Henry’s place June
looked at me all nervous-like and asked me again if we were doing
the right thing.
I sez, “Well, neither one of us got family
close enough to care what they think. The worst that could happen
is that we’d be run out of town for being smutmongers and burned at
the stake at the county line. Or we’ll just get the cold shoulder
for a few decades, until we save an orphan from a burnin’ building
or something. Or, most likely, no one’ll ever find out and it’ll be
our secret. You remember what Henry said, they make thousands of
these type videos and it ain’t like there’s a thrivin’ ay-dult
supply shop ‘round here, so prolly no one we know will ever see it.
No one’ll ever know.
We walked into Hattie’s and sat down at the
counter just in time for her to bustle over to us and say, real
excited-like, “You two really gonna be in Henry’s movie?”
how easy it was to keep a secret in Hinch Hill. We also found out a
lot of things about our neighbors that we could have lived long and
happy lives without ever needin’ to know. Wilhemina Brown from the
hairdresser’s told Junie all about how to shave “down there, like
the pornie stars do” and how long she had been doin’ it. herself.
Steve Jr. caught up with me in the hardware store and told me he
had an interestin’ cream he made hisself out of bear grease and
tallow that was guaranteed to keep a man upright for a solid
winter’s day. I thanked him kindly and told him I was gonna use the
ancient Chinese secrets I had learned during my sojourn in Tee-bet,
but I really appreciated his input. June had to leave her Garden
Club meetin’ early because every woman there wanted to know exactly
what she had to do and for how long, and every one of them had
something their own men always wanted them to do and they all
wanted to complain about it at considerable length. Junie told me
later in confidence that husbandry bedroom antics wasn‘t exactly an
uncommon Garden Club topic, but this time she was getting’ a lot
more detail that she was happy with and that after hearing a few
choice words from Jenny Brady she would never again be able to look
Luke Brady or his horse in the eye again.
For the first time in my life, I noticed
women noticin’ me. In a good way, I mean. Well, in a “checking out
the livestock” way, I mean. Some of them was married women.
Friday night at supper Junie confessed she’d
been having second thoughts, especially after Granny Hopkins, her
old grade school teacher, came up to her in the grocery store and
asked her if she was gonna be on the box cover. Junie sez, “Honey,
I love you, and I know this was my idea, but I got to tell you I am
scared.” I held her and told her I loved her and that she didn’t
have to do nuthin’ she didn’t want to, and that helped a little.
Good thing to tell a woman any time, in my opinion. We talked some
more and argued over whether or not we should do anything the night
before (I felt we should, to make sure everything was in working
order; she took the opposing position that we should abstain, like
athletes do) (she won) and then turned in for what I personally
believe was the longest night ever recorded since God said, “Turn
on the light.”
up after breakfast. They didn’t come roarin’ in this time, which
was a blessing because June looked skittish as a newborn colt. They
both sat down to coffee and treated her just like always, which
helped.
Henry laid his hat down on the table and
looked up at both of us. He sez, “Well? You gonna do it?”
Me and June kinda glanced at each other, and
I saw just a touch of fear in her eyes. Well, I weren’t surprised,
so I sez, “No, I’m afraid we ain’t,” but at the same time Junie sez
real loud, “Yes! Yes we are!” Henry and Fat Jimmy seemed confused
but I ignored them and asked her, “Honey? You sure?”
This time when I looked I still saw that
fear in her eyes, but I also seen me a look I hadn’t seen so strong
since our courtin’ days. She stepped closer and took my hands.
Without lookin’ away from her, I sez, “Git your camera,
Jimmy.”
Junie kept looking straight at me and sez,
“Henry? You ‘member what I said?” Henry plainly did, and he didn’t
look none too happy about it, neither. He twisted his hat in both
hands while he backed slowly out of the room, like a youngun’ been
told to go to sleep when he don’t wanna go.
“But June,” he sez, kinda whiny. “How’m I
s’posed to dee-rect you if I can’t see what you’re doin’?”
She stepped into my arms and kissed me real
gentle on the mouth. “I think we can prolly figger out what goes
where.”
When we talked about it before, we decided
that letting someone film us in our own bedroom was a mite too
personal, and since we were getting’ kinda old to be doin’ it on
tile floors and hangin’ from towel racks and such, we’d go with the
family room. We fell on the couch together while Fat Jimmy scooted
along behind us. Thinking about it beforehand I had been worried
that having somebody watchin’ me would take the core out of my
pickle, but it turned out it didn’t slow me down in the least.
Wasn’t like Fat Jimmy was really watchin’, ‘cause I couldn’t see
his eyes behind the camera, and I wasn’t lookin’ his way anyway
‘cause Junie was all I could look at just then. My Junebug is
beautiful to me no matter what she’s doin’, and if she happens to
be unbuttonin’ my shirt while I’m looking at her than so much the
better. I kissed her gentle-like along her neck, something she
usually goes for, but she wasn’t havin’ none of that today. She
done grabbed my ears and kissed me like she was tryin’ to get
licorice outta my teeth, so I shoved my hands inside her dress to
catch up. She was breathin’ fast and her breath was hot and she
couldn’t get my clothes off fast enough to please her so I stood up
and let my overalls hit the floor while she skinnied out of her
dress and pulled me back down. I think I heard Fat Jimmy gasp when
she done that but I only remembered it later, I was too busy now
tryin’ not to get hurt. Junie slid both her hands between us and
grabbed onto me and made my eyes cross, and then all of a sudden
she let go and pulled me down hard on top of her while she yelled
past my shoulder. “Git outta here, Henry!” she yelled. She shuffled
a bit to where I was completely covering her. “Quit peepin’ through
our winders or I’ll call the po-lice on you, you see if I
don’t!”
All I could see was June’s shoulder and the
pattern on the couch cushion, but I could hear Henry’s voice comin’
from outside. “But I got to be able to see! Why cain’t I see? Jimmy
can see, why cain’t I?”
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