Girl Gone Nova (42 page)

“I agree.”

He looked amused, which made Doc suspicious, but also awed at his trust. Unless he already knew he was primary? Could he sense his peeps? Communicate with them? She happened on an information packet in her head and realized why he was amused.

“It’s like a marriage?”

He shrugged. He shrugged better than a Frenchman. “I have heard of a
ma’rasile
, though I believed it was a legend, but yes, it is similar to what you call marriage and what we call a bond mate.”

Delilah stopped the peeps telling her what was different about the rite. She didn’t want to know. It might stop her from doing what she needed to do. She pushed the marriage/bonding part to the back of her mind and focused on her mission brief: getting control of the outpost.

“Okay. Let’s do it.”

The hologram looked annoyed again. “The correct response is, I agree.”

Okay, that was almost bitchy. “I agree.” She arched her brows at the hologram.

She sniffed. “Step into the circle.”

Doc locked her gaze onto Hel’s, felt something ripple through her that had nothing to do with her mission objective.
Marriage.
She wanted it to be real, not a necessity. She wanted him to want it to be real, too.

“You don’t have to do this, Hel,” she heard herself say. “Maybe I can help you control it if you don’t want to, you know, get bonded. I’d understand.”

His smile was slow and potent. “I want you.”

“Oh.” She didn’t have to see her smile to know it was goofy. “You know, don’t you, that you can stop me if someone orders me to do something you don’t like. You get a veto on anything I do.”

“That is good to know.” The smile faded. “You don’t trust the General?”

“I trust him. But the people he takes orders from? Not so much. Like yours, our leadership is subject to change.” She stepped toward him, not noticing she’d crossed into the circle, as her peeps delivered another round of data. “This is your heritage. You’re a direct descendent of the man who locked it.” She tipped her head to the side. “You look like him.”

He pulled her closer, his half-mast lids over his hot gaze making her pulse skitter.

“You can see him.” His grip on her shoulders was gentle but possessive.

Not anymore. I can only see you.
She may have nodded. Or not. She did lean in, hoping he’d take the hint. He did. Her lashes drifted down as his mouth covered hers. The heat came first, slow and warm and wonderful. The sizzle on her nerve endings was new, but it was nice, too, as they connected on a cellular level. The blaze of passion was there, in the background, waiting for its time. This wasn’t it. This joining, this moment was all about magic. And wonder and…
love
.

She loved him.
The thought should have scared her. He
wanted
her. He didn’t love her. It didn’t matter. This is what she’d missed when Robert fell, this love without conditions or expectations. If he wanted her, she’d stay. If he didn’t, she’d let him go. She could wish, but not demand. She could hope but not expect.

She loved him.

She eased back, so she could see his face. She needed to see his face. She rested her palm against his cheek, loving that she could do that. For this moment, she had the right. He covered her hand with his, holding it there. The combination of rough and soft fascinated her. And his strength. She felt his strength. He was her match in every way.

“Sara said I’d like you.” Doc felt her mouth curve with happiness as the half-forgotten memory came back to her. She’d thought it a throwaway comment, but now she wasn’t so sure. A giggle bubbled up from inside. “Even if it’s just temporary, you got your alliance mating.”

The hologram snorted and Doc realized that the glow had faded, or moved inside them. She still felt lit up.

“A
ma’rasile
is not temporary, Lady.”

Doc looked at Hel, found his expression one hard to categorize. “I didn’t mean to be disrespectful.”

“It is not disrespect, Delilah. I thought your nanites had explained?”

“I stopped them. Wasn’t need to know.” Now she wasn’t so sure.

He pulled her hand away from his face and turned the wrist up, showing her the inside of his and hers. Both wrists now sported a delicate, silver pattern, like a tattoo. It was intricate and lovely. Side by side, it was clear they completed each other. Doc touched it.

“It’s in my skin.”

“Yes.”

“It’s amazing.” She realized she still resisted knowing, understanding. “It’s permanent, isn’t it?” She looked at him, almost afraid of what she’d see in his eyes. She didn’t expect gentle understanding.

“See how it glows? When we move apart, it will fade. If it disappears—” he hesitated.

Doc lifted the block in her mind, knew the answer. “We die.” She took a shaky breath. “That’s pretty permanent.”

“Are you angry?” His tone was neutral.

“No.” She didn’t hesitate and was glad about that. How could she be angry? She loved him. “Are you okay with it?”
Did you know
, she wanted to ask, but was afraid of that answer, too.

“I am pleased, most pleased.” He hesitated, started to say something more, but Doc’s radio crackled.

The real world waited, even if the timing sucked.

“How’s it going down there, Doc?” the General asked, his tone gruff, worried.

She turned her hand so that she held his, brushed her mouth across the back. “It’s going great, sir. I mean, we’re in.”

“He is
not
going through that portal with you, Doc.” The General was not happy. He should have been doing cartwheels of joy. The outpost had shields. They had access to the new ships.

“Sir. He has to go with me.”

“Won’t that up the paradox issue? There will be two of him there.”

“I’m aware of the risk, sir, but we might have to unlock the portal again. In the past. I can’t do it without him. And since he’s on another planet…” The truth was, she didn’t know what she’d control and what she couldn’t control in the past. The peeps weren’t sure either, since none of the Garradians had tried what she planned. She considered telling him that Hel had veto power, but she didn’t want him to kill the Leader and not just because she’d die, too. Mentioning they’d gotten married wasn’t in her game plan either.

Hel stood a few paces away, amused and unsurprised. He’d made it clear he was going through with her, bonded or not. No one had ever had her back before. No one had wanted it. She liked it. Maybe too much.

What if it affected her concentration? She always had skin in the game, but this was the first time she’d cared about someone else’s skin more than her own. Not that it made a difference to the outcome. Their skins had to be in the game together. They were married. They’d live or die together, succeed or fail together. Thinking about that made her feel funny, so she focused on something that annoyed her.

How had someone gotten the drop on the other her? It couldn’t have been Smith. He was a geek for Pete’s sake. She’d considered letting whoever waited for her think he had her, to find out what his deal was, but that only worked in books and movies. Real bad guys didn’t pause to reveal their evil plans. They just did them. She’d never paused to enlighten a target. She had a strict shoot first, ask questions later policy. The good thing about shoot first, it eliminated the need for questions. Most of the time talking was overrated. This time she needed answers though. If someone had access to the portal in some other time, they could keep trying to mess with their timeline. That made her eye twitch some more. Damn time paradoxes. Why did time seem to have a personal beef with her?

“Won’t that change things? He wasn’t there last time. Or he wouldn’t be here now. Would he?”

“That’s true.” At least she hoped it was. How was she supposed to know? Even her peeps winced. “But I think everything we can safely do different is good.” Doc considered this and decided it felt right, even if she lacked data to back up her hypothesis.

“I thought we should try to keep things the same?”

“If you pitched a losing game, you’d keep your
team,
but you wouldn’t do the exact same things the next time you played the opposing team, would you?”

The General was orbiting Kikk, but she could still feel him thinking.

“No.” A pause. “You sure about this, Doc?”

“As sure as I can be, sir.” Doc was used to sounding sure on uncertain data. The General wasn’t. Maybe she should give him something else to think about. “You should deploy Colonel Carey and his team.”

“Can they do this without your assistance?”

She looked at Hel. He shrugged. She saw the hologram out of the corner of her eye. “I think I might have some assistance I can send over for them.” She cut the connection and turned to smile at the hologram. The hologram looked from Doc to Hel. Her holo-gaze stayed with Hel. That hologram seriously needed some other interests. Maybe some hot guys in uniform would prove to be a good distraction.

* * * * *

It always felt good to have earth beneath his feet again, but
this
earth felt particularly good.

Hel had waited a long time to be on the Kikk Outpost, to be in control of the legacy of the Garradians. It was not what he’d expected in some ways; in others it was what he thought it would be. He could feel the sleeping power seeping up from this tranquil setting, feel it around him, settling into his bones and sinews.

It was a city on an island in the middle of the vast ocean that dominated most of the planet’s surface. Tall buildings were sprinkled amidst a forest, the imposing stone buildings connected by a series of deceptively peaceful walkways. This was a place primarily for the study of war and defense. No one knew how long it had been since the Garradian evacuation, but he did know he was the first of his kind to be here in a very long time. That the buildings stood, almost unchanged was a testament to their ingenuity in both creating this research facility and in hiding it.

As he would have expected from his people, the structures were dignified and pleasing to look at, though they lacked the evolved aesthetics of current Gadi architecture. The expedition must have many of their people working here, but they saw no one as they walked toward the shoreline and the building that housed the portal. It was hard to pass by the buildings. He longed to go inside and see the paintings he’d heard about, thumb through the books they’d left behind. He wished to know why his ancestor had left the galaxy and his family. He wished to know this past that had been shrouded so long in mystery.

The Key had revealed some of it, but had left many questions unanswered.

He was a Key.

All had moved so quickly, he had not had time to think, to consider this, to consider Delilah. Her jacket sleeves hid the mark, the pattern that made her his. No one could take her from him now. They were joined, bonded for life:
ma’rasile
.

She had not told the General. It was a wise decision. The General had many things to concern him right now. Vidor Shan’s ships. Gadi ships. Time paradoxes. Their bonding would make the General more difficult to manage, though he was impressed with how well Delilah managed him.

“Have you known the General long?”

“Less time than you and you shouldn’t be so amused about it,” Delilah said, her lovely lips twitching as she tried not to show her own amusement at the General’s difficulties.

They were well suited. He had a sudden memory of thinking this about his first bond mate. He had cared for her, missed her, mourned her as their culture required. What he felt for Delilah exceeded those feelings. He’d seen something in her eyes when she’d looked at him during the ceremony. It had filled him with satisfaction, with pleasure.

She wanted him.

He’d known she desired to mate with him, had felt her interest, but her self-sufficiency made him uneasy. She didn’t need, she didn’t want to need. In this she was like him. She had changed. He had changed. Instead of discomfort at the idea of this change, he felt…relief. She needed him. He needed her. He could admit this now that he had her anchored in his life.

“My sons will be pleased.” He paused to look at her. “They liked you very much.”

“I’m a stepmother.” She blinked several times. “Wow.”

“This pleases you?” He felt a sudden anxiety. Not every woman could mother another woman’s children.

“It does.” Her smile was without guile. “I never thought I’d have children. They’re great.”

She feared to doom them to the same mental problems experienced by her and her brother, he realized.

“But you no longer need to fear.” The nanites had cured her problem. They should do the same for her children, could they not? He would like to see her carrying his child. A girl who looked like her mother. It was the first time he could recall desiring a daughter.

“No, I don’t.” Her eyes widened again. “Your mum?”

“She likes no one, not even me.” He smiled at her. Got a smile in return that stopped the breath in his chest. It was possible he more than needed her. There was no word in standard for this feeling, this ache in his chest that was both pleasure and pain. Only in Gadi. He must teach her Gadi so he could tell her.

“I can live with that if you can.”

He grasped her hand, took a quick look around to make sure they were unobserved and raised it to her mouth. “We will live with it together.”

Her smile widened, but there was a shadow in her eyes.

“What bothers you? Do you not trust me?” The ache in his chest became more pain than pleasure.

“I do, it’s just,” she hesitated, bit her lip, then said in a rush, “I’ve loved my brother, Robert. And I lost him. My parents died, too.” She shrugged, but her eyes gave her fear away. “I must have abandonment issues. Or maybe its fate I don’t trust. I don’t trust that I won’t lose the people I love.”

“If we go, we go together,” he reminded her. “What is this love, you speak of?”

She stared at him, first startled, then relieved. She turned and started walking again. “I’ll make you a deal. If we survive our adventure in portal time travel, I’ll try to explain love to you.”