Given (19 page)

He gave her a sad smile. “Sleep well.”

Nodding, she turned before he could see the tears threatening
to spill from her eyes. Her feet had just hit the stairs when a hand gripped
her elbow. Krista didn’t turn around. The small scent of light, musky cologne
told her
Brax
held her arm. She didn’t want him to
see her cry.

“I want you to be with me tonight. I haven’t been able to
stop thinking about my night, or my morning. I think you might be an
addiction.”

His words sent a thrill through her, but it wasn’t enough to
dispel the melancholy she’d been feeling. He might just be saying those words
to manipulate her. She was an agenda, after all. None of these men loved her.
If she allowed herself to love them, then she was deluding herself.

“It’s not your night.”

“Would you rather be with Mal? Is that why you’re upset,
Kristannie
, you wanted him?”

“What I want doesn’t matter anymore.”

“That’s not true. What’s happened since this morning? Last
night I thought…never mind.”

“I’m going to bed. Goodnight, Braxton.”

The hand on her arm tightened. His body shifted and she knew
her words had hit him hard. If she looked at his face, her resolve would
crumble, so she focused on a single spot of discolored carpet on the stairs.
A
woman would’ve known better than to choose white carpet.

“Sleep well. I hope you’ll feel differently next Monday.”
His voice sounded strained.

For a moment, she almost allowed herself to turn to him.
Losing
herself
in his arms, in his body, it would be
so easy. She needed to be careful not to allow herself to indulge in a fantasy
world.

This would be so much easier if
Cina
hadn’t run, if Krista hadn’t realized she’d been a coward. She’d taken the easy
way out, and now she felt ashamed. She’d let her government use her. Each
sexual encounter might just as well have been performed by congress instead of
these men. She had to find a balance again. Courage had never been her strong
suit, because she hated conflict and the two usual lived together,
simultaneously in the moment, one needed to draw on inner strength. Her friend
had courage. All she had was a future of servitude. Her body would provide these
men release while her womb provided her country with citizens who would grow up
in a choice-less world.
Bleak.
Tears tickled her
cheeks.

Braxton let go of her arm, and she went to bed.

Krista felt a hand on her back. She shrieked, turning so
quickly her neck ached. Half sitting, half laying on her stomach, she peered
into the darkness. It was Mal. “How are you feeling?” she muttered sleepily.

“Horny.”

“The doctors give you anything for it?” She wasn’t in the
mood for sex and hoped he’d take the hint.

He snorted. “He knew I had a home remedy waiting for me.
It’s still my night. You okay with me crawling in bed with you?”

She paused. She’d fallen asleep feeling the sting of having told
Brax
no just because she could. She really wanted to
be with
Brax
, but her body wasn’t her own anymore and
allowing him an extra night just didn’t feel right. She wanted to hold whatever
true freedom she could, like a precious thing in need of protection.

Dim hallway light illuminated
Mal’s
face, he looked determined. Her funny man sat on the bed. She liked Mal, but
with the new knowledge that her men could abuse her, taught by and endorsed
with a government stamp of approval, she just wanted to be alone to think. Yes,
she knew these men weren’t the worst she could have “won”, if she was willing
to let herself look at the lottery in reverse, but they were still her
“keepers” and at the moment that made them feel like the enemy.

“It’s late, I’m tired.” She hoped he’d do the gentlemanly
thing and let her go back to sleep.

“I’m a little groggy, but I’m not going to miss my turn,
baby.”
Nope.

“I think you should rest. It’s been an eventful, almost
fatal, day.”

“All the more reason to have you, life is short.” He touched
her breast through her thin, silk nightgown. Flinching, she scooted away. He
looked upset. “It’s my night. You technically have to sleep with me.”

She just adored his use of the word “technically” as if he’d
call the sex police and they’d hold her down for him. Hell, he could actually
do that. She shuddered, remembering the YouTube video.

“Mal, I’m just not feeling it…”

“Bullshit! You’ve given everyone else their night when it’s
been their turn. You get sex every day, but we have to wait.”

“Oh, and I’m
so
delighted to be
so
in demand.
You have no idea how I feel. At first, everything was novel, I sort of thought
I could keep you all happy and be able to just let you guys have sex with me
every day. Please let me go back to sleep.”

She began to roll over. He took her shoulder and turned her
to look at him again. “Damn it, Krista, no. I want you. I don’t want to wait
until Sunday. Please. I need this.”

The pain in his voice made her heart ache. She didn’t want
this, any of it, but she didn’t want to go back into the protection facility.
She just wanted one man, not six. She wanted romance, not just sex. She doubted
she could truly love six men, but she wanted to be their friend. They were all
she had. Tears filled her eyes. She wasn’t being fair, but she was hurting too,
and the worst part was she didn’t have anyone she could confide in.

He ran his hand through his hair. “Don’t cry,” he whispered.
His thumb wiped at one of the tears on her face. “Don’t.” Mal stood and left
the room without another word, he didn’t look back.

She closed her eyes, her pillow soon felt damp. Sleep took
it’s time returning.

* * * *

Krista walked slowly down the stairs, late for breakfast as
usual. Hearing her name caused her to pause.

“I don’t know. Maybe she’s on her period. Don’t they get
moody around that time?”

“No, according to the information packet they gave us she’s
not premenstrual,” Jared spoke in his most doctor-knows-best voice.

They gave them a packet about my cycle.
She wrapped
her arms around her chest, feeling another quick burst of violation.

“I thought she was upset because you were hurt, but it’s
something else,” Jared said.

“She was on the computer yesterday. I should’ve looked at
what she was doing, but it just felt wrong to spy,”
DeAnthony
chimed in.

Krista bit her lip, worried she’d just lost a small freedom.

“Well, no more fucking internet for her,” Mal said. I’m not
the kind of guy who supports forcing a woman…” He coughed. “…Damon.
Nevertheless, I don’t think we need to let her get so damn elevated in her
belief she is in charge. No, when it’s your night, it’s your night and that’s
it.” He sounded terribly bitter.

Krista cringed. Her fears had been spot on.

“I don’t want anyone hurting her. She’s not a sex toy or a
prostitute. This polygamist situation wasn’t her choice any more than it was
ours. We need to give her some time. Whatever upset her needs to be
resolved.
Maybe she’s still upset about Damon,” Jared said
quietly.

“Damn it, I didn’t beat her. Stop acting like I’m some
sex-crazed monster!”

“Okay, we agree we won’t hurt her. It’s going to have to
come down to her realizing she does have a commitment to us. If she’s not
pregnant in a few months, they’ll take her,” Max added.

“I don’t want her hurt.”
Brax
growled.

She started back down the stairs, having heard enough. “Good
morning,” Krista said quietly. Heat crept up her neck and burned under her
cheeks. She knew they could see her embarrassment and didn’t try to hide it.
“I’m sorry about last night, Mal. You do have Sunday. In my defense, I’ve never
been much of a morning person. I guess it’s time to be real here. I thought I
could do this, but I guess I didn’t realize how
this
included sex every
single day. It overwhelmed…” She sighed. “I don’t know. I realize now how
little control I have over my life here. At least at the protection facility I
controlled my body, at least until the end. I know there’s no going back to
that. I want what every woman since the dawn of time has wanted—love. I know
you guys aren’t the worst six I could belong to, but it’s all so hard. I’m
sorry. I don’t want drama. I want to try to make some kind of happiness. It all
hit me yesterday. I realized I wasn’t as brave as I thought. It was a big pill
to swallow and left me…not myself. Sorry.” She didn’t look at them as she
finished. Instead, she looked down at the poached egg on toast Steve sat on the
table in front of her. She took a quick sip of orange juice.

“Okay. I get it, really I do. Let’s agree that from now on
you’ll save your inner turmoil for Sundays. Just not this Sunday, you know you
have to get pregnant. The pressure is on until then. We don’t want to lose you,
and you don’t want to be taken away, do you?” Mal said.

“I don’t,” she said quickly, looking at the worried and
unhappy faces of her assembled six. “I’m sorry Mal bore the blunt of my soul
searching. I really thought I could do this without a meltdown, but that’s
asking a lot. I know a lot of guys would’ve have just forced themselves on me.”
She looked pointedly at Damon. “I appreciate you giving me time, Mal. I’m sorry
you have to wait.”

His grim look told her he was sorry he had to wait too.
“Damn, it’s just been a dream of mine to be inside a woman. So far, other than
oral, I’m still a virgin.”

DeAnthony
snorted. “Don’t tell
Rosie Palm that, poor old Rose is usually chaffed from all the
lovin
’.”

Mal scowled at his best friend. A few of the men chuckled,
but the ones still on the waiting list didn’t look any happier than Mal about
the situation.

“I just want to be happy,” Krista whispered.

“So do
we
,” Jared said. “We will
be. This just needs time. We have to get used to the arrangement, okay?”

Krista gave him a small smile. “Okay.”

They finished breakfast. She didn’t eat much, but she had a
second glass of the delicious orange juice. Krista
stood,
ready to leave the uncomfortable gathering.

“Today is going to be a busy one for you, Krista,”
Brax
said. “Your social worker is coming to check on your
welfare. We also have our first interview for a companion scheduled. Do you want
to cancel the companion?”

She sighed. “No, I just want to get it over with.”

* * * *

Krista sat at the kitchen table, waiting for the interview
with her new “friend” nervously. There was a knock on the door. Steve showed a
tall, lanky man into the room. He walked with a flourish of confident grace.
This newcomer held out his hand to
Brax
. A hot look
on his face told Krista the companion candidate found her favorite just as
appealing as she did.

“Hello. My name is Lee Young. I’m here for the companion
position.”

“Thank you, Lee, please have a seat.”
Brax
seemed a bit uncomfortable under the man’s hungry gaze. Krista immediately gave
the man a mental point. She liked seeing
Brax
squirm.

He walked over to her, looking her in the eyes. “You must be
Kristannie
.”

“Call me Krista.”

“The agency tells me you’d like to learn to cook and paint,”
Lee said, sitting down and folding his hands in his lap with an exuberant
flourish.

“Yes, I’d like to very much. I’ve never had to have a friend
‘purchased’ before. Please tell me why you chose this line of work?”

“Well, honey, I’ve had a hard time being me. Not everyone
accepts gay men, even now, so this was a job that appealed to me because of my
sexual orientation. I can be me.”

Two points for Lee. That response is honest enough for
me.
“Reasonable. Tell me about yourself, Lee.”

“My mom survived the plague. I was a lucky kid. She died two
years ago, the disease weakened her, and the last five years of her life she
was disabled. It wasn’t easy. I did all I could to protect her, but she was
raped twice. She was my best friend. When she died, I applied for my position
as a companion. I worked for a woman in Duluth until six months ago.”

“Why did you quit?” Krista was curious. She’d never have
been so forthright questioning a real friend, but she was interviewing him for
a job.

“I didn’t. She died.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Was she ill?”

“Suicide,” he whispered. His eyes looked haunted.

“I think we’ve heard enough. Thanks for coming, Lee.”
Brax
spoke gruffly as Lee opened his mouth to elaborate.
Brax
grabbed the man by his arm, pulling him to his feet.

“I didn’t get to show you samples of my art,” Lee cried
desperately.

“That’s fine, we’ll be in touch,”
Brax
said, all but pushing the man out the door. He looked over Braxton’s shoulder
helplessly.

“Wait, I’d like to see them,” Krista called as
Brax
pushed the man out the door.

She heard the lock snick as
Brax
turned back around. “We’ll have them send someone else tomorrow.”

“I wanted to hear more. I really think he might be right for
the job.”

Brax
scowled. “I…” He ran his hand
through his hair. “Damn it, Krista, no depressing people. I like you happy.”

“If you don’t bring him back, I won’t be happy. I think Lee
could really be someone I’d feel friendship with. He’s experienced in this,
more so than I am.”

“Yeah, sounds like he did great with his last position,”
Brax
grumbled.