Given (16 page)

She’d thought she was out of tears, but before she knew it,
she began crying again. There was a soft knock on the door. She didn’t get up.

“Krista, are you all right?” Jared yelled.

She got up and unlocked the door then returned to the couch.
He didn’t come in right away and she wondered if he’d left. Then the knob
turned. She held her breath, afraid it might be Damon. When Jared walked in,
she let out the breath she’d been holding and bit her lip, afraid she’d start
crying when she saw his sympathetic look.

“I just wanted to see if you wanted to play
Battlestar
Three with me. It’s a fun game.”

“No, I just want to be alone, sorry.”

“Did he hurt you?” She could hear anger in Jared’s voice. He
reached out to touch her and she flinched. He pulled his hand back quickly.

“I don’t want to cause problems, especially not between
brothers. That’s why I had sex with him, so there wouldn’t be fighting.
Just—don’t let it all be for nothing by fighting with him.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do it. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Yeah, well, he’s my brother, and I feel like shit that he
hurt you. I don’t understand why. He always says how great it would be to have
a wife and a family. Even if there’s no marriage anymore and we have to share
you, at least we can sort of have part of the dream. I’m going to talk to him.”

She regretted rejecting the comfort Jared had tried to offer
her. She felt so used and dirty. Seeing the kindness in his eyes made
her own
fill with unshed tears.

“No, please don’t, just…could you hold me for a while?”
Krista whispered.

Jared’s presence was so comforting. He really would make a
great doctor someday. He hurried over and sat down next to her. His arms
wrapped around her tightly and she cried again. Hard sobs wracked her body.
When she’d spent her tears, she pulled back and wiped her eyes.

“Sorry,” she mumbled.

“Don’t apologize to me for crying. I’ll have a talk with
Damon. Maybe he’ll be more careful next week.”

“No. I don’t want problems. I just want this to be a
peaceful place. If this is my home, I don’t want it to be full of fighting.
Please don’t tell the others, this will just be our secret.”

Jared wiped a stray tear off her cheek. “Do you want me to
examine you, was he rough? I’m not a licensed doctor yet, but I do know ways to
help you.”

“I wasn’t torn, if that’s what you’re worried about. He was
rough, but not violent. Thanks, but all I want to do is keep my pants on.”

“We missed lunch. Do you want me to bring you something?”

“No. Thank you for being here for me.” She squeezed his
hand. “Why don’t you go get something to eat? I’m going to read for a while. I want
to see how the book ends.”

“Are you sure? I’ll stay.”

“I know, but no thanks. You’re a wonderful friend.”

He grunted. “Yeah, well, just feel better.”

She could tell he didn’t like the word “friend” and that
only intensified her sad feelings. She’d sleep with Jared because she wanted
him to feel the pleasure and joy, but she knew she’d never feel about him as
she did
Brax
, and that was what he wanted. Her desire
for a peaceful, happy home seemed impossible.

She forced herself to focus on the book, and it did make her
feel better until she read the last page. She wanted to cry. The book had
helped so much, and now it was over. Even if there was another one, it wasn’t
this book. She didn’t want to return it to the shelf, but it wasn’t hers.
Unable to bring herself to return it, she sat it on the stand next to her bed,
knowing she could at least hold on to it for a few more days, even if she
grabbed the next one. She doubted anyone would miss it until then.

The clock told her it was time for supper, but she didn’t
have any appetite. She went downstairs and tried not to make eye contact with
the men. Damon looked angry, and she hoped Jared hadn’t said anything.
Brax
jumped up and pulled out her chair for her. She
thanked him quietly and sat down. None of them said anything. Even Mal was
unusually silent as they began eating. When Steve served her a huge piece of
strawberry shortcake, she knew they all knew and it made her feel like hiding
under the table. She thanked Steve quietly and he nodded. She hadn’t touched
much of her meal, but she did manage to polish off half the shortcake, unable
to resist the delicious dessert.

“Stop looking at me like that! None of you are any better.
She’s putting on. I think she liked it,” Damon suddenly growled.

When she glanced up, he was giving her the meanest look
she’d ever seen. She shrank back, but then her anger built inside and
overshadowed her fear. Krista glared at him, but when he gritted his teeth and
narrowed his eyes, fear made her focus on her half-eaten dessert again. She was
ashamed of being afraid, but she knew if today had been bad, he could make next
week even worse.

“I’m going to grab a book and head to bed,” she said,
getting up.

They all stood and she rushed away. In the game room, she
found the next book and headed for her private space. She wished
Brax
would come to her, just to hold her. After what they
shared, she wondered if it’d been a lie. His absence seemed strange after the
declaration of protection he’d made. She thought he would at least want to make
sure she was all right. Shrugging off the feelings of abandonment, she began
reading the next book. Samuel Johnson’s day was starting off much as hers had.
Reading about his abuse made her cringe even more than she had before, it was
personal now.

After a few pages, she thought she might cry again. She
wanted to know what happened, but she needed some air. It was late. The men
would be in the game room or in bed. She thought about going to
Brax’s
bed, but she didn’t want to be seduced and if he
hadn’t come to check on her, she didn’t want to seem needy. What he’d said
conflicted with his actions, making a liar out of him.

She went outside to the patio. The crickets chirped loudly,
the full moon was high in the sky and very bright tonight. The cool breeze touched
her face. Fall was coming. The crisp smell and nip in the air made her regret
not spending more time outdoors. Soon, the winter chill would force her to say
cooped up indoors. She might even be pregnant by then and her actions would be
further restricted. Sighing, she leaned on the railing.

“Can’t sleep?”

She squeaked with surprise, turning. The full moon made it
easier to see than usual. Max. “No.
You?”

“I never sleep well. What happened to you is bothering me. I
should’ve stepped in. Christ, I thought I was going to have to lock
Brax
up. You didn’t want a fight, so I wouldn’t let him go
up there. I told him stepping in would make it worse for you. Damon’s entitled
to a turn, and if we piss him off he’ll just take it out on you. Now I wish I’d
let
Brax
kick his ass.”

Her heart stopped.
Brax
had wanted
to step in. “I’m obligated, and at least I got him out of the way. Even if I’d
put him off until Saturday, it wouldn’t have made a difference. Damon is
punishing me for something I didn’t do to him.”

Max grunted. “You see things clearly. Not everyone has that
gift, or curse. Whatever you see it as, don’t lose it. I found if you think
about something pleasant, it helps. I never have to go through it again, and it
makes me sick that you will.”

She glanced over at him. He was staring out into the yard.
She liked that he was opening up, but wished it wasn’t because they’d both
shared a horrible experience.

“I thought Braxton was going to kill Damon. He paced out on
the patio most of the morning, but when Damon came down whistling,
Brax
just stood there with his fists clenched, looking like
he was constipated. I never saw that look on his face before. One of us
should’ve stopped it. He could’ve waited until you were willing, at least until
later. There was no reason for him to do it as he did. I won’t rape you,
Krista. If you tell me no, I’ll deal.”

She reached over and put her hand on top of his. “I know. I
won’t tell you
no
, Max. I’d never like to be with
Damon again, but you aren’t him. Mal hasn’t even had a turn yet. I won’t let
one spoil it for the rest of you. He’s right, I’m not madly in love with the
six of you, but I understand the need for me to get pregnant, and if it was
yours, I’d be happy. You’re not as bad as you try to be.”

Max grunted. Then he moved his hand from under hers and put
his arm around her. She flinched for a moment, but then relaxed. Knowing the
contact was hard for him too, made it all the more special. They stood like
that for a silent moment, listening to the night. In the distance, she could
hear the lake and a lone coyote yipping.

“Goodnight, Krista. Get some sleep.”

“Night, Max. Thank you.”

He grunted in response and she heard the patio door close.
She remained for a while and then went upstairs to find her bed. Her eyes
drooped and she yawned. She stripped off her clothing. Exhaustion won and the
moment she lay down, she was asleep.

Birds’ song woke her. Krista sat up and stretched. The
terrible memories of yesterday came flooding back. She was positive now that she
wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible. The idea of Damon forcing her again
was bad, but six new men who might all be like Damon was terrifying. Worse, she
was sure some men must insist on the woman having sex with all of them every
day. The idea of six men raping her everyday was beyond terrible to
contemplate. Things here could be worse.

Today belonged to Malcolm. She went downstairs, and she was
the first one at the table. In the kitchen, she could hear noise—Steve making
breakfast. She got up and wandered into the game room. Picking up the large,
complicated remote, she managed to turn on the television and start channel
surfing. A news report made her pause on CNN.

“There are new developments in the Northeastern quadrant
controversy. All lottery drawings have ceased as of last month. Today we’ve
learned that they are requiring all males between the ages of eighteen and
twenty-three who’ve passed the lottery genetic testing to donate sperm for a
new program. Some critics are calling the decision to only allow artificial
insemination of female embryos into the women of this quadrant ‘a gross abuse
of power’.”

The screen flicked to a large group of angry men. They waved
large signs while yelling bitterly toward the camera. A man stood next to the
reporter, glancing nervously at the angry mob behind him. Police stood along
the line separating the reporter and politician from the enraged crowd.

“We’ve been having mixed results with the old system.
Allowing nature to take its course is time consuming, and for the last year,
we’ve seen an increase in male babies. Even with the tax benefits of aborting
male fetuses, some men are allowing their
Given
woman
to give birth to those sons. We’ve decided that it’s time for a more effective,
faster method. Our women are impregnated on their eighteenth birthdays, we’re
no longer going by the standard of twenty-one, and after they’ve given birth,
they are allowed a six month recovery time before we impregnate them again.
We’ve begun with a small test group of volunteers at the facility. So far, the
results are astonishing. We hope other quadrants will follow our example. If
the entire country follows us, in two generations, we may once again see a
return of women into society. There is hope, but only if the federal government
allows us to operate the way we need to for the betterment of future
generations.” He paused and glanced at the crowd once again. “I know this does
little for the men waiting now, but the old system was just not successful, and
the women in our facility say they prefer this method to being handed over to
random men. There is so much less risk to our women that I’m confident other
quadrants may soon follow our lead.”

“Thank you, Jonathan, for that report. Now for the weather…”

Krista turned off the television, shaking.

Jared came in and sat down next to her. “You okay?”

“No. I made the mistake of watching the morning news. The
Northeast isn’t doing the lotto any more. Instead, they’re just implanting
female embryos into women. I wonder if it’s even those women’s eggs. I bet
it’s
total genetic engineering.”

Jared shook his head sadly. “I wondered how long that was
going to take. The lottery has become so restricted that I’m not surprised at
all. It’s too bad. There’s going to be a lot of social unrest there. Well, the
good news is Steve is putting breakfast on the table. Want to join me?”

“Yes.”

They assembled at the table, but
Brax
was absent. “Where’s
Brax
this morning?” Jared asked.
Krista was relieved that she didn’t have to be the one to vocalize the
question.

“He’s been in his office all night. I think his writer’s
block has broken.”

“Great, he was getting a bit surly lately. I can’t wait to
read it, whatever he’s writing. The last one ended so badly,” Mal said.

“Oh, don’t spoil it, I’ve only begun,” Krista cried.

Mal smiled. “I’d like to spend some time with you today.
Maybe we could take a walk by the lake?”

“Security has to come with you,” Max cautioned.

“I know. Anyway, Krista, would you join me?”

“I’d love to see the lake. I can hear it, but I haven’t seen
it yet.”

Mal smiled. They ate in silence. Damon was the first to
leave the table. His angry scowl told her clearly he wasn’t pleased about
something.

“
DeAnthony
is going back to work
on Monday. Even though he has the time off, his crew isn’t doing well without
his leadership,”
Brax
said.