Gnomes of Suburbia (18 page)

"Great. When will that be? After I have been eaten by a gargoyle?” She was not muttering to herself, her
creatures
had taken up an honour guard around her. Bitsy was leading the way, and a close look with her inner eye, let her know that his leak was no more. Apparently, Miranda's draining link had been broken when she had been blasted by the begonia. “Well, I know at least one thing that you guys will be doing. I am guessing that I have a rather large hole in the backyard right now. You wouldn't want to take care of that, would you?” Excited squeals greeted her speech. They were definitely more verbal.

The door to her house opened as they approached, it hadn't been completely drained either. Lights came on and she breathed deeply, running her surplus magic into her home, feeling it greet her in response. She was home.

She was surrounded by her creatures, backed by a home that welcomed her and a message blinking on her answering machine. What the hell?

"Abby, it's Tina. Your Gnomes are doing great things out there. People love the poses and the scenes. What I want to know is, when can I get your next book? What have you been working on out there in Sargent? Call me.” The beep took her by surprise.

A new book? Another group of creatures? Her herd had moved into the house and she heard the back door slide open and shut. Groundskeeping at midnight? What the heck, it wasn't like they needed the sleep.

She needed sleep. Her body was tired, there was dirt in her hair and nails. The scabs on her hands had torn open and she could feel the itch of blood as she moved through her house. Blood never killed anything. Well, unless she lost all of it and that would not happen tonight.

She moved into the bathroom, and at seeing her face, decided that a shower was in order before bed. Her sheets would never forgive her otherwise.

The water came up to heat slowly, and it was only when she was standing under the blast that she realized that she was crying. It had taken almost getting killed, almost having her gnomes in danger and almost losing Xander to make her realize that this was really her life. The only life that she would live.

It was not a dream.

Nothing about this was a dream.

Her friends were a mermaid and a creature of myth and the mermaid's suitor was a werewolf who answered to the magus next door.

No wonder Miranda hadn't fit in, no sane human could. So where did that leave Abby?

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"All right you two. I want your stories, and I want them from the beginning. Laura, you first. How the heck did you get sent here? This is a land-locked province for the most part."

Her two friends looked at each other and shrugged. With Xander taking off unceremoniously the night before, they had come over the instant that Abby had called, fearing that she was going to have some sort of breakdown. And she did. Sort of.

"Are you sure that you want to know all this now? You don't want to ask about the trial for Miranda?"

"No. I most definitely do not want to talk about Miranda. Nope. Not at all.” She crossed her arms over her breasts and glared at the mermaid. “Now, spill. Where were you when you first got the call? Did you get to pick your home? Decorate it? Who lived here before?"

Laura took a deep breath and humoured her. “Um. I guess I was off the coast of Newfoundland when I was summoned by my grandmother."

"Summoned, how? Did she use semaphore? Psychic powers? How?” She knew that they were going to humour her after her shock and she was taking full advantage by asking the questions that she had been afraid would be impolite.

"Uh, yeah. I suppose that psychic powers are a good description. She is the matriarch of our clan so she can reach any of us at a moment's notice."

"Handy."

"Not when you are with a guy.” The smile that Laura gave her almost thawed her. Almost. She couldn't forget that at this moment Xander and two guys she hadn't met were across the border and delivering Miranda to members of a magical council for assessment. He hadn't even said goodbye.

Wiener.

Based on the looks she was getting, her bad mood was back on her face. “Okay, so the matriarch has the power to call you. What happened then?"

"I swam to her home and then was told that a new Nexus had been discovered and that the council had decided that a multi-racial honour guard was needed. Our clan had been selected for the mer representation and Grandma had picked me."

"How many relatives did she have to choose from?"

"Two hundred and forty-seven.” At Abby's goggle-eyed look, she clarified, “One hundred don't speak English and seventy-five don't like to walk on land."

"So. You were chosen out of seventy-two?"

"Yep. Gran had me selected the instant she found out about our clan's selection. I am the youngest granddaughter that she has. She wants to make me a more attractive mate for some merman. A connection to the Nexus will do that."

"Thank you. That was very honest of you. So how long did it take you to move in?"

"Well, my people used the river system and everything was delivered here in a matter of weeks. Because of my nature, I got the home with the pool and the pearl icons coating the walls are still alive. They are some of the treasures of the deep that I was able to bring with me so I wouldn't get homesick."

"Your family moved you in?” Nostalgia was in her tone. She couldn't help it. She had had to depend on the kindness of strangers. How Southern. She almost smacked herself in the head. “Who was here when you moved in?"

"Uh, the realtor. Miklos was in the house at the end of the street. I was here on my own for about a month before Verne and Seesee showed up."

The realtor was now code for Miranda. It was too bad that the name rubbed her raw, but the woman had tried to kill her. Three times. Four, if you counted the attack on her ex-apartment. Miranda hadn't copped to it, but it had to have been her out to smash the gnomes before anything could happen.

"When will I meet Miklos? He seems to be gone an awful lot."

Seesee flushed a heady bronze. “He will be here by the next full moon. With Verne incapacitated at the moon and Xander at the council, he is the protector to the gateway."

"Gateway? You mean Oak Point Way?"

"Something like that. The street is actually enchanted against unmagical interference."

"Then how does the mail arrive?"

"The mailman is a half-demon who requested assignment to this area to make you more secure."

"What about the river flowing behind my home? Someone could come in there?” This was more interesting that she had thought. She had just meant to taunt them to make them spill info. Now they were answering questions with topics she wanted to know about.

"The stones out back have been warded to prevent unwanted visitors. They were enchanted by a consortium of witches who were chosen at random with only power being the main concern. It is wrapped up tighter than a toddler's diaper."

"Eww. And on that note, Seesee, tell me about yourself. How did you get chosen from all of the mythical creatures that were available?"

Seesee stalled for a moment by getting herself a cup of coffee that she had made for herself, declining the offer of Mitsy to make coffee for their little group.

So she got smarter. Good for her. “Spill it, Montrose. How did you end up being the
chosen one
?"

Her skin was darkening rapidly. “I slept with the minotaur to get the assignment."

Laura led the shrieking. “What!"

Abby was close behind with, “Holy Hell!” She recovered quickly. “Was he hung like a bull?” Her eyebrows were moving manically, but she couldn't stop them."

"Well, the mythical creatures seat on the council is more of a courtesy than a voting seat so we are a lot less formal. Vokal was voted in to represent us for the next three years, but if I am linked to the Nexus guard, I can run for the representative spot."

"So in an effort to gain political leverage, you banged a bull?"

Her hands were now over her face, but they could understand the mumble, “Something like that."

"How was it?” Laura was being practical, good for her.

Another sigh from the hands. “He was very inventive. I was on top so he wouldn't crush me and he really liked my hair being prehensile. Is that enough?"

An evil cackle broke free of Abby's throat, surprising even her. “We will wait until you're drunk before we ask if he was circumcised."

"Oh, goddess.” Seesee suddenly met Abby's gaze. “Did your gnomes put any truth serum in the food?"

"Nope. There is no food and you made the coffee. I guess you wanted to get that off your chest."

"I guess I did. Well, I got the vote to come here as the mythical creature representative, I selected the home that seemed most comfortable to me. Number Thirteen had been reserved for you and so I selected the house between Miranda and Laura's. My sisters and my nieces came to help me move in. So did Vokal, which was kind and creepy at the same time."

"Does he think it was more than a one night stand?"

"Uh, we weren't standing."

"Ha ha. You know what I mean."

"He has a harem of his own so I don't think so. He just wanted to see where the next Nexus was going to live."

That made sense, she supposed, but then she had another thought. “You both have businesses and Verne works for customs, was that all set up, too?"

From both ladies, “Yes."

Seesee explained, “We needed to integrate into Sargent as quickly as we could so we were given businesses that would increase the local economy and set us up as valuable members of the community. Over the centuries, magical creatures have found that being useful is a way to insure that the non-magical persons accept us in their midst."

"Laura has an aquarium? Right?"

"Yup. It serves as more of an Agony Aunt shop. People come in to tell me how their fish die. It is kind of morbid, but it has bonded me to at least a third of the population. And if I can make the lives of their little fish more comfortable, its my duty to help."

"That is very altruistic of you. Can you understand fish?"

"Occasionally. If they are in a large enough group. But the individuals keep to themselves."

"I did not know that about fish. Thank you."

"You are welcome."

Silence fell heavily between them for a moment until Seesee reached for a bag that was on the floor next to her. “Okay, time for chocolate.” A vast array of goodies began to appear on the counter as Seesee unloaded the box that was inside the bag. And then another and then another.

"Uh, ladies. I am really sorry about sedating you, but can you assure me that I am not going to keel over or turn blue or something? I like to think that it is in the past, at least when the gnomes are out in the yard."

Seesee pondered her words for a loooonnnnggg moment. “Avoid the éclairs."

"But they are my favourite!"

"And they are coated with chocolate Exlax."

"I will avoid the éclairs.” She was completely solemn for a moment and then burst out giggling, grabbing for one of the tiny cheesecakes with a blueberry topping. The éclairs were shunned one at a time, being placed on the edge of the counter for later disposal.

It was a shame, but better than the alternative.

After their third cups of coffee and tea respectively, Abby figured that she could continue the questioning. “Laura, this one has been bugging me since I first met you."

"Shoot."

"Why don't you and Verne formalize your relationship? You seem to be holding him at bay for some reason and I can't figure it out."

Seesee was all ears. “I have to admit that I have been curious myself. You two suit each other more than any other couple I have seen, but you seem to keep a barrier between you."

Laura stirred her tea and the twist of her lips indicated her decision making. “Verne and I are complicated."

"I have noticed.” Abby couldn't stop the eye roll, it went with the sarcastic tone.

"He is a werewolf and they mate for life.” She met the eyes of her two companions. “But I am a mermaid and will live for five hundred years. His lifespan and mine are two very different things."

All right, so it wasn't a difference of religion or anything. “Wow. That is a problem. What about kids?"

"Mer children need to be in water for their first five years before they can shift to a form that will have oxygen breathing lungs."

"What if they were born as were? Would they be able to shift to either form?"

"No one has ever dared to try it. The risk to the offspring has been too great.” Laura didn't look happy about it, resignation was a better description.

"I can see that. I can really see that.” Abby drummed her fingers on the table. “All right, surrendering to the extreme here. Is there a spell or a seer that would let you know the kind of baby that you were expecting?"

Seesee and Laura now looked to each other and then back to her. “Seers are closely guarded by the council so that they don't burn out. A cross-breeding would not be worthy of assessment."

"Have you asked?"

"Uh, no. We haven't bothered to ask.” The blush was obvious in her tone.

"So you are happily unhappy?"

"Yes."

Abby was flabbergasted. “How long can you live like that?"

"Until Verne gives up or dies.” Ow. Her voice had gone as cold as the northern oceans.

"Harsh."

"It's a harsh reality. Only the Were representative or the Mer representative to the council can request access to the seers for us.” Her face was now carefully blank.

"Am I being sent to the council to report on Miranda's attacks on me?” They both nodded. “Then I may be able to ask some questions for you. Write them down."

Hope crept into Laura's eyes, lighting them from within. She quickly blinked to hide her emotion, but did agree, “Yes. I will give you the questions that you need to ask. If you can get to the seers, it would indebt us to you always."

"Nonsense. You will owe me nothing.” It was Abby's turn to look calm and sedate.

"We will owe you a great deal for this favour."