Going Deep (5 page)

“I know exactly
how you feel,” he said, truth ringing in his words. “Trust me. You’ll be
happier once you accept who you are.”

A car door shut.
An engine roared. Jason turned, catching the glow of taillights on his friend’s
Mercedes until they disappeared.

Accept who I
am.

Fuck.

He knew who he
was. It was
what
he was that he found hard to accept. Okay, so sharing a
woman with his twin brother wasn’t exactly prudish sexual behavior, but it was
a hell of a lot different than being a Dom.

He unlocked his
car and sank into the driver’s seat. He lifted his warm-up jacket and eyed the
stack of books hidden beneath it on the passenger seat. His cock twitched just
reading the titles.  
BDSM Protocol. The Power Exchange Dynamic. The Dummies
Guide to Domination and Submission.

Maybe Todd had
it right. Maybe this was the real Jason Holder. One thing was for certain, he
couldn’t get the images from the night before out of his mind. Most of the
things he’d seen, and everything he’d done excited him.

He pulled from
the parking lot into the late evening traffic. The closer he got to home, the
more certain he became. Denying his sexual needs wouldn’t cut it, especially
now that he knew he could fulfill those needs in a safe, private way.

The next
morning, he tossed two of the books into his suitcase. He would have plenty of
time on the road to read. He wasn’t sure he was ready to share this part of his
life with his brother, but since they would be roommates, he didn’t see any way
to hide his reading material from him. He wasn’t looking forward to that
conversation, but it had to come sometime. No more of that mind reading, twins always
know stuff shit. He and Jeff were close, but last year that kind of thinking
had almost cost his brother the love of his life. So to avoid future problems
they’d vowed to actually voice their thoughts instead of relying on the proven
unreliable DNA network.

* * *

“I’m not
surprised,” Jeff said.

Jason stared at
his brother who sat on the other bed in the hotel room they shared, thumbing
through a book that outlined a Dom’s responsibilities to his or her sub. “What?”

“I said I’m not
surprised. You’ve always wanted your way. In everything, not just sex. Though I
can remember a time or two when you insisted on getting your way with Megan.
Sometimes I went along if it suited me, too, and if she was okay with it. But
there were other times….”

He thought about
the year and a half they’d spent in a three-way relationship. His brother had a
point. He had tried to control many of their encounters. “I didn’t see it then,
but I can see it now. Our relationship wasn’t ever going to work. She just
isn’t the kind to follow orders.”

“That’s true,”
Jeff allowed, still thumbing through the book, pausing here and there when a photo
caught his eye. “Though there’s some stuff in here I wouldn’t mind trying with her.
After the baby comes.”

“Here, give me
that!” Jason grabbed the book.

“Hey! I wasn’t
through.”

“Yes, you are. I’m
not going to have your wife blaming me for putting ideas in your head.”

“It’s not like
she’s never been tied up. She likes that kind of stuff.”

“I remember, but
she always knew she could get loose with a flick of her wrists. This is
different.” He shifted to hide his instant erection from his brother.

“If I used real
handcuffs on her, she’d kill me the minute she was free.”

 “Damned right
she would.” Jason stretched out on his bed and opened the book.

“But there are women
who like this?”

“Yeah, there
are.”

“Huh.” Jeff
pointed the remote at the television. “Whatever floats your boat, bro.”

Yeah.
He
had a pretty good idea what floated his boat, now. Reading the first chapter of
the book he’d confiscated from his brother, he realized there was a whole
protocol to this kind of sexual encounter he knew nothing about. He tuned out
the sit-com rerun Jeff had settled on and read. He wanted to be up to speed the
next time he went to the Dungeon. Knowledge was power, and power was something
he craved.

Chapter Four

She wasn’t going
to another munch. Three times was supposed to be the charm—only it hadn’t been,
so why would she think four would be any better.

Carrie deleted
the email, sighing at her dismal mood. She opened the next email, sighing once
more. Work. That, at least, was a place she felt comfortable, secure in her
ability, confident of her talent and worth. It had taken years, but her
reputation as an investigative reporter was rock-solid, providing her a nice
income and her pick of stories. She scanned the message, noted the possible
story, then moved the email to the folder marked “ideas,” and moved on to the
next email.

She’d nearly made
her way through her inbox when her cell phone rang. She found it across the
room, buried beneath a magazine. Working mostly from home had its disadvantages
sometimes. One glace at the caller ID and she smiled.

“Hi, Brooke.
What’s up?”

“Can you meet me
for lunch?”

Hallelujah!
Lunch with her best friend was just what she needed—time away from the
computer, and better yet, time with someone who understood her personal
dilemma. Her southern socialite mother constantly asked if she had a boyfriend
and had made it clear she didn’t understand why her beautiful, talented,
successful daughter didn’t have a string of men vying for her attention. The
truth was she’d turned down dates with dozens of men over the last few years,
and not for any reason she was willing to share with her mother. She played the
fictional conversation over in her mind.

“What happened
to (insert name here)? He was such a nice young man.”

“Oh, you know,
Mom,” She would say, dismissing (insert name here) with a wave of her hand. “He
didn’t want to spank me.”

Yeah, that would
go over well. She’d imagined a million ways to tell her mother that not just
any man would do—especially not some country-club-going, golf-club-toting,
pastel-wearing, pasty skin momma’s boy. At sixteen, she had compiled a list of
qualities she wanted—no, make that—
required
, in a man, and in the decade
since, she’d seen very few who came close to meeting those specifications.

Brooke’s Dom,
was one of them.

She envied
Brooke. The owner of a successful specialty cake bakery, she spent her days
making decisions and shouldering responsibility. She was good at what she did,
and the success of her business was a testament to her ability. She didn’t envy
her friend’s workload. It was the way Brooke spent her nights that turned
Carrie green.

She spent her
evenings in subservience to her master. The man had it going on, and the few
times he’d invited her to join them, she had obeyed without hesitation. He was
thoughtful and considerate, and very much in control. Just remembering his
voice commanding her made her knees weak. Being mastered by him had been a
pleasure, and she sincerely hoped another session was the reason for the lunch
invitation. Her panties grew damp at the prospect.

Happier than she’d
been in weeks, she powered down her computer and set out for her lunch date.

Thirty minutes
later, she entered the sandwich shop and spotted her friend, who waved to her
from a booth in the back. Brooke was one of those rare creatures, as beautiful
on the inside as she was on the outside. Her beauty queen looks turned heads,
but it was her personality that drew people to her. She gave generously of
herself and her time, qualities that earned her respect in the community.
Carrie was one of the very few who knew just how much of herself Brooke was
willing to give to the right person.

She wove her way
through the crowded restaurant and slid into the seat across from her friend. “It’s
so good to see you,” she said. “You look great!”

Brooke beamed,
and stroked her shoulder length blonde hair. “You like it? Todd says the
highlights make my eyes look brighter.”

“He’s right. The
gold streaks match the flecks in your eyes. The man knows what he’s talking
about,” she said, squashing down the slight twinge of envy.

“I know.” Brooke
sighed. “I’m a lucky woman.” Her smile disappeared, and Carrie squirmed under
her pitying look. “I wish you could find someone, too.”

“Me, too.
Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve been to every munch in the last six months and
spent more hours than I can count sitting in the social area of the Dungeon,
hoping a Dom would come in, take one look at me, and decide I need to be
spanked.” She waved off the protest on the other woman’s lips. “Hey, Marilyn
Monroe was discovered at a soda fountain.” She shrugged. “It could happen.”

“There’s another
way to meet a Dom,” she said. “Todd has a friend.”

Her pulse leapt.
“Go on.”

“He thinks you
and his friend might get along. I agree.”

“You’ve met him?”
she asked. Brooke’s gaze dropped to the menu on the table in front of her,
silently telling her how they’d met. “Oh. You’ve played with him.”

Their gazes met
and she saw nothing but sincerity in her friend’s eyes. “Once. Only once. His
name is Jason, and he’s new to the lifestyle. Master invited him to join us to
see if he was as interested as he thought.”

“And was he?”

“Oh, yes! He was
masterful. Very much so for someone who’d never topped before. His commands
were clear, and his voice was kind. It seemed very natural for him. He didn’t
spare me, but he knew when enough was enough. And, Master would never have
given me to him for even a minute if he didn’t trust him.”

Oh God. This
could be it.
She wiped her damp palms on her skirt and tried to quell the
butterflies in her stomach. “And you think he would be interested in a novice
like me?”

“I do. Would you
like to meet him?”

The butterflies
felt more like a flock of seagulls now. She pressed a hand to her midsection in
an effort to calm the riot going on inside. This was real. All she had to do
was say yes. “I trust you, and Todd has been nothing but kind to me, so….” She
took a deep breath and let her answer out with it. “Yes. Yes, I would like to
meet your friend.”

Her friend’s face
lit with excitement. “I’ll tell Todd, and he’ll arrange it.” She placed her
hand over Carrie’s. “I’m so happy for you.”

“I don’t know
how to thank you,” she said over the tears choking her. “If this works out….”

“I know. Trust
me, I know exactly how you feel. Before I met Todd, I was lonely and so alone
with my needs. Then…everything changed. I’ve never been happier.”

Carrie nodded
and dug a tissue from her purse to dab at the corners of her eyes. “I’m sorry.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“You’re excited,
relieved, anxious. I’ve been there, remember? Look, I have no idea if this will
work out, and you have to tell him if you don’t feel right about it. He’s not
the only Dom out there, so don’t think you have to submit to him if it’s not
for you.”

 “I know,” she
said on a shaky breath. “If it doesn’t feel right, I’ll say something. I
promise. Tell me about him. I want to know everything.”

“I don’t know
much. Todd is a very private person. He never talks about his vanilla life, and
it’s not my place to ask.”

“I’m not
interested in his vanilla life. Tell me what this guy was like as a Dom. Did
he…you know?”

“No. Master has
rules when he shares me, just like the times you’ve been with us.” She
hesitated. “Are you sure you’re okay with this? I mean, he played with me. I
don’t want this to affect our friendship.”

Carrie paused.
Did it matter? “It won’t. I’m actually grateful. I’m so new to this. It’s
reassuring to know someone I trust can vouch for him. I understand trust is the
fundamental issue between a Dom and his sub, but to put myself at his mercy
without knowing anything about him? I won’t lie. That scares me.”

“Don’t be frightened,”
she said. “Let’s eat then we’ll go somewhere more private and I’ll tell you
everything about my time with him. You’re my friend. I’d never recommend
someone I didn’t trust myself.”

Her stomach was
knotted so tight she didn’t think she could eat a thing, but she picked up the
menu anyway. “I know. I trust you. And Todd has been very kind to me. I can’t
tell you how much I enjoyed the times he invited me to play.” She sighed and
dropped the menu back on the table. “It’s the memory of those times that keeps
me going. I know what it’s like to submit, to place my entire self into someone
else’s hands. It’s the most incredible feeling I’ve ever experienced.”

Brooke grinned. “Master
enjoyed those times, too. And so did I, but anything that pleases him, pleases
me. Once he figured out my desire to watch and be watched, he’s made sure to
arrange suitable scenes.”

Carrie blushed
at the frank talk, her mind going back to the Dungeon and the feel of leather
landing on her skin, Todd touching her, working her to an incredible orgasm.
She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I want that for myself. I want someone
who sees my need and will take me there. Someone who won’t let my fears stand
between me and my pleasure.” She worried the edge of the menu with nervous fingers.
“Is that too much to ask for?”

“No, it’s not.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting the things you want. We’re just like everyone
else. We crave intimacy, that special connection with another human being.”

“You’re right.
It’s, you know…hard. My other girlfriends don’t understand. My family wouldn’t
understand. They all wonder why I haven’t found a guy and settled down by now.”

Brooke leaned
over the table. “Todd and I have discussed taking our relationship outside the
Dungeon,” she whispered.