Going Rogue: An American Life (48 page)

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him with its deep, historic roots. Being from a very young state himself, he asked me ovet the phone one night

I thought

kids who lived in histotic cities just took it all for granted. He hoped they could appreciate what Ametica means.

I was elected governot the season he was away. It was convenient fot him, since it meant he could avoid the political spotlight, which he did not like. But Todd and I did get to travel to his big Thanksgiving tournament near Dallas, and we were able to meet and thank the Holmeses for the first time. I would later run into them again on the front toW at a Michigan town hall meeting that John McCain and I held.

Eventually, Track’s injuries and shoulder surgery made him realize he’d be hanging up the blades. But he was still drawn to the team culture of brotherhood and camaraderie, and a tough environment where he had to push through challenges to meet a goal. He had seen some-of his older buddies floundering around right after high school and knew that wasn’t for him. He’s like me in that respect. He has an appreciation for the most valuable resource God gives us-time-and time is limited. He doesn’t like to waste it.

Track started revisiting Army recruiters he’d first met in the cafeteria at Wasilla High School. Then, the week his first term at college starred and with Todd on the Slope, Track and his high school buddy, Johnnie Bates, enlisted in the U.S. Army as infantrymen. On September 11, 2007, they took the oath at the recruiting office in Anchorage as Johnnie’s mom, Nicki, and Kris Perry and I looked on, blinking back tears of pride.
These are just kids!
I thought.
Yet they’re doing all they can to protect and serve the greatest country on earth. Are the rest of us doing
as much?

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Going Rogue

9

Two weeks later, I flew to New ‘Orleans to keynore an oil and gas conference. I had noticed some peculiar yet familiar physical symptoms, like rhe smell of cigarettes making me feel nauseated than usual. For a few weeks, I brushed these things aside. But by New Orleans, I had begun to suspecr somerhing else.

, There was no way I could buy a home pregnancy test in Alaska. The cashiers would know, the people in line would know, and the nexr thing I’d see would be a headline. The last time I’d tried, about seven years before, one of rhe Elire Six had caught me at the grocery store trying to hide one in my carr. That was when I was mayor. As governor, I knew that my life was even more of an open book, and there were a few things that I thought were not for consumption, ,at least not at first.

Since nobody knew me in New Orleans, I asked my security guy to drop me off at a Walgreens. Back at the hotel, before my speech, I followed

instructions on

pregnancy test box.

Slowly a pink image materialized on the stick.

Holy geez!

Todd and I had always dreamed of a big family, and he, especially, dreamed of having another boy-bookends for his daughters. I quickly prayed about this surreal siruarion. First, that I’d even be able to fathom it. I was happy that we’d finally have our Starting Five. But I could hear the critics now: be distracted from state business.”

“She won’t be physically up to the job.”

“That’s what we get for electing the first woman governor.” My administration was making great progress on issues important to rhe state. No one could deny we were on a roll. I dreaded

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the reactions and comments from rhe Neanderthals who would think of this pregnancy as a disrracrion.

I sighed and stared ar rhe ceiling.
These are really lessthan-ideal

circumstances.

And for a split second ir hir me:
I’m out oftown. No one knows I’m
pregnant. No one would ever have to know.

It was a fleeting thought, a sudden understanding of why many women feel pressured to make the “problem” go away. Sad, I thought, that our society has elevated things like education and career above the gift

bringing new life into the world. Yes, the

timing of this pregnancy wasn’t ideal. But that wasn’t the baby’s fault. I knew, though, what goes through a woman’s mind when she finds herself in a difficult situation. At that moment, I was thankful for

groups that affirm the value of the child.

That say,
yes,
every child has value and a purpose and a destiny. Without that message out there” it would be easy for women to wonder, well, am I the only one who thinks maybe there is some purpose for this baby? Am I off base in believing that what’s easiest isn’t always what’s best? If not for those groups providing an affirming voice, it would be so easy to go along with what society wants women to believe: that it’s easier to end a pregnancy than to bring the baby into this world. Society has made women believe
that they cannot do both-pursue career, or education, or any-
thing else, and still carry a baby. Pro-life and pro-adoption groups affirm the power and strength of women. Even if it’s just a seed of faith the pro-child message plants in a parent’s mind, that bit of faith can grow. I reassured myself that it was going to be okay, that giving this baby life was the right choice. It wouldn’t be the last time I had to hold on to that seed of faith.

My thoughts ran the gamut, from the fact that I was no spring chicken to the reality that now I wouldn’t be looking at an empty nest for a
long
time. I remembered the Old Testament story of

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