Going Solo (New Song) (7 page)

Alice shrugged. "I just don't like him. I may be reading things wrong. I may go to a different church just to avoid him."

"But what about the band?" Carson asked, "Would you quit that?"

"The band, yes. I'd quit the band any day, but you I'll never quit." Alice grinned at him. "You and I are the best duet there ever was and neither of us will be going solo ever. Never…ever." She grinned at him playfully.

"We sing with the band, Alice, and I am not quitting the band!" Carson said. "Alice, see sense please. You can't just quit a church and a band just because the pastor is looking at you in a weird way. Maybe he is thinking that you wear too many tight clothes."

"Well," Alice said, "I wear my Cousin Irene's hand-me-downs. She sends them from the States and, obviously, she is shorter than I am. And I will quit and go solo if you don't come with me," she said antagonistically, getting up from her casual pose. "You should understand me by now and take my side. I am your girlfriend, not Pastor 'Creepy' Keen's."

She stormed out of the room, slamming the door in the process. Carson shook his head and decided to add 'drama queen' to Alice's list of virtues but he could not shake the unease that he felt about what Alice said to him that day.

Chapter Seven

Alice squeezed the stress ball she had found in the motel's lobby earlier when she was on her way out to meet Carson for lunch. It had the motel's logo on the sides but the receptionist had told her that she could take it with her.

So here she was at The Pier, a restaurant overlooking the sea. She was waiting for Carson so that they could have the talk that they should have had last night.

She had woken up this morning deliciously languid, wishing that they lived together and that things had turned out differently. She had spent the last five years in therapy and her therapist had suggested that she come back to the place of her hurt and offer herself and Carson closure. She needed to do this so that she could move forward with her life. Last night was not goodbye, as Carson had said. It had stirred up a host of dormant feelings and memories.

Why had she slept with the man she was offering to divorce? Maybe because she missed him, still loved him, and still wanted to be with him.

She saw some ladies whispering at the next table and preening themselves, looking in the direction of the entrance to the restaurant. When she swung around, she saw him: Mr. Sleek and Svelte. He was in a dark blue muscle shirt and jeans. He really was fine. He headed her way and she found that her hands were not quite steady as she waved to him nervously.

"Hi." He sat at the table. "Sorry I am late. I had a last minute complication." His eyes ran over her slowly and then back to her face. In his eyes, she could read the awareness of what happened last night. He was not letting her off the hook. She could see that. He would want to discuss what happened.

Alice sighed.

"You look beautiful today," Carson said simply. He took a sip of the water on the table. "Do you want us to order or do you want us to talk first?"

Alice swallowed. "The truth is I am not too hungry."

"Me neither," Carson said wearily. He crossed his legs and sat back in the chair. "Maybe we should go down to the end of the pier?"

"Okay," Alice said readily. The girls who were sitting in her line of sight were watching every move that Carson's mouth made.

"You need that?" Carson looked at the ball she was squeezing.

"Yes." Alice's voice suddenly got teary. "I think I do."

They walked down to the pier and sat down on a stone bench under a tree. Where they were sitting, the water was clear and they could see brightly colored fish swimming around near the shallow water; their glistening bodies flashing, some of them were doing somersaults. They watched them for a while and then Alice cleared her throat.

"I've been in therapy. For a couple years, I couldn't sleep, and I wasn't functioning too well even though I was away from here, so I went to see this Christian psychiatrist. Her name is Megan. She specializes in my type of trauma."

Carson nodded. He held out his hand and she put hers in his. "And are you getting better?"

"I wanted to think so." Alice sniffed. "It was so much easier talking about everything when I was in New York but I am here and this place is where it all went wrong for me. I used to think I hated Montego Bay but I really don't, I just hate that..." she sighed and looked at the sea. The sun was glinting off the blue, creating little diamonds on the surface.

Carson squeezed her hand. "You never told me what happened, you know. Talk to me, Alice."

Alice eased her hand from his. "I can't talk about it today. Today is nice and sunny and it makes me appreciate this place just a little bit more than I ever thought I could. Trust me, I will tell you. That is also one part of my healing process. "

Carson folded his arms. "Does this mean you are going to see Mia?"

"Sure." Alice sighed. "I am working up to it. This is day three."

"One month is a short stay to reconcile with me," Carson said. "Last night we could not keep our hands off each other."

Alice flushed. "Last night was, er, not handled well. It won't happen again. I came with the divorce papers all prepared and ready for signatures. I have it in my purse." She patted her bag. "I realize that is not fair to you to keep your life hanging on a thread like this. It took some time but I finally managed to see how selfish I was to you but I sort of blamed you in a way."

Carson said hastily, "But I think you did the best thing that you could have been done at the time."

"It was not the best thing for me," Alice said, remnants of the anguish she had faced creeping into her voice.

Carson bit back a retort and just shrugged. "I am not going to sign the divorce papers," he said, breaking the silence. "I still love you. Don't ask me why because God knows you would have stretched the patience of a saint. I want us to work on our marriage. You are here now. Maybe it will work now that both of us are mature and in a better place in life."

"I live in New York. I have my business there. I have a cat named Candy." Alice said, "I can’t live here."

"I live in Jamaica. I have my business here. I have a daughter named Mia," Carson retorted. "She needs a mother. I think we can reach a compromise. Bring Candy here. Mia loves animals."

"No, why do I have to be the one who makes the compromise?" Alice shook her head vehemently. "Carson, please. I am pretty sure that there is a whole gaggle of women waiting to marry you and be Mia's mother. Don't you want more children? You've always loved kids. You are a nurturer."

Carson's eyes were flashing with heat. He looked at Alice, who had turned her head away.

"Look at me, Alice."

Alice shook her head. "Why?"

"Because I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that this is what you want. I want you to look me in the eyes unflinchingly and tell me that you want me to get married to somebody else and have children with them."

Alice spun her head around defiantly and looked into his dark brown eyes and then she swung her head back toward the sea. She did not like lying to Carson and she was not about to put another one on her growing pile.

"That's just what I thought," Carson said seriously. "Have you ever met anyone in the past ten years that you would contemplate being with? Starting a family with? Sleeping with?"

"No," Alice said, "but it's different for you. You are a man. You have needs."

"That's right!" Carson said, "and I need you, you, Alice, no one else. I have tried to love other women. After the first five years when you left, the business had settled in somewhat, and I had worked out a system with Mia and me. I thought I would look around. I gave up hope that you would come back. I also thought that Mia needed a woman in her life. I was feeling a little overwhelmed at the time. So, I actively looked around. There were loads of candidates, especially at Cedar Hill Church, but they all had one flaw; they weren't you. Though I felt rejected and spurned when you left me, I can't seem to shake you from my head or heart. I am sorry if part of your therapy is to make a clean break from me because I am not signing those divorce papers."

"You don't need to sign. We have been apart for ten years. I can just go ahead and get a divorce," Alice said defiantly.

"Then do it," Carson said. "As a matter of fact, why didn't you do it? I'll tell you why. You wanted us to connect again. All this talk of therapy and healing is rubbish. The first thing you did when you got off the plane was to seek me out. The second day you slept with me. You know what, Alice, I have spent most of my life, protecting you, cherishing you, helping you out, keeping your secrets, and raising your child. That's right. I said it.

Now, as of today, I am not going to be your kicking bag anymore. You are going to show me that you want me. You are going to do the pursuing and you are going to make the effort. You have a month here. You are going to have to make all the moves. As of today, I am done treating you with kid gloves." Carson got up. "Have a good day. You have my number."

"Carson, wait!" Alice said worriedly. "I didn't mean to make you mad. I just want closure."

"For you and me, there is no closure. I want you to meet me half way," Carson said, looking back at her. "Prove to me that you have matured, and please, for God's sake, for Mia's sake, and for my sake, stop running away. Ten years was entirely too long a reprieve for you, too long Alice. Now it's time to face the music." With that parting shot, he walked away with his head held high, looking like a man who meant business.

Alice sunk back down on the bench.
Face the music.
She clutched the stress ball as if her life depended on it. She closed her eyes and prayed, "Dear God, help me."

Chapter Eight

After storming off from what was supposed to be lunch with Alice, Carson returned to his garage, where the eight guys he employed, were busy doing various jobs. He did not want to do any office work right then. He called his office assistant, Patsy and told her to forward only important calls to his cell phone.

He headed to the 1962 Ferrari that he was remodeling for a billionaire who had recently acquired it at an auction in the States. He had it locked up in a separate part of the garage where no one else had access to it without his knowledge. Sometimes the other guys helped him with some of the work but he was strictly the point man on this particular project. This job alone was enough to cover his business expenses for the next two years as it involved really intricate and meticulous work. His reputation as a classic car restorer was growing even past the shores of Jamaica and he always welcomed jobs like these.

He put on his overalls then pulled off the tarpaulin that covered the car. He looked up when he heard a knock on the door and saw that it was Mia. Her face was pressing through the wire mesh fence that was used as a barrier to the rest of the garage.

He pressed the buzzer and let her in. She was in overalls and a baseball hat, looking like a mini garage man. She loved working in the garage and he wondered if he was doing the right thing by allowing her to run roughshod over the whole garage. Already Mia knew more about cars than most of the apprentices who passed through the business.

"Hi," she said, heading toward the scattered engine parts on the floor and squatting down over them.

"Thought you weren't talking to me," Carson said, squatting down beside her.

"Did you find the timing belt chain covers?" she asked, ignoring her father.

Carson grinned. "Yes, I did." He proceeded to put the engine back together with the new parts he had ordered as Mia looked over his shoulder with interest.

"Aunt Melody called and said I can spend the weekend with them this week," Mia said. "Aunt Ruby also called right after you left and offered to take me out this evening for ice cream."

They were being extra kind to Mia because Alice was back. Not that they were not kind before but Carson figured that this was an attempt to soften the blow to her that Alice's presence caused. It was not only altruistic though, they all probably thought that Mia had met Alice already and everybody was chomping at the bit for details.

He looked up at Mia. "You don't sound excited to go. You are usually excited to stay over with Uncle Logan and Aunt Melody."

"Why can't she see me?" Mia asked plaintively. "I know it was her you went to see the other night and today."

Carson looked at Mia, contemplating what he should say to her. He had always approached parenting with as much honesty as he could but he was stumped by this challenge. To explain Alice to Mia was becoming harder as the years went by. To talk about her mother would be to talk about the past, the circumstances surrounding her birth, the turmoil, the anger, the grief—it would be a terribly uncomfortable task.

He usually chose to tell her about Alice as a young girl. He hoped that by telling her those stories, Mia would see the picture of Alice he had in his head and at least have a fond feeling toward her mother.

"Yes, I saw her," he nodded. At least in this he could be honest.

"And?" Mia asked a little bit too eagerly.

"And, she is going to...," he searched his mind for the right words. He could not tell that he fear that she may slink off like a coward back to the States and lavish her cat, Candy, with the affection that she could not give Mia.