Going Solo (New Song) (6 page)

"No, I haven't met anybody worth mentioning. I just thought I should do the mature thing and initiate a divorce, you know. I had to see you one last time, though…say a proper goodbye." She laughed uncomfortably.

Even though he had mentioned it first, when she said "divorce", the word slammed Carson, punching him squarely in the solar plexus. He was not prepared to hear her say it
. Would it take him another ten years to see the light?
He wondered. He was floundering around in his subconscious, trying to come up with some witty comeback to show how blasé he was about the whole divorce thing but he could not find one. The word destroyed hope—hope he didn't even know he was holding onto where she was concerned. He only managed a groan.

"Carson?" Alice got up out of her seat and slowly crawled on her knees over to where he was sitting. She looked up at him, her eyes concerned. "I don't know what to say." She touched his knee.

Carson pulled her up roughly and stood up. "Listen to me!" he gritted out, "There is so much a man can take, Alice, only so much."

Alice was looking at him with fascination. His eyes were like fiery darts. His touch scorched her soul, doing strange things to her nervous system.

"Don't look at me like that," Carson said huskily. "Don't do this to me."

He moved away from her and turned toward the window. It was night and the pool area was well lit. Several persons were out there. He could hear the tinkling of laughter out there and he resented the faceless people for being happy enough to laugh. He was filled with turmoil and so many topsy-turvy emotions that he could not name.

"Carson," Alice whispered, her hand wrapped around his tensely held back.

Carson turned around and looked into her face. He was lost. He knew it. She knew it. This had been inevitable as soon as he had followed her into the room. They had to talk but he could not think of anything to say right now. He inhaled her scent: Coconut Breeze.

"This is not how..." He did not finish his sentence. The rest of it was smothered against her lips. Alice's arms circled his neck as he bent to scoop her into his arms. He carried her into the bedroom. A band of moonlight streamed through the blinds, making a striped pattern on the bed.

He set Alice down on her feet next to the bed, letting her slide against his body. Just that feeling made him shudder. His mouth traced the length of her throat, his lips settling at the pulse that beat there.

"Stop me!" Carson said, a pleading huskiness in his voice.

"No." Alice clutched him closer. "I just want to feel loved again. I need this." Her eyes were filled with tears and Carson placed a hand on her lips.

He had been waiting for this for so long. Ten years without her—torture. The bed creaked beneath his weight as he lowered himself on it, taking her with him. Their bodies slid together, softness against muscle and so much heat and need. It felt familiar and yet new. His hands stroked her, relearning every curve. Alice's hands explored his body with a boldness that she had never shown before. He wanted this to never end. Carson clutched her body to his, it did not matter, it was Alice and he loved his wife.

*****

His phone was ringing somewhere in the tangled sheets. It was eleven o'clock in the night. He jumped up.

"Stay." Alice whispered hoarsely.

"No." Carson said, kissing her on the shoulders. "I have responsibilities. I left Mia with the neighbors."

He jumped out of bed, pulling on his clothes in a hurry, ignoring the ringing phone until he was in some semblance of order.

"Daddy, are you coming to get me?" Mia was sobbing in his ears.

"Baby, I'll be right there. I am on my way," he said to his sobbing child.

"I have to go." he looked at Alice. "My daughter has developed severe insecurities since you got back."

Alice closed her eyes and swallowed.

"We have to talk about her some time," Carson said, fishing his car keys from his pants pocket. "And we have to talk about this. What we just did here was not goodbye Alice. It was something else but not goodbye."

"Suppose I don't want to talk about this. Suppose I just want to be."

"How long were you planning to stay?" Carson asked. His body stiffened in anticipation of her answer.

"A month." Alice cracked her eyes and looked at him.

"We'll talk tomorrow," Carson said. "Here's my number." He jotted down a cell number on his business card. "Call me. Maybe we can have lunch somewhere, preferably far from a room."

He strode to the room door.

"Come lock up after me."

Alice got up out of bed draping the sheet around her.

Carson shook his head. "Too late for that." He admired her tousled hair and her bee-stung lips. They had gotten pretty wild. They had both had a decade of longing stored up.

Alice walked closer and closer to him and then stood in front of him. "Bye, Carson."

"No," Carson said softly, "Good night, Alice."

He stepped out into the balmy night air and headed to the parking lot. What they just did would not make a breakup any easier, not that he wanted a break from her.

He started the car and backed out of the parking lot. It was impossible not to feel tossed around in a maelstrom of sensations but of course, Alice had always managed to do that to him.

Chapter Six

September 1996

Every year they had a song that they sang together. They usually referred to it as "our song". This year it was
Last Night
by Az Yet. Of course, they could not perform it in church because it was too erotic. Besides, Pastor Keen would ban them from ever performing again. He would probably take back the instruments and return them to the church basement.

"Maybe we can perform it at a wedding," Alice said to Carson, jokingly.

Carson shook his head. "No."

He was lying in his bed and Alice was lying on Xavier's. "Do you think Pastor Keen is... er... acting like himself?" Alice asked, looking at Carson.

"What do you mean?" Carson asked. "He passed through the neighborhood last week. He stopped by here and he seemed fine. I thought he stopped by your place. Do you think he is sick or something?"

"It might be nothing," Alice shrugged. She was playing with one of his smaller wrenches, throwing it in the air, and then catching it. "No, I didn't see him when he stopped by. Blue was there though. Blue hates Pastor Keen, and no, I don't think he is sick as in cough and sniffles sick." She chuckled and then changed the subject.

"I wish Mama would let me relax my hair."

Carson chuckled. "Why?"

"Because it would be so much easier to handle. I must be the only girl in my class with natural hair."

"Your hair's beautiful, Alice," Carson said wearily. Alice had hit sixteen and had developed a vain streak. She was always asking him how she looked, and if he thought that she was better looking than almost every girl he saw. It was his fault for having a girlfriend, who was also his best friend.

She was dressed in khaki shorts and a tight t-shirt, her lithe firm body arching towards his. She was unconsciously being seductive and it was taking every inch of will power to keep from jumping on Alice. He closed his eyes. 

She had literally turned into a vixen overnight, constantly flirting with him, asking him provocative questions. It was as if she were daring him to do something about it. She was straining all the self-control that his eighteen-year-old body could muster every time she came by and casually posed and pouted her way through a conversation. But he had to face facts—most of the guys in his neighborhood were fathers by eighteen. Most of them had two or three children with different women and sat at the street corner, doing nothing all day.

Carson was determined to be different. He had to leave Norwood and find another place to live. That was all he and Xavier talked about. Xavier was saving his money from his job as a purchasing clerk at one of the larger hotel chains, and he was assembling computers on the side. Not to be out-done, Carson was saving his tips from Petey's and even taking on some private jobs. Last week he had gotten a huge tip from a rich gentleman, who had a car problem that no one else at Petey's could fix. He had instinctively known where to look to find the solution. Petey, the owner of the garage, was getting old and the place was becoming run-down. He was literally the only one working on the more technical jobs although he had not yet completed Level One at the local automotive academy.

Right now, he was supposed to be studying for the written exam in three months but as usual, as soon as he got home, Alice would come over. She watched to see when he got home and would come over to tell him every detail about her day.

He was getting out of Norwood and he was going to carry her with him. They were going to get married. They were going to do things the right way because any mishaps along the way could delay their future or relegate them to this place forever. That was enough to have him restraining himself from touching her.

"Why are you so silent?" Alice asked playfully.

"I was thinking…”Carson said with a pause, "that it may take us five years tops to get out of here. I could continue working at Petey's for three more years and then open my own garage. Then I can save up enough money to get us out of here."

"But Petey's is so central though," Alice said. "Maybe you should consider buying out Petey… he has all of that land space. You could put a restaurant there and maybe a clothing boutique."

"Or I could sell cars and car parts," Carson said, his eyes taking on a feverish glint. "You know, to compliment the services offered, I could do more than a car wash and offer car detailing and sell car related stuff such as oils and tires…make it a one-stop shop."

Alice was nodding vigorously. "That would be good."

Carson lay back on his hands. "I wonder how much Petey would sell his place for?"

Alice giggled. "I thought we were just dreaming."

"No." Carson looked at her seriously. "We are not just dreaming. Petey's is mine. Remember a couple of months ago when Pastor Keen gave the talk in youth class and he said that faith was claiming something without even knowing how it was going to happen?"

"Yup, I remember." Alice frowned and then she scowled. "I don't want to talk about church and all of that stuff."

"Why?" Carson looked at her. He had never heard her talk this way before.

"Blue says that churches brainwash people. I don't want to be brainwashed."

"When since you started to listen to Blue about anything?" Carson asked, appalled.

"Since he started to make sense." Alice mumbled. "And besides, I think Pastor Keen is creepy."

"Pastor Keen?" Carson laughed. "Creepy? He is the nicest person ever. Do you know how much he has helped us, Alice? Our band? Our individual families? The church? He lives and breathes to help. I mean, I have always wished that he could be my Dad, you know, in a different universe where my real Dad isn't in jail."

Alice got up looking ruffled, a belligerent expression on her face. "He has a weird smile." She distorted her face. "See, like this, and he has a certain way of looking at me that is sickening."

Carson was getting angry at her and he did not know why. Pastor Keen was the closest thing to a father that he had. He loved Alice but she was going too far. He wanted to stick his finger in his ear and ignore her but he could not. As much as he loved Pastor Keen, Alice was infinitely more precious to him.

"What's that you just did? ‘That look’. What's that, a sleepy look or something?" he asked gruffly.

Alice shrugged. "Sleepy, seductive. I don't know. It's the look he gives me, and it makes me uncomfortable, and his wife looks at me strange as well. Why is she so mousy looking and shifty?"

Carson released the breath that he was holding in. "Does she look at you funny too?"

"Yes," Alice said, "in a completely different creepy way than does Pastor Keen though."

The anger began to dissipate in his head. He was excessively touchy where Alice was concerned. A few weeks ago, he had threatened Blue that if he so much as touched her, she would be the last thing that he ever touched. He did this because Alice had complained to him about Blue. The creep had graduated from just looking at her and licking his lips, to making lewd remarks. It had gotten so bad that she got ready for school at his house so that she could leave out with his mom in the mornings.

Alice told him everything and he took it seriously. He had taken the Blue threat seriously and now Pastor Keen was posing a problem. If Pastor Keen was looking at his girl funny, he would have to do something about it but what? He did not know. Maybe he could start by talking to the pastor and his wife. Maybe he was overreacting.

"I am sorry but I had to tell you. I know how much you love him," Alice said, she spotted a stick of gum on his dresser and she popped it into her mouth.

"I just need to know what you mean by 'creepy'," Carson said. "The man is fifty-eight. Why would he be looking at a sixteen year old in a creepy way? And Sister Keen maybe mousy but they've been together for so long."