Read Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms Online
Authors: Emily Nagoski
Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms
THE GOOD IN BED GUIDE TO FEMALE ORGASMS.
Copyright © 2010 by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information, please address: Good in Bed LLC, PMB 409, 22
Prince Street, New York, NY 10012
Cover design by Jen Wink, illustrations by Josie Morway and eBook design by Emily Blair ISBN 978-0-9843221-2-1 (e-book)
Disclaimer: This book contains advice and information relating to sexual health and interpersonal well-being. It is not intended to replace medical or psychotherapeutic advice and should be used to sup-plement rather than replace regular care by your doctor or mental health professional. While all efforts have been made to ensure the accuracy of the information contained in this book as of the date of publication, the publisher and the author are not responsible for any adverse effects or consequences that may occur as a result of applying the methods suggested in this book.
About the Author
Emily Nagoski has a Ph.D. in Health Behavior, with a concentration in Human Sexuality from Indiana University, and a Masters degree in Counseling Psychology also from IU, including a clinical internship at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic.
While at IU, Emily taught courses in both Human Sexuality and Marriage and Family Interaction. With more than a decade’s experience as a sex educator and an unshockable enthusiasm for empowering others to have healthy, joyful sex, Emily brings insight and clarity to the often perplexing, always fascinating world of human sexuality.
About Good in Bed
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The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms 5
Table of Contents
Chapter One: Anatomy, Everything But the G-Spot 11
Chapter Two: The G-Spot: When, What, Where
Chapter Three: The 5 Rules of the G-Spot
Chapter Four: How Arousal Works
Chapter Five: Why It Sometimes Feels Like You
Chapter Six: Manual Stimulation
Chapter Eight: Female Ejaculation
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The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms
Chapter Twelve: Multiple Orgasms
Chapter Thirteen: Simultaneous Orgasms
Chapter Fourteen: Orgasm Differences
Chapter Fifteen: Energy Orgasms
Chapter Sixteen: How to Have an Orgasm
Chapter Seventeen: Anxiety that Inhibits Orgasm 80
Chapter Eighteen: Homage to the Clitoris
Chapter Twenty-One: How to Have an Orgasm
Chapter Twenty-Two: It’s Not What You Do,
The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms 7
Chapter Twenty-Three: Do You Know When
Chapter Twenty-Four: Three Differences Between
Chapter Twenty-Five: How to Tell When
Chapter Twenty-Six: Conclusion
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The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms
Want to learn how to achieve 487 different kinds of orgasms? If so, you’re reading the wrong guidebook.
Despite what many women’s magazines would have you believe, there’s no such thing as a rainbow variety of orgasms—and you’re not sexually inadequate if you aren’t having them every night, all night.
Believe me when I tell you this:
There is only one kind of orgasm.
And this is
very good
news!
Orgasm is simply the explosive release of sexual tension. How that tension is generated doesn’t matter—and humans (particularly females), in their vast sexual plasticity, can have orgasms from nearly any kind of stimulation, given practice and a sexy context.
Mostly women have them via clitoral stimulation—and as you’ll learn in a bit, the clitoris is everywhere you want it to be. It’s VAST. We can also have them via shallow or deep vaginal penetration, internal or external anal stimulation, inner thigh or breast stimulation, earlobes, toes, backs of the knees, small of the back, arches of the feet… pretty much if there’s sensation, The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms 9
you can learn to have orgasms from it. In fact, some people can even have orgasms just by thinking about it.
And orgasms can
feel
different, too. A g-spot generated orgasm can feel very different from a clit-generated orgasm. (You’ll learn about both in this guide.) Orgasms are as heterogeneous as women are.
So remember, there are lots of ways to generate sexual tension, but only one orgasmic response. Whatever way you get there is completely groovy, and if you want to learn to have them in new ways, practice, practice practice.
That’s what this guide is all about. You’re going to learn more about the female body and how it works, get to know your sexual response and arousal, discover how locate—and stimulate—your g-spot, and even explore fun, sexy stuff like multiple and simultaneous orgasms.
So…
Ready to start experiencing mind-blowing orgasms?
Let’s get started.
1
Orgasm Basics*
The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms 11
Chapter One: Anatomy, Everything But the G-Spot
Understanding the overall layout of women’s genitals is the first step in getting to know the g-spot. This section reviews the important parts of the female anatomy: Vulva – This is the name for the whole kit and ka-boodle, the entirety of a woman’s external genitalia (excluding the urethra, which is technically part of the excretory system, not the reproductive system).
“Vagina” refers only the birth canal; the general term for women’s genitals is vulva.
Labia Majora – These are the soft, hairy lips on the outside of the vulva. They are stretchy, like the skin of the scrotum, and tugging at them provides indirect tugging of the clitoris.
Labia Minora – These are the sensitive inner lips of the vulva, usually some shade of pink in women of all ethnicities. They swell and darken with arousal and are made of
very
delicate tissue, which you should avoid touching directly without some kind of lubrication, such as saliva or bottled lube.
Labial commissure – This is the corner of the mouth, where the lips meet. It is incredibly sensitive—so 12
The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms sensitive that just your breath can do good things to it. Be aware that the vulva has two labial commissures, the anterior and posterior.
To get to know the labial commissure, try this: If it’s your own vulva, use the tips of your fingers; if it’s your partner’s vulva, use the meat of your palm (the heavy muscle below your thumb—technically it’s your
“thenar eminence”) to press gently down on the pubic bone, and then tug upward, toward the navel. (Gently now; you always want to err on the side of delicacy, waiting for her to deliquesce, yield, and open before you aggress. If unsure, use about half the pressure you think might be right.) Tug, hold, and release. Tug, hold, and release.
Try an easy, side-to-side wiggle. Listen to her breath and watch her abdominal muscles for cues about how this is affecting her.
Clitoris – Most of the time, this is the center of a woman’s erotic world. In fact, 95% of women masturbate The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms 13
with no vaginal stimulation at all. G-spot stimulation is therefore a departure into a new world of sensation for a lot of women.
Urethra – Between the clitoris and the vagina is the small, sometimes nearly invisible opening of the urethra, which leads to the bladder. This area is extremely sensitive, and women vary a lot in whether or not stimulation here feels erotic. For someone women it just feels like they have to pee.
Vagina – The vagina is the birth canal. It’s a “potential space” about three inches long when it’s not aroused, composed of folds of delicate tissue. The walls of the vagina “sweat” (technically, it’s called “transudation”) when a woman becomes aroused. Also, two glands at the entrance of the vagina produce additional lubrication. Only the outer third of the vagina is very sensitive, and this outer third is where you’ll find the g-spot. The most important fact about the vagina in terms of the g-spot is that it is angled, usually toward the abdomen.
Introitus – This is the area between the urethra and the vagina. It is extremely delicate and sensitive and you should always use some kind of lube when touching it.
14
The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms Fourchette –The underside of the vagina has a little lip, the fourchette, which is the equivalent of the male frenulum, the single most important part of the penis. It’s the y-shaped junction of the head to the shaft, where the foreskin, if it’s intact, attaches to the shaft.
It’s loaded with nerve endings. When men masturbate, it’s quite typical for them to stroke their fingers over the frenulum, while their thumb goes over the bump of the corona (head of the penis). This frenulum-bump combo is super-important.
In women, the fourchette doesn’t get that kind of prominence, but in some women it’s super sensitive and way worth the effort of finding.
Pay attention to the fourchette. Use lube when you do, treat it very gently and delicately. If you have given birth, this area may have torn or been cut, which will leave scarring and make the area sensitive and sometimes sore.
Perineum – The area between where the bottom of the vaginal opening and the is called the perineum or “taint” – because, like, “’taint pussy, ’taint ass.” It is sensitive to both light touch (like stroking) and deep pressure (like massage). The perineum is sensitive to deep pressure because of its proximity to sensitive
The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms 15
internal organs. Its sensitivity is about the same as the tissue immediately adjacent to the clitoris.
Anus – The anus is a ring of muscle that is densely packed with nerve endings and extremely responsive to light touch and deep pressure. The anus and rectum are very delicate and I recommend always using some kind of lubrication.
hood
glans
frenulum
urethra
vagina
labia minora
labia majora
fourchette
perineum
anus
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The Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms Chapter Two: The G-Spot: When, What, Where