Read Good Night, Sleep Tight Workbook Online
Authors: Kim West
Tags: #Family & Relationships, #Life Stages, #Infants & Toddlers, #Parenting, #General
Good Night, Sleep Tight Workbook (12 page)
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• On night seven you will move your
chair to the door
inside the room.
• If you have decided to keep bumpers on your crib, it’s okay to fold back one side of the bumper so your child can see you.
• Use your voice to reassure her.
• Keep a sleep log.
• You may get out of your chair and go to the crib to comfort your child if she becomes hysterical.
• For all nighttime awakenings, you can go to the cribside initially, see what your baby needs, encourage her to lie down, reassure her, and then go back to your chair by the door.
Move the
chair to the hallway, with the door open enough so your child can still see you from the crib
. The hall should be dimly lit. Stay until she falls asleep.
chair to the hallway, with the door open enough so your child can still see you from the crib
. The hall should be dimly lit. Stay until she falls asleep.
When your child wakes up during the night, return to the chair position you were in at bedtime that night and sooth her. You can go over to the crib initially and quickly calm and caress her, and encourage her to lie down (if she’s standing or sitting) before you return to your chair by the door. Continue the soothing sounds but stay in the chair as much as you can. Get up to pat or stroke her a little if necessary. Try not to pick her up unless she’s hysterical, and if you do pick her up, follow the technique I described for the first three nights. Stay in your chair in the hallway in view until she’s asleep.
• Your new chair position on night 10 is the hallway
in view.
• Your child’s bedroom door should be open enough for her to see you from her crib.
• Keep a sleep log.
• This next move on the first night can be difficult because you’re not in the room and your child may try every trick she can think of to get you back there. She may throw things or cry until you come; if she’s verbal, she might even kick off her blanket and then call you to tuck her back in. Set a limit such as “Mommy will only tuck you in one more time and then you will have to do it yourself.” Follow through on whatever you say.
• If you’ve been consistent up until now you will probably be seeing some improvement—such as fewer, shorter night awakenings. Congratulations.
• Night sleep falls into place on average after 7 to 10 nights (in children under 18 months, two to three weeks in children over 18 months), and naps in two to three weeks. Afternoon naps and early rising can take as long as three to four weeks to improve.
By now your baby is probably falling asleep and staying asleep on her own. Your last step is to give her a chance to do this without your presence. It may seem like a huge leap, but it’s not so big for her. After all, she’s had nearly two weeks of preparation! Move farther down the hall, so that you’re
out of view but your child can hear you
. You can keep making “sh-sh” sounds—not constantly, but often enough to let her know that you’re close by and responsive. If she cries, check on her from the door—don’t go over to her crib. Be calm and reassuring. Make some comforting, encouraging sounds to convey that you’re not far away and that you know she can put herself to sleep. Your baby really can soothe herself to sleep—if you give her the opportunity.
out of view but your child can hear you
. You can keep making “sh-sh” sounds—not constantly, but often enough to let her know that you’re close by and responsive. If she cries, check on her from the door—don’t go over to her crib. Be calm and reassuring. Make some comforting, encouraging sounds to convey that you’re not far away and that you know she can put herself to sleep. Your baby really can soothe herself to sleep—if you give her the opportunity.
• It’s okay to break this step up if it’s very upsetting to your child. For instance, you could sit halfway out of view the first night and then move to totally out of view a night or two later.
• Night awakenings have greatly diminished by now and you may only be struggling with early rising. This is especially true if your child had a previous history of early rising. Stay consistent and work on those naps. Early rising can take three to four weeks to improve!
• Remember that early rising is caused by one or more of the following:• a too-late bedtime• nap deprivation in general• a too-large wake-up window between afternoon nap and bedtime. This window should not exceed four hours for a child who is not sleeping through the night yet.• putting your child to bed too drowsy at bedtime
• The two hardest parts of sleep coaching are early rising and the stubborn afternoon naps. Stay consistent and these will improve!!
Olivia, age 18 months
CHAPTER NINE
Implementing Your Plan: Step-by-Step Shuffle Outline for a Child in a Bed
A child who’s old enough to sleep in a big-kid bed is old enough to become vested in improving his own sleep, and can feel proud when he does. Positive reinforcement goes a long way for this age group.
Children who move from the crib too early don’t necessarily have the verbal skills to understand big-boy or big-girl bedtime rules (which on average are developed at 2½ years old). That means this process will take longer and you very well may have to install a gate. Be patient and consistent. If your toddler is on a mattress on the floor or in a low toddler bed, sit nearby on the floor, not on a chair.
Choose a time when your child is happy and receptive. Sunday morning after pancakes is a lot better than 5:00 p.m. on a weekday when she skipped her nap and is starving for dinner. Tell her that you read a book by the Sleep Lady® and learned about how children can sleep better. That way you can blame me for any changes or rules she doesn’t like. For instance, if your child begs you to lie down with her you can say the Sleep Lady® said we can’t do that but we can stay with you in your room. Some children get furious with me. “The Sleep Lady® can’t come over to play with me!” “I don’t like the Sleep Lady®.” But when they succeed, when they start feeling good about their new sleep skills, they often want to call me on the phone and tell me how proud they are of themselves! In the back of this workbook is a certificate you can tear out, fill in, and give to your child!
Keep the discussion upbeat and positive. You don’t want your child to feel she has a problem, or that she’s doing something wrong. Portray it as your problem, your responsibility. “Mommy and Daddy should have helped you learn to put yourself to sleep earlier, and we are sorry we didn’t. But the Sleep Lady® helped us understand that and now we are going to help you learn.” Explain that children who go to bed without fussing and who sleep all night feel better in the morning and have more fun during the day. Encourage your child to brainstorm about how she can participate, maybe by deciding what she can take into her bed to touch or hug, or what extra game she will get to play in the morning if she uses her good-sleep manners at night. You want her to have a stake in success. You may be surprised at how sensitive children already are to sleep issues, and how quickly they pick up the lingo. Many kids are relieved when parents bring this up. They know that something is wrong, that Mom and Dad are frustrated and want them to sleep differently. They’re happy to know you are going to help them fix it.
If you think it will help, you can give your child examples, preferably of an older friend or cousin she looks up to. Say something like, “We’re going to teach you how to put yourself to sleep and sleep all night long in your own bed, just like Cousin Johnny and Cousin Jenny and Gramma and Aunt Rachel.” Be sure to frame this in a positive way, not one to make your child feel ashamed.
Explain clearly and specifically what changes are coming. “Daddy is not going to lie down with you anymore, but Daddy
will
stay with you until you fall asleep.” Or, “If you come to our bed at night, we’re going to tell you we love you and take you back into your bed where you can snuggle with your teddy bear.” Adapt the script to the appropriate sleep challenge, but you don’t have to give a lot more detail. You can introduce the idea of a sticker chart so your child will know exactly what behavior you’ll expect.
will
stay with you until you fall asleep.” Or, “If you come to our bed at night, we’re going to tell you we love you and take you back into your bed where you can snuggle with your teddy bear.” Adapt the script to the appropriate sleep challenge, but you don’t have to give a lot more detail. You can introduce the idea of a sticker chart so your child will know exactly what behavior you’ll expect.
I strongly encourage you to use what I call
“wake-up music”
or
a light with an attached appliance timer
. You can purchase an inexpensive CD alarm clock or use your MP3 player with an alarm clock and set it for a nice calming song to go off at your child’s average wake-up time (as long as it’s not before 6:00 a.m.). Let your child choose the song, or consider the “Good Morning!” song on my CD,
The Sweetest Dreams
; it was written just for this purpose. Six o’clock in the morning is the earliest and 7:30 a.m. should be the latest the music goes off.
Don’t set it for 7:30 a.m. if your child tends to wake at 6:00 a.m. or earlier.
Explain to your child that having this clock in her room is very special and grown-up ands he’s not to touch it. Set it to go off in two minutes to show him what to expect. Put a positive spin on it. Explain that the clock will tell him when it’s okay to get out of bed and start the day. Bonus for you: Your child will no longer spend mornings asking, “Is it time to get up yet? Is it time to get up yet?” If you set it for 6:00 a.m. and your child starts to sleep through it, then set the time later and enjoy the extra sleep time yourself!
“wake-up music”
or
a light with an attached appliance timer
. You can purchase an inexpensive CD alarm clock or use your MP3 player with an alarm clock and set it for a nice calming song to go off at your child’s average wake-up time (as long as it’s not before 6:00 a.m.). Let your child choose the song, or consider the “Good Morning!” song on my CD,
The Sweetest Dreams
; it was written just for this purpose. Six o’clock in the morning is the earliest and 7:30 a.m. should be the latest the music goes off.
Don’t set it for 7:30 a.m. if your child tends to wake at 6:00 a.m. or earlier.
Explain to your child that having this clock in her room is very special and grown-up ands he’s not to touch it. Set it to go off in two minutes to show him what to expect. Put a positive spin on it. Explain that the clock will tell him when it’s okay to get out of bed and start the day. Bonus for you: Your child will no longer spend mornings asking, “Is it time to get up yet? Is it time to get up yet?” If you set it for 6:00 a.m. and your child starts to sleep through it, then set the time later and enjoy the extra sleep time yourself!
If you don’t like the idea of the music you can purchase an appliance timer (digital ones are presumed to be more accurate) and attach it to a light in your child’s room. Explain to her that the light will turn on when it’s time to get up. I have successfully used this strategy with children 18 months to 2½ years since the music is often too difficult for this age group to comprehend.
Kids this age love stickers, stamps, and stars, and tend to respond really well to getting them as a reward for accomplishment. Young kids are happy to receive a star or sticker to press onto a piece of paper or to wear on their clothes, so they can show it off all day. As an extra incentive, you can let your child choose her own reward stickers.
An older child will usually go for a more complex reward system: a chart with squares for each night of a week, for example, that she can decorate and that shows off her track record. Some parents give an assortment of stickers but save the special sparkly gold one as a reward at the end of a good week. To make a weekly chart, turn the paper horizontally, put the days of the week along the top, and the manners down the left, or short, side. (There is a sample chart on page 103 and a blank one you can tear out, copy, and use on page 104.)
Choose four or more “manners” that best apply to your child
. I call them manners, rather than rules, because manners connote expected behavior and earning praise. Also, it’s a reminder that we want to incorporate manners in our life all the time, not just when we are getting stickers.
. I call them manners, rather than rules, because manners connote expected behavior and earning praise. Also, it’s a reminder that we want to incorporate manners in our life all the time, not just when we are getting stickers.
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