Goodbye Secrets (The Lost & Found Series book #2) (18 page)

“Please ... please don’t hurt me,” I begged him calmly, holding back my sobs. I remember feeling scared. Ray looked up at me quickly.

“God, baby. No ... no, I’m sorry. I would never hurt you. Oh God, Becca, I’m sorry.” He climbed off of me and pulled me up. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” He was in tears now, too. I let him hug me. I cried in his neck for at least ten minutes. I cried because George damaged me so badly that I couldn’t even allow myself to be fully loved by this wonderful, amazing man in front of me. I couldn’t allow myself to love him in that way.

After that day, he never brought up his feelings or made any more advances on me. We acted as if it never happened. Really well, I guess, because this is the first time I’ve thought about it since. How do I just forget something like that? It makes me feel so nervous. Is there anything else I’ve blocked out? Christ!

I open my eyes and focus on the here and now as I hear Grayson and Morgan laughing.

“Hey there, sleepyhead.” Grayson kisses my hair.

“Oh, sorry.” I smile meekly because I know I wasn’t really asleep.

“The ride is almost over, love. Are you still up for hot chocolate and cookies inside?” He grasps my chin with his thumb and forefinger to raise my face up to his. I squint from the sun.

“Yes, that’s fine, handsome.” I kiss his lips.

“Handsome, aye? Must’ve been a good dream.” He kisses me again.

“No, actually, a bit of a nightmare. Glad to wake up to you.” I hug him tightly.

“I love you, Becca.” He squeezes.

I’m in the middle of the meadow with Rocco, who leans down to drink from the creek. It’s a gorgeous spring day, and I run my hands over my very big belly. Two masculine hands join mine. I lay my head back on his shoulder, allowing him access to my neck.

“Oh, Becs, I’m so happy. I can’t wait to meet our babies.”

I turn my head to look at him.

“No. No, this isn’t yours. They are not yours. No!” I try to tell Ray.

“We’re going to be great together, baby. I’m so in love with you.” He leans down to kiss me.

“No! No, stop! It’s not true! Grayson, where’s Grayson?” I ask, panicked.

“Dead, sweetheart. Sweetheart, it’s okay. Wake up, love.” Ray is talking, but it’s Grayson’s voice.

“No! No, you’re lying! Where’s Grayson?” I cry.

“I’m right here, Becca! Please, sweetheart!” Ray grabs my arms and shakes me.

I open my eyes to Grayson and grasp his face with both of my hands.

“Are you real? Are you here?” I cry.

“Yes, sweetheart, I am.” He pulls me into his arms. “Jesus H. Christ, Becca! I couldn’t wake you up! What were you dreaming about, sweetheart?” He brings my face up to look at his.

“I was on Rocco in the meadow ... ” I start to tell him my nightmare as I try to control my crying.

“Oh, Becca, sweetheart, your dreams are crazy because you’re pregnant, love. I’m here. I’m fine. It was just a dream!” He kisses me. “It’s still so early. Why don’t you try to go back to sleep? I bet part of this is from being exhausted by our excursion yesterday—and our activities last night.” He nudges my nose playfully.

I climb on top, straddling him.

“I need you, baby. Grayson, I love you. You are my world,” I cry out in between the kisses I run down his neck and shoulder. That dream freaked me out, and I just to need to be as close to him as possible.

“You have me, sweetheart. I’m here. I love you, baby,” he declares, and swiftly enters me.

“Oh God, baby.” I moan and attack his lips with mine.

“Can I sleep in a bit, love?” Grayson asks as I get up for a shower.

“Sure.” I give him a quick kiss when I come around to his side of the bed.

“You okay now?” He holds my arms and stares into my eyes.

“Yes, much better now. I’ve just had a session with my sextherapist.” I giggle.

“So he was he able to help you, then?” He gives me a half smile and tucks my hair behind my ears.

“Oh, yes, he’s got a great way of showing me that things are always looking up.” I kiss his nose and then his lips again.

“Hmm ... so what time will the man of your nightmares be dropping his daughter off today?” he asks.

“Oh shit, it’s Friday?” Christ, I really don’t want to see Ray today.

“Yes, dear.”

“Probably after four, before dinner. Well, it’ll be nice to have Annie. You’ll love her, Gray!” I do miss Annie terribly.

“I absolutely
can’t
wait, darling!” His overexaggeration tells me something different.

“Hey, Stace, how ya feeling today?” I plop down on Morgan’s bed.

“Becca, please help me take a shower today.” She’s practically in tears. “Melanie is a sweet girl, but I just don’t feel comfortable. She’s so young and perky and I feel like crap. I feel even uglier when I’m around her and her gorgeous teeth and perfect hair. Look at me!”

My heart breaks for her. Out of everything, she’s devastated that most of her hair was shaved off. We’ve just been keeping it in a ponytail to try to hide where they operated as much as possible. Stacey has always been vain about her appearance—she never leaves the house without makeup unless, of course, she’s planning to apply it in the car while driving with her knee.
Ah-ha!
I’m going to send Grayson out with her when she’s all better and have her drive! That ought to shut him up about my driving for the rest of ... my life!

“Stace, your hair is already starting to grow in!”
Encourage. Encourage. Encourage!
“And yes, I’ll help you shower.” I know what she means about Melanie. Grayson’s lost interest since the first day she arrived, but man, I thought his eyeballs were going to pop out of his head!

“Do you have time now?” she asks, sounding hopeful.

“All yours. Let’s get to it, lady!” I pull her covers back and help her swing out of bed.

“They said this walking cast is waterproof.” She stands up.

“Oh, shucks—no garbage-bag leg?” I tease. We head into the bathroom and I help her undress. “Hey, your skin is really clearing up!” I say enthusiastically.

“Just think, Becca, last time you said that to me, we were teenagers and I had been on Accutane for a month.” She laughs.

“Well, at least I’m not talking about age spots,” I joke. We both go quiet and I know we are silently pondering when we’ll be having that conversation. Oh God, please not for another ten years, at least!

“So, tell me how you and Grayson are doing.” She sighs as she steps under the hot water.

“We’re doing really well. We have our moments, and that usually leads to other moments.” I nudge her and giggle.

“Well, you guys have been together for three months now. You must be visiting church a little less nowadays.”
Huh?

“Um, Stace, have you seen my fiancé?” I look at her like she’s crazy.

“Yes, well, I haven’t seen him in all his magnificent glory, but you guys are still on each other every chance you get? Really? I saw the way he was looking at Melanie,” she adds.

“Yeah, Stacey, we’re still going strong. What are you playing at, anyway?” I scrub her back roughly.

“Sorry, Becs. I didn’t mean to upset you.” She tries to turn to me.

“Stacey, are you still pining after Gray?”
Enough with the bullshit!

“No, Becca, I’m not. I’m sorry about my behavior before, after I got here. I wasn’t myself. Now, a lot of things have changed for me drastically.” She starts to sob.

“I’m sorry this happened to you, Stace. I’m sorry he didn’t pay for what he did to you.” I begin to cry as well.

“And you!” she adds.

“Yeah,” I agree.

“Becca, I wish I didn’t remember. What is the point? He’s dead, and now I’ll have these visions for the rest of my life! I’ll be haunted and tortured by it!” she cries. I know exactly what she means. “I’m so sorry, Becca. I know you went through this for years.”

“Hey, hey now ... that was a long time ago. Don’t apologize to me for venting. It’s okay. You need to get mad; it’s a part of the healing process. He’s burning in hell, Stace—that much we know. He’ll never come back to hurt either one of us.” I wrap the towel around her and help her out of the shower.

“When I think of what he could’ve done ... what he almost did.” She holds me to her.

“Hey, you are here and he got his!” I palm her face to make her look at me.

“Becca, I’m pregnant,” she says, bewildered. I feel as if I’m going to faint.

“With George’s ... ?” I can’t even finish the sentence.

“No ... it’s Ray’s.” She bites her lip. I’m speechless—not because I don’t have anything to say or any questions to ask. I have an overwhelming fear that I will sound like Porky Pig: dat-dat-dats Ray’s ka-ka-kid?
Focus, Becca!

“Um ... da-does he know?”
Shit!

“No. I found out at the hospital. I thought it was George’s until they did an ultrasound. I’m nine weeks.” She sighs. “Ray and I got shitfaced after you two left abruptly, and, well ... here I am. Knocked up in every way possible.” I grab her hands. I’m dying to tell her that she’s only one week ahead of me, but Grayson would have my head on a platter.

“When are you going to tell him?”

“I’m not sure. I suppose when I see him again. When I’ve fully recovered, I’ll go visit.” She starts to get dressed. I help her when needed.

“Stacey, he’s coming here today to bring Annie for a sleepover. I’m sure he’ll want to see you.”

The look of panic strikes her face so fast she couldn’t have stopped it if she wanted to.

“Becca, I can’t see him like this. I can’t tell him yet. Oh, you can’t let him see me!”

“Well he visited you a couple of times at the hospital, so he saw you at your worst.” I’m not sure if I’m helping.

“He did?”

She’s surprised. Humph.

“Yeah.” I nod. I guide her back to the room. “Where’s the ultrasound picture?” I ask excitedly. Her face goes blank. “You said they did an ultrasound. Didn’t they give you a picture?”

“Uh. No. Maybe because the tech wasn’t sure what kind of news this was for me,” she says. Huh. Odd, but she could be right.

“Well, I will schedule an appointment for you with my doctor here. Are you taking prenatal vitamins?” I brush her hair, watching her expressions carefully.