Goodbye Secrets (The Lost & Found Series book #2) (56 page)

I open my eyes at the sound of Grayson laughing with his face in my naughty bits.

“Sweetheart, you are hysterical!” He raises his head. “Every time one of your Sybeccas comes out, I can hear your narration and see her like a movie in my mind!” He crawls up my body.

“You can?” I have no control over it. He nods.

“Becca?” he asks.

“Yes?”

“Why haven’t you published our book? We worked so hard on it, love.” He leans up on his elbow when he climbs to the side of me.

“I, um, I don’t know. I guess because we did it together. I didn’t want to share it.”

“Share it, sweetheart. Most of your heart and soul went into it. I wish you would pursue writing.” He kisses my temple.

“Maybe someday I’ll publish that book, but I’m just putting your name on it. No one will believe I had anything to do with it.” I sigh.

“That’s a load if I ever heard one! I always stated in my books and in interviews that you were not only my wife, but my creative partner as well. You did most of the work, Becca—don’t be silly.” He taps my nose.

“Okay. Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“Why were you looking at homes for us? Was that me?” I wince, trying to figure it out.

“No, love, that was me. I wanted you to get used to the idea of not living at the inn anymore. You were pretty receptive to it. I was actually surprised,” he says. I turn my head to him and touch his cheek. “You know, the only reason Ray bought the house he bought was because you loved it. He always intended to raise a family with you in that house.”

“No. Ray loved that house. I mean, I do too, but that was all him.”

“Of course it was, Becca. A five-bedroom Colonial farmhouse for two people. Yep!” The air is thick with his sarcasm. “Who decorated the house and found everything its place?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Well, me, but because he didn’t trust himself to make it look nice.” I sigh.

“Becca, he loved how much thought you put into each room. He especially loved when you said sentences that started out like ‘We should’ or ‘We’d like.’ How many times did he say, ‘You’re doing a great job making this into a nice home for us, babe’?”

“He meant for himself and Annie,” I say.

“Yeah ... so tell Ray I said good luck, mate!” He shakes his head.

“Stop.”

“Becca, knowing what you know now?” He tries again.

“Oh, okay. He meant us!” I give in. I know he’s right.

“What are you thinking?” He squints, trying to figure me out as he releases my bottom lip from my teeth.

“No, I don’t want to use up any more of our time talking about Ray.” I smile and palm his left cheek.

“Becca, if you have questions or concerns, you need to ask me, sweetheart! I understand and respect and appreciate that you are trying to focus on me, but the whole point of me being here is to help you to let go and be with Ray. So please, sweetheart, ask.” His finger holds my chin up so I have to keep eye contact.

“Okay.” I sigh. “What if, when I wake up, I pour my heart out and tell him I’m his, no more chasing. What if ... ” I stop and inhale deeply, feeling disturbed by this thought.

“Go on, love,” he encourages.

“What if he doesn’t believe me? I mean, he has plenty of reason not to. What if he decides that these three months gave him enough time to get over me? I’m scared, Gray. What if I’ve lost him and he’s not even aware of it? What if I wake up and he just realizes he’s done?” I’m losing my ability to keep my panic at bay.

“Becca, I know for a fact that is not going to happen. He’s crazy in love with you—for good reason, I might add.” He smiles.

“I don’t know, Gray. He’s dealt with a lot, and to go back to what I said earlier, what if he doesn’t know what to do if he’s not chasing? I just—I’m scared.” I close my eyes and fist my own hair.

“Damn it, Becca! Listen to yourself! You’re using excuses to push him away again!”

“I am not!”

“You are too!” he yells. “This is it, sweetheart! Shit or get off the bloody pot! I can’t come back again to help you with this! I’m dead! I’m not coming back! Ray loves you! You love him—stop being such a silly, stupid woman!”

“Grayson!” I gasp in disbelief and hurt.

“Honestly, Becca, you have got to stop. Ray is a good man. You are lucky to have him. Sure, he loses his temper sometimes. Yes, he’s been aggressive, and he’s done a few other things that were not okay. He’s still a great guy and I don’t blame him for most of those behaviors. I can’t say I would’ve done any better. He loves you—stop questioning it!”

“I know, Grayson.”

“If you know, why must you always fight it?” He turns onto his back, frustrated.

“This must bring quite the flashback for you.” I grab his chin and rock his face back and forth to lighten the mood.

“Yes, it does! You are the most impossible woman to try to court!” I see the smile hit his eyes instead of his mouth.

“Possibly,” I add, then giggle as I think about how much I made him chase me as well. Of course, he had it much easier than Ray. Slowly, I climb on top of him. “Wasn’t I worth the chase, baby?” I speak very softly—usually my weapon of choice on Ray.

Grayson stares at me expressionless for a moment.

“Yes, Becs, baby,” he says flippantly.

“Sorry,” I mutter.

“Well, it worked on me in the beginning, too.” He smirks.

“You know, it’s very odd being in such a precarious position.” I look down at our naked bodies. “Asking my husband for relationship advice about the man I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with. On top of that, making love to you as well.”

“That is odd, sweetheart, given the very normal situation we find ourselves in.” He rolls his eyes.

“You, sir, have been rudely poking fun at me all night!” I jab his chest with my finger for emphasis.

“Oh, come now, Becca. Not all of my poking tonight has been rude ... well, maybe the time before we left.” He chuckles as he sits up so we are nose to nose. The laugher fades along with his smile. We stare deeply into each other’s eyes.

“I hate this, Grayson.” My nose flares to hold back my tears. “I hate that I’m not going to see you again, touch you again, for many years. Do you even know when I’ll be joining you?” I lift my head.

“No, no. I didn’t look. I will when I get back. I have to say, though—I sort of have it easier on my end. Even if you’re here another fifty years or so, for me, it will only be a little over a year, maybe.” He shrugs.

“Well, one thing’s for sure—I won’t be afraid when it’s time to go, thanks to you.” I smile and lean forward for a kiss. Grayson kisses me again and soft piano music comes out of the iPod.

“What’s this?” He turns his head.

“‘Gracie’s Theme’ by Paul Cardall,” I almost whisper. He turns back to me and attacks my lips, then rolls me onto my back and enters me quickly as the melody seduces us. His lovemaking is raw, powerful, and, well—just Grayson. “Only Time” by Enya carries us through, breaking us down emotionally and physically. As our bodies still, we concentrate on the taste of each other’s mouths. Andrea Bocelli’s “Un Dulce Melodrama” inspires our tempo. I feel very much in a drugged state of mind. Drugged with love.

“Sweetheart.” He pulls away.

“Yes?”

“We don’t have much longer.” He sighs and looks at the clock. It’s three in the morning.

“How do you know?” I ask, feeling panic start to rise.

“Your emotions are carrying more and more over to the other side. I mean, in the hospital. Your tears are flowing there. You’re mouthing your words. I’m not sure exactly how much time, we have but my guess is just a few hours.” He sighs. “I love you, Becca. I’m trying so hard to fight off my selfish anger.”

“Grayson, what kinds of stories do you want to hear about Morgan?” I use my old method of distraction.

“Anything, sweetheart, anything and everything you can think of.” He closes his eyes and swallows back his grief.

“Um ... okay. Well, you know how she used to say ‘Good night, Daddy’ up to the moon outside her window whenever you were away on a book tour or doing interviews?”

“Yes.”

“She’s done it every night since. She never misses a night, but now she also thanks you for being her moon.”

A small sob escapes his throat.

“Becca ... Becca, please buy her that necklace for me. With the engraving. Please tell her it is actually from me. Tell her I’m so proud of her, so proud to be her dad. Tell her how much I love her. Tell her I’ll always be there by her side,” he pleads through his tears. I reach over and grab tissues from the nightstand. He rolls off of me and sits up, trying to pull himself together. He blows his nose.

“When she was five, she said she didn’t like boys with round glasses. She wouldn’t marry any boy wearing them because she wasn’t that kind of woman.”

Grayson bursts into a fit of laughter.

“Sweetheart, remember when we played tickle monster with her? She always tried to tickle our eyes. We’d laugh because we thought it was the oddest thing! She was so cute. Always giving hugs. Always laughing.” He closes his eyes, reminiscing.

“When she was six, she actually trained Butterscotch to lie down for bedtime. It took her several months. She was thrilled.” I giggle, shaking my head.

“Why did she do that?” He smiles.

“Because she’s Butterscotch’s mom and she needed to tuck her in,” I say with a hint of
duh
—teasingly, of course. “Even had a big ole blanket to cover her up with.”

“She’s funny, aye?”

“Oh yeah. And stubborn and adamant and sarcastic. Shall I continue down the list?” I wrap his arm around me as I snuggle up to him.

“Certainly none of these traits are from
my
genes.” He kisses my head.

“Oh no, of course not.” I roll my eyes.

“She’s beautiful, like her mother.” He hugs me to him.

“Oh, I don’t know. I see a lot of you in her. She certainly gives me a lot of the same looks you always gave me. She’s a good mix of both of us.”

“I’ll give you that, sweetheart. What kind of a student is she?” His fingers run up and down my left arm.

“Very good. A/B. All of her teachers have loved her. I’m very lucky. She’s really an easy kid, very creative and outspoken. I think she’s cool, but I am biased.” I cross my right foot over my left and note how much further down the bed Grayson’s feet end up, and how much bigger they are than mine. “The doctor’s predicting she’ll be 5’10”, give or take.” I smile up at him.

“Well, that will narrow the dating pool down for her.” He laughs a bit. “Becca, please bring her out to our home. She loved it there. Sam and Susanna miss you both terribly.” He plays with my hand.

“I will. It’s been difficult for me. But I do miss our house. And them, of course.”

“Take Morgan to Disney World. You’re not being fair.” He nudges me.

“I know. I can’t do Disneyland, but I will go to Disney World with her for her birthday.” I smile at him calling me out on my silliness.

“And I don’t have to remind you to make that a family vacation, right?”

“No, you don’t.” I play with his hair. “Grayson, do you have messages for anyone?” I ask.

“Um, well, just tell my mother that Dad and I are okay. Thank her for being there for you and Morgan. Tell her I love that she makes those blankets for Project Linus. Oh, and please tell Derek I said thank you for being there for you both as well. He’s still my best mate!”

“You know, when he and Danielle christened Jasper, they didn’t give him a godfather. They gave him two godmothers instead. I am one of them.” I look up.

“Why?” he asks.

“Because you were supposed to be the godfather of his firstborn.” I frown-smile.

“Jasper. Jasper what?”

“Jasper Grayson Davis.”

“After me? Really? Christ, Becca, please tell him thank you and that I will look after him. I swear!” He chokes back his tears.

“Ow!” I feel a sharp pain and grasp my right arm.

“What’s the matter?” He grabs my elbow.

“I don’t know. Ow!” I pull it away from him. Grayson closes his eyes to concentrate. “Grayson ... I hear Ray.”

“Yes. He’s yelling at the nurse. She’s trying another spot for an IV. Your other one blew. But she’s doing a half-ass job.”

“Ow! Shit, that hurts!” I rub the inside of my arm.

“Is that better now?” he asks.

“Yes ... why?” I look back up.

“Ray just kicked her out and requested a different nurse.”

“Grayson, is he kissing my face?” I touch my cheek.

“Yes, sweetheart. Shit, we’re really running out of time.” He runs his hands through his hair. “Becca, I want to make love one last time before you, go but there is something else I need you to promise me.” He opens his eyes.

“What’s that?”

“Get your pilot’s license.”

“Oh no! I don’t think I can ... not after ... no ... no way!” I shake my head.

“It’s something you’ve always wanted! You’ve just forgotten! Becca, what happened to me is so rare, please! And for God’s sake ... let Morgan learn how to scuba dive! Do not let your fears hold her back from the things she wants to experience!” Passionate Grayson is articulating every word carefully. I kiss at his jaw.

“I will try. Is that all, love?” I attempt my English accent once again.

“Have you really learned four languages, sweetheart?” He cups my face.

“Two,” I say after some thought. “Claudia and I are working on Russian now.”

“That’s amazing, sweetheart, and hot as hell! I was absolutely floored when you started speaking French and German!”

I climb on top of him again. “
Oh bébé Dieu
or
Ach Gott-kind
. Which do you prefer?” I bite my lip after licking it.

“The infamous prayer?” he asks. I nod. “Definitely French.” He smiles, leaning forward to rescue my lip from my teeth, then grasps my hips and squeezes.

“Please wake up.”
I hear Ray. I shake my head and look at Grayson.

“What?”

“I hear him loud and clear now.” I sigh.

“Shit, Becca ... stay with me just a bit longer ... please!” Grayson begs and shifts me a bit to enter me.

“You, sir, have a one-track mind,” I say after my initial gasp. Slowly, we make love again, nose to nose, basking in the sensation of each other. “To Where You Are” by Josh Groban plays softly in the background. We are completely lost in each other. There is no one else in the world to me. Just him. My husband. The first great love of my life. My lips claim his over and over again, remembering the taste and the feel of them on mine. I hold on to his shoulders to steady myself as I slowly rise—probably for the last time ever with him. “
Oh bébé Dieu
...
oh bébé Dieu
!” I cry. Grayson’s mouth muffles my sounds as he comes undone as well. “What are you chuckling about, Mr. James?” I ask when I catch my breath.