Goodbyes and Second Chances (The Bleu Series Book 1) (10 page)

Mr. Wayne lives
a street over from the little lady and is an avid gardener as well. He pretends
to be a grouch, but I know better. He smiles a lot when he thinks no one’s
watching. But I’m always watching. Always looking for a story or glimpse of
something to inspire my words. I like to create different worlds for people
other than the ones they live. Mr. Wayne has starred as a ruthless secret
agent, unearthing a hidden supply of nuclear weapons buried in the bottom of
the lake. He has also starred as a fun-loving drug smuggler, stockpiling his
stash throughout his garden and only cultivates in the middle of the night.
Don’t ask me where this junk comes from. I guess it’s my way of taking a break
from reality. I could take you around the entire trailer park and tell a tale
I’ve created for each resident. Okay, guess I got off the subject a bit…

Mr. Wayne
privately competes with Ms. Raveena to see who can grow the best flowers. I
secretly like the little lady’s the best. She has lots of vibrant colors
throughout her yard. The feeling you get from walking around the small, lush
space is fun and whimsy. Mr. Wayne leans towards a more subdued color palette.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s a really slamming yard too. It’s more tranquil. So
anyway, the boys promised to Kool Seal Mr. Wayne’s roof in exchange for some of
his top-secret fertilizer.

The rest of us
strolled up to the rear of the sheds to see Kyle and Max’s progress the day
they received their allotment of fertilizer. They were scooping handfuls of the
black mixture into the beds and mixing it throughout the soil as Mr. Wayne had
instructed. Just let me tell you, the stench coming off those two boys and the
garden beds was the funkiest stink I have ever smelled. It was so bad that we
quickly retreated because we couldn’t stop gagging. Later they had joined us by
the lakeshore, but they reeked from the fertilizer so bad, I demanded they take
a dip in the lake. They reemerged still stinking to high heavens, so we took
them over to the maintenance shed and doused them down with diluted bleach
before hosing them down. Needless to say, their clothes had to be tossed. Come
to find out the top-secret fertilizer was a combination of cow manure and fish
guts that had been decomposing for a while. I nearly gag just thinking about
it. That was one heck of a stink.

The
boys became the butt of many a joke that summer. Kyle earned the nickname
fish-face, and Max was called heifer after that incident.

After
Mother Nature carried off the stench from the makeshift garden beds, the boys
were antsy to plant. The problem was they had nothing to plant, so we struck
out on our bikes and pedaled over to the Shimmer Lakes Farm and begged the
owner for some spare seeds. He told us we were welcome to walk the freshly
planted rows and take any stray seed on top of the ground. He had looked at Max
and Mave sternly and said if he saw dirt caked up to their knuckles from
digging, we would have to return all the seeds we found. Their shoulders
drooped a bit from the warning, but they reluctantly agreed. It was the only
shot we had to get seeds, so everyone kept reminding the twins of that as we
hunted. We looked at it as another treasure hunt and searched the rows all
afternoon until we had a prize of various seeds. We sorted the seeds, planting
the ones that looked similar together and impatiently waited to see what the
mystery garden would produce.

Six
weeks later we were blessed with a bounty of vegetables – cucumbers, squash,
green beans, okra, and plenty more. The tomatoes were so juicy and plump, we
would eat them like apples right off the vines. Kyle was over the moon when the
first signs of watermelons began to form off one plant. That was his favorite.
It was more vegetables than we knew what to do with, so the boys left small
bags of produce on everyone’s porches throughout that summer. I guess that
top-secret fertilizer was worth its weight in stench. It was the only year we
had a garden. The following summer everyone thought they were too old and too
cool for such. It’s still one of my favorite treasure hunt memories, though.

I’m
rummaging through a bin filled with an assortment of trinkets when Dillon eases
behind me and wraps his arms around me. “Find any treasure yet?” I ask as I
lean into him and snuggle into his warm embrace.

He
places a kiss on top of my head. “Yep.” He hugs me a bit tighter. “She’s right
here in my arms.”

I
turn to face him and can’t help but smile. What girl wouldn’t want to be called
someone’s treasure, right? His dimples are on full display, and I lightly touch
my fingertips to them. “I think I’ve found my treasure too,” I whisper before
leaning forward and placing delicate kisses over each dimple. “My Dimples.”

“And
always my Jewel,” he murmurs before kissing me sweetly.

Dillon
still serenades the trailer park each night, but it’s later now. He always
crawls through my window, and we sit on the floor by the bed and whisper about
what future we want together. I know we are too young to have such
conversations. But when you live the way we live, your future dreams are all you
have. Getting wrapped up in the planning of the future has become our nightly
routine.

Dillon
says his quest is to become a rock star, and I know deep down he will be. My
wish is to someday write a book. Sadly, I know deep down my wish won’t be
coming true. My ties are too tethered to this place. And Kyle is my
responsibility more than anything. I feel somewhat the same for him as Cora
does for Dillon. I want Kyle to have a chance at a better life, so my life may
have to be placed on the backburner to make sure he gets a shot at it.

Dillon
and I spend every waking moment together during this momentous fall. That’s
nothing new. We’ve done that for years. But now it’s more of just him and me
without the rest of the crowd. We find excuses to be alone, and no one seems to
be paying us any attention. So we’re either hiding out under our willow tree
with him composing endless amounts of music or plundering around the sheds.
It’s like our eyes have just opened to one another for the first time in such a
way that we can’t get enough of each other. We gravitate towards each other
more than ever before.

We’ve
always had a way of silently communicating with one another. But now our
wordless conversations carry a different and more intimate message than before.
I can be watching the band practice, and all Dillon has to do is give me a
certain look and I know what he’s thinking about. His silent messages whisper
about love, hope, and excitement. It’s a promise of great things to come. I’m
beginning to hope that dreams are attainable.

Chapter
Six

I should have known better.

I should have
known that no matter how hard I fell in love with him, Dillon Bleu was an
exciting and awesome human who was
unattainable
.
Sure we pulled it off for a while, but…

“Five. Four.
Three. Two. One…”

“Happy New
Years!” The crowd cheers, but I don’t join in. I have a huge lump that is
lodged in my throat, and no matter how hard I swallow, it won’t go away.

I watch Dillon
and the rest of Bleu Streak light up the stage for another round of songs as
couples finish up their celebratory kisses. I’m in a corner of the Lakeside
Music Hall, alone, as he begins to serenade this rich crowd with a song I wrote
for him. It speaks of first loves and attainable hopes and dreams. Unexpected
tears are sliding down my face, and all I want to do is go home, but I promised
to stay.

My time with
Dillon Bleu has run out. The clock had been ticking down rapidly and I had
chosen to ignore it. I knew it was coming. I just had no idea how fast it would
happen. I know he and the band feel like they’ve been waiting a lifetime for
this opportunity to present itself. But I had been holding my breath in the
hopes it wouldn’t happen so soon.

Dillon is making
his dreams into plans, plans that take flight after this very gig. He’s leaving
me as I knew he would, but naively hoped it wouldn’t be so quickly. Trace got
up with some guy out in California and got Bleu Streak in on an opening act
contest. The winner will get to tour with some pretty cool rock bands for the
next year. I know deep down whom that band will be, and I also know that once
they pull out in a little while, they won’t be coming back. Who could blame
them, really?

I swipe away the
tears, but more trickle out to replace them. Dillon has just begun playing the
melody of his promise of a song. He’s looking directly at me as he smoothly
croons the lyrics into the microphone. It’s the first time I’ve heard them and
now I’m crying so hard I can barely see him.

My Jewel, my life

You’re my night and you’re my day

You’ll always be with me

Even though that’s still too far away

You don’t see you the way I do

Such a treasure

Such a jewel

I want you now and I want you always

Just a little while, my love

Just a little while

Give me just a little while…

He continues to
sing some more, but I make for the door. This hurts too much. He’s just a boy,
making promises to me in those lyrics. And there’s no way he can keep them. I
make it to my car and slump over the steering wheel.

Moments later,
Kyle is yanking the passenger car door open and slumping in the seat beside me.
He slams the door shut and faces me with confused anger. He stares me down,
waiting for something, but I don’t say anything.

“You want to
tell me what in the heck that’s all about?” He waves back towards the building.

Okay, so heads
up, me and Dillon have kept our new relationship just between us. I didn’t want
Kyle upset over it, but I guess the cat’s out of the bag now. Dillon singing
that song was sort of an announcement too. I’m guessing he thought he was safe
on stage, away from my brother.

“I’m going to
kill him!” Kyle slams his fist on the dashboard.

“Just calm down.
What’s your problem?” I rub my temples and try to ease the headache that is pounding
there from crying.

“He’s like a
brother to us, Jillian.” Kyle’s staring out the window. He takes several deep
breaths, trying to calm himself. When he speaks again, his voice is low and I
have to strain to hear him. “You knew he would be leaving.”

This declaration
causes the tears to pick back up again. I cry as Kyle reaches over the console
and wraps his arm around me.

“This is why I
want to kill him,” he says, but there’s no fire to the words this time. Just
pity.

It’s two in the
morning when I see Dillon finally gliding through the Music Hall doors. Kyle
hasn’t left me since I fell apart. Kyle sees him too, and before I know to
react, my brother is out of the car and tackling Dillon in the parking lot. I
jump out screaming at him to stop, but it doesn’t help. Trace and Mave are
there in a flash, pulling Kyle off of Dillon.

“Stop it now,
Kyle! You’re gonna get your butt arrested!” I’m about to push between them, but
Logan pulls me back.

“Watch yourself,
little lady. Let the guys handle this,” Logan says coolly, ticking me off.
Logan Carter looks like a hot younger version of Lenny Kravitz and speaks just
as smoothly as him too. He emits a cool vibe. Bet you wouldn’t guess he’s from
the other side of the lake. Yep. Rich boy, but never does he let on about it.
He drapes his arm around my shoulder as he casually watches these two guys go
at each other as though it’s the most ordinary thing. Nothing seems to bother
this dude. Boy, has it been one of those nights. We stand there and watch as
they all wrestle around some more. Kyle grunts out all kinds of not-nice words
as he lets out his frustration.

It takes a
several long minutes before Trace and Mave can manage to break it up. Both boys
have been pulled to their feet, with Trace standing in front of Dillon and Mave
holding Kyle back. Both are rumpled and breathing heavy. Dillon has a small
split on his bottom lip that is trickling blood, but I see no other damage.
Kyle has no visible signs of the fight, and I’m pretty sure Dillon didn’t even
swing at him. He just went on the defense.

“How could you,
man?” Kyle asks. “You’re like my brother, dude!”

Dillon pushes
Mave out the way and grabs Kyle up in a fierce hug, shocking the whole lot of
us. I wait for Kyle to fight him off, but my brother actually starts crying and
hugs him back. I realize in this moment that maybe this is more about Kyle’s
disappointment in Dillon leaving him than what’s going on between Dillon and
me. Those two have been attached at the hip since preschool, right along with
the twins. He is losing the whole bunch in one quick swoop, just as I am. This
thought makes me cry some more. We’ve practically lived together all of our
lives. The rest of the band seems to understand the privacy of the moment, so
they head over to Trace’s van and begin loading up the equipment.

“I love her,
Kyle,” Dillon whispers as he still embraces him. “I love you too. You are my
family.”

“Then why do
this?” My poor brother sounds so broken.

“I’ve got to,
man.” Dillon steps back and beckons me to him. “I’ve got to give this a fair
shot. Music is all I know. I just feel like it’s now or never. I have to go.”
He wraps his arm around me. “I’ll be back. I promise.”

“Don’t make
promises, dude.” Kyle pulls away and walks over to open the passenger door and
climbs in the back of the car. We follow suit, and I drive us home in silence.
Really, what else is there to say? Dillon deserves this shot. Being from our
trailer-park background, there’s not many of those that come along. I want him
to follow his dreams. I don’t want to hold him back, but that doesn’t mean this
doesn’t hurt. It feels like someone has ripped my heart out. My stomach aches
and my throat stings with the pain of knowing he is leaving me.

I park and we
all head in. Kyle goes straight to his room and Dillon follows me to mine. We
only have about an hour before the band plans on pulling out, and all I want to
do in that time is have him hold me.

Dillon lies on
his side and I nestle into him and run my hands under his shirt over his upper
back. My fingers glide over the subtle outlines of his tattoo as I try to
memorize the feel of it. “Can I see it again?” I ask. He sits up without
hesitation and tosses his shirt on the floor.

He was in my
room, just like tonight, last week. On Christmas night, no less. Aunt Evie had
cooked us a delicious feast, and after Cora and the twins left, Dillon stayed
to hang out with me. It was a slim Christmas, with everyone declaring the meal
and each other’s company to be gift enough. We put our small artificial tree up
and draped it with silver tinsel and brightly-colored twinkling lights. But no
gifts were placed underneath. This wasn’t the first Christmas we had with no
gifts, but those ones always sting a bit. I hated not being able to give my
loved ones tokens of my affection to show them how much they mean to me.

Dillon and I
huddled in my room, and after snuggling together for a while, he chased the
disappointment away and had replaced it with contentment. I told myself, as we
lay on my small bed, that if I could keep him I didn’t need anything else. I
should have known better. I should have known I couldn’t keep him, no matter
how badly I wanted.

We were kissing
and holding each other, when he unexpectedly pulled his shirt off. This
surprised me at first, and I began muttering nervously that I wasn’t ready to
move any further, but he shook his head and turned around so that he could
reveal his new tattoo to me. I sat up in shock when I saw that it was elegant
lettering just above his right shoulder blade. The sleek black ink declared,
My Jewel
,
and was
surrounded by subtle designs with emeralds embedded that looked so realistic.
He’s always said my eyes look like emerald jewels, hence my nickname. I
couldn’t believe he would actually brand my name on him permanently. That is a
pretty strong commitment, and I hope he won’t live to regret that decision. It
was the best gift I had ever received on Christmas. Or so it was until he
spoke.

“It’s another
promise, Jewels,” he had whispered as he peeped over his shoulder to gauge my reaction.
“You’re mine, and I will be back.” And this was the point where he
simultaneously broke the news to me and my heart of his departure, leaving me
stunned. I couldn’t muster another word to him that night. I just nodded my
head or shook it as he explained the once in a lifetime opportunity that just
happened to be all the long way in California. The guys couldn’t possibly get
any farther away. Or that’s what I naively thought, until he explained the
potential of the tour going international. That was the point where I knew,
beyond knowing, that I had lost him, whether he was willing to admit it or not.
Dillon had asked me to say something, but all I could do was shake my head in a
daze of disbelief and disappointment.

We have just
begun a new chapter in our young story together. A story I was so excited to
see develop into what I had genuinely believed would be our happily-ever-after.
And it was ending way before a good love story should. So yeah, I’m awfully
disappointed.

I’ve had only a
week to prepare for this moment and I’m still not ready. I guide my lips slowly
over each letter and try to memorize the feel of his skin and the smell of him.
I repeat this gesture over each letter until Dillon becomes restless. He seems
to not be able to restrain himself any longer, so he turns and tugs me into his
lap and kisses me, and then kisses me some more. I can taste the metallic tang
of his blood from the cut on my tongue as our lips crash together, but I don’t
care. It won’t stop me from having these last kisses. Who knows how long it
will be before I receive anymore, if ever again. I’m not a dumb girl. I know
life can push you into a lot of changing. Things change. People change. And
feelings can change. Everything can be so fickle.

“I’m so proud of
you.” I murmur the words across his lips, not wanting to break the connection.
“You got this,” I encourage. I promise myself no more tears until he is gone. I
want him to not leave here burdened by it, but free. Free to take flight and
live his dreams. I hold onto his heated skin for dear life, not wanting to
break this fragile bond.

He holds me
until Max and Mave show up at my window and demand he comes out. “Dude, the sun
will be coming up soon. We gotta bounce on outta here.” I hear the excitement
in Max’s voice. Those boys get a chance at a better life, too. I’m trying
really hard to be happy for them all and not be jealous. It’s not an easy feat.

“Five more
minutes. Now get outta here or it’s gonna be ten,” Dillon says.

“
Dude
.” Mave taps his watch before they
disappear.

“I wish you
could come with me,” he says again as he pulls me in for another kiss. He grabs
my hair with his fists and tugs me even closer.

We already had
this conversation about a million times in the last week. Kyle needs to finish
the last two years of high school, and I need to stay here and make sure that
happens. I have a commitment here to help Aunt Evie, too. The years are
catching up to my great-aunt. After all she has done for me and my brother, I
can’t just disappear in the night like the boys can. I have responsibilities
that I cannot just walk away from.

“I’ll call you
soon,” Dillon says as he retrieves his shirt from the floor and pulls it back
on. My insides seize up, but I hold it together.