Goodnight Sweetheart (17 page)

‘Sally said as how she might call round tonight,’ June told her.

They had almost reached number 46, but Molly knew better than to suggest a second time that June call in to see her mother-in-law.

Her sister had become increasingly short-tempered since Frank had left for France, and whilst Molly sympathised with her sometimes, she had to bite her tongue to stop herself from reminding June that she wasn’t the only girl who was worrying about her man’s safety.

Every day or so it seemed to Molly there was another report in the papers of merchant ships being attacked and sunk by Hitler’s warships and submarines. There were rumours that the whole of the east coast had been mined by enemy ships so that nothing could put to sea from British ports without risking being blown up. Molly gave an involuntary shudder. Every night she prayed for the safety of all the brave men who were doing their bit for Britain.

Everyone was being exhorted not to waste valuable fuel that was needed for the war effort, but Molly admitted guiltily that it was wonderful to walk into the parlour and find a good fire burning, thanks to their father’s ‘perk’ of being allowed to collect loose coals from the goods yard.

An hour later, after a hasty supper of corned beef hash, Molly was ready to go out again, her curls pinned back beneath her WVS cap.

‘See you later,’ she called, putting her head
round the door to the back parlour, where her father and sister were sitting beside the fire, listening to the wireless.

As usual Molly had arranged to meet Anne under the Picton Clock and on this occasion she got there first, although she didn’t have to wait long to see Anne’s familiar figure hurrying towards her.

‘Sorry I’m late,’ Anne apologised. ‘Only Dad was kept late at work on account of some shocking news they’ve had. I’m not really supposed to say anything, but I know I can trust you, Molly.’

‘What’s happened?’ Molly asked her as they set off for Mill Road Hospital where they were to meet up with the others.

‘Well, you know that Dad is an accountant with the council?’

Molly nodded.

‘This afternoon they were all called to a meeting and told that there’s this chap, really important he is, a ship repairer, and seemingly he’s done himself in. The Admiralty found out that he’s stolen money from them by claiming wages for nonexistent jobs and employees, and stealing materials to sell elsewhere. Dad said that he’s stolen over twenty million pounds, enough money for the Admiralty to have built a new warship.’

‘How dreadful!’ Molly gasped.

‘Yes, isn’t it? It all came out when Mum was telling Dad about how pleased she was at getting some stuff from a friend of hers.’ Anne pulled a
face. ‘You know, Molly, off the black market. Dad was really angry and said that Mum was being unpatriotic, and then he told us about this man.’

Anne looked so upset that Molly put her arm round her shoulders and gave her a small hug.

‘I don’t suppose he meant to upset you, Anne,’ she consoled her.

Eddie had already told her that virtually all merchant seamen brought things back with them that they knew they could sell at home for more than they had paid for them. Like her father’s pieces of coal, that was considered an unofficial perk of the job. ‘Course, some of them go a bit too far and get themselves hauled over the coals for it,’ Eddie had added, ‘but there’s that much stuff goes over the side at the docks when they’re loading and unloading the ships that what we bring in is nothing.’

Selling on goods that had ‘fallen off a lorry’ was a way of life for dock workers, as everyone who lived in Liverpool knew. Molly didn’t condone it but could understand the need when money was tight and there were children to feed and clothe.

Mill Road Hospital had been built at the end of the nineteenth century, and had originally been the West Union and Derby Poorhouse Infirmary. But unlike other poorhouse infirmaries its nurses had been trained by methods set down by Florence Nightingale herself. During the Great War the hospital had started taking in wounded soldiers,
changing its status from an infirmary for the long-term ill, and becoming instead a hospital where acute cases were operated on.

The purpose of their visit was, Mrs Wesley explained when they were all gathered together, to familiarise themselves with the floor plan of the hospital and its wards, so that, should it be deemed necessary by the authorities, members of their group could help out at the hospital in an emergency in a variety of practical and non-medical ways.

‘In the event of Liverpool being bombed it will be our role to facilitate the identification of the injured and to provide them with support as and where necessary whilst they wait to receive treatment,’ Mrs Wesley explained. ‘And if there are other tasks we are called upon to perform then I would exhort you all to do them efficiently and speedily.’

‘If she means we’re going to have to empty bedpans, the ’ospital can find someone else,’ a woman standing next to Molly muttered behind her hand, whilst the girl beside her tittered.

‘I also want volunteers for Lime Street station next week. We’ve got any number of troop trains leaving and, of course, we shall want to send our boys off with a hot cup of tea and a sandwich inside them.’

‘Oh, that must have been what my fella was after the other night,’ the girl who had made the comment about bedpans whispered to her friend,
who immediately started to giggle and ended up having to cough to conceal her amusement.

‘I’m so glad we’re proper friends again, Molly,’ Anne told her when they were all taken to the nurses’ canteen for a welcome cup of tea. ‘I thought at the time I was acting in your best interests, trying to persuade you to do what seemed right, but I didn’t realise then what it’s like to fall in love.’ She blushed self-consciously. ‘I expect you’ve guessed about me and Philip?’

‘I had wondered,’ Molly admitted, ‘especially when I saw the way the two of you looked at each other.’

‘It happened so quickly, Molly. On Christmas Day Richard was teasing us both with a piece of mistletoe so poor Philip had no option but to kiss me. I wasn’t expecting … that is, I knew I liked Philip but …’ Blushing and laughing, her eyes shining with happiness, Anne confessed shyly, ‘Oh, Molly, I never imagined that kissing someone could feel like that. And on Boxing Day, when Philip and I went out for a long walk together and we were talking about it, Philip said that he had thought exactly the same. I thought of you then, and I felt so bad about how unkind to you I’d been. You’re the dearest girl, Molly, and I want us to stay friends so much, especially now. Tell me that you forgive me.’

Molly’s heart overflowed with emotion. ‘Of course I forgive you,’ she assured Anne, her words muffled as they hugged one another fiercely.

‘We’ll be able to support one another now, Molly,’ Anne told her. ‘It isn’t going to be easy with both Eddie and Philip doing their bit, but at least you and me will have each other. It’s like Philip was saying to my parents when he asked Dad’s permission for us to be engaged, things are different in wartime.’

‘You’re engaged!’

Automatically Molly looked at Anne’s left hand, but there was no ring on her finger.

‘Only unofficially at the moment,’ Anne sighed. ‘Dad’s a bit old-fashioned and he insisted that we have to wait until my twenty-first birthday in May, on account of us not knowing one another very long yet.’ She pulled a face, and then said fiercely, ‘I know that I won’t change my mind and that I shall love Philip for ever.’

Mrs Wesley was signalling that their tea break was over. Exchanging mutually understanding looks, Molly and Anne rejoined the others.

An hour later, when they had tramped for what felt like miles down long disinfectant-smelling corridors, getting to know the layout of the hospital, Molly turned to whisper to Anne, ‘I’m glad I’m not a nurse. Me feet are killing me.’

‘Mine too,’ Anne agreed.

Her and Anne’s feet might have been aching, but their hearts were filled with happiness and love, Molly reflected joyfully as she hurried home to number 78, huddling deep in her coat to avoid the icy cold.

Perhaps Sally would still be there. She hadn’t seen her for a few days. The bitter cold and the short dark days had meant that the women of the close had kept themselves very much to themselves during January, apart from exchanging gossip whilst they queued with their ration books, and grumbling about having to stand for so long in such a biting wind.

Because they were both at work, Molly and June had had to rely on Elsie for information on what was happening to everyone else, and it seemed that every family in the street now had a husband, a father, a son or a brother in uniform and ready to fight for his country. Every household now had an air-raid shelter box ready to snatch up in case of need, and, thanks to Alf Davies and the leaders of the local Cub and Scout troops and the Guide and Brownie packs, all the children in the area knew their gas mask and air-raid shelter drill. Some of the older boys had been formed into a messenger service to be used in case the telegraph lines went down. Molly had seen them practising racing one another up and down the streets on their bicycles as they challenged each other to see how fast they could deliver any message.

But despite all this activity, people’s initial fears had subsided. The attacks people had feared had not happened and a new mood of confidence was beginning to take over, as people assured one another that Hitler would soon be sent packing with his tail between his legs by the BEF, and the
celebratory flags would be out all over Britain by the summer. Even Molly’s fears had begun slowly to subside, especially knowing Eddie was due home any day.

‘There’s no need for you to rush into getting married, Molly,’ June told her once Molly was settled in front of the fire with a mug of hot cocoa. ‘The war will be over by summer, and then you can have a proper do with a proper frock.’

‘Well, I just hope our boys don’t come home via Paris. Not after what I’ve been reading in the papers,’ Sally said. ‘I don’t want my Ronnie having his head turned by one of those French mademoiselles, thank you very much.’

They all laughed.

‘When’s your Eddie back, Molly?’ Sally asked her.

‘Tomorrow.’ Molly was unable to stop a huge grin from breaking out across her face.

‘Are you going down to Garston Dock to wait for him?’ June asked her.

Molly shook her head. As a precaution, just in case Jerry should attempt to bomb them, the convoys crossing the Atlantic were coming into Liverpool’s docks under cover of darkness, often arriving in the early hours of the morning, and were quickly unloaded so that they could put back to sea. Eddie had said before he left that he wasn’t sure what time they would dock and he didn’t want Molly waiting around in the cold and dark for hours.

‘He said not to, just in case they were delayed. I’ve told Mr Harding that I’m going to take a day off without pay when Eddie does get back, though. Eddie said that before he left they’d been told it would have to be a quick turnaround this time, without any proper shore leave: the country is depending on the merchant navy to bring in as many supplies as they can,’ she added proudly.

Sometimes it seemed to Molly that June and Sally, both with husbands in the army, seemed to forget that other men were doing their bit for the war effort as well and that it was just as important, their bravery just as great. A man didn’t always need a gun to do his duty.

When Sally announced that it was time for her to go home, Molly noticed that June had left her cocoa.

‘Are you still feeling queer?’ she asked her sister when they had closed the door behind Sally.

June shook her head. ‘I’ve bin feeling a bit sickly like all day,’ she admitted. ‘It must have bin sommat I ate.’

Molly looked at her sister. She knew that June had said that she and Frank weren’t planning on starting a family whilst there was a war on, but with June now saying that she felt sick, and knowing that her sister normally had a healthy appetite, Molly couldn’t help but wonder. Not that she had any intentions of telling June what she was thinking. With the mood June had been in
these last few days she would probably snap her head off if she did.

She tried to imagine how she would feel if she and Eddie were married and she was feeling sickly on account of them having started a baby. The feeling of longing that swept over her made her eyes ache with tears. Once she and Eddie were wed there’d be no waiting for the war to be over; she already knew that she couldn’t wait to hold his baby in her arms. Elsie would be thrilled as well. She knew that. And Elsie wasn’t just Eddie’s auntie: she was as good as an adopted mother to Molly as well. She was so lucky to have so many people in her life to share her love with, Molly decided, and even more lucky to have her wonderful, wonderful Eddie. She couldn’t imagine her life now without him. It just wouldn’t be worth living.

It was almost dinner time and there was still no sign of Eddie. Molly was beginning to wonder if she should go down to Garston Dock after all, to see if his ship was now putting in at a different time from when it had been expected. Both June and her father were at work and Molly had the house to herself. She had kept busy by giving the front parlour a good turn-out and then going round to Elsie’s to see if she had heard any news, and now, even though she was pretending to listen to the wireless, she was hurrying into the front room every few minutes to look anxiously through the lace curtains.

She was wearing the blue sweater that Eddie said matched her eyes, and her best pink lipstick, carefully painted on with a little brush to make it go further. Her tummy was so full of nervous butterflies, she couldn’t even manage a cup of tea, never mind anything to eat. She wasn’t going to go to the window again, she wasn’t …

She almost jumped out of her skin when she heard the knock on the door, ran to open it and only just managed not to fling herself into Eddie’s arms in full view of the whole cul-de-sac when she saw him standing on the step.

‘Where have you bin?’ she demanded breathlessly as he followed her inside. ‘I was expecting you ages back.’

‘We got delayed. Jerry subs,’ he said to her lightly, adding with a reassuring grin, ‘Mind you, we wasn’t in any real danger,’ cos they can’t aim straight for toffee. And then when we did get back we was anchored up out over the Liverpool bar, waiting for a pilot boat to bring us in.’

Molly was laughing and crying at the same time. ‘I’ve missed you that much,’ she told him, too relieved to see him to realise that he was deliberately making light of the perils of his return voyage.

Barely giving him time to drop his kitbag, she hugged him tightly in the privacy of the dark enclosed hallway, eagerly lifting her face for his kiss. She hadn’t realised until now, when she was in his arms and he was kissing her, just how much she had missed him and how afraid for him she had been.

‘I feel like I’ve bin holding me breath ever since you left,’ she told him dizzily. She loved him so much she could hardly bear it. She wanted to stay with him like this for ever, held tightly in his arms, his lips on hers, his body hard and warm against hers.

‘How many days leave have you got?’ she
asked, not really wanting to know when they would be parted again.

There was a small pause before he answered, ‘We’re not getting any proper shore leave this trip, lass.’

Molly could feel her stomach muscles tensing in protest. ‘Oh, Eddie, what do you mean? Why not?’ she protested, unable to keep the shocked disappointment from her voice.

‘I’m sorry, lass. Rightfully speaking, I shouldn’t be here at all,’ he told her quietly, ‘but the captain said we could have a couple of hours.’

‘A couple of
hours
!’ Molly’s eyes brimmed with tears of sadness. ‘But, Eddie, they can’t turn the ship round in that time. They’ll have to take off the cargo and re-equip the ship with fuel and food before it can set sail again.’

With her head resting against his shoulder, she couldn’t see the anxious look that crossed his face, but she did see the movement of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed.

Immediately she raised her head and looked at him. ‘Eddie, what is it?’ she demanded. ‘And don’t tell me there isn’t something because I can see that there is.’

She could feel the stiff resistance in his body, and her heart lurched with an awareness of his pain.

‘Tell me,’ she insisted.

She felt him take a deep breath, and then the words came spilling out.

‘We lost a ship out of the convoy on the way back. Jerry torpedo got it. It went down so fast, one minute it was there and then the next …’ A violent shudder went through him. ‘Sister ship to ours, she was. We’d bin out wi’ the lads off her in New York, and now they’re gone, not a one of them left …’

Deep juddering sobs overwhelmed him. Molly gathered him as close to her as she could. He was such a tall broad-shouldered man and she was so small, but she cradled him in her arms, whispering comforting words to him as she did so.

‘I’m sorry, lass. I shouldn’t have told you about that.’ He shook his head, raising his sleeve to wipe away the tears on his face.

Wordlessly, Molly clung to him, so afraid for him that she could hardly breathe. What if Eddie had been on that ship that had gone down? What if he had been taken from her?

All of a sudden she was overwhelmed by feelings she didn’t fully understand: desperation; urgency; fear; a compulsion to hold him and never ever let him go; and something else – a different feeling, and a very different need that was so unfamiliar to her she could hardly comprehend where it had come from.

‘Eddie, there’s no one else here. Let’s go upstairs.’ She was talking quickly, her eyes brilliant with emotion, as she took hold of his hand and tried to tug him towards the stairs.

But Eddie refused to move.

For a minute she did not think he had understood what she was saying because he stared at her, whilst a dark tide of colour burned up under his skin. And then shook his head.

‘Eddie, I want us to be together,’ Molly begged him. ‘Like we were already married. Like you wanted to before you left last time,’ she added.

‘Oh, Molly, Molly …’

Suddenly Eddie was holding her tightly, his whole body shaking, fresh tears filling his eyes as he looked down at her.

‘There’s nothing I want more than … than for you and me to be together properly, and bless your sweet heart for offering yourself to me, Molly, but it wouldn’t be right. Not now, when I don’t even know …’ He took a deep breath. ‘If anything should happen to me, Molly, and one day I don’t come back …’

Immediately Molly put her hand over his mouth to silence him. ‘Don’t say that,’ she implored, frantically shaking her head. ‘You mustn’t.’

Very gently, Eddie removed her hand from his lips and kissed it, before holding it tightly within his own, as he continued gruffly, ‘There’s a war on, Molly, and some things need talking about. If anything were to happen and I weren’t to come back, I wouldn’t want to think I’d left yer in any kind of trouble. I love yer, Molly. I love yer so much it gives me a pain right here,’ he thumped his heart, ‘just thinking about yer, when we’re not together. But I respect yer, as well, as a man should
respect the woman he loves – aye, and I want others to respect yer as well.

‘There’s nothing I want more than to hold your sweet body next to mine, and for two pins … I’d … but I can’t, Molly. It wouldn’t be right. I want us to be properly wed before you give yourself to me.’

‘I hate this war!’ Molly whispered passionately as she wept in his arms. ‘I want us to be together
now
, Eddie.’ Now before it was too late, but superstitiously she couldn’t bring herself to say those last words to him.

She felt his arms tightening round her and her heart thudded into her ribs as he groaned and then kissed her with fierce passion. Her belly quivered, her veins running molten with an urge far stronger than any rules of society when she felt his response to her. But then, just when she thought she had won and that he would take her upstairs, instead, he kissed her hard and then released her.

‘I’ve got to go.’

‘No,’ Molly begged him. ‘No! Not yet, Eddie … no.’

‘I’ve got to. It’s for the best. Let’s set a date for the wedding, Molly,’ he told her urgently.

Her face lit up. ‘When?’

‘We’re gone just short of three weeks at a time, so why don’t we say in nine weeks? I’ll be due a bit of extra leave by then so we can have a bit of a honeymoon. I’ll sort that out if you sort out having the banns read with the vicar.’

‘Nine weeks. Oh, Eddie!’

‘Is that too soon?’

‘No … I wish it could be nine days,’ Molly told him honestly, and then blushed when she saw the look in his eyes.

‘Eeh, lass,’ he whispered, kissing her fiercely and then saying huskily, ‘Come wi’ us whilst I go next door and tell me Auntie Elsie that I’m not staying ashore this time home, and that she’d better start trimming her wedding hat.’

‘I’ll come down to the dock with you,’ Molly said as he opened the door, wanting to prolong their reunion for as long as she could.

‘No, lass. It’s best that you don’t. Come on now, give us a smile to tek away with me – something to remember you by. I haven’t forgotten that it’s your eighteenth birthday coming up, and I promise I’ll bring you sommat special back wi’ me next time.’

She tried her best to be strong but when he kissed her, her tears ran down her face, dripping onto their intertwined mouths, so that their kiss was flavoured with the bitterness of her grief.

‘Nine weeks!’ Elsie exclaimed when they told her their news. ‘Well, that isn’t going to leave us much time to get everything sorted out.’ Her face softened when she looked at them. ‘Mind, I can see by the looks of you that you don’t want to wait. And you’ve got a sensible head on your shoulders, Molly, for all that you’re only seventeen.’

‘She’ll be eighteen in a few weeks,’ Eddie reminded his aunt.

Molly smiled lovingly at him. She certainly felt more than grown up enough to be marrying Eddie.

‘Well, I don’t know why you’re going round wi’ such a glum face on you, our Molly,’ June chided her over supper. ‘At least you got to see your Eddie.’

‘I know you’re disappointed that Eddie’s had to sail again so quickly, but our June’s right, lass,’ their father said gently. ‘Now come on, cheer up, there’s a good girl.’

She
was
being thoughtless and selfish, Molly acknowledged guiltily as she went over to her father and hugged him. She was upsetting her father and no doubt June would have given anything to have seen Frank, even for five minutes.

‘Sorry, Dad. I was just a bit upset, that’s all,’ Molly admitted, forcing herself to smile as she tried to make light of her feelings.

‘Molly, go round to Elsie’s, will yer, and ask her if she’s got any of them sour baking apples still stored away?’ June appealed, trying to lighten the mood. ‘I’ve got a right taste for them at the moment.’

To both Molly and June’s astonishment, their father started to chuckle and shake his head.

‘I remember that yer mam craved them when she was carrying you, our June. Couldn’t get her enough of them, I couldn’t. All hours of the night and day she were eating them.’

June’s face lost its colour in a flash whilst Molly looked at her sister and said cautiously, ‘June, that sickly feeling you’ve bin having, you don’t think—’

‘No, I don’t,’ June denied angrily, ‘and I don’t want to think it neither, thank you very much. I’ve already told you that me and my Frank don’t want no kiddies until the war’s over, and don’t you go saying nowt to anyone about me fancyin’ stuff, neither.’

‘So you don’t want me to go round to Elsie’s to ask for an apple, then?’ Molly teased her mock-innocently.

‘Oh, give over with yer teasing, Molly,’ June begged her, with a reluctant smile. ‘This isn’t a joke. The last thing I want is to be carrying, with Frank away and a war on.’

Molly could see that her sister was genuinely upset and worried. She went and sat down beside her.

‘You’re feeling a bit shocked now, June – it’s only natural – but if there is to be a baby …’

‘I’ve already told you there
isn’t
.’ June looked close to tears. ‘There can’t be. Me and Frank …’ She shook her head, her bravado suddenly crumpling as she clung to Molly’s hand and begged her, ‘Oh, Molly, what if I am? What am I going to do? What will Frank say when he finds out? And that mother of his … I can just imagine what she’s going to say, blaming me and saying as how we should have bin more careful. And besides, I don’t
know anything about babies.’ June’s face puckered and she wept, ‘Oh, Molly, I wish our mam was here.’

Molly bit her lip as June’s eyes filled with anxious tears. Her sister had always been so strong and so fiercely independent. Now suddenly she was vulnerable and afraid. It was up to her to help her, Molly told herself, just as June had helped
her
when they were younger.

Taking a deep breath, she squeezed June’s hand reassuringly and said, ‘Stop worrying. Your Frank will be over the moon and you’ll have Sally to help you and tell you how to go on.’ She added teasingly, ‘And Frank’s mam can even deliver it for you.’

‘
What
?
Have her delivering my kiddie and probably torturing me out of spite?’ June objected vigorously, the militant sparkle returning to her eyes. ‘Over my dead body.’