Gooney Bird on the Map (2 page)

Most of the teachers ate their lunch in the teachers' lounge, but Mrs. Pidgeon usually sat with the children. She had confided in them, "Don't tell anyone I said this, but your conversation is more interesting. And I hate watching people eat microwaved soup."

Gooney Bird pried up one corner of the bread and examined her sandwich. "Spinach," she said. "Crumbled bacon. Gorgonzola cheese. And some chopped walnuts."

"There you go," said the teacher. "Most interesting lunch in town. And look here, everyone. I've brought a surprise for dessert." She set a small paper bag on her desk.

"What is it?" asked Chelsea.

"Candy hearts," Mrs. Pidgeon explained. "We've been busy making valentines for our families but we didn't have anything really special for ourselves."

"Do they have sayings on them?" Chelsea asked, leaning forward to try to peek into the bag.

"Yes. The standard valentine-heart sayings."

"How about if we each take one, and then we can see what they say, but we promise not to eat them till after we finish our lunch?" Malcolm suggested.

Mrs. Pidegon laughed. Sometimes she called Malcolm Mr. Eager.

"Okay," she told them. She passed the bag around and each child took a candy heart.

"Oops!" Gooney Bird said in a dismayed voice. "Mine says
Kiss Me
!"

"That's okay, Gooney Bird," Tricia reassured her. "Valentines always say romantic things. See mine? It says
Pucker Up.
"

"Yes, but remember my sandwich?" Gooney Bird asked. "Gorgonzola. It's really stinky. Kissing me would be gross. I'm trading
Kiss Me
in for a different one." She reached into the bag a second time, and smiled when she read her new candy heart."
Très Chic.
That's better!"

"What's 'Tray Sheek'?" Nicholas asked.

"It means 'fashionable' in French," Mrs. Pidgeon explained. "Just right for Gooney Bird, I think."

The other children looked at Gooney Bird, and nodded in agreement. In addition to her mismatched socks, she was wearing green nail polish today."
Très Chic,
"Keiko murmured in admiration.

"I don't get my heart," Chelsea complained, squinting at the candy in her hand. "It says something about a quart."

"Let's see," Mrs. Pidgeon said. She looked carefully at the saying and then smiled."
URA QT,
"she read. "'You are a cutie'! And that's true, Chelsea."

Chelsea grinned. "I'm a cutie. A QT!" she said.

"Mine says
Magic,
"said Nicholas. "You think it means Magic Johnson?"

"Nope," Gooney Bird told him. "It just means you are magical. What's yours, Barry?"

Barry Tuckerman had been carefully unwrapping a sandwich that was neatly cut into four triangles. He wrinkled his nose a bit. "Tuna fish," he said. "Anyone want to trade?"

But no one wanted tuna fish. Barry shrugged and took a bite.

"I meant: what's the saying on your heart?"

Barry picked up his candy heart and examined it."
Whiz Kid,
"he read. Everyone laughed. The heart seemed to describe Barry very well.

After a moment he asked, "How many days till the start of vacation? I forget what Mr. Leroy said."

"Well," Mrs. Pidgeon told him. "Vacation begins on the seventeenth, and today is the seventh. Seventeen minus seven?"

"Mrs. Pidgeon," Keiko said with a grin, "you always try to sneak math problems into everything."

"Ten!" Barry said. "And in ten days this Whiz Kid is going to be eating coconuts and pineapples, and sandwiches with little paper parasols stuck in them."

"How come?" asked Tricia, with her mouth full.

"Remember? We're going to Hawaii for winter vacation."

'You goin' to be dancin' the hula, Whiz
Kid
!" Tyrone said. He stood and wiggled his hips. Then he examined his own candy heart. "
Cool Dude
!" he read. "YES!"

"And look! My heart says
Sunshine
!" Beanie told everyone. "Just right for someone who's going to Disney World!"

"We're going to go skiing with my cousins, in Sugarbush, Vermont!" Ben said.

"We know that already, Ben," Malcolm said loudly. "You've told us that a gazillion times."

Ben ignored him. He read his heart and made a face."
In Style.
Well, I guess that's true," he said. "I have a new snowboard."

"You gonna freeze," Tyrone told him. "It's about a hundred degrees below zero in Vermont. And Barry? You gonna roast, in Hawaii. You better take a gallon of sunscreen,
Whiz Kid.
"

"And sunglasses!" Malcolm said. He held two Oreos over his eyes, like dark lenses.

"What's your heart, Malcolm?" Tyrone asked. "Cuz I'm
Cool Dude.
What're you?"

Malcolm looked for his heart. The space in front of him was, like Malcolm himself, very disorganized. Half of his sandwich was uneaten and soggy with spilled milk. Finally, under a crumpled, wet napkin, he found his heart and read it aloud."
Class Act.
"Everyone hooted with laughter. Malcolm grinned."
Class Act,
that's me!" he said proudly.

"Mrs. Pidgeon?" Felicia Ann asked suddenly, in her quiet voice. Everyone smiled. Felicia Ann's two front teeth had come in at last, and she no longer said "Mittheth Pidgeon."

"Yes?"

"
What's Up
? That's my heart: a question."

"Well, that's wonderful! I love it when students have questions!"

"And I have a question right now," Felicia Ann said. "Why is it hot in one place and cold in another, when it's February in both places?"

"Yeah!" said Tyrone. "Makes no sense!"

"Yes, what's up with that?" asked studious Barry, frowning.

"Well," said Mrs. Pidgeon. She picked up Keiko's orange. "May I borrow this for a minute?" she asked.

Keiko nodded. "I'm
Sweet Thing,
" she said, holding up her heart.

"You are indeed, Keiko. Now, class: picture a line around it, exactly in the middle," Mrs. Pidgeon suggested. With her finger she traced an imaginary line around the orange.

"Like an obi?" Keiko said. "Around my
obaachan's
middle?" When she saw that the children looked puzzled, she explained, "That means 'grandma.' When my
obaachan
wears a kimono, she has an obi tied around—"

"Oh, Keiko, I'm sorry," Mrs. Pidgeon said. "I should have explained that I meant the orange to be the
earth
"

"Like Gooney Bird's
LOVE YOUR MOTHER
T-shirt, with the picture of the earth on it?" Keiko asked.

"Just like that," the teacher said with a smile. "What line goes around the middle of the earth?" she asked.

Malcolm leaped from his chair. "I know! I know! The equator!" he shouted.

The other children all nodded, remembering. "Equator," they said. "Equator."

"Right! And the closer you are to the equator, the warmer it will be. Hawaii is closer to the equator than Vermont. So Hawaii—"

"—is very, very warm," Barry pointed out. "That's why I'll be surfing, and people in Vermont will be—"

"Snowboarding!" Ben said. "Which is way cooler than lying on a beach!"

"Excuse me," Beanie announced, "but in Orlando, Florida, where I will just happen to be on my vacation, the weather will be—"

Mrs. Pidgeon sighed. "Thanks, Keiko," she said, and gave the orange back.

Beanie, Ben, and Barry continued to argue over who was going to the best vacation spot. The other children were all silent.

"Could William Henry Harrison snowboard?" Malcolm asked Gooney Bird. She shook her head no.

"Or surf?" asked Nicholas.

Gooney Bird shook her head again. "No," she said. "I think on vacations he just stayed home and had nice times with his family. Probably he went to the library."

"Or bowling," Chelsea suggested.

"I bet he played Scrabble," Felicia Ann suggested.

"Those are all good things to do on vacation," Keiko said in a small voice.

Mrs. Pidgeon folded her paper napkin and gathered her trash. "Yes," she said. "They certainly are." She leaned back in her chair and tossed her lunch remains into the trash can.

"Good shot," said Nicholas.

"Well, of course! My heart said,
U Go, Girl
" Mrs. Pidgeon pointed out.

"Everybody finished with lunch?" she asked the students. They nodded.

"And dessert? Did you eat your candy hearts?"

But the children shook their heads. They had all saved their valentine hearts carefully.

"Okay, then, I'll save mine, too," said Mrs. Pidgeon. She put her heart into the pocket of her jacket. "And now," she told them, "I'll pull down the map of the United States, and—"

"We didn't finish our math worksheets yesterday," Chelsea pointed out. "Subtraction. If one person has sixteen candy hearts and another person is very grabby and grabs five candy hearts—"

"Yes, or one person has fifty-three Oreos?" Nicholas suggested. "And then—"

"Who would have fifty-three Oreos?" Tyrone interrupted. "Nobody!" Nicholas punched him.

"Children, children, children," Mrs. Pidgeon said. She moved between the two boys and separated them.

"You said we had to have our worksheets done by the end of school yesterday," Chelsea pointed out.

Mrs. Pidgeon sighed. "Well, that's true. I did. Maybe—" she said.

"Mrs. Pidgeon?" It was Gooney Bird.

"Yes?"

"Remember I had an idea starting, and it was just in small pieces? Well, I've put it together. It's a completely ready idea now."

The second-graders all grinned with excitement. They always did when Gooney Bird had an idea.

"In a minute," Gooney Bird said. "I'll tell you my idea in a minute, after Mrs. Pidgeon finishes explaining about the equator."

Several pull-down maps were rolled tight at the top of the chalkboard. "There are six maps here," Mrs. Pidgeon said. "But I'm just pulling down one at the moment. How many maps are still rolled up?"

The children groaned. "Five! That's so
easy!
" Nicholas called.

"Correct. Six minus one equals five." The teacher pulled down a map that showed the entire world, even Antarctica (Barry Tucker man always liked to point out Antarctica). Once, Keiko had gone to this map with the pointer and shown the class Yokohama, the city in Japan that had at one time been her grandparents' home.

They all knew how to find Italy, which was easy because it was shaped like a boot. And they had found Australia on the map when they had been talking about koala bears and kangaroos not long before.

They could also find all of those things on the round globe that sat on top of the bookcase, near the hamster cage. But the pulleddown map was easier for the class to see. Now the children sat at their desks and looked carefully when Mrs. Pidgeon aimed the tip of the pointer at a faint line across the center of the map. As she moved it slowly back and forth, they could see that the line went all the way across, even through the blue of the oceans.

"Equator!" called out Barry Tuckerman.

"Correct, Whiz Kid!" said Mrs. Pidgeon.

"It goes through Africa!" Ben pointed out.

"And South America!" Tricia said loudly.

"How come the USA doesn't get any piece of equator?" Tyrone grumbled. "No fair."

"Well, the United States has a lot of other good things," Mrs. Pidgeon pointed out.

"Yeah, it has Disney World!" Beanie said happily.

"You'll have to wear dumb mouse ears," Malcolm said, but Beanie only grinned.

"And it has Sugarbush, Vermont!" added Ben.

"You'll freeze," Malcolm told him. "You'll get frostbite and your toes will turn black." But Ben just laughed.

"It has Hawaii!" Barry Tuckerman shouted. "Fiftieth state in the United States! Capital: Honolulu! Wait'll you see pictures of me surfing!"

"A shark will probably eat you," Malcolm said gloomily. "Or at least bite a leg off."

"Goodness, Malcolm, what's wrong? Why are you so gloomy? Aren't you looking forward to vacation?" asked Mrs. Pidgeon.

"No. We can't go anyplace because of the babies. Hey, I have an easy math problem. What if there are six people in a family, and three of them disappear?"