Gossamer (31 page)

I let out a dramatic sigh. “I guess, since I have nothing
better
to do.” Pulling back the blankets, I crawled into bed, then laid my head down. Yawning, I realized maybe I was a little tired.

Grant traced my jawline with his finger, brushing back a lock of hair as he did so. Before tucking it behind my ear, he held a streak of red between two fingers examining the strand. I looked into his blue eyes and he arched an eyebrow.

“All the cool faeries are doing it.”

“Is that so?” He grinned. I nodded and snuggled into my pillow with a smile on my lips and heavy eyelids.

“Kylie?” I cracked an eye open in question. “Come back to me, okay?”

My eyes refused to stay open. “I never left, Grant”.

He stood there quietly as my body drifted off. I floated into that place of limbo, between awake and asleep, when he finally spoke again.

“Then why do I feel like I’ve already lost you?” He kissed my cheek.

I tried to respond, but my body was too heavy with sleep. Words formed in my mind, but were lost before they could reach my lips.
You just stopped looking
.

Chapter 23

Sunlight danced across my face, rousing me from my sleep. I rubbed my eyes and remembered Grant had been in my room when I fell asleep. I sat up, but instead found Cara. She sketched on a notepad, but put it down when she realized I was awake.

“Hey, Cara, have you been here long?”

“Not too long. I came in early this morning to relieve Grant.” She smiled. “Crazy night, huh?”

“I guess,” I said, still not fully awake.

I excused myself and went into the bathroom. In an attempt to snap out of my groggy state, I splashed my face with cool water, then brushed my teeth and hair. I felt a little more presentable but not quite right. I walked back into my room and sat on my bed.

The previous night’s events left me confused. I knew Grant and I had talked, but I was compelled to find Liam. And the more I thought about him, the more awake I felt, from the tightening of my stomach to the flush spreading throughout my body. Mesmerized by the images flooding my mind, I knew I needed to find him.

“Have you seen Liam this morning?” I asked, noting how well the dress complemented her skin tone.

“Just for a second this morning when he asked me to sit with you.” She smiled. Her eyes were beautiful and bright. I wish I looked that good in the morning. She was radiant. I could think of no other way to describe her.

“Did you do something different today with your hair or makeup?”

“No, just the same old me.” The corner of her mouth tugged up.

“Well, you look pretty today. New outfit?” She shook her head looking amused. “Your eyes are amazing. I don’t think I have ever met someone with true violet eyes before. They’re very unique.”

Cara giggled. “Oh man, Kylie, if this is the way you are seeing me right now, I can’t imagine how you saw Liam.”

“What do you mean? I don’t see what the big deal is. I drank a tiny bit. I’m not saying anything that isn’t true or that I haven’t noticed before. I’ve always thought you have pretty eyes. They’re just very bright today, and I had to comment. As for Liam, you know I think he’s attractive and I do like him. I’ve been trying to give him a fair chance. Things are good with us right now.”

“What about Grant? What did you two talk about last night?”

“Nothing. He thinks I’m being crazy with this Liam stuff.”

“So, you were alone with him, and all you did was talk about Liam?”

“We talked about other stuff. You know, I think I just don’t see him the way I used to. I’m sick of him ignoring me.”

“You don’t think this has anything to do with the ambrosia wine?”

“I don’t think so. My feelings were mixed up, but now I know Liam is the person I should be with.”

She gave me a wary expression. “Okay, if you say so.”

I stood and grabbed a muffin off the breakfast tray. While eating it, I opened the large wardrobe. “I’m going to get dressed and find Liam. Our dinner was cut short, so we didn’t get to talk much about my friend Lexie. I need to thank him.” I flipped through the hangers and settled on a simple dress. “You think this is okay to throw on? I promise to let you make me beautiful later.” I smiled sweetly at her.

“That’s fine, but tonight’s a big night. I have a special outfit planned.” She picked up her sketch pad and flipped back a few pages. “It will be something like this.” She held out the page for me to see. It had a sketch of a gorgeous ball gown with a strapless bodice and sections of short layers sewn in one over the other until it created a full floor length skirt.

“You designed this?” She shrugged. “Cara, that’s incredible. Have you been designing all the outfits I wear?”

“Most of them,.” she said bashfully.

I slipped into the dress and picked some sandals. I sat on the bed as I slid them on. “I had no idea you were so talented. Everything you’ve designed is beautiful. Liam’s right. You really do have an eye for design.” I stood and smoothed my hair in the mirror. “Well, I will be back later. I can’t wait to see your newest creation in person. See you soon”

I walked down the long hall not sure where to find Liam, but tried the garden first. I stepped outside and took a deep breath. It was such a gorgeous morning, and the flowers were beautiful in the sunlight. I looked around for any sign of him, but couldn’t find him. Might as well try the library. Even if I couldn’t find him there I might be able to find my mother and she would probably know where to find him.

As I walked to the library, a sensation trickled through me. With each step closer, it pulsed stronger. I hoped that meant Liam was there but I had a feeling I knew who I would find…and I was right.

“Kylie.” Grant jumped up. He had been sitting in a chair with his head back, staring at the ceiling. His eyes were dark and his face seemed lined with stress. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Fine. You look awful.”

He tried to hide a grin, seemingly amused by my straightforward comment. “I didn’t exactly get much sleep last night.”

“You didn’t have to stay. Have you seen Liam?” Grant’s face fell, and the smile disappeared. “I can’t find him anywhere.”

“I think he is with his father, probably in his chambers.” I arched an eyebrow. “His office,” he clarified.

“Okay, thanks. I guess I will try to find him there.”

Grant’s shoulders sagged. “Did you think about what we talked about last night?”

“What is there to think about?” I shrugged.

My words were cold, but that wasn’t my intention. Though I cared for Grant, he only seemed interested in me after he realized I’d moved on. It aggravated me, and I was done playing his games.

“Grant, I’m not trying to be mean, but I liked you and you didn’t have the same feelings for me. So, I did what you and everyone else told me to do. I gave Liam a fair chance and realized how much I like him.”

“And you realized this last night?” He crossed his arms over his chest, and I nodded. “Dammit, Kylie, it’s the ambrosia. Please just think about what you’re saying.”

He paced in front of me, stopped and pivoted to face me. He stood just inches away as he placed his hands on my shoulders. For a second I thought he may try to literally shake some sense into me, but instead his eyes softened. “Kylie, at this very moment, Alastar is planning your engagement party. Tonight they will make the announcement. Is this really what you want?”

“Yes.”

Grant closed his eyes, then opened them slowly. “If I believed that, I would give you my blessing and drop it, but I don’t.”

I glared in annoyance. “Well, it seems to me when you realized I was happy and moving on you suddenly decided you’re interested.”

“That’s ridiculous, and you know it. I told you just the other day I think about you all the time and it’s hard to see you with Liam. You have to know how I feel.”

“Just like you
had
to know how I felt when you brought me here, dumped me with some other guy, then refused to talk or look at me.” I glared at him.

“That’s what this is? You’re mad at me?”

“Heck yeah, I’m mad at you, but no that’s not what
this
is.
This
is me telling you I’m happy with Liam now.” The harshness of my words surprised even me.

It hurt to watch him flinch as I spat them at him and it left me feeling empty. My mind was angry, but my body detached. It rejected my frustrations and absorbed the electricity that ran between us. Something bubbled just under the surface, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t figure it out.

Everything felt wrong. Last night I told Grant I loved him, yet now I pushed him away. I was off balance. I bit my bottom lip, confused and frustrated.

“I know that face. You know this isn’t right. You are thinking about something.” Grant eyed me. “What are you thinking?”

“Nothing. I’m thinking I should go find Liam.”

“You’re lying. You only bite your lip like that when you are nervous or confused.” I was surprised he picked up on that. He must pay more attention to me than I realized. “Kylie, maybe one day you and Liam will end up together, blissfully happy, but today does not need to be that day. Stop him. Stop the engagement. Give yourself a week. If you still feel the same way, then I will be the first to congratulate the two of you. Just don’t make these decisions while still under the effect of the wine.”

I thought about what he said. It was true, I could wait a week, but what was the point? My feelings weren’t going to change, and if Alastar had pressured Liam to move things forward, I might as well help him out. I knew how hard his father could be on him.

“I don’t know.” I was so confused.

“Then at least listen to what I have to say.”

“Fine, what is it that you have to say?”

“I shouldn’t have brought you here, and I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I could have protected you. I know you are mad, and I know you can’t forgive me. Hell, I can’t even forgive myself right now, but at least know I regret it all.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

“From the moment I saw you, things became complicated. I knew I was bringing you home for Liam, but something about you drew me in. The more I got to know you, the more I wanted to be with you...and then that night in the hotel–” He sighed.

“I knew I had crossed the line. Liam would never forgive that sort of betrayal, but at that moment I didn’t care. But, the next day you seemed so nonchalant about the whole thing, I thought I was crazy for thinking there was something more between us. I figured that was for the best, and I needed to let go of anything more I felt for you.

“Then, when we got to the portal and you were taken from me, I was scared, terrified something bad would happen. I knew then I didn’t want to be without you–I couldn’t be without you, but as we walked away Brighid’s words shocked me back into reality.”

He looked at his feet, seemingly unable to make eye contact. “Liam is my friend, so I did what I thought right. I knew you and he would be okay together, and I needed to quit being selfish. So I pushed you away, but the more I did it, the angrier I became and eventually I just screwed up everything.”

He stood close to me, but not meeting my gaze. He seemed relieved to get it off his chest, but also defeated. I couldn’t even begin to process that much information. My mind didn’t seem to know where to go. I felt like I should be happy to hear this, but instead it furthered my bewilderment. One thing did come to mind though.

“I didn’t compel you to kiss me in the hotel?”

His head jerked up. “What? No, of course not. Why would you think that?”

“Because right before you kissed me I wanted you to. Like
really
wanted you too. I thought I used, you know faery charm, or something, and made you kiss me.”

A smile danced around his lips, but the corner of his eyes still drooped. “You didn’t compel me. Trust me, I wanted to.”

I took a deep breath and looked down. “Well, that’s good. I felt pretty guilty about it. Grant, what am I supposed to do now? I mean you told me all this, but it’s just so much to take in and, of course, there is still Liam to think about.”

“You don’t have to do anything now. Just consider what I said. Hold off on any big decisions, and if you change your mind about Liam you know where I stand.”

My mind was muddled, and my reaction to everything seemed off. He had just shared some big stuff with me and, even if I didn’t feel the same way about him, I should feel something.
Right
?

“Kylie.” I spun around when I heard Liam enter. “I didn’t know you were up.”

I sidled away from Grant. The air in the room became lighter. My conversation with him had brought me down. The confusion and unease weighed heavily on me, but one look at Liam and it lifted. He wasn’t glowing quite as much as last night but he was still beautiful. I could melt into his eyes and get lost in the sound of his voice.

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you.” I shot him a coy look through my lashes. “Guess I just needed to stay still long enough for you to find me.”