Grace Alive: a Christian Romance (4 page)

“No, I’ve lived around the area for awhile.
About five years now.”

“Oh, that’s cool.”

“I better get going, gotta get this little
squirt to bed. It was nice seeing you again, Zoe.” He flashed me a
warm smile and headed out the door. I watched him leave, a little
mystified. There was something about that guy that kept tugging at
me.

***

Sunlight streamed through my window, and I
blinked. It was Wednesday, and I was super glad. I had Wednesdays
off, so that meant a lazy day. I rolled back over. I didn’t really
have to get up just yet. I stared up at the ceiling, thinking about
Branson and his quick stop at the store. A smile tugged at the
corners of my lips. I was so stupid sometimes. I laughed at myself
and pushed my feet out of bed. I did one of those quick glances in
the mirror, but I didn’t feel like looking half way decent right
now. I just wanted coffee at the moment. Once I had my coffee,
maybe I’d go outside for a nice walk. It was still fairly warm
outside in Northern Michigan. You never know with our weather. Like
we always say, if you’re not happy with the weather, wait five
minutes. I shuffled down the stairs and into the kitchen.

My mom had a pot of coffee already brewed and
yummy looking muffins all set out like Betty Crocker. My mom is
awesome. I fumbled for a mug in our cupboard and managed to snag my
Batman mug. Mia gave it to me last year for Christmas, and it’s my
favorite mug. I’m a Batman freak. Something about a man in a mask…
I let that thought trail off into a sleepy smile. I didn’t see my
mom or dad, but figured they were out running around somewhere. My
parents run on high gear all the time. With a church of 500, they
never slowed down once. I never saw it really wear on them, besides
my mom getting snippy from time to time with my dad.

I poured myself a mug full of coffee, poured
in some vanilla creamer, and added a butt load of whipped cream and
chocolate drizzle. I shuffled toward the couch and grabbed my
laptop on the way. I opened Facebook and browsed until I got bored
as I drank my coffee. Jacob posted something weird that I had to
read twice. Something about through God all things were possible,
and some challenge he was facing. If he was talking about me, I
think it would take a lightning bolt for me to change. Mia had
posted some random pictures of her kids eating ice-cream. I smiled
as I kept browsing.

After an hour of wasting my life on Facebook,
I went to Microsoft Word to stare at my book again. I wrote a few
sentences and erased them. Then wrote a few more and backspaced
again. There was just something about the ending of this book that
just wasn’t there. I had the perfect plot, the set up was great,
but I just couldn’t seem to give her a happy ending. I growled
under my breath.

“What’s the matter, Zoe?” Dad asked as he sat
down in the chair across from me, his coffee in hand. Dad liked it
black. It fit his personality. Strong and bitter. Crap, I shouldn’t
think stuff like that about my dad. He did come off a little strong
99% of the time. He must have been in his office.

“Oh, just not feeling very inspired to finish
my book.” I took a drink of my coffee and felt my stomach clench. I
didn’t really want to talk to my dad about my book. In his eyes I
felt like I failed at everything. So the fact that I couldn’t even
finish a stupid book, made it worse.

“I need to discuss something with you, Zoe,”
he said and set his coffee on the end table. Uh oh. Anytime my dad
said the word ‘discuss’ it was something much more serious than if
I wanted pizza for dinner.

“Okay,” I said, still feeling sleepy. I’d
barely had one cup of coffee. I needed a few hours before I was
actually semi-functional.

“Your mother and I have been praying a lot
for you and your future.” He folded his hands.

“You have?” I asked and shifted nervously on
the couch. I could feel the lecture coming any moment now. Steel
yourself, Zoe.

“Zoe, your mother and I think it’s time for
you to start courting.” He got that pastor look in his eye. The one
that was a non-discussion type of look.

I leaned forward, interested. Why was my dad
talking about this now?

“Yeah? Well, Dad, God hasn’t spoken to me to
marry anyone yet.” He knew this. Why would he bring it up? I
watched his face for a sign.

“The Lord has spoken to my heart about who
your husband is. I was in prayer with your mother over a year ago,
and I heard it clear as can be.” He gave me half a smile. It was a
good attempt anyways.

Now I was really interested. God told my dad
who my husband was? Who? I was dying to know. Sign me up!

“We’ve felt unctioned by the Holy Spirit that
this man was your husband before that even. We just have felt like
you have been blinded from the truth.”

Was my dad going to tell me, or was I going
to have to guess? There really weren’t any guys in our church that
seemed my type. There were a few that were okay. I mean anyone was
better than Jacob.

“If God told you, please tell me, Dad.”

“Zoe, you’ve been living in disobedience to
God for well over a year. It’s hard to watch you wallow in your sin
because you won’t listen to the voice of God concerning your
husband. We were waiting for you to hear it all on your own, but I
feel like it’s my job as your pastor and your father to lead you
out of this sin.” He gave a stern nod of his head.

The words struck me straight in the heart.
What did he mean? I loved God. I went to church, I read my Bible, I
prayed every single day. How was I living in sin?

“Dad…” I said and tears gathered in my
eyes.

“Zoe, I have heard the Lord tell me that
Jacob Whitmen is the man you are supposed to marry,” he said.

All breath left my lungs. I felt like choking
as I looked at my father in absolute horror. Jacob? He thought I
was supposed to marry Jacob? God told him Jacob was my husband? The
shock of my dad’s words ripped me up one side and down the
other.

“No…” I stuttered, not knowing what else to
say. My dad’s face turned beat red. He clasped his hands together,
and I could tell he was trying really hard not to explode.

“Are you questioning if I heard the Lord,
Zoe?” He stood to his feet and pointed his finger at my chest. “The
Lord wants you to marry that man! He’s a good and faithful servant
who will serve the Lord mightily all his days! Besides, Zoe, you
are running out of time,” he said roughly and walked out of the
room.

I stared at his retreating back and felt a
big ball of anger explode in my stomach. I had done everything
right. I tithed, I worshiped, I prayed, I was a perfect Christian
in my eyes. What had I done wrong? Did God really want me to marry
Jacob? Was I missing it? I ran upstairs at that point and flung
myself onto my bed. I lay curled up, sobbing into my pillow. I was
a failure. Everything in my life led to nothing. Absolutely
nothing. I couldn’t marry that guy. He was disgusting on every
turn. Was my dad right though? Was I in rebellion? Was God mad at
me? I started crying again at the thought.

I went to work the next day with puffy eyes
from crying. I hate that. Every time I cry my face off, I look like
Rocky. Luckily, the store was super duper slow. As I waited for
anyone to show up at this crappy store, I flipped through a
magazine. My attitude was getting worse and worse today. I didn’t
say anything to my parents before I left this afternoon. My dad was
studying, and my mom was preparing for the ladies event she was
running on Friday.

Was God really angry at me for simply
thinking about that guy? I started going down that path. You know
the one that is a big, dark, sucking hole. Yeah. That one. I was
fighting back tears by the time the bell above the door rang. And
guess what. In walked Branson. He was only toting one kid again
this time. The little baby. He bounced her up and down in his arms,
singing a silly song about a rabbit.

“Hi, Zoe! Oh, Bree Bree, do you remember
Zoe?” he said in a baby voice as he blew kisses on his little
girl’s neck. She giggled and clapped her hands.

“Dadada,” she babbled, drool dripping down
her chin. It dropped onto Branson’s black shirt that accented his
well toned chest. Ah! I’m doing it again! I mentally blocked out
his good looks. But dang that was hard.

“Oh!” Branson wiped the drool from his shirt.
He flashed me a smile as he walked toward the milk section and
grabbed a gallon. That man sure liked his milk. He came to the
register and set Bree on the counter. She reached for these weird
fuzzy things that were sitting there. I don’t know what they are,
but they are fuzzy, and they have eyeballs that wiggle. She started
putting them in her mouth when Branson grabbed them. She looked at
him and then grabbed at his shirt. “Daddda,” she said over and
over. She was so cute! Oh my word!

“Where are your other kids today?” I asked
warmly, ringing up his milk for him.

“They are at Mommy’s house,” he said, and I
could hear a weird tone take over his voice. Mommy’s house? As in
he’s divorced or…? I was trying to read this man, but it was
hard.

“Yup. One of those guys.” He pointed to
himself. “Thank God Jesus forgives!” he said with a laugh. He
swooped his baby girl off the counter and swiped his card.

“Yeah…if you work for it,” I mumbled under my
breath and finished ringing him up.

“Hey, I know this is really forward…but would
you like to go to coffee sometime? Minus the munchkins?” he asked,
and holy cow he had an awesome smile.

Say yes, and give him your number,
a
quiet voice said. I felt my heart race. My dad would not approve.
God would not approve. But, I was already heading down the wrong
path dad said, so…

“Yeah, that’d be awesome. I’ll give you my
number.” I ripped off a piece of register tape and wrote my cell
phone number on it. My heart was pounding.

“I’ll give you a call soon!” he said, and he
galloped out of the store with Bree. What the heck did I just do? I
slapped my hand over my mouth and let out a huge breath. I was
going to die. Why did I give some sex-a-holic man my number! I was
an idiot! He probably just knocked up ho’s and toted their kids
around to attract other dumb girls like me!

I felt something in my stomach lurch. What if
my parents found out about Branson? I would be put on display in
front of the whole church and publically shamed. It’d happened
before. One girl had gotten pregnant in the youth group outside of
marriage, and my dad had put her up front and rebuked her in front
of everyone. He thought he was saving her soul, but she’d never
come back again. I was hyperventilating.

Something had nudged me to give him my
number. Like…a voice. Was that a voice? Or was that me? I’d heard,
give him your number.
Was I going crazy? It had sounded like
God’s voice! Was that why I’d given it to Branson? Luckily it was
closing time. I shut everything down and locked the door, still
trying to figure out how in the world this was going to work
out.

It could never be anything. He had kids. He
wasn’t a virgin. He was sullied merchandise. I had never even
kissed a boy. Ever. Try waiting to kiss until you’re 26, see how
that goes for ya. I slipped into my car and strapped in. Worship
music blasted from my stereo, and I turned it down. I was going on
a date with a heathen. Crap.

***

I woke up to the sound of my mom rummaging
around the house. I stirred restlessly and thought about Branson
again. Why had I given that guy my number! I kept going back to the
voice I’d heard. What if it was God’s? Was there a reason He wanted
me to go to coffee with Branson? A knock came to my door, and my
mom stuck her head in.

“Sweetie, the ladies meeting starts at noon
today. I’ll see you there.” She briskly walked away. I could almost
hear the list of things she had to do, running in her head. That’s
right; I had that boring meeting to go to. They did serve some
delicious food at it at least. That was one perk about it. I took a
shower, got dressed, and blow dried my hair. I straightened it and
added some bling jewelry to my simple black dress. I put on a pair
of strappy silver high heels that accented my legs nicely. It
didn’t hurt to look half-way decent.

I went downstairs and glanced at the clock.
11:25. I would swing over to Mia’s and just wait for her in the
car. I texted her before I left, so she wouldn’t be surprised to
see me sitting in her driveway. Mia only lived like a block away,
so I pulled up at 11:27 and sat there reading Facebook on my phone.
After five minutes, she came bustling out in a stunning, strapless,
purple dress, and black pumps that looked painful. Her hair was
hanging down her back in waves, and her makeup looked awesome. Wow.
She really went all out for this thing. She got into my car and
grinned at me.

“Ready?” she asked, setting her purse down
next to her.

“You look like you’re going to a fashion
show, Mia. You look great!” I said as I pulled out of her
driveway.

“Well, a girl’s gotta wipe puke off her once
in awhile and actually feel like a woman.” She cast a snide look at
her house. “Tomas wanted me to skip it and go with him and the kids
to the store. I was like, no way jose! I love those little
cheesecakes your mom always makes.” Mia continued to chatter about
whatever as we pulled into the church parking lot. I tended to tune
her out at times. She would just keep going until I passed out. We
headed inside toward our children’s area, where we usually had all
our get-togethers. There were a few other cars in the parking lot,
but we were still 20 minutes early. A couple other ladies were
talking in little groups. I spotted my mom rushing about, preparing
last minute things.

“Isn’t that mixer thing tonight with Pastor
Mike? Didn’t you say you were going to that too, Zoe?” Mia asked.
Dang it! I had almost forgotten about that. If she hadn’t reminded
me, I would have just used the excuse that it had slipped my
mind.