Gratuitous Epilogue : Touchstone Extras (16 page)

A pretty spectacular
speech from someone usually so reticent. When he finished and it
was my turn, I said: "I'm just in it for the hugs," and laughed and
hugged them and people applauded. Even Ys hugged me back, if only
briefly, but was relieved to escape the centre of attention
afterwards. Then it was lots of chatting with people, and food and
dancing, and much of this is a blur but I remember some parts of it
really distinctly. The flowers they'd set to floating in the pool,
and later the careful lighting of all the lamps Teor had made –
dozens in the trees and even more which we floated in the pool
(some of which escaped and floated off into the lake). They were
very cool and fantastical and I was careful not to compare them to
the simple white lanterns Kaoren had made, which wholly own my
heart. Later I held Katen (and had to sit down because I felt all
strange about being pregnant). Inisar and Taarel danced together,
incredibly grand. Then I gave in to Sen and put my circlet and veil
on her, and Nils levitated her about for a little dance to keep the
veil off the ground.

He also danced with
Tsur Selkie's two young daughters, who are not very much like their
father at all. Allidi and Haelin Selkie, aged eight and twelve,
both Sight Sight talents, and with the strong-minded certainty
which comes with that, but unexpectedly relaxed for a pair of
Kalrani among their seniors. Perhaps it's because they didn't
inherit Tsur Selkie's Place Sight as well? Place is by far the
hardest of the Sights. I asked Kaoren if they took after their
mother, who wasn't in attendance, and he made a slight face, and
shook his head.

I didn't get the story
behind that out of him till much later. Tsur Selkie had married one
of the senior device technicians at KOTIS, and all was well until
their daughters tested as strong talents and he refused to find a
way to exempt them from the Setari program. Presumably because he's
not a great steaming hypocrite. His wife not only divorced him, she
more or less divorced her daughters as well, and has nothing to do
with them. That's pretty hard for me to imagine, but apparently
it's not uncommon for the families of Kalrani to feel like they've
become strangers.

I have hopes of a far
more positive future. One of my favourite moments of the wedding
was sitting in a circle with the kids and Kaoren, while Sen (who
has embraced learning English of late) pounced on each of us in
turn, chanting: "Kaoren is father. Cassandra is mother. Lira is
sister. Rye is brother. Ys is sister." Then she repeated on a
rather frantic and high note: "Rye is brother and Ys is sister!"
and burst into tears and had to be hugged a lot by everyone. It was
just such a relief to her, to have that confirmation, to make Ys
and Rye officially her family. I got a nice 'lean' from Ys after
that, since the idea of 'sibling' is more important to her than the
idea of 'parent' and she is very glad Kaoren and I have made it
possible.

Sen happily calls us
'Mummy' and 'Daddy' (and Rye after a very shy conversation calls us
'Mother' and 'Father'). Both use the English words to distinguish
us from their blood parents. Ys and Lira stick with Kaoren and
Cassandra (or You).

I'm an official parent
now. And baby will make five.

Instead of a honeymoon,
we instituted Family Holiday. Just like Mum and the Aunts and
Uncles used to take us all camping, each year for our Family
Anniversary we're going to go on a holiday together. Mostly
camping, but sometimes we might visit Tare or even Kolar. This time
was camping, with Lohn, Nils, and Zee along as bodyguards, and
Mara, Shar and Fein along for company. And Siame, who now is four
and a bit-times an aunt, and has barely said a word since she saw I
was pregnant.

We were given use of a
nice big roomy flier, packed it with tents and food and went
somewhere no one had been. Northern hemisphere, about the same
latitude as Pandora, but on the western edge of the next village
over's Ddura-range. A grassy, hilly place specked with wide,
low-branched trees perfect for climbing, with lots of streams and
countless hidden pools. We cruised in the flier until we spotted a
nice place and then hovered while Nils, Zee and Lohn went and
double-checked that there was no threat, then pitched tents on a
cute little grassy island at the join of two streams.

There was a girls' tent
(Sen, Ys, Lira and Siame), a boys' tent (Rye, Fein, Shar) and then
smaller tents for each couple. Nils and Zee were technically on
duty, but were more openly a couple on this trip than they usually
behave around people. Mara is already getting to be very noticeably
pregnant, so she got a cot in case the ground was too
uncomfortable, but the grass was very thick and cushiony thanks to
a clover-type plant, so we didn't have any real problems, and Lira
even slept in the tent, despite insisting she'd sleep in the flier.
Lira very much disdained the idea of camping and could find no
discernable reason why anyone would want to sleep in a tent when
they had a perfectly good bedroom – or at least a cushioned seat in
the flier. Ys started out indifferent, so long as she was permitted
to read with as little interruption as possible, but turned out to
really enjoy exploring the area.

Fein and Rye are really
great together. Fein overflows with energy and schemes. He's always
overcoming Rye's shy and obedient habits and – while he can never
get Rye to break any of the strict rules we've made – is teaching
him to push a little at the edges, and to be more confident about
boundaries. Rye in return has given Fein some respect for the
'unfun' stuff which Rye treats as a privilege. Particularly, I
think, because Rye is always quick to find practical applications
for the things he's learning.

They both got very
involved in identifying all the species of plants and animals
around the camp, and provisionally describing and naming everything
they think is new. Rye's studies are really showing through in his
use of language, and he's very exacting in his descriptions. They
sometimes drafted Shar as an assistant, which Shar tolerated with
faint amusement. Shar's making slow progress toward becoming
'family', and now reminds me more of Siame than anyone else – very
in command of himself but still holding himself back. He's closest
to Mara, whose down-to-earth honesty seems to appeal to him, and I
can see why Mara said he would have been captain material, so I'm
curious to see what he'll end up doing with himself. Mara tells me
he hasn't quite escaped being expected to settle Nuran disputes,
but is mostly focused on his studies, and has been suffering a bad
spate of Place Sight-related dreams. Like most of the older Nuran
kids, he's only a few years from legal adulthood, but incredibly
behind in terms of a Taren curriculum, and he needs to find a role
and a career in an entirely new world. I wonder sometimes if he'll
end up becoming a leader of the Nuri in the end anyway – he has a
kind of low-key authority and certainly a lot of charisma which
would probably do him well in politics.

I was a little worried
when Lira decided to try out her new-found powers of attraction on
him, but fortunately Shar seems to think her overly young – and
even at fourteen he's used to girls chasing him, so he was quite
adept at being clearly not interested without being insulting. I
wondered if Ys would find all this a potential threat to her
friendship with Lira, but I had the distinct impression Lira was
discussing it all with her before making each attempt – Ys
certainly watched with a kind of amused curiosity.

The two of them also
cornered me alone one day, and we had the most amazingly funny
conversation, full of blushes in every direction. Lira wanted to
know about my early love life and whether I'd ever been with anyone
but Kaoren. It's not the sort of thing either of them would have
considered asking me a year ago, and certainly not a conversation
I'd ever want to have with my Mum. Ys was using Lira to get answers
to questions she won't ask herself, but Lira was also frankly
curious about something she's become interested in.

Lira interested in sex
is an idea which horrifies me, of course, and I had to work to not
to go into a meltdown of denial about them being too young to have
this discussion, but I think they were both really just curious,
and far from ready to put anything into practice.

I was fairly honest
with my answers, though I did set some boundaries about the kind of
questions it was appropriate to ask. I tried to capture something
of Mara's practicalness when talking about the fact that people
were sure to try to go to bed with them just because they were
famous, and certain difficulties they're going to have doing normal
social stuff because of their fame. Lira (an Ys question, I think)
wanted to know if I regretted having sex with someone before
Kaoren, but I don't really. It was what I wanted to do at the time,
and even though it turned out that neither of us really felt
strongly about the other, it wasn't a negative experience, and I
felt a lot less pressured during my last year at school because sex
became a bit less of a focus for me. It wasn't some massive mystery
of ultimate importance any more.

Then I gave them both a
very clear understanding of when and what they're legally allowed
to do, what I'd prefer them to do, and things they should do if
anyone does something they don't want. And also techniques for
turning down people, especially ones who seem genuinely to care. I
gave Lira a particular look at that one and said: "You know very
well you're very beautiful. You're going to hurt people just by
looking like that, no matter how you behave. But it helps if you
try and minimise harm."

Since then, Ys
occasionally teases Lira about wearing a warning sign, which is a
private joke she has just with us three. It amazes me, and makes me
very happy, that both of them have reached that level of comfort,
with each other and with me.

It was a lovely break,
surrounded by people who are special to me, seeing new places,
plants and animals, catching and roasting fish on an open fire.
Kaoren was feeling super-possessive and we spent a hell of a lot of
time kissing. Everyone got a little sunburnt, and it was so very
much one big family, with even Shar and Siame looking settled in
and enjoying themselves. I'm already looking forward to next year,
and I've only been back one day.

Trying not to hope too
hard for it to be a
full
family holiday, and that Operation
Move-to-Muina will be a resounding success.

Another May

Time off

Now that I'm not
working (no scheduled projections till after the baby's born), I've
been able to get some solid work in on my school work. And, well,
have been replaying my wedding (and pre-wedding honeymoon night)
rather a lot. The posed scans turned out very well, and there are
some special images from the ceremony itself which I adore. Tons of
press leaks, of course, but I've come to factor that in to any
event which has more than the people closest to me
there.

One of the reasons I
avoid public events so much is that everything any of us do is
picked apart and analysed and adopted into popular culture. Veils
are suddenly in for weddings (I'm so not going to tell anyone what
Mum once told me they symbolise), and there's all sorts of fan art
based on the leaked scenes, and endless forum discussion about
every minor leaked or made up detail. Plus there was a documentary
about me which premiered the evening of the wedding which was
really accurate and detailed and had an awful lot about the kids
and what they're like in it. Albeit, the kids have fan clubs and
it's rare bad things are said about them, but I know that can
change, and that I'm the cause of this pressure of
attention.

I had to laugh, though,
when the next episode of
Muina Ez
was all about the
characters speculating over where we'd all gone after the wedding.
The rumour was that we were holidaying on Kolar, and there were
tons of false sightings. And then the real story of what we were
doing leaked out, and there was lots of scandal about Lira and me
being allowed to go anywhere even mildly risky. Fortunately that
was on our last day, and we were home before they reached the point
of ordering us to return. The rumour mill immediately switched over
to whether I'm pregnant, and though we haven't confirmed that,
taking a year of leave from doing any form of visualisation kind of
gives away our plans. Endless discussion over whether I'll
obligingly pop out more touchstones, or stronger or weaker talents
than Kaoren. And discussion on how me having 'real children' will
effect my adopted children, which of course annoys the hell out of
me.

I've been bonding with
Lira rather a lot since we got back. Occasionally beneath her prima
donna acts I still glimpse a lingering band of hurt and
uncertainty. Ys, Rye and Sen are so strongly a unit, and although
Lira's become family, she knows herself to be an outsider to the
couple that Kaoren and I am, and the deep bond between Ys, Rye and
Sen. It must feel as if everyone loves someone more than they love
her. I fully sympathise with her need to be loved for herself, not
for being a touchstone, nor even for being the very brave girl who
saved my life.

She's continued to
question me about what I was like when I was her age, and has
talked a little about the things she does and doesn't want to do,
and the fun parts, the problems and the ethics of being a
touchstone. Lira and I aren't very alike – she enjoys reading
novels about as much as she enjoys anything else, but is far more
interested in more social activities. Since the kids started
attending the talent school again, she's accrued a little coterie
of followers, and likes to talk about them with me (partially I
think because Ys is impatient with too much of this kind of talk).
Fortunately she and Ys seem to have found a happy balance to their
friendship, and Ys acts in the role of confidant, while everyone
else gets to be Lira's admirers.