grl2grl (10 page)

Scar_tissu:
Limping Fetus. Pink. Archimedes. EZ Girl.

Black_Venus:
OMG. We’re so in sync. Do you like Melia?

Scar_tissu:
Yeh. I love her! She’s awesome. Did you see her video of “Blown Away”?

Black_Venus:
Sexy, huh? Plus, I know her personally. She went to my school for a year.

Scar_tissu:
Melia? Wow. Is that her real name? What’s she like in person?

Black_Venus:
Kind of a bitch. But… pant pant, I could get beyond her putrid personality. Her real name is Amelia Corncob. Not really.
It’s Amelia Trottenturkey.

I laughed.

We IM’d more about music, movies. She was into the scene, the Hollywood scene, West Coast scene. I wasn’t sure how old she
was, but older than me. We talked until Dad told me to shut it down and go to bed.

Her ID on my screen every morning was my only reason to get up. Black_Venus. I wondered what it meant. When I chose Scar_tissu,
I had no idea it would predict my future. We IM’d for a week, every day. We’d chat for, like, an hour in the morning, then
I’d have to tear off to school to make first period. Classes dragged. I didn’t have a cell phone and we couldn’t use the computers
at school for e-mail. When the last bell rang I was out of there, racing home to hook up with Black_ Venus. She always seemed
to be waiting.

Black_Venus:
What’d you do today?

Scar_tissu:
Slept. Zoned. What’d U do?

Black_Venus:
Shopped. I’m addicted. Did you see her today?

My throat caught.

Me:
No. She’s avoiding me.

Black_Venus:
Gee, I can’t imagine why. How are you doing?

Me:
Better.

A little. A few pangs of loneliness and despair, but I wasn’t feeling as hopeless or… used. Bruised on the inside. How could
I not have known? Dylan canceling out on me. Having other plans every Friday night. Her tone of voice, weird vibes. Her distraction
while we kissed. Her lack of enthusiasm. Me,
finding out from friends about her other girl in Lincoln. God, that was the worst. Then giving Dylan the ultimatum: Choose.
“Choose, Dylan.”

She did. Now I was more angry at myself for being stupid.

Black_Venus:
I know what you’re thinking. How could you not have known? I’ll tell you how. You were in love. It’s easy to fool people
when they don’t want to see.

Or hear. I never want to hear those words again: “I don’t choose you.”

Me:
Thanx. I needed 2 hear that.

It wouldn’t happen to me again. Ever. Live and learn.

Black_Venus:
What’s your idea of a romantic evening? And BTW, I refuse to call you Scar_tissu. Do you have another screen name? Or a real
name?

I considered telling her. We’d always been honest… .

Me:
Hayley

Black_Venus:
Hayley. Yeah, it fits you. Sweet name.

Me:
It was my mom’s favorite name. She died when I was a baby.

Long pause.

Black_Venus:
I’m sorry. So much pain in your life.

Me:
Like I said, I was a baby. I never knew her.

Black_Venus:
Sometimes that’s a blessing. Mothers can be… you know. So, Hayley. What do you look like? The pic you posted on the board
is a fairy. Did you draw that?

Me:
Yeh

I loved fairies. Ever since I was little, I’d been captivated by them. No wonder — I was one. Ha ha. I wished I could fly
away or disappear in fairy dust.

How to describe myself?

Me:
I’m ordinary. Brwn hair. Brwn eyes.

Black_Venus:
You’re not ordinary. I bet you’re beautiful.

Dad said I was pretty, but he was biased.

Black_Venus:
Post a pic of yourself on the board.

No way. That’d be the end of this relationship. Anyway, I didn’t have a picture I liked. She was gorgeous. Her photo was slick,
like a professional studio shot. Black and white. Airbrushed.

Black_Venus:
OK, Hayley. COS: Change of Subj. Romantic evening. I’d suddenly appear outside your door in my silver XL. The cornstalks
would be waving in the wind.

Me:
LOL. Really.

Black_Venus:
I’m wearing a black bodysuit with a vamp cape. I bow to you, kiss your hand, and take a nibble.

Wow, she was getting into this. Like a role play. I couldn’t… . Yes, I could. Why not?

Me:
Mmm. How do I taste?

Black_Venus:
Salty. But you’re sea salt. Natural and pure. I may have to fill a shaker for later.

Me:
Not too much later. I’m ready now.

I blushed. I couldn’t believe I typed that.

Black_Venus:
I draw back the cape and whip out a box of imported French chocolates. Truffles.

Me:
Ah oui. How did you know I love ze chocolat?

Black_Venus:
When I think of you, when I close my eyes at night and imagine you, you’re dressed in a cornflower blue silk negligee I saw
at Victoria’s Secret on Saturday. I thought, Oh yeah. Iowa. Shuck it off and get in my car.

Me:
LMAO. UMMH.

Someone used that on the board once: U Make Me Hot.

Black_Venus:
It’s all good. What are you wearing right now?

What was I wearing? My uniform from school. Navy skirt and white blouse. That wouldn’t play in Hollywood.

Me:
Nothing

Black_Venus:
*Squeals*

Me:
I lied. I’m wearing a wet T-shirt. With no bra.

Black_Venus:
Heavy breathing. In the car (which is a convertible, BTW), we lower the seats and spread out. Oops, did I say spread? I open
a bottle of champagne and pour you a flute. (I happen to keep 2 champagne flutes in the glove box at all times.)

Me:
Who doesn’t?

Black_Venus:
*Grins* We eye each other through the champagne bubbles. I say, “Hayley, what should we toast to?”

Me:
Love

No response. I waited.

I’d said something wrong. I’d scared her off. It was too much, too soon. Love? What was I thinking? We were just
kidding around. Playing a game. Making sexual innuendos. Not serious.

Me:
Or lust

I wished I could take back love. Delete, delete, delete.

Still no answer.

Me:
Are you there?

Black_Venus:
Let me ask you something, Hayley. Are you ready for love?

Was I?

Black_Venus:
Because… to tell you the truth… I know it’s really fast but… you’re the nicest person I’ve ever met and… I feel this
deep connection with you and… oh, what the hell. I could fall in love with you.

My heart leapt out of my chest. Did she mean it?

Black_Venus:
You wouldn’t know what hit you.

I lay in bed, curled on my side, staring at my computer. Two weeks and two days had passed since my heart had been shattered,
my world blown apart. “I don’t choose you, Hay-ley.” Dylan, how cruel. Even though the words still stung, the
ache had dulled. My heart was mending. It seemed longer ago, like a horrible accident that happened in the past to another
person. A car crash. The only victim is bleeding profusely and rushed to the ER for immediate medical attention. She’s put
on life support. The life support brings her back from the dead, practically. Her open wounds close and heal, the scars become
almost indistinguishable. Scar tissue dissolves. Thanks to Black_Venus. Thanks to new love. I never thought I’d love again.
I never thought I could.

I was lying in the same position when my eyes opened the next morning. My hands were pressed together under my cheek. The
computer beckoned.

I got up and logged on.

Me:
Black_Venus, are U there?

Black_Venus:
Yes, Hayley. I’m here. I’ll always be here.

Me:
What you said. About loving me? I feel the same.

There was an interlude. The stark contrast between light and dark. Sent, received.

Black_Venus:
Say it. Tell me how you feel.

Me:
I’m in love with you.

Black_Venus:
I mean, I need to hear you say it out loud. Can I call you?

The LDR was official. Once I heard her voice, the connection between us was physical. It wasn’t anything like the long-distance
relationships I’d heard or read about. I know everybody says you can’t have a relationship with a person long-distance, but
what do they know? Have they tried? You can. You can determine a lot by how a person sounds on the phone, by what she says,
how she says it. Her voice, her laugh. Your voices fill each other’s heads. You can tell.

Ceylon, that was her real name. Ceylon. How cool. She had this Spice Island voice. Curry and cloves. Middle Eastern maybe,
or Indian. She did look exotic in her picture.

“You’re laughing more,” Ceylon said. “You have a beautiful laugh.”

I blushed. “So do you.”

“You can tell so much by a person’s laughter. The kindness of her heart. The generosity of her soul. You are a giving, loving
person, Hayley.”

I never knew how to respond to flattery. I should compliment her back. Dad tapped on my door. “Kiddo, I’m turning in.”

“Okay,” I called. “Sleep tight.”

Ceylon said, “Why don’t you come to bed — with me?”

A laugh lodged in my throat.

“I’m already in bed,” she said. “Lying here naked. Take off your clothes and lie with me.”

My breath caught. “Okay. Hang on.” I waited until I heard Dad’s door click. Stripping, I slid under the sheets. I clamped
the phone to my ear. “I’m here.”

“I can feel how beautiful you are, Hayley,” Ceylon said. “Inside and out.”