grl2grl (9 page)

“Yes,” Nevaeh answered.

What? I think she meant, Yes, she was okay, but the guy misinterpreted. Both dudes did. They were on me before I knew what
was happening.

My heel hit the edge of sidewalk and the sticker bush behind me poked into my back. “Hey, it’s cool.” Both guys had a grip
on my arms. “I wasn’t doing anything. I didn’t touch her.”

“Eric, come on,” Nevaeh said. “Leave her alone. Let’s go.”

I assumed Eric was her brother. He positioned me in front
of him, straight on. “Her? Did you say ‘her’?” His eyes stripped me down. They paused at my chest.

“Fuck,” the other dude said. “Are you a girl?” His lip curled, wrinkling the cut, making it more ominous. Hoisting his hands
onto his hips, surveying me like a specimen, he added, “You one of them freaks? A crosser? A transvestite?”

“Everything’s cool,” I said. My voice held firm. I’m not a transvestite. The sticker bush began to prickle through Gramps’s
pants.

Someone in the car hollered, “What’s up?”

Cut-face replied, “Moby. Come check out this freak.” He reached forward and twisted the sleeve of my jacket, pulling me toward
him. A car door slammed.

“He’s a she. A she-he.”

Ze, I thought.

“No way,” the third guy said. Moby was bigger than the first two, a giant. Like two ninety.

“There’s only one way to be sure,” Nevaeh’s brother said. He grinned at Cut-face, then me.

“Man, hey, it’s cool.” I wriggled out of Cut-face’s clutches. And Eric’s. My pulse raced. I fought down the fear. I knew if
I let them see fear…

Two of them lunged at me, trapping my arms behind my back. They reeked of beer and weed and cigarettes.

A sudden chill on my stomach made me gasp. They’d lifted up my shirt. “Oh shit. Look at that.”

All three gawked. Eric or Moby, one of them, put his
face up to mine and said, “What’s the matter, sweetcakes? You shy?”

“Eric, stop.” Nevaeh’s voice, small and far away. “You guys.”

His hand scraped down the front of my wrap and yanked forward. The Ace Bandage budged maybe an inch. It held firm. His forehead
touched my breastbone and he said, “There’s something down there.” His hands pressed against both my breasts. “Oh yeah. I
see cleavage.” He inserted an index finger between me.

“Cut it out.” I pushed him off. I kicked him and missed. “Pervert.”

He laughed. The other two howled with laughter.

From behind, Cut-face jerked my suit coat roughly over my shoulders and down my arms. Eric got my shirt unbuttoned and the
other, Moby, tore it off. Cut-face found the end of the bandage and spun me around and around as he unwrapped it. I tried
to plant my feet, slap them off, kick, elbow, resist, whatever I could do, but they just kept spinning and spinning me. The
wrap came free.

“Whoa,” one said. “Nice rack.”

Another went, “Why would you want to cover up these pretty things?”

Rough hands. Squeezing me.

A car door shut. Nevaeh? Where are you?

Someone pinched my nipple. I cried out. No, I thought. It isn’t me. They’re not my breasts. They’re coming off. I can’t feel
this. I’m cool.

Cut-face tried to kiss me, but I twisted away. Animal. Moby said, “Gross, dude. You know you’re kissing a guy.”

“Oh yeah?” He grabbed my boobs and squeezed hard. He suctioned his lips onto mine.

A wave of nausea swam up from my stomach and I gagged. I almost hurled in Cut-face’s mouth.

A hand slid between my legs. “Whoa, ho. What have we here?”

I kicked out hard, but both my wrists were clenched in vise grips. Whoever had me was strong. He bent my arms around my back.
My shoulder cracked and I bit my lip to suppress a scream.

“Check. It. Out.” Cut-face unzipped my pants.

Please, I prayed. Please. Nevaeh. Anyone. Someone come to Fazoli’s to eat. Somebody come to the drive-up. One person, one
person in this whole wide world, get hungry and want Italian.

Cold. Biting cold on my legs. Teeth?

Nevaeh’s voice, “What are you doing to her?”

Eric shouting, “Nevaeh, stay out of this.”

Don’t, Nevaeh. Don’t listen.

Eric looking at me. Making a decision. “Let’s go.” Stepping away.

“What?” Moby’s voice. “We’re just having a little fun here. You’re the one who said you’re bored with female shit. You’re
the one who wanted to go cruising and find us a cheap ho. Man, you got your wish.”

Cut-face said, “Careful what you wish for.” Nasty laugh.

I tried to move, run, but my pants were around my ankles.

Moby gasped. “What in the world… ? Hey, ho. Rubber dickie.”

“Please.” My voice trembled. Please, God, I prayed into the sky. Gramps, if you’re up there.

The duct tape ripped and a hunk of pubic hair came with it. I cried out. I couldn’t help it. “She’s bigger than you, Moby.”
Cut-face laughed.

Someone screamed. Was that me? Roaring, humming in my ears.

Pressure, pulling on it. Yanking. Then the elastic snapping off my hips.

A horn honked and the sticker bush scraped my legs. My face met concrete. A shoe on my head.

“Hey!” Kevin’s voice. “Hey!” Louder.

Running.

Kevin kneeling next to me. “Eva?” His arms snaking around me, pulling me up into his chest. The smell of Therèsa’s sweet perfume.

“Did they hurt you?” His face in my face. A car squealing away.

I couldn’t move. Couldn’t answer. Consciousness swam to the surface, barely. Oxygenation. Breathe. Inhalate. Is that a word,
Gramps? “Give her back,” I said. My voice sounded hollow, detached.

Kevin bent his head. “What?”

Conviction now. “Give her back!” On solid ground. What is this? Wet? My cheeks, my eyes.

Kevin’s arms flexed around me and gathered me in. “Oh, Eva.”

No. Sobbing, hiccuping. “Vince,” I spat at him. Why can’t he remember? “It’s —“

“Vince,” he said. “I got it.”

“It’s mine,” I told him, swiping my eyes, my nose. “I want it back.”

Kevin held my head against his chest. “Never mind.” I felt his cheek brush my crew, back and forth. “Never mind,” he said
again. “Whatever it is, I’ll fix it.”

No, I thought, you can’t fix this. “I’ve been waiting so long.” It came out a wail. Was that my voice? “I saved up the money.
I made you buy it.” Humiliation. Degradation.

“Forget it, Vince.” He held me another minute. I was crying so hard I couldn’t talk. I was gulping in breaths, and choking.
Kevin finally loosened his grip and retrieved Gramps’s suit coat, which was stuck in the holly bush behind us, and wrapped
me up in it.

I still felt naked.

“I’ll get you a new one. The next one’s on me,” Kevin said. “You can get a bigger one — my size.” He grinned. “Don’t worry,
Vince.” He looked at me deep. “I’ll replace it.”

“You can’t.”

“I will.”

“You
can’t
!” Didn’t he get it? He couldn’t replace it. He couldn’t fix this.

“Never mind. You’ll be okay.”

I’ll never be okay. What they took, what they stole from me, it’s damage. Damage beyond repair.

Scar_tissu:
My gf dumped me 2day. Someone. Pleeez. Tell me how 2 deal. I Iv her so much. I want 2 end it. I want 2 die. Anybody out there?
HELP ME.

Black_Venus:
Scar_tissu, STOP. I’m here. Don’t do anything rash. Listen to me. It’ll get better. One day at a time. I can’t know how you
feel, but when my gf told me she didn’t love me anymore, I thought my life was over. I walked around like a zombie for weeks.
I cried so hard my eyes swelled shut. You’re not alone. We’re here for you. You’re going to make it, OK? You’re going to heal.
I promise. Give it time.

Sunshine26:
I’m so sorry this happened 2 U. I’m here for U 2. We all R. Tlk 2 us.

Bikrchik:
scar, u don’t no me. but maybe if u talk about wt happened, u’ll feel better. wat did she say xactly?

Scar_tissu:
I can’t repeat it. I don’t want 2 remember. I want 2 die.

Black_Venus:
NO. You don’t. She’s not worth it. No one is worth you dying for. Do you hear me?

Bikrchik:
i been where u r

Sunshine26:
Me 2

Black_Venus:
Scar_tissu, we know your heart is aching. The pain and longing and loneliness are unbearable. It hurts so bad.

Scar_tissu:
Yeh. My stomach feels like someone stabbed me. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’m bleeding 2 death.

Black_Venus:
You are going to get through this. I swear. I’ll stay here all night if you need me. I can tell you’re a really sensitive
person and that you loved your gf deeply. That’s what makes love so good, and so bad.

Scar_tissu:
I Iv’d her with all my heart. I still do. I never Iv’d anyone like that. I wantd to be with her 4ever. I asked her to marry
me.

Sunshine26:
Maybe that scared her. Maybe she wasn’t ready.

Scar_tissu:
She said yes. She wanted the same thing. We made plans for when we turned 18 and everythng. After grad, we were going to
find an apartmnt. Then I found out she was

Bikrchik:
POP GG

Scar_tissu:
What’s that? I’m sorry, I hvn’t been on the board b4. What’s POP? What’s GG?

Black_Venus:
Parents on Patrol. Gotta Go. You found out she was what?

Scar_tissu:
Cheating

Sunshine26:
Oh, Scar. Oh no. I’m so sorry.

Black_Venus:
Me too. You didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. Your gf betrayed your trust. She isn’t worthy of your love.

Scar_tissu:
But I Iv her so much.

Bikrchik:
i’m bck. sorree. evil rent

Scar_tissu:
I can’t liv w/o her. I want her back.

Black_Venus:
No you don’t. She’ll do it to you again.

Bikrchik:
do wat?

Sunshine26:
Black_Venus’s right. She isn’t worth it. U can’t trust her.

Bikrchik:
wat she do xactly? wat I miss?

Sunshine26:
Her gf cheated on her.

Bikrchik:
fk hr. i hate grls who play

Sunshine26:
You have to move on, Scar.

Scar_tissu:
It isn’t that easy. There aren’t any grls here where I liv. She’s the only 1.

Black_Venus:
Your love is pure. But if you got her back, would you ever be able to look at her the same way? Love her as much?

Sunshine26:
Good question.

Gypsygrl:
Hi grlfrnds. Wat, or who, r we chattng about?

A pop-up message blinked on my screen. Mail. I had e-mail. Should I read it? It could be from Dylan. But I was in the middle
of chat. What if it was Dylan? I risked it.

Scar_tissu
,

Hi. It’s me, Black_Venus. The board is getting too crowded and I wanted to talk to you alone. You need some private time.
Are you there? Want to IM?

Yeh
, I replied.
Thanx
.

Wow, Black_Venus wanted to talk to me. She was amazing. I’d been lurking on the chat board for a while, afraid to speak up.
Until now I never had anything to say. So many people in pain over breakups and stuff. God, I never thought I’d be one of
them. I switched to IM.

Black_Venus:
What are you thinking? That’s a stupid question. You’re sad. You hurt.

Scar_tissu:
Yeh. I can’t stop crying.

Black_Venus:
I know. You feel lost. Scared. Everything seems hopeless.

Scar_tissu:
Yeh

Black_Venus:
I wish I could talk to you in person. WDUL? I’m in LA.

Should I tell her? I guess it wouldn’t hurt. She’d told me. She was a regular board member, so it must not be against the
rules or anything.

Scar_tissu:
Mason City

Black_Venus:
Where’s that?

Scar_tissu:
IA

Black_Venus:
Iowa? As in corn country?

Scar_tissu:
Yeh. Hicksville. Hog farms and turkey trots.

Black_Venus:
*Grins* It has to be really hard to hook up with girlz in a small town. The only thing I know about IA is corn.

Scar_tissu:
Right. Corn fritters, corn dogs, corn on the cob. Everyone is corn fed.

Black_Venus:
LOL. I think I flew over IA once on my way to Boston.

Scar_tissu:
That was me in the cornfield below screaming, “Stop! Emergency landing. Take me with U.”

Black_Venus:
LMAO. I must’ve had my earbuds in. I’m glad to see you’re smiling. Feeling better?

Scar_tissu:
Yeh. Thanx. It still hurts.

Black_Venus:
I know. You’re going to hurt for a while. Give yourself time. Just keep telling yourself TIAD.

TIAD. What was that?

Black_Venus:
Tomorrow Is Another Day.

Right. Another day without her, I thought.

Black_Venus:
Can we IM later tonight too? I think you’re cool. I’d like to get to know you better.

My pulse raced. She thought I was cool. Black_Venus thought I was cool. A girl from LA? Wow.

Black_Venus:
What do you listen to? What’s on your playlist?

She’d think it was stupid. I could lie. No, that was no way to start a relationship. A relationship? What was I saying? We
weren’t in a relationship.

Scar_tissu:
Tera Moses. Mostly. But I like all kinds of music.

Black_Venus:
Tera Moses?!!! OMG. I love them. No one else I know appreciates their sound.

Yeah. No one I knew did either. Dylan couldn’t stand them. Black_Venus and I had a connection.

Black_Venus:
Who else do you like?