Groom Wanted (22 page)

“Leah.”

Her eyes snapped up to his.

“I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. Wish I could take all your pain onto myself. Make it all go away. But, I can’t. I won’t ask you to stay here.”

A huge chunk of her heart tore off, leaving a wide chasm. She pressed her hand tighter into her chest, willing with everything inside for the pain to leave. Yet how could it? The man she loved was lost to her forever. She doubled over,
and the floods descended. Not only was she crying for the loss of her father, but also for the loss of the dearest, most cherished best friend she’d ever had.

Jake’s arms encircled her like a protective shield as he pulled her tight against him. “Don’t cry. If you’ll still have me, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you. Whatever you need me to do, including moving to New York, if need be.”

She yanked her head back and stared into his handsome face. The face she loved so dearly. “You—you would do that?” Her heart leaped with hope. “Move to New York with me?”

“I’d do anything for you.” He swallowed, and a tremble emanated from him. Dampness moistened her back where his hands rested, and the veins in his arms throbbed faster. He pushed himself off the log.

Realization pummeled her brain. Jake was having a panic attack just thinking about going to New York.

Hope slipped from her heart. What had she been thinking? How selfish of her to even consider such a thing. She’d witnessed those attacks and how hard they were on him. He could never move to the city. Nor would she ask him to. She loved him too much to let him do that.

Her eyes trailed upward.

Jake stood in front of a large tree with his arms crossed. Behind that tree was an even larger, partially uprooted tree with a thick trunk leaning toward it and Jake.

Sunlight streaked through the trees, silhouetting him.

Quick as lightning bolts, flashes of memory struck into her brain.

Swatches of the day pieced together, spiking terror deep into every part of her being.

Her breath strangled to where not even a gasp could be gotten.

Leah leaped up and barreled into Jake, forcing his body as far away from the two trees as she could. He landed on his side on the cushioned forest floor with a thud. She ended up next to him.

“What’d you do that for?”

Panic gripped her so violently that sanity scattered. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just... I couldn’t let it kill you, too.”

“Let what kill me?” Jake pushed himself off the ground, shaking the pine needles from his arms. Perplexed, he reached down and helped her up, then brushed the fern leaves and stems off the rest of him.

Looking up at the towering monsters above her, her body trembled so violently she thought her knees would buckle and her heart would stop beating. “That—that tree. I couldn’t let it kill you.”

Jake stared at her as if she’d lost her mind. Maybe she had. She didn’t know. All she knew was something had snapped inside her. Something ugly. Something more frightening than anything she’d ever known before.

“You okay?” Concern covered every inch of his face.

“Yes.” She nodded. “No.” She shook her head so hard hairpins flew in all directions. “Oh, Jake,” she cried as sharp talons shredded her heart and pierced her soul. She knuckled her hand into her chest, but nothing could ease this pain. “It’s all my fault.”

“What’s all your fault?” He tried to pull her into his arms, but she stepped back, holding her arms in front of her like a shield. She didn’t deserve his comfort—or anyone else’s—for what she’d done.

“I now understand why my nightmares end with me telling Father I’m sorry.” She stared at the ground, seeing nothing but her own guilt. Tears saturated her eyes.

“Leah, you’re not making any sense again.”

She tore her focus from the ground and dragged it over to his. Concern filled those soft eyes she so loved.

She couldn’t hold his gaze, though—shame and guilt wouldn’t let her. In fact, it was all she could do to choke out the next words. “When I saw you standing in front of those trees, it—it all came back to me. Every bit of it.” She shuddered and pointed to the trees she had just shoved Jake away from. “See how that tree’s almost uprooted?”

“Yeah?” He frowned. “What about it?”

“See how that other one is leaning toward it?” She pulled her hankie out and wiped her eyes then her nose.

“Yes. There’s a lot of trees around here like that. What’s that got to do with anything?”

“The day my father died...” She put her hand on the tree next to her to steady herself as reality peeled away leaving only the shadow of memories. “I remember the wind blowing really hard and the rain pelting down equally as hard. I was worried about my father being out in the woods in the storm, so I went to try and find him. By the time I spotted him, it had started lightning, too. It was cracking all around us. I hollered at him. He turned and looked at me and waved. Lightning struck the uprooted tree next to him. The tree toppled over—right on top of him. Don’t you see?” Even though it hurt for him to know the ugly truth about her, she willed him to understand. “My father died because of me, Jake. It’s all my fault.” Uncontrollable sobs rent Leah’s body. Her legs buckled, but her body never met the ground. Arms strong, yet gentle caught her.

Jake pulled her close, supporting her weight with his strength. “No, Leah, you didn’t kill him. The tree did. It was an accident.”

Unable to trust her legs to hold her up on their own strength, she clung to him, leaned her head back and gazed up at him. “No, it wasn’t an accident. It’s all my fault. If I had never gone looking for him, had never hollered at him, then he would have never stopped to wave at me, and he would be alive today.”

Jake shook his head as he stared into her eyes. “Leah, no— You can’t blame yourself. Did you know lightning was going to hit that tree at that exact moment?”

“No. But—”

Jake placed his fingertips over her lips. “There are no buts, Leah. There was no way you could have known lightning was going to strike right then and there. If you did, would you have hollered for him?”

“No.” She shook her head.

“Well...” His sentence hung in the air for a moment. “Let me ask you this... If Haydon or Michael or Jess or Abby had gone out looking for him and the same thing happened to them, would you blame them for killing your father?”

“No. No. Never.” Her response came out as fast as the lightning that had struck that tree.

Jake hiked one brow her way.

Her mind started to see the logic of what he was saying, was trying to grasp it even.

She would have never blamed her brothers or sister or anyone else if the exact same thing had happened. So why was she blaming herself?

The guilt fell away. Tears drizzled from her eyes, only this time they were tears of relief. “Oh, Jake. You’re right. All these years I’ve carried this guilt inside me.” She pressed her fisted hand into her chest where the constant pain had resided. “I never knew why until today. I never understood the nightmares, or why I had them when no one else seemed to. Oh, Jake. Thank you.” she whispered into his heart beating against her ear. A heart that now belonged to her. “I love you, Jake.”

“I love you, too.” His whisper held a caress, one she held on to for more moments than it was there.

Then as if another lightning bolt of truth had struck her, she yanked back. “Sweet twinkling stars above.”

“What?”

“Mother was right. I’ve been so blind and foolish.”

“Now what are you talking about?” His brows puckered.

“You.” Her eyes danced back and forth and the love she had for Jake reflected from hers into his. “Mother said that sometimes God places something right before our eyes but we don’t see it because we’re too busy looking somewhere else or for something else. I’ve always wanted a man like my father. A man who could make me feel protected. Secure. Loved. Who would comfort me and make me feel special. Jake, you’re that man.”

His lazy grin belied the glow on his face.

“I love you, Jake. But I can’t ask you to move to New York with me. I can’t do that to you.”

His smile ended and his face dulled.

“So I’m going to stay here. I want to be with you.”

In less than a heartbeat, he crushed her to him in the gentlest way. “My sweet, lovable princess. I love you.”

“Hey, you called me princess.” Her lips curled upward until she was certain they would take over her face.

“Yep. Sure did. You said being a princess was important to you. You’ll always be my princess.” Jake’s mouth covered hers. His kiss went directly to her heart and soul, melting it with its passion, its warmth and its love. Long moments later, he raised his head and gazed tenderly at her. “I love you, Leah.”

“I love you, too.”

“So, does this mean you’re gonna marry me?”

“Yep.” Leah used his own word to answer him.

“Let’s get one thing perfectly clear first.”

“What’s that?”

“This won’t be a marriage of convenience, but of love.”

“Good. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” She winked at him.

Jake kissed her again soundly. “Now, let’s go tell your family the good news.”

Leah quickly brushed her clothes and put her hair to rights. “What about Fitzwilliam and Elizabeth?”

“I have a feeling they won’t be there.”

“How come?”

“Because Elizabeth figured out that I’m in love with you.”

“She did?”

“Yep. But if they are there, we’ll share our news later.”

“What about my brothers? I don’t know how they’ll feel about this.”

“I do.”

“You do?”

“Yep. Already talked to them about us and asked their permission to marry you.”

“You did? Ah,” she said. “That’s so sweet. What did they say?” She tilted her head and a curl fell against her cheek.

“They thought it was about time I came to my senses and realized I was in love with you. They wished me luck and said they’d be praying for me. And for you to say yes.” Jake settled the strand of hair behind her ear and ran his finger slowly over her cheek, across her lips and under her chin. He tilted her head up, his soft lips only a breath away.

“Kiss me again, Jake.”

His eyelids drifted shut. His lips touched hers, softly, then playfully, then possessively. Her heart sighed and melted into his. The man sure knew how to kiss. She couldn’t wait to become his wife.

Their lips eventually parted but with great reluctance.

Jake cupped her hand in his and they threaded their way through the wild ferns and trees.

When the noise of the festivities reached them, Leah stopped and strained to see if Fitzwilliam was anywhere around the ranch yard. She really wasn’t looking forward to that confrontation. There was no sign of either him or Elizabeth or the carriage they’d rode in on. “They’re gone,” she told Jake with a huge sigh of relief.

“Good.” Jake stopped her. “Leah, before we get married I want to ask your mother’s permission.”

“I think that would be nice. Thank you.”

“One more thing. What if your mother marries Mr. Barker? Will your living here and witnessing it bother you?”

“I’m not sure. But one thing I am sure of... You’ll be there for me if it does.”

“Yep.” Jake pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it. Love, warm and sweet, went from his lips straight into her heart. “One last thing— You sure you won’t mind living in a small, three-room house?” Worry flitted across his face.

“Nope. I don’t care about that. I care about you.”

“But you said you wanted to go to balls and all that stuff.”

“I thought I did. Truth is, after being around all those people at Phoebe’s wedding, then at Mr. Barker’s the other night, and then Fitzwilliam, I couldn’t care less if I ever see another gown or attend another snooty gathering ever again. I no more belong with those people than a pig belongs in a mansion.”

“A pig in a mansion, huh?” He grinned and so did she.

Her attention jumped from his to across the yard. “Oh, look. There’s Mother. Let’s go talk to her.” She grabbed his hand and dragged him behind her. For someone who was so against the arrangement an hour ago, she sure had come around quickly. “Mother, can Jake and I speak with you for a moment?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll talk to you later, Mother.” Michael glanced at Jake.

Jake nodded once.

Michael smiled and gave a quick nod of his own, then he turned and strolled over to Selina. Her brother leaned down and said something to his wife. Selina looked over at them, smiling from ear to ear.

Leah’s heart warmed knowing they loved Jake and that they approved of her choice of husband. Well, God’s choice, really. After hearing the pastor’s message about putting God first and ourselves second, during that very service, she’d done just that and look what it had gotten her. The man of her dreams.

“Mrs. Bowen.” Jake cleared his throat. “I would like to ask permission to marry your daughter.”

“Oh, well, Abby’s too young to marry. She’s only seventeen.” Twinkles glittered her mother’s eyes.

“No. I meant...” Jake tugged at his shirt collar.

“Mother. Stop. She’s teasing you, Jake.”

“Yes, I am. Of course you have my permission to marry Leah. And God’s, too.”

“What do you mean ‘God’s, too’?”

“Well, ever since you and Jake ran the sack race, I had a feeling about you two and started praying way back then. And every time I did, it was as if I could sense God’s approval.”

“Thank you, Mother.” Leah threw her arms around her. “Your prayers have been answered. And mine, too. Because of that, we have a wedding to plan.”

“The sooner, the better.” Jake winked, and getting his full meaning, Leah blushed.

* * *

The next morning, Leah bolted upright in bed. She pinched her eyes shut and a deep guttural groan leaked out of her. Her newfound love and revelation hadn’t stopped the nightmares. “Why, God?” When no answer came, she hurried through her toiletries and flew toward the barn, hoping Jake was there alone, as was his norm in the morning twilight.

Leah stepped inside the dim interior of the barn. The instant she spotted Jake, she rushed over to him and threw her arms around his waist. Sobs tore from her.