Gumshoe Gorilla (51 page)

There was a soft scratching noise at my door. Someone picking the lock. Finally. I'd been waiting all afternoon.

The door opened, and Laughing Bear walked into my apartment. He was carrying a huge stack of boxes. I stuck out my foot and tripped him.

Ladies' hat boxes flew everywhere. Laughing Bear hit the floor, but then rolled across the room and popped back up on his feet like some sort of weird wind-up toy. A wind-up toy that was suddenly holding a knife.

He looked at me and broke out in a smile.

"Hey Drew! I wasn't expecting to find you here."

"Yeah," I said. "That's why I parked three blocks away."

He put the cutlery away.

"So, is this it?" I asked, gesturing to the hat boxes.

"Well... there are a few more in my car."

I sighed.

"Let's get 'em then."

We went out to his car, and I helped him carry the rest of the load in. It seemed easier than fighting about it. And maybe I could sell some of this crap on eBay.

"So why are you home so early?" he asked.

"Looking for you, actually. You are a surprisingly difficult guy to find. I take it
Laughing Bear
isn't your legal name?"

He grinned.

"Aw shucks. You really been looking for me?"

"Yeah. I need some help."

"Can't figure out which shoes go with that blue dress?"

"Um... no."

"Wondering about the reversible cape?"

"No, I..."

"Trying to figure out what to get me for my birthday?"

I put a hand over his mouth.

"Do I need to get the duct tape?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"Good," I said. "Because I need your help with a case."

"Mmmmhm. Mmmhmm."

I took my hand off his mouth.

"Sure. Is this the case that you're working on for Ice?"

"Excuse me?"

"The case that Ice-in-Summer asked you to take. You are doing one for her, right?"

"Um... I hate to keep bringing this up," I said. "But you do remember that she's dead?"

A flicker of pain crossed his eyes.

"Yeah, I know. But she told me about it last year. She said... she said..."

I wasn't sure that I really wanted to know what some Cherokee holy drag queen had predicted about my caseload a year ago. If she was wrong, it wouldn't be helpful. And if she was right... well, that would raise way too many theological questions for my taste.

But you know what they say about curiosity and the cat.

"Ice said what?"

The pain vanished from Laughing Bear's face, swept away by that clownish smile he wears.

"She said a lot of things about you," he said. "But I don't want to spoil the surprise. And besides, I'm not sure that you're living up to her expectations."

"Yeah, well the afterlife is full of disappointments."

I paused for a second, trying to figure out how to explain the case to him. The story is pretty crazy. But then, Laughing is pretty crazy, too. May as well level with him.

"Well... I guess that I am doing this case for Ice. Sort of. She kind of recommended me for it."

"Cool. How can I help?"

"Well, it looks like someone in the Nation is planning to murder Eddie Rockland and frame..."

"Eddie who?"

"Eddie Rockland."

"The actor?"

"Yeah."

"The really hunky actor?"

"Yeah."

"What's he got to do with your case?"

"He pretty much is my case."

Laughing Bear looked confused.

"I don't get it. Is Eddie Rockland the phantom poet?"

"The who?"

"The poet. The kid you're supposed to be looking for."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, Ice said that you would be trying to find this poet. This kid. She said it was real important that you get to him before..."

"What kid?"

"The kid. The one you're supposed to be looking for."

I grabbed Laughing Bear by the flaps of his leather vest.

"Let me get this straight," I said. "I'm on this case because a rattlesnake said something to a gorilla who said something to a dreaming deaf girl who finally said something to me. And now you're telling me that someone got their story wrong?"

Laughing Bear shrugged.

"Kinda sounds like it."

I groaned.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me. After all this... OK, look. I got hired to protect Eddie, and that's what I'm gonna do. You gonna help me?"

"Uh... I guess. Ice didn't cover this in her instructions."

"Fine. Here's what's going on: There's this guy named Trenton Reed. He's some big shot at the Baptist News Network. He's been putting out a lot of anti-Cherokee propaganda. "

"I know who Trenton Reed is, Drew."

"Oh. OK. Well, someone is planning to murder Eddie Rockland and frame Reed for it. Make it look like a gay lovers quarrel."

"That's pretty twisted."

"Yeah. So I need you to find out who in the Nation would..."

"Oh, it's not us."

"It's not?"

"Nope."

"Well.... it's probably a rogue faction," I explained. "Some secret group that's planning to..."

"Nope. It's not."

"It's not?"

"Nope."

"How can you be sure?" I asked.

"Because I
run
the rogue faction in the Nation, Drew."

"You do?"

"Yeah. You didn't know?"

"Uh... no."

Laughing Bear looked me over.

"Hm. Maybe Ice was wrong about you."

"Yeah, maybe," I agreed.

He kept smiling, but I caught a worried look in his eyes.

"OK," I said. "So let's say I believe that you're some sort of Cherokee secret agent. You're telling me that your team isn't going after Trenton Reed?"

"Of course we are. And boy, do we have some trouble planned for that guy. We're just not using your friend Eddie to do it."

"Well, what about another faction? Could there be another group in the Nation that's..."

"Not without me knowing about it."

I looked at him skeptically.

"Come on. You can't know about every..."

"Trust me, Drew. I can."

"Well... uh...."

I tried to think it through. I had been so sure that it was the Cherokee. Maybe Laughing Bear was trying to throw me off the scent. But that didn't seem like him. He's kind of screwy, but he'd always been weirdly open with me. Like he was some old friend who knew that he could get away with saying anything.

He grinned.

"Why'd you think it was us, anyway?"

"Just, you know... the snake...."

The damn snake. The one that had started all this by telling a certain Gorilla to take Skye's case. Ice's totem, running errands for her. But if the Cherokee aren't involved, then why the hell does she care so much about Eddie Rockland?

"Never mind," I said. "Someone gave me a bum tip."

"OK. Well, I'm glad we had this chat."

"Yeah."

"We should do it again sometime."

"Uh... yeah. I guess."

"OK. Well you have fun chasing the bad guys."

And with that, he gave me a peck on the cheek and walked out the door.

As stalkers go, I guess he's not so bad.

I locked up the apartment and walked back to my car. I was frustrated and felt like punching someone. But the obvious candidate was already dead, which kind of takes the fun out of it. One of these days, I'll have to track down Ice-in-Summer's restless old ghost and find out why she had sent me on this wild goose chase. But for the moment I was stuck. Somebody had to protect Eddie. I'd just have to hope that Linda was having better luck digging up dirt on the Christian Alliance.

And I had other things to worry about, anyway. The whole Daniel situation. I needed to warn him. But how do you tell a twenty-three year old kid that his one true love is getting him hooked on heroin? And setting him up for a blackmail plot against a mob lawyer.

"Oh yeah, and you've also been sleeping with your father."

It wasn't a conversation that I was looking forward to.

And I still had way too many unanswered questions about Vince. I couldn't figure out why he had it in for Montague so badly. Or how he'd managed to locate the guy's son, when there was no way to get access to those records.

I know. Looking back, it seems obvious. I just had to realize that both questions had the same answer. Any idiot could see it.

But it took me two hours of driving around in circles to figure it out.

Eddie reached for the last slice of pizza.

"Do it and you're a dead man," I said.

"What?"

"You've already had four slices. That one's mine."

"Really?" he said, trying to look all innocent. "Are you sure?"

"Is the Pope a natural blond?"

"Tell you what," he said. "How about we wrestle for it?"

"Yeah, right. The last time we tussled I nearly cracked your head open on the bathroom floor of the Shaharazade. You so eager to wind up flat on your back again?"

"Might be fun," he said, flashing a smile. Not the hundred watt one that he uses when he's trying to be charming, but the twenty watt one that slips out when he's not thinking about it. He leaned in close to try and kiss me. I really should have thought twice before ordering the anchovies.

We were interrupted by a knock at the door. I recognized the rhythm. Drew.

I got up and let him in. He wasn't wearing his happy face.

"Hm. I take it things didn't go well with the Cherokee?"

He grumbled something incoherent.

"Well at least they didn't scalp you. So what happened?"

"It's a long story."

"What's the Cliff notes' version?"

"The Cherokee aren't behind it."

"OK. Where does that leave us?"

"I don't know. Any word from Linda?"

"Yeah. She's on her way. We're expecting her any time now."