Gut Instinct (14 page)

However he had always tried to be honest with his
team
and honesty had been the best policy in this case. 

Besides he had listened to his gut and his gut had told him to come clean, and as he always said his gut was always right!

Chapter
Twenty-One

Saturday 5
th
April

Tanya was a psychosexual ther
apist had been for about ten
years now and loved her job immensely. 

She had her own private practice
and
got most
of her work through self referral and multi agencies,
which
sometimes
the client paid for
and occasionally agencies paid for
.
She was building up a very reputable reputation a
n
d
becoming a well respected therapist in not only the Leicester area, but further afield.

She’d even recently had a book published that she had written about sex therapy, the process and the variations in client work
.  She’d included some of the underlying issues to client’s sex problems, techniques that therapists could use when working with this particular client group and how to manage their own personal transference that was inevitable when working with sexual issues.   She had then finished it
off
with
some
theory on transsexual and transgender issues.  It was selling well and she was very proud of herself.

Most people believed that it must affect you
r sex life doing a job like hers but it didn’t
, she was able to switch off from the stories that she heard
on a daily basis
as soon as she shut the door of her upmarke
t therapy room, each day.
 

S
witched off she was
tonight
, it was Saturd
ay night and that was her and Stephen’s
night. 
Now was the time to concentrate on
her own
sex life. 

She liked Stephen
but didn’t love him, she could never marry she’d known that since she was twenty o
ne years old.
It would mean that s
he would have to share her secret and no way was she going to do that.  Not a cat in hells chance, she would carry that to her grave.

Stephen
was twenty years older
than
her,
but that didn’t matter to Tanya. W
hy people worried about age she never knew, it was about two people wanting to be together, that was what was important.
  She’d always preferred older men, made up for the father she never had she supposed, but hey ho, that was something she would have to work out in her own therapy, if she ever got round to having any.

Tanya was getting ready in her
bedroom
he
would be round soon and
she wanted to look good
for him, she loved dressing up
.
 

She could do any look really when she put her mind to it. 
She could dress c
lassy, professional, elegant
,
stylish
,
chic
and even a tasteful tart if she was in the right mood. 

She was just sipping back the dregs of her wine
when the news came on the t
ele
v
ision
.  They had charged a guy with
Jane Smith and
Lizzie Benton’
s
murder;
she froze as she saw the
killer’s
picture come up on
to
the screen.

“
Oh my God
”
she exc
laimed out loud, her thoughts rushing around
like ants marching through her head.  How can that be?

Ivan Springer,
was a client
of hers, had been for about two
years now
.  He was a pleasant
enough
guy, a transvestite who struggled to maintain a serious relati
onship due to his
clandestine life
. 

He could never manage to keep
his need to dress as a woman
hidden very long
. H
is yearning
was far too frequent for it to be kept concealed
.

Ivan
had originally engaged in therapy because this was affecting all
of
his relationships and wanted to be what
he perceived to be ‘normal
’
, however
more recently they had been discussing how it was getting more and more difficult for him
to maintain a
n erection
unless
he was
dressed as a woman.

He’d disclosed that he could manage it okay with one night stands,
although he had found that on those occasions he had ejaculated too soon, but this didn’t bother him. T
he problem arose so to speak if he became emotionally involved.

Tanya had discussed with him how it may be more about attachment then his need to dress as a woman. 

They had also
gone on to process his relationship with hi
s powerful and engulfing mother and the impact that this had on him now in his relationships with women.  Ivan was just beginning to come to an awareness of
how his history impacted on his present and they were reaching a crucial part of his therapy where the unconscious
was becoming more conscious and was likely to facilitate change.

Tanya was dumbfounded.  He was such a nice man, a gentle person
, not capable of harming a fly, let alone a double murder. 

What should she say to Stephen?  Should she say anything she wondered?

Then her heart did another triple ju
mp!  He probably knew. He’d telephoned her
earlier and
arranged to pick her up sooner than they had initially planned. P
erhaps this is
why;
perhaps he wanted to talk with her first. 

He had sounded a little off
she thought
or was she just being paranoid?

She poured herself another glass of wine and attempted to calm
herself
down, this is just wonky thinking,
she thought,
he might not know and even if he did there was nothing wrong with that.  He
must know that she
couldn
’t say anything due to patient/therapist confidentiality.

She looked in the mirror and admired herself, putting her irrational thoughts behind her. 

She did look good tonight, she’d wanted to, if she was meeting Stephen’s friends and often when you want to look particularly good, something would go wrong, th
e make-
up or the hair, her stomach would bloat or something. But no, tonight she looked exceptionally good.  He would be proud of her.

**********

It was seven fifteen and Stephen was on his way to pick up Tanya, he’d contemplated not saying anything about Ivan Springer, he hadn’t wanted to spoil the night and besides they never discussed each
other’s
work
, but he’d established that he’d had no choice. 

Someone was bound to say something tonight, make some comment
and then she would be
confused and possibly
embarrassed and he didn’t want to put her through that. 

So, he had rang her and arranged to see her earlier than planned
.
T
hey
could have a glass of wine; he could discuss this new element to his case, put it to bed and enjoy the rest of their night.

He arrived at her door at seven thirty precise, pleased with himself for being on time.  He rang the doorbell and took a step back in surprise when she opened the door.  She looked
absolutely
stunning, more striking than he’d ever seen her.  She had gone to a lot of trouble tonight and he was pleased.

She handed him a
glass of wine and they both sank down i
n
to her feather filled
sofa looking at each other, admiring the effort that they had both gone to.

Tanya spoke first.

“How’s things?” she asked, feeling nervous at what this might have instigated.

Stephen decided to come straight to the point, get it out of the way.

“
We arrested a guy called Ivan
,
Ivan Springer today
” he said watching her face for a reaction, and mildly disappointed that there was not one.

“Did you?” she replied.

“Yes, apparently he is one of your clients”

“Is he?” she again gave a non-committed response. 

He hated it when she answered a question with a question.  This was something he’d noticed she always did when he asked her anything that may be slightly intruding on her personal life.

“Tanya, you must know who your clients are, he’s been seeing you for two years for goodness sake!” he said not able to contain his irritation.

“And you must know Stephen” she replied calmly “that I can’t
even tell you whether this man
you have a arrested is a client, let alone anything about him, so it might be a good idea to change the subject don’t you think?
”

Another bloody question, he thought.  She could be so infuriating at times. But she looked so beautiful tonight; he couldn’t stay angry for long and decided that it was best put to bed.

He’d known she was professional and would not break client confidentiality, and he had just wanted to pre-warn her in case something was said tonight, so no point dragging it out.

“I know, I guess I just wanted to warn you really in case any of the l
awyers, defence or prosecution, wanted
to speak to you
. Anyway” he quickly changed the subject “let’s go and grab something nice to eat then go to this party.  I am looking forward to showing you off.  You look absolutely stunning tonight Tanya, did I tell you that?”

“No you didn’t” she smiled trying to hide the fear that she was now feeling inside.

**********

It was midnight and Tanya and Stephen had just arrived home from the party.  It had been a good night, everyone had struggle
d
to keep their eyes off Tanya, Stephen
had
noticed
, not surprising she looked beautiful. T
hey were probably well jealous that he had such a beautiful woman.  She could hold good conversations too, about anything that people talked to her about; she was intellectual and a bloody good listener.
  He had felt so proud.
 

He
had
learned a lot more about Tanya tonight
too
, seeing her in the company of others and he was very impressed. 

I could fall for this woman he thought and quickly discounted that notion as the drink altering his very determined mind that love was not on the cards for him and never would be.

Tanya came into her dimly lit living room then interrupting his thoughts.  She was wearing a lilac negligee that clung to her bosom figure, immediately giving him an erection. She was beautiful, and downright sexy he thought as she took his hand and led him into her bedroom

**********

“H
ow do you do that he asked
?
”
as they were lying entwined in each other’s arms having made the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

“
Do
what
?
”
she asked running her French polished fingernails through his chest hair.

“Enjoy sex as much as you do, when you work with sex all day long?”
he asked.

“How do you when you work with murders all day long
?
”
she asked.

Answering another question with a question he thought.

When would she ever show just a little bit of herself?

When would she let him inside her head?

What was she hiding of herself?

They both then fell into a contented sleep.

Chapter
Twenty-Two

Saturday 5
th
April