Hadrian's Lover (39 page)

Four years have passed since Frank’s trial. Dramatic changes have occurred in the Hunter family as a result. Dean moved out, taking up residence in his grandmother Destiny Stuttgart’s abode. She purchased a home in the New Augustus City, rebuilt closer to the Canadian border and growing after that dirty nuclear assault. When he left, Dean had insisted on a separation. Time was needed, he said, for him to come to grips with what had happened: Todd’s death, Frank’s confession, the legalization of heterosexuality, and now, the lengthy court battles he and countless other victims of the Northeast Reeducation Camp have filed. Most important for Dean is the reemergence of Destiny Stuttgart, his Mimi, in his life. As both an elder and family member, Mimi does not cause Dean to suffer the negative effects of the shock treatment that successfully conditioned his body against feminine influence. Mimi, knowing this brutal effect on her grandson, determined the last important goal of her life would be to help Dean overcome this psychological prison.

The separation is hardest on Geoffrey and Roger. The pain of losing his lover spirals Geoffrey into a state of depression that twists him into a severe workaholic. He is now indispensable to Hadrian National Fisheries (HNF) and is the top CEO of the entire corporation. Roger is torn between two fathers. As much as he longs for the loving arms of his papa, Roger is too afraid to leave Geoffrey alone even for a day. Thus, his only visits with Dean are through visual voc. Whenever Dean suggests he come to live with him, or even just enjoy a short visit, Roger refuses. Roger knows he is his father’s only link to life outside the work world. Roger is the only reason Geoffrey leaves the office to come home for dinner. More times than not, though, Geoffrey’s mind stays at the office, and then after eating, he either disappears into his study or returns to work. Roger is more often alone than not. And he misses Frank dearly.

Frank feels none of this. His sentence to life in the military has him living at the southwest wall. He has cut off all communication with family and friends, greeting them cordially when they insist on making a visit, which he is allowed once a month with a maximum of three people. Only two ever show up: Geoffrey and Roger. This monthly vigil is a daytrip on which Geoffrey brings his work. Roger brings homework and reading material since his father is uncommunicative. Roger makes this visit regardless of Frank’s now formal aloofness. He refuses to believe his brother no longer feels any love. He knows that deep inside, locked away by fear and self-loathing, is the fun-loving tenderhearted brother he grew up with. And even if the old Frank never again emerges, Roger continues his monthly visits and determines to do so until the day he dies.

With the legalization of heterosexuality, and the uni of New Augustus suffering economically due to fear resulting from the name association (Augustus now being synonymous with nuclear strike and cancer), Dean gained reluctant acceptance into the campus. Of course, Mimi’s influence was critical. Very few people are willing to refuse a founding mother. Thus, Dean is now working toward building a life in the field of medicine. He has chosen nursing for his vocation because he will be able to graduate and begin work in the field before the age of fifty. Mimi and Geoffrey share the cost of his tuition and living expenses. At first, Dean felt it wrong to have Geoffrey help pay for his education since he was the one who filed for separation and had left, but both grandmother and partner had insisted Geoffrey be allowed to help. Dean, having reclaimed his last name at Mimi’s insistence, registered as Dean Stuttgart. Once precedence was set, Dean advocated for other heterosexuals to be allowed uni entrance, and coupled with Mimi’s powerful influence and the university’s crippled financial status, the New Augustus Campus became a beacon of hope for heterosexuals throughout Hadrian. By the end of his second year of schooling, Dean had established the first straight/gay alliance on campus, the first of its kind in the history of Hadrian. Dean, of course, is its president and his vice-president is Cantara Raboud, Faial Raboud’s daughter. Thanks to her mother’s efforts, Cantara is now free to come out and express her sexuality. Dean and she are not lovers. Dean is restrained in three ways: 1) age appropriate heterosexual attraction—Cantara is only twenty-three to Dean’s forty-four years, 2) electric shock conditioning—although he has managed to overcome most of it, Dean still has a long way to go before
he can ever hope to hold a woman in his arms, and 3) Geoffrey—Dean loves Geoffrey and every time he thinks of trying to be with a woman, the thought of hurting his former lover acts as more of an abatement than his previous conditioning. During their separation, Dean often found himself not only thinking about his partner, but longing for him. In many ways, Dean has come to conclude, one’s sexual preference has as much to do with love as it has with physical yearnings—perhaps even more so. Having confessed this revelation to Mimi, Dean is continuously encouraged by her to invite Geoffrey down for a visit. Now that the school year is nearing its end, Dean agrees and vocs his old lover.

Geoffrey is overwhelmed with conflicting emotions: relief, love, and desire, muddy when mixed with anger, resentment, and pain. It takes time to win Geoffrey’s trust back, but soon the two men are voc’ing on a daily basis. Within six months, Geoffrey makes his first visit to New Augustus.

Mimi’s home consists of two levels, a ground floor and a level below ground. The car park is also below ground. One drives down a small hill inside the compound. Mimi, being a founding mother, is wealthy and her home consists of four bedrooms and a family room on the ground level, with the living room, kitchen, and a fifth (guest) bedroom below ground. When Mimi opens the door to her underground vehicle park, she greets Geoffrey, inviting him in. Turning to face the stairs, she calls up to Dean, who is working in one of the rooms he has converted into his study. “Your room,” she instructs Geoffrey as they await Dean’s arrival, “is the first door on the right.” She points to the room just past the stairs. To their left is the living room, and down the hall, past the guest room on the right, is the kitchen.

Within seconds, Dean has leaped down the stairs like a young mountain goat. As soon as his eyes meet Geoffrey’s, he lunges forward, pulling him into his arms. Mimi discreetly backs away into the living room to give the two men their privacy. While kissing and awkwardly banging against walls, Dean and Geoffrey make their way into the guest bedroom where they remain for three days with Dean periodically emerging to prepare a meal in the kitchen.

By the end of Dean’s final year, Geoffrey and he are planning their re-registration ceremony. The decision came quite suddenly and at Dean’s suggestion. After a bout of unabashed lovemaking, while Geoffrey is lying with his head cradled into Dean’s shoulder, he shudders a soft sigh. “I thought I had lost you forever.”

Dean closes his eyes. “Do you remember the first time we made love?”

“It was at The Cattle Ranch.” The memory provokes a smile.

“Did you know that I had the chance to be with a woman while we were there?”

Sitting up in surprise, Geoffrey battles with his emotions. He is appalled that the ranch was a front for heterosexual behavior while at the same time trying to remind himself he has no right to judge. “Did you?” Fear imbues his being as he worries that Dean may well have been with another partner.

“No.” Pausing briefly, knowing his next words will be painful, Dean confesses, “I wanted to, but I couldn’t. The conditioning was too strong.” With a slight harrumph, he admits, “I still have trouble being in the same room with a woman for too long.” Smiling, he concludes, “Mimi’s helping me with that, though.”

“So,” Geoffrey gulps back the truth, “if you could have, you would have then?”

“Yes.” Dean is not purposely trying to hurt Geoffrey. He is simply trying to share with him the complete truth. “Back then, but not today.” He looks his lover in the eye and emphasizes, “The only person I ever want to be with now is you.” Geoffrey begins to sob and Dean envelops him in his arms. “I am so sorry I hurt you. Please understand. I needed this time to decide who I wanted to be.” Wiping the tears from Geoffrey’s eyes, he adds, “This time, Geoffrey, I can honestly say I choose to be with you. No one else is deciding for me. Not fear, not Weller, not society…” With a little smirk, he concludes, “not even you.” Now, with the eyes and smile of honesty, he says, “I love you, Geoffrey Hunter, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

After the two men decide to reestablish their bond, Geoffrey steps down as the conglomerate head, resuming his former position as President of Hunter Fisheries. Roger is thrilled, not just to have his family back, but to have his father restored to his former, more jovial self. Geoffrey asks Roger to stand up for him at the ceremony and Dean also makes a request. He needs Geoffrey and Roger to speak to Frank on his behalf. It is time to heal the rift between papa and son. It is time to make their family whole again.

At the wall, Frank Hunter stands at the ready, watchful of any movement on the outside. Before him lies a wasteland scarred by bombings, blackened shards of rock, shrapnel, and the decimated skeletal remains of enemy vehicles. Beyond Hadrian's firing range are the scattered and stunted beginnings of black pine, the heartiest of all northern trees, no doubt attempting to resurrect the Lazarus of old Canada's once abundant boreal forest. Frank watches the horizon of the wastelands for any sign of heterosexual barbarians. He doesn't call them that. He doesn't even think of them as the enemy. But it is the military term for the enemy; anyone outside the wall, in fact, is a heterosexual barbarian; it is the term he uses when addressing a senior officer about a kill, and he always writes, “Shot and killed one (or more) heterosexual barbarian” in every report. Frank has a sharp eye and exceptional aim. He kills, on average, five heterosexuals a month. Frank doesn't think of this act as shooting the enemy. He doesn't see it as necessary for his nation's security. There is not a single patriotic bone left in Frank Hunter's body. He doesn't even consider himself a citizen of Hadrian anymore. Frank Hunter is a mercy killer. Every kill is, for Frank, and very likely for his every victim, an act of euthanasia. After every kill, he whispers, “I did it for you, Todd.”

Frank's post is atop the central watchtower. He takes no days off unless sick or ordered to. He breaks for meals and the odd trip to the bathroom. He won't watch news streams or vids, he plays no wave games, and takes no lover. Most of all, he tries not to think. He mans his station, kills every human straight that wanders into his site, and suffers restless, nightmarish sleep. Frank cannot stop his mind from remembering when he succumbs to weariness.

When forced to rest by a senior officer, usually one new to his platoon, Frank runs. He runs the three-mile length of the wall his tactile tattoo
restraint allows him. He then runs back. Back and forth and up and down. When Frank runs the three mile stretch, he runs up and down every set of stairs leading up the three stories of the wall as well as up and down the fourth set of stairs, leading up to each of the watchtowers within his limits. For Frank, running is the most effective method of emptying his mind. It does not please the MPs assigned to guard him day and night. Whenever Private Frank Hunter runs, the MP is obliged to run alongside him. More often than not, though, the MP trails behind, unable to keep pace with the lithe, powerful man. One MP actually shot Frank in the leg when he was unable to keep up. He claimed he had ordered Frank to halt, and very likely did, but the gap formed between them made it impossible for Frank to hear him. Nor could he have simply voc'd Frank. Being that military service is a life sentence for Frank, he is not allowed any luxuries such as the voc or access to Hadrian's wave network. Nor does he wish for any. Being granted access to the historic library on his one enforced day off is all he cares for. When he is not running, Frank will retreat to the historic library and read one of the archaic books. The feel of the book in his hand, its weight combined with the scent of the paper as he flips the pages, is oddly relaxing.

Contact with family is also limited to one downloaded letter a week, which one of the senior officers projects from his voc onto the wall screen for Frank to read. Once a month, Frank is entitled to a vid conference or personal visit with family. Frank is forever being ordered to attend these and must be escorted to the meeting room by his MP. Always, his father and Roger come. Dean, initially by his own design and also at Frank's request, has never attended or participated in any family conference or visit. On this day, however, unknown to Frank, Dean Stuttgart arrives. He does not come into the room immediately. Geoffrey and Roger intend to prepare Frank. They begin with the usual trite conversation about how healthy Frank looks—so tanned, so fit—and then move on to how little activity there has been at the wall of late while Frank tallies off his kills for the month. Neither Geoffrey nor Roger care to hear about that aspect of Frank's life, but Frank always lists them off anyway. It is grizzly how detailed Frank is when he describes each man or woman's death. It is as if he has engrained the image of each heterosexual he kills into his mind's eye. Finally, nearing the end of their visit, Frank asks, as always, “And how is your schooling, Roger? Are you excelling?” 

“Uni is great!” Roger ejaculates.

“Do you know he plans to attend for at least six years?” Geoffrey is proud of Roger's decision to study agricultural engineering and his determination to obtain, at the very least, a Master's degree.

“Eight,” Roger adds excitedly. “I'm definitely going for my Ph.D. Professor Joel Lipman, the same man who taught Will Middleton and Quintin Laugharne, says I show real promise for an undergrad.”

“Well, get your Bachelor's degree first,” Geoffrey adds judiciously. “Then you can work on your Master's. You can talk Ph.D. six years from now!”

On this particular visit, Roger made sure to take a few days off from uni to be with Frank, his father, and Papa Dean for this most important reunion.

“Good work, Roger.” Frank remains civil, containing all show of affection, sitting upright and at attention, as if he were addressing senior officers.

“Roger's average,” a proud father interjects, “is eighty-eight percent!”

Although there is no sign of emotion, Frank replies, “I am pleased, Roger. Todd would be proud.” The only sign of emotion that threatens to crack the veneer of Frank's self-imposed emotional exile is the closing of his eyes and an intake of breath held momentarily before slowly exhaling.

“Thanks, Frank. That means a lot to me,” says Roger. Reaching into his pocket, he retrieves a small burlap bag. “I brought you a present.” Handing the package to Frank, he says, “Smell it.”

Working to keep his voice flat, Frank replies, “It smells really good. What is it?”

“Ground cocoa.”

Frank's eyes moisten. Once more, he must breathe slowly to contain the threat of an outpouring of emotion. “Todd had promised to grow these for Papa Dean.”

“I know. Professor Lipman lets me grow these in one of the Antinous Uni hot houses. He was reluctant at first, hot houses being critical for growing plants for life saving medicines, and the beans having to come from Hadrian's Global Seed Vault, but when I explained about how Todd…well…how he…well, how I want to…you know, genetically alter them…like he wanted to…anyway, I get to grow a little crop. I roasted and ground these figuring they'd make a great gift for…” Looking now to his father, Roger asks, “May I tell him?” Geoffrey nods; he does not contain his emotions;
tears begin to stream, creating an odd image on a face suddenly shining with delight. “And, I figured they'd make a great wedding present for Papa Dean.”

Frank starts. “Pa—Pa—Papa Dean is—but, Dad—he—you—never divorced—did you?”

“No son,” Geoffrey smiles through the tears. “We are getting remarried. Papa Dean wants you—he wants you to stand up for him. He came with us today and is waiting outside until you ask him to enter. May I please go get him, Frank? He misses you dearly. He loves you and wants you back in his life.” Frank is speechless. Afraid to talk, afraid to move from fear of breaking down, he just sits in his chair, waiting. Geoffrey stands, “I'll—I'll go get him.” As soon as he opens the door, he calls out and Dean steps into the room. Franks stands, the two men facing one another.

Dean opens his arms, “Frank—”

Frank crumples to his knees, wailing in a sudden burst of emotion expelled from him like an explosion. Sobs and tears rack his body like a tempest-tossed bark. Papa Dean bends down and cradles him. “I'm so sorry, son. I'm so sorry I abandoned you for all these years.”

Through his sobs, Frank manages a plea. “Forgive me.”