Hadrian's Lover (4 page)

Todd beams. He loved his dad. There are nights he will dream his father is still alive, only to wake up and suffer the crushing reality of his death all over again. The transition of joy to sorrow, though seemingly infinitesimal, is very real. The light in Todd's eyes blurs and tears begin to fill. “Why did he have to die?”

Papa Dean re-submerges Todd in his arms. “I don't know, son. Life is seldom fair. Sometimes all a man can do is make the best of it.”

“I want to make Dad proud of me. I want to be just like him.”

Todd breathes these words against Dean's aching chest. “You are, Todd, like him in so many ways.”
Perhaps too much
, Dean worries. “But you have to be your own man, too. And I know,” he says, now pushing Todd back slightly so he can look him in the eye, “whatever you decide to do with your life, your father would be very proud of you!”

“Thanks, Papa Dean.”

Dean frowns. His little pep talk has not removed the shadow covering Todd's mood. “All right, out with it.”

“Out with what?” Todd asks, shifting his eyes away.

“You are still upset about that kiss, aren't you?”

“Sort of.”

Todd is evasive. Papa Dean will not let Todd escape telling him about his anxiety. “Why does the kiss bother you this much? It just looked like the two of you were having some fun.”

Todd's eyes darken. “It may have looked like fun to you, but as sure as Hadrian was gay, it didn't look that way to Anthony.”

“Ah, Anthony.”

“Yeah, Frank's boyfriend. How could Frank kiss me like that in front of him? That's the way you kiss your boyfriend! Not your best friend.”

“So, you're worried about Anthony's feelings, then?” Dean is not convinced.

“Yes—no.” Todd knows better than to lie to Dean. Papa Dean always has a way of wriggling the truth out of him. “I'm worried about all the hateful rumors he's going to spread when we go back to school.”

Papa Dean is concerned. “Does this happen a lot?”

“Every time Frank does something stupid like that in front of one of his boyfriends.” Exasperated, Todd says, “Everybody he has ever dated hates me! And they have all called me horrible names behind my back. Last year, Iggy told everyone I was a
strai
.”

“A
strai
?” Dean asks, angered. “I hate that word! It's so derogatory. It's no one's fault if he's born straight. He's to be pitied, not mocked.”

“And then,” Todd barges on to avoid discussing Iggy's accusation, “Frank avoided me for six weeks because Iggy made him choose between him and me. The same thing is going to happen with Anthony; I just know it!”

Although sensitive about the topic, Dean will not let Todd pass over such a volatile accusation. “Whoa, back up, son. Have his boyfriends accused you of being straight?”

“Iggy told everyone I was a
strai
—a cu—cunt—hammer—.” Todd closes his eyes, trying not to cry. “And he's not the only one. Just about every boy Frank's ever dated has said that about me.” Shaking his head in disbelief, he adds, “They never say it to my face, of course, but Crystal tells me everything.”

“Is Frank aware of this?”

Todd shrugs.

“I plan to ask him,” Dean says.

Todd opens his eyes, fear evident. “Please, Papa Dean—no.” He sighs. “It's going to be strained enough between Frank and me as it is. After he's done talking to Anthony, I'm willing to bet you won't be seeing me around here for a good month—at the very least.” Looking down at his feet, Todd concludes, “Anthony is not the type to put up with competition.”

Dean turns grim. “That explains all those times you've been absent from our house the past few years.” He shakes his head. “That is not to happen anymore.” Lifting Todd's chin to look at him, Dean says, “I promised your father I'd keep an eye on you. How can I do that if you're avoiding my house? Promise me you'll come over at least once a week.”

“But—,” Todd stutters.

“No buts.” Papa Dean is stern. “Sunday dinner is the easiest. Promise me Sunday dinner at the very least.”

“Papa Dean—Frank's boyfriend will nev—”

“Frank's boyfriends come and go like the wind through foliage. You are a son to me.” Refusing any argument, Dean adds, “Frank can tell his boyfriends what he should have been telling them all along.” Todd looks up quizzically. “That you are like a brother to him!” Taking a moment to calm down, Dean finds his smile. “So, Sunday supper?”

Todd smiles, relieved he doesn't have to lose touch with Papa Dean. “Thanks, Papa Dean!”

“Try not to let petty, jealous slurs hurt you. Surely you can see the irony?”

Todd expresses his gratitude by giving Dean a grizzly bear hug. “I love you, Papa Dean,” he blurts out unexpectedly.

Dean laughs and hugs the boy tighter. “I love you too, son.” Kissing the top of Todd's head, he promises, “And I will always be here for you.”

As many of you are aware, Hadrian’s government officials have met numerous times to discuss whether or not outsider technology should be made illegal. The debate is proving to be a most volatile one, and our opinion polls show that many of Hadrian’s citizens are divided on the issue. For some, it is a matter of cost. Outsider technology comes cheaper than the contact vocal lens. For others, anything brought into Hadrian from the outside world could potentially be contaminated. We must remember that disease is rampant in the outside world, and the possibility that some deadly bacteria, for which there is no cure, can spread through such importation is very real. Yet, as my producer wisely puts it, “We still import rice, sugarcane, fruits, and vegetables that are unable to be grown this far north. Coffee and cocoa,” two of his favorite vices, “although nearing impossible to acquire except at exorbitant prices, are also among those items imported into Hadrian.” As these are items we consume, it seems, he claims, to be rather ironic—silly in fact—for Hadrian citizens to be over-zealous when it comes to the use of outsider technology. “These, after all,” he stated at our pre-production meeting, “we do not eat.” I must admit, what he says makes sense, yet it still sends a chill down my spine when I think of Hadrian’s citizens making use of outsider technology. When one citizen uses outsider technology to contact another connected by voc to our wave, the ramifications are frightening. Viruses intended to damage our wave network can do substantial damage to Hadrian’s businesses, government, and educational institutions. Then there are the numerous instances of spam messages, voicemails, and videos containing hate sent intentionally to destroy our citizens’ morale and frighten our children. Too many times have these insidious viruses littered our wave network. The importation of food items does none of these. As inconvenient as it might be for some
of our citizens to abandon the less expensive communication devices purchased through outside companies, remember, Hadrian’s government offers wall screens and tablets credits below the least expensive outsider tech. Everyone in Hadrian can still be connected to the wave. The potential ban of outsider technology will not see the less fortunate of Hadrian citizens bereft of communication. Government devices may be slower but they are definitely a lot safer for Hadrian.

Vale!

The following Sunday, Todd fails to join the Hunters for their family dinner. Dean demands to know why. Frank’s answer is evasive, “Todd’s sick.”

Angered by Frank’s dismissive attitude, Dean stretches his hand across the table, demanding, “Give me your cell phone!”

Frank gasps, flabbergasted. “My what?” He has not told anyone that Todd, Crystal, and he own cell phones. No one knows they communicate through an outsider satellite phone service. Although using such a service is not illegal in Hadrian, it is certainly frowned upon.

Geoffrey looks up, dismayed and discontented. “You have outsider technology?” His voice is curt and solemn.

“No!” Frank protests.

“Don’t lie!” Dean insists, still holding out his hand, palm upward, waiting for the recalcitrant technology to be handed over to him. “It’s how you communicate with Todd, isn’t it?”

Geoffrey glares at his son. Frank shivers. Roger pales, suddenly very afraid for his older brother. Neither father has ever raised a hand against his children, but the look in Geoffrey’s eyes suggests he is fighting back the desire to cuff Frank right now. Frank, too, notes the rising anger in his genetic father. Continuing the lie will only land him in even more trouble, so Frank capitulates to the truth. “Please, Dad,” he begs, “Todd can’t afford a voc. No one knows, I swear!”

“Your Papa Dean knows! He found out, didn’t he?”

“It’s not like it’s illegal,” Frank mutters weakly.

Growling now, Geoffrey asks, “Are you aware that people are currently debating making use of all outside technology illegal in Hadrian?” Staring intently at his son, he continues, “And if it becomes a crime, that means one of only two punishments: exile or death.” Pausing to the let the gravity
of the situation sink in, he concludes, “You know we have no prisons in Hadrian.”

“I know, sir,” Frank mutters into his chin. Frank is now pale with fear. Roger begins to cry.

“And,” Geoffrey adds, a little too cruelly, “they are suggesting anyone who would want to use outsider technology must be straight. To be caught with a cell phone could mean a one-way ticket to a reeducation camp. I do not want either of my boys to be thought of as a
strai
.”

“Don’t use that word, please,” says Dean, surprised by his husband’s word choice when Geoffrey knows how much he hates this commonly accepted slur.

“But,” a horror-stricken Roger cries out, “Frank’s not straight!”

Turning to his youngest, Dean attempts to calm him. “Roger, dear, dry your eyes. Frank is not in that kind of trouble.”

“But he could be,” Geoffrey growls.

Dean begins to regret that he brought up the subject in front of Geoffrey. “It is not necessary to frighten the boys, Geoffrey.”

Geoffrey gives Dean a knowing stare. “Yes, I think it is. You of all people should understand that.”

Neither boy catches the undertone of Geoffrey’s remark, but Dean feels its sting. He closes his eyes briefly before re-summoning his strength. “Well, owning outsider tech is not illegal yet, and we’ve caught the boy before anyone else has.” Waving his open palm as a reminder to Frank, he says, “As soon as he hands over the device, this whole uncomfortable business will be over.”

“You heard your Papa, Frank!” Geoffrey orders. “Give him the phone!”

“Give it to him, Frank. Give it to him,” Roger begs. Frank obeys.

“Now, Frank,” Geoffrey instructs, “you can forget about the rest of your supper. Go to your room and study.”

“Yes, sir,” Frank says as he stands and turns to leave.

Before Frank can walk past his father, though, Geoffrey grabs hold of his arm. “Promise me right now that you will never use outsider technology again.” When Frank’s response comes a second too late, Geoffrey tightens his grip and growls, “Promise!”

“Yes, sir,” Frank weeps. His only contact with Todd is lost now because Anthony won’t even let him look at his friend in school. “I promise.”

Geoffrey releases his grip. “All right, go to your room.”

Later that night, after Geoffrey retreats into his study to prepare for another week at the office, Dean sneaks up to Frank’s room. He brings the remains of Frank’s dinner with him. Because Frank is tall, he often gets lightheaded if he doesn’t eat properly. Dean often wonders where the boy gets his height since Geoffrey is so short by comparison.
Obviously from his genetic mother
, he reminds himself, and yet, Roger, Frank’s genetic sibling, is also short.
Ah well, there really is no explaining the oddities of genetics
, Dean muses. Knocking lightly on the door, Dean waits for Frank’s acknowledgment before entering. Frank is sitting at his desk studying (as his father had instructed). Dean crosses the room and places the plate next to the computer slate Frank uses for school. The Hunters are wealthy enough that they were able to purchase Frank his own slate rather than make do with the school’s slower version.

Frank smiles when he sees the food. “Thanks, Papa Dean. I’m starving.”

“I knew you would be, a big boy like you. You shouldn’t go without food.” Shaking his head, he adds, “But your father was angry, and he was right to send you to your room.”

Pulling Frank’s cell phone out of his pocket, he studies the ancient technology a moment. “Come over to the bed and sit down with me.” Shaking the phone slightly, he says, “I want to talk over a few things with you.” Frank complies and follows his papa to the bed. Dean pulls open the poster curtain and the two sit side-by-side on Frank’s king-sized mattress. “Whose idea was it to buy these things?”

“Mine, but Crystal agreed. I mean, without a voc, it’s really hard to keep in touch with Todd. And vocs are just too expensive. We couldn’t buy him one of those.”

“No,” Deans concurs. “That’s for certain.”

Pleading now, Frank says, “We’re the three gay caballeros, Papa Dean; we need these to communicate.”

Dean smiles briefly, “The three gay caballeros. I like that.” More sternly, now, he asks, “Do you understand why your father got so angry with you over this?”

“Not really,” Frank admits. “He went a little crazy if you ask me.”

“What you need to understand, Frank, is that Hadrian went a little crazy after 6-13.”

“I know 6-13 was bad, but that was eight years ago.”

“Yes, it was. Even so, fear of the outside world hasn’t abated. To have a dirty nuke explode in your borders, killing so many people, destroying so much of our fertile land—well, surely you understand there is a lot of distrust for anything outsider—especially technology.”

“I’m sorry, Papa Dean. I just wanted a way to keep in touch with Todd is all.”

“I understand. But we all have to make sacrifices for Hadrian’s lifestyle. You know that, right?”

“Yeah—I don’t know—I guess.”

“One of those sacrifices includes importation of many fruits and vegetables we used to enjoy and delicious items like coffee and chocolate and,” adding sternly, “outsider technology.”

“But it’s not illegal yet.”

“But it’s frowned upon and you know as well as I do that it’ll be illegal soon enough. Now,” handing the phone to Frank, he says, “show me how this thing works.”

“Huh?” Frank is flabbergasted. After getting into so much trouble, he can’t believe his papa wants to use the phone.

“I want to ask Todd why he didn’t come tonight.” Dean is matter-of-fact in his request. He understands that neither Mike Fulton nor his son, Todd Middleton, have vocs. There is no way of messaging them either since their wall screen broke down a few months ago.

Frank is uneasy about phoning Todd. He has been avoiding him to placate Anthony, and he knows how much he hurt his friend when he texted him not to come over tonight. “But, Papa Dean, Todd’s sick.”

“Really?” Papa Dean is not fooled. “Call him now!”

“But Dad said—”

“And, I’m telling you to phone him. Now!”

Frank takes the phone out of Dean’s hand and begins pressing different keys, “Yes, sir.” When the number starts to ring, he hands the phone back to Papa Dean. Listening intently, he can just make out Todd’s voice as he answers, “Hey, Frank, what’s up?”

“You don’t sound sick to me.”

“Huh?” Todd is confused. This is not Frank’s voice.

“It’s Papa Dean.”

“Papa Dean.” There is a moment of reflection. “How did you—?”

“Frank is not as circumspect as he thinks he is,” says Dean.

Frank lowers his head as if he can feel Todd glaring at him through the phone.

“Oh.” Todd remains silent, waiting for Dean to pass judgment.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell on you.” Todd’s sigh of relief is audible even to Frank. “These little devices are not illegal—yet. But they are more conspicuous than the vocal contact lens so you boys have to be doubly careful.” When Dean stares intently at him, Frank nods in agreement, corresponding with Todd’s reply of, “Yes, sir.”

“Now, Todd,” says Dean, quickly changing the subject, “I have a bone to pick with you.”

“Sir?” Todd feigns confusion, but he knows exactly why Dean is upset.

“You promised me Sunday dinner—and,” he adds swiftly, “don’t pretend you’re sick!”

“I’m sorry, Papa Dean, but Frank—”

Dean cuts Todd off instantly with a curt remark directed at his son. “I know—Frank!” Dean is staring so intently at him that Frank begins to sweat. “I understand, but that doesn’t mean I am letting you off the hook. You promised me Sunday dinners, and if need be, I will pick you up and take you out to eat. That is until Frank gets his ‘love life’ settled.” Frank responds by staring at his feet. “So,” Dean states crisply, “I will be around to pick you up next Sunday; let’s say 6 p. m.”

“But Papa Mike, he’s so proud—he’ll say no.”

“You let me deal with Papa Mike. Does he know about this phone?”

“Yeah.” Then adding in his Papa Mike’s defense, Todd adds, “He doesn’t like it, but he understands.”

“Okay, put him on the phone, then. I’ll talk to him now.”

“He, uh…” There is an awkward silence.

“He’s not home, right?”

“No, sir.”

“On a date?” Dean is bitter at this news. It is not that he holds anything against Mike for forming a new relationship; it’s just he has been forming new relationships since, well, within weeks after Will died. It seems Mike turns to the arms of strange men to help him forget, and Dean suspects he also turns to whiskey. Sighing at circumstances beyond his control, Dean adds with determination, “I’ll get a hold of him at work this week. Papa Mike will agree.”

“Thanks, Papa Dean.” Todd is relieved. He is lonely right now. When he’s not at school or in b-ball, he’s stuck at home alone, with nothing but studying or the odd text with Crystal to keep him from dying of boredom.

“Now,” Dean is quite stern, “before I give this phone back to Frank, I want both of you boys to promise me to be more careful! No one—and I mean NO ONE, is ever to know the two of you are using these things. Is that understood?”

Although in separate rooms in different ends of the city, both boys answer in unison, “Yes, sir!”