Halfway to Forever (6 page)

And if she said yes … if they were willing to look past the technicalities, she might be a mother again in a matter of days!

Hannah wanted to shout out loud with the possibility, but she bit her lip and locked eyes with Jenny. The mix of emotions in her
daughter’s face made her reach out and take Jenny’s hand. Excitement, fear, sorrow. Feelings they were all bound to have throughout the adoption process.

This was only the beginning.

Hannah closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Why us, Mrs. Parsons? We made it clear we weren’t interested in taking a child unless she was legally free for adoption.”

“I’m aware of that.”

Phones rang in the background in the office of Social Services, and Hannah struggled to concentrate. She was dying to tell the social worker yes … yes, they’d take the little girl and give her a real bed, a real home, and a family who would love her forever.

But what if something happened? What if somehow the mother’s rights weren’t terminated? How in the world would the child survive then? How would
she
survive?

What am I supposed to do here, God? Give me wisdom … please.

Edna Parsons drew a deep breath. “I’ve met the girl, Mrs. Bronzan. And, well, she’s very special. Other than a very rough first few years, she’s in perfect health. She’ll be very easy to place. I called you first because I can picture her in your family.”

Hannah opened her eyes and felt the familiar sting of tears. A lump in her throat made it impossible to speak. She swallowed hard, already drawn to the lonely little girl sitting in a foster home somewhere.

A little girl whose name God was even now writing on her heart.

Mrs. Parsons interrupted her thoughts. “I can give you a few days to think about it. If you’re not interested, I need to look through my other files as soon as possible.”

Hannah squeezed Jenny’s hand and nodded, finding her voice once more. “That’ll be fine. I’ll call you tomorrow. Thank you for
thinking of us.” She almost hung up, but then she stopped. “What’s her name?”

She could hear the smile in the social worker’s voice. “Grace …”

Grace
.

The moment the phone was on the hook, Hannah led Jenny to a sofa in the next room. Her heart raced and her hands trembled as she faced her daughter, smiling through eyes clouded with tears. “They have a little girl for us. Mrs. Parsons said she could picture her in our family.”

Jenny searched Hannah’s face. “But—” her voice was barely audible—“she’s a foster child, right? Isn’t that what you said?”

Hannah shrugged. She released her hold on Jenny’s hands and leaned back. “For now. She’ll be free in six months. The mother’s in jail, and in a few weeks Grace will be placed in a foster-adopt home.”

“Grace?” A flicker of hope danced in Jenny’s eyes.

“Yes.” Hannah smiled and played the child’s name over again in her mind.
Grace
. It was a good name, a good sign. It was God’s grace that made the risk worth taking. Somehow the Lord would see them through the adoption process.

Jenny folded her hands, her forehead a mass of wrinkles. “How old is she?”

Hannah reminded herself to breathe. Her mind still spun from the information. The phone call felt like something from a dream, and now that Mrs. Parsons had explained the situation, Hannah could already imagine the girl coming home in a few days. “Four. She’s been living in the back of a van.”

Jenny’s chin quivered. She stared out the window at the gentle surf and breathed out, soft and slow. Hannah’s heart ached for her daughter and the emotional roller coaster they’d ridden these past years—as well as the one they’d ride in the coming months if they took this child.

Jenny faced Hannah again. There were tears on her cheeks, and she wiped the wetness with the back of her sleeve as the uncertainty in her eyes fell away. In its place a grin formed, one that convinced Hannah beyond a doubt that they were doing the right thing by adopting. “We’re going to take her, right?”

“Well …” Hannah laughed and sobbed at the same time. “When Matt gets home, we’ll talk about it.”

“What’s there to talk about?” Jenny’s eyes sparkled and she threw her hands up. “God must want her with us. Otherwise he wouldn’t have had the social worker call.”

Hannah wrapped her arms around her daughter, taking in the warmth of her, the fresh smell of her shampoo. She silently thanked God for sparing this precious child four years ago. Hannah pulled back and searched Jenny’s eyes. “So if we take a vote, yours is yes?”

A smile filled Jenny’s face. “Absolutely.”

When Matt got home an hour later, the decision was unanimous.

Hannah called Mrs. Parsons the next morning and told her the news. “How soon can we have her?”

The social worker laughed. “Within an hour of her mother’s sentencing.”

From the moment Hannah hung up the phone she was bathed in reassurance, grateful for the little one God was bringing into their lives. It was a miracle, really. In two weeks she would be a mother again, sharing the joys of parenting a child who desperately needed love and security, a home and a family that would be hers forever. A miracle that never would have happened if they hadn’t lost Tom and Alicia.

Further proof that God grew fragrant flowers of hope in the ashes of loss.

The days dragged on. More than once Hannah would be out shopping for a toaster or a purse or groceries, and find herself drawn to little girls’ dresses.
No
, she told herself.
Not until the hearing
.

But in further conversations with Mrs. Parsons, the social worker explained that some clothing for Grace was necessary if the child was to be brought to them as soon as the hearing took place.

Hannah and Jenny set out one night intending to buy a single outfit and a pair of pajamas. Instead they came home with leggings and flowered T-shirts, jeans and frilly socks, two dresses with smocking and lace, a floor-length pink nightgown, and a package of multicolored hair bows. Just in case she had long hair.

Matt chuckled at the array of clothing spread across the dining room table that night. “I think Grace is covered for the first few days, anyway.” He put his arm around Hannah and kissed her forehead.

“Actually, we held back.” Jenny grinned as she ran her fingers over the soft cotton leggings. “My little sister needs nice clothes, you know.”

Later, when Jenny was out with friends, Matt and Hannah took a stroll along the beach. The night was warm, signaling the coming summer. Matt wove his fingers between Hannah’s, and for a while neither of them spoke. Hannah savored the ocean breeze on her face, the warmth of Matt’s strong hand in hers, the way she felt safe and protected in his presence. The way he had always made her feel since the accident.

Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined a life with anyone but Tom Ryan. But now she was in love with life once more, amazed that God had provided her with not one, but two men capable of capturing her heart.

Matt broke the silence first, his voice as gentle and soothing as the winds from the Pacific. “Are you worried? About the risk?”

It was something they hadn’t talked about. Mrs. Parsons didn’t expect there to be a problem. If Grace’s mother was put in prison, the judge would begin the process of terminating her rights that same day. And only then would Grace be placed in their home. The process seemed safe enough to Hannah.

“Are you?” Hannah had already dismissed the risks associated with adopting Grace. If the child’s mother was sent to prison and Grace came to be their daughter, no one could ever take her away. Hannah was sure of it. Imagining risks now made Hannah’s future feel no more stable than the sand beneath her feet.

“There’s a risk.” Matt’s steps were slow and thoughtful as he caught her gaze and held it. “No matter how small.”

Hannah swallowed. “I can’t think that far ahead.” She sidestepped a pile of seaweed. “If the judge starts the termination process, then the law’s on our side. I have to believe that.”

They walked a bit further, and Matt stopped. He reached for a piece of driftwood and flung it out to sea, watching as it disappeared beneath the waves. “The law’s a funny thing.” He looked at her again. “It won’t be final until her mother’s rights are legally severed. You need to understand that.” He paused. “Just in case.”

Hannah shifted her gaze toward the dark ocean and felt the sting of tears. Alicia’s face came to mind—beautiful, intelligent, and kind. Alicia’s future had been brighter than the sun, but today she lived in heaven. “Nothing’s for sure.” She faced Matt and placed her hands on his shoulders. Her eyes held his, and she waited for the lump in her throat to subside. “I learned that much four years ago.”

“Okay.” Matt nodded, love overflowing from his heart to hers. “As long as you understand.”

“I don’t want to think about it, but I understand.”

Matt wove his hands around Hannah’s waist and clasped them near the small of her back. The chill from the wet evening air disappeared. “What should she call us? Have you thought of that?”

Hannah smiled. “Mommy and Daddy. Because that’s what we’ll be.”

Matt brushed a lock of her long hair back from her face. “So you’re not worried.”

She smiled despite the tears that pooled in her eyes. “Worrying doesn’t help. I worried all the time before the accident and it didn’t make a bit of difference when Tom and Alicia were killed.” Her throat was thick with emotion, but a single ripple of laughter made its way up. She rubbed the tip of her nose against Matt’s. “If Grace comes to live with us, then she’s our little girl.” She closed her eyes and she could see Alicia waving good-bye from the backseat of the Bronco that long-ago summer day. “Whether we have her for a day or a lifetime.”

The waiting was worse than anything Matt could remember. Especially because there was a chance it was ushering in a season that might end in devastating loss. He tried not to think about the fact, but his legal background told him anything was possible.

One week turned to two, and on May 11, Jade and Tanner came over to see Jenny off for her senior prom.

“Jenny, you’re breathtaking. You look just like your mother.” Jade hugged her.

“Jade’s right, sweetheart.” Matt stood nearby, his heart all lit up inside. “You and your mother could be sisters.”

“I don’t know about that.” Hannah giggled from across the room, her eyes shining with pride. “But there’s no doubt you’ll be the prettiest girl at the dance.”

Tanner put an arm around Jenny and squeezed her shoulders.
“Ty’s at baseball practice, but he says hi. Oh, and not to worry. He’ll miss his game the day of your graduation.” He winked at Matt. “Thanks for letting us share your day.”

Jenny glowed under the attention and adoration, and Matt couldn’t help but feel his heart swell. Some days it seemed like only yesterday when he burst into Jenny’s room and found her nearly dead, bottles of pills spilled around the bed from her attempted suicide. Watching her now, tall and lean, with the curves of a young woman, it was hard to believe four years had passed since that awful time.

The distance Jenny had come since then was a race that could only have been run with God, and Matt was most thankful for Jenny’s faith. A faith that added an angelic glow to her considerable beauty.

Matt pulled Jenny aside before her date arrived and took her hands. “You’ll be the most beautiful girl at the dance.” He kissed her cheek. “I want you to know how proud I am of you.”

“Thanks.” Jenny’s eyes were watery and she smiled. There was a gentle silence between them, and Jenny’s face grew serious. “A long time ago I asked you whether you loved my mom, remember?”

Matt felt his expression soften. “Yes. Outside the jail. After the verdict against the drunk driver.”

“Right.” Jenny blinked and two tears left tracks across her made-up cheeks. She dabbed at them and laughed at herself. “I wasn’t going to cry.”

Matt reached for a tissue and handed it to her. Then he told her the same thing he’d always said when her losses seemed overwhelming, when tears overflowed the walls around her heart: “Tears are okay, Jenny. They mean you’re breathing.”

She smiled and nodded. “Anyway,” her gaze met his, and he could see how much of the little girl had faded from her face these
past years. “I’m glad the answer was yes. You’ve made my mom so happy. And you’ve made us a family again.” She sniffed, her eyes more serious than before. “Maybe … maybe I don’t say it enough, but I love you, Matt. You may not be my daddy, but you’re my father. I think of you that way more than you know.”

Matt hugged her tightly. There would be other times like this … the day he would walk Jenny down the aisle in place of the dad she’d lost, the day she would have her firstborn.

But this day, this moment, would remain in the treasure chest of his memory forever. Her feelings for him were more of a gift than she knew, and it took him a moment to find his voice. “I love you, too, honey. You’ll always be my oldest girl.”

He wondered about Grace then, about raising a little girl who had suffered so little love in her early years. “I hope Grace grows up to be just like you.” He grinned at Jenny and reached for his camera. “Come on. Your mom’s waiting. I think she wants about a million pictures.”