Halfway to Forever (7 page)

By the time the hearing for Grace’s mother arrived two days later, Hannah had the photographs of Jenny’s night developed and in a scrapbook. In fact, she was more organized than she’d been in years. Anything to pass the time.

Matt and Jenny both stayed home with Hannah that morning, each of them silently finding ways to keep busy. Hannah pictured the courtroom somewhere on the other side of the Santa Monica Mountains and imagined what stage the proceedings might be at.

Do any of them know what’s at stake?

At eleven o’clock the phone rang. Hannah stared at it while Matt and Jenny hurried in from other parts of the house. Her heart pounded as she reached for the receiver. “Hello?”

“Mrs. Bronzan?”

“Yes?”

“This is Mrs. Parsons from Social Services.” She hesitated while Hannah held her breath. “Grace’s mother was sentenced to fifteen years. The judge ordered termination of her parental rights to begin as soon as possible.”

The tears were instant and Hannah smothered a cry with her hand. She glanced at Matt and Jenny and nodded. “So … so you can bring her here now?”

“Yes.” The woman’s answer was quick, confident. “Grace is waiting. I’ll have her home in time for lunch.”

Hannah hung up the phone and hugged Matt and Jenny as tight as she could. “She’s ours!” Tears spilled onto her cheeks as she shouted for joy. “Grace is coming home!”

They made lunch together, guessing what type of personality their little girl would have. Would she be shy or silly, withdrawn or affectionate? And what would she look like? Most of all they talked about how right they felt about taking her in.

Fifteen minutes later Mrs. Parsons pulled into the drive. With Matt and Jenny at her side, Hannah saw the little girl for the first time—and her breath caught in her throat.

“Dear God …” She stared at Grace, at the child’s creamy complexion and the mass of dark blonde curls that framed her face. “I don’t believe it.”

“Mom … do you see what I see?” Jenny’s eyes were wide.

Matt’s face was blank as he looked from Hannah to Jenny and back. “What’s wrong?” He stared at the child. “She looks like an angel. So?”

Hannah shook her head, her throat dry. “No … she looks like.” She was too shocked to speak, too caught up in the vision of the child before her. Almost as though she were seeing a ghost.

“She looks—” Jenny took her mother’s hand and finished the explanation for Matt—“She looks exactly like Alicia.”

Mrs. Parsons and Grace were at the door, and Matt opened it, his eyes dancing. He smiled big. “Hi.”

The social worker grinned in return. “We’ve come to bring Grace home.”

Hannah stood two feet behind him, mesmerized by the child. Up close it was clear that though the resemblance to Alicia was uncanny, this little girl was more serious, older than her years. She would be her own person, not a replica of a daughter that was no longer with them.

But that was as it should be.

“Come in.” Matt motioned to Mrs. Parsons, stooped down, and placed his hands on his thighs. “Hi there, Grace.”

The child leaned into Mrs. Parsons and buried half her face. She barely lifted her hand and wiggled her fingers at Matt, looking at him with one wide eye. Then the part of her mouth that could be seen curved into a shy smile.

Grace and Mrs. Parsons stepped into the house, and Grace raised her eyes up at Hannah. “Hi.”

Hannah’s heart sang within her and she knelt near Grace. “Hi, honey.” She ran her fingers over the child’s feather-soft curls. “We’re glad you’re home.”

Grace nodded and looked at something near her feet.

A flock of questions invaded. Did she like them? Would she always be this shy? Hannah struggled to force them from her mind. It was too soon to make judgments about Grace’s personality. Of course she was shy! She’d never met them, and now she was being told this was her home, her family.

But even in those early minutes, after being brought to yet another family, Grace’s quietness faded when she met Jenny.

Hannah watched her teenage daughter kneel before the little girl.

“Hi, Grace. I’m your sister.” There was a mist of tears in Jenny’s
eyes as she took the child’s hand. “My name’s Jenny.”

Grace blinked and let go of Mrs. Parsons. She came to Jenny and leaned into her arms. Then she said the one thing that convinced Hannah beyond a doubt that Grace was destined to be their daughter. More convincing than Mrs. Parsons’ phone call a few weeks ago. Even more convincing than the way Grace looked so much like Alicia.

With eyes hungry for love, Grace smiled at Jenny and said, “I always wanted a big sister.”

Edna Parsons spent nearly an hour at the Bronzans, taken by the loving way the family had welcomed the child. As Edna left, she gazed at the ocean and thought of the cozy warmth that made up the Bronzans’ home. The family had all the necessary means to give Grace a life she’d only dreamed of.

Edna sighed as she made her way back to the car, seized by a pang of fear. What if Grace’s birth mother appealed her case and was set free? What if the termination didn’t go through? What if something happened and Grace had to leave this family?

She slid into the driver’s seat and shook off the feeling. It wasn’t possible. Grace’s situation was simply too bad for any solution other than a termination of the mother’s rights.

She thought about Grace’s file, reports she’d read again just that morning. They’d been no different from hundreds of other files she’d seen in the past year, but something about Grace tugged at Edna’s heart. Maybe it was the most recent report, the one detailing the child’s removal from her mother’s care.

The details were enough to turn Edna’s stomach, and though she wasn’t a praying woman, she took a moment from her schedule and placed before God two very specific requests. First, that the Bronzans be permitted to adopt Grace.

And second, that they never learn the awful things that nearly transpired the night their new little girl was taken into protective custody.

S
omething was wrong.

Jade was utterly nauseous, her headaches more severe than before. And on several occasions her vision had doubled. She did everything she could to rationalize the way she felt. Her age must be a factor, she told herself, or her hormones. Maybe the baby was bigger than Ty had been at this point, or possibly the stress of the miscarriage a year ago had strained her system more than she realized.

Maybe she needed glasses.

Jade tried to calmly analyze her symptoms, but each night she lay down in raw, heart-pounding fear, terrified something was wrong with the baby. Sometimes, after Tanner was asleep, she’d sit straight up in bed and stare out the window, willing her heartbeat to slow down, desperate for a grip on her emotions.

Day after day the fear ate at her, but not once did she tell Tanner. Oh, she told him when she didn’t feel well or when she had to lie down because her headaches were so bad. But she didn’t tell him her deepest fears, that there might be complications with her pregnancy. She barely acknowledged the possibility to herself.

But now, six weeks after learning she was pregnant, Jade was worried about more than the baby’s health.

She was worried about her own.

That was why, when she awoke at four in the morning one Monday in June with a splitting headache, she promised herself she’d make the call. Whatever was causing the pain in her head,
it had to be checked. She’d start with Dr. Layton, a neurologist friend who worked with her at the children’s hospital. He would know what to do.

No matter how great her fear, there was no better time to go in and be seen. Ty had spent the night at a neighbor boy’s house, and today he was going to the beach with the boy’s family. Jade had no plans whatsoever for the day.

Her head throbbed as she eased herself to a sitting position, careful not to wake Tanner. He would be up in two hours and he needed his sleep. He’d been coming home from the office earlier since Jade’s announcement, but he was so excited about the baby that they had talked until after midnight the past few nights.

Despite her pain, the sight of her sleeping husband filled her with joy. There couldn’t be anything seriously wrong with her. Not now, not when she had everything she’d ever dreamed of with Tanner.

She brushed a lock of hair off his forehead and admired the angles of his face. He’d been treating her like a China doll since hearing the news, doting on her, bringing her ice water, and encouraging her to rest whenever possible. Because of the severity of her symptoms, he wanted her home from work, and she agreed. Her last day would be at the end of the month. She would reevaluate after summer, since the baby wasn’t due until December.

Whenever Tanner worried about her headaches and nausea, Jade would lean close and kiss him into silence. “I’m supposed to be sick. Morning sickness means I’m carrying a healthy baby.”

It was enough that she was concerned; there was no point worrying him also. For the most part Tanner was willing to believe her explanations.

She closed her eyes.
Make it go away, Lord, please. Take the pain from my head so I know there’s nothing wrong with me.

Her skull ached in response, and images from the night before filled her mind.

She and Tanner had gone out onto their bedroom balcony to watch the moonlight glistening on the rolling hills behind their home. In the shadows they had spotted a pair of deer making their way to a thicket of oak trees. Tanner came up behind her and slipped his arms around her still-flat mid-section.

“You’re beautiful, Jade. More beautiful than anything.” He whispered into her ear and she leaned her head back against his chest.

“Mmmm.” She closed her eyes. “It feels so good to be with you.”

“I’m sorry you’re sick.” He left a trail of feather-light kisses along her neck. “But I love that you’re pregnant. I want to be a part of everything I missed when you had Ty.”

Tears had burned in Jade’s eyes. “I wish there was a way to get back the years we lost.” She drew a deep breath and savored the weight of his body against hers. “Sometimes I still can’t believe we’re together.”

The memory faded, and Jade stared out the window at the still-dark morning sky. Her first pregnancy had been marked by pain and turmoil, all of it orchestrated by Tanner’s mother and her web of lies.

Jade thought for a moment of the girl she’d been when she got pregnant with Ty, the way she’d ached for Tanner, yet wound up marrying someone else instead, someone she never loved and shouldn’t have married. In the end, it was Doris Eastman’s confession that brought her and Tanner together.

It was amazing, really. After marrying Tanner eighteen months ago, Jade had actually come to like Doris. She was a woman changed by Christ’s forgiveness during the final days of her life—so much so that Jade grieved alongside Tanner when she died a year ago.

Jade’s head pounded harder, and a wave of panic came over her, the same one that seemed to hit with increasing frequency these past months. Against her will, a thought she’d been fighting came back again …

What if the headaches were some sort of punishment? What if God was punishing her for marrying Tanner after being married to Jim Rudolph all those years?

She swallowed hard, reached out, and laid her fingers on Tanner’s bare arm.
Were we wrong, God? Were these not the plans You had for us?

Jade had voiced her fears to Hannah Bronzan before, and each time her friend’s answer ran along the same lines: “You did what you could with Jim. You’ve told the Lord you’re sorry for your part in the marriage, but you were never unfaithful, Jade. Jim was. God doesn’t hold you guilty for that. Not you or Tanner.”

Then Hannah would reiterate what all of them already knew. Jim had moved in with another woman and divorced Jade in a bitter case that nearly cost her full custody of Ty. By the time the divorce was final, Jim had nothing but anger and bitter words for Jade. Three days later he married the woman he’d left Jade for.

Hannah’s reassurances came to Jade again: “You made your mistakes, but you didn’t cause the divorce. The fact that Tanner entered your life again at that time wasn’t some trick by the devil. It was God’s way of blessing both of you after a decade of heartache.”

Her friend’s words sounded right, even now. But still …

There had been women at church who wrinkled their noses at Jade after her decision to marry Tanner, telling her that according to Scripture she was living in adultery.

The idea that what she and Tanner shared might somehow be against God’s will was almost more than Jade could take. Especially when she loved him more than life itself. She’d read the
Scripture in Matthew about divorce over and over again. At first she’d been convinced that she was in the right, that God granted exceptions in cases where one spouse had been unfaithful. There was no question that Jim was guilty of marital unfaithfulness. He’d refused to rectify things with her even when she’d wanted to try.

But the stronger her headaches grew, and the weaker and sicker she felt, the more terrified she became that somehow God was angry with her. Her face grew hot and her heart raced wildly.
Don’t punish us now, God, please …

A veil of sweat broke out on her face, and she pushed her fears aside. Nothing good came from worry. She reached for a glass of water and two pain relievers from a bottle on her bedside table. They were a mild, over-the-counter brand—the strongest thing she would consider taking while pregnant. They hadn’t worked well in past days, but as she swallowed them she told herself she’d be fine in an hour.

The perspiration on her face was heavier than before. She took her hand from Tanner’s arm and ran it across her forehead. As she did, Tanner stirred and blinked a few times before squinting at the clock.

“Jade … it’s 4:30, honey.” His eyes closed as he snuggled against her and circled his arms around her waist. His voice was thick with sleep. “What’re you doing up?”

Her head pounded in response and her mind raced. “I’m hot. I think I’ll take a shower.”