HAPPILY EVER BEFORE (7 page)

Grace and Jack parted company about twenty minutes after the end of that conversation. He had offered to take her home, but Grace knew she wasn’t ready for that. Like Jack, she had a tendency to sleep too quickly with the person she was dating and the results had been disastrous. This time she was going to respect herself and him for as long as she could hold out. The date had ended nicely. No weirdness based on the “womb for rent” conversation. He said he’d call, Grace knew he would. For the first time in her life, she felt like she had found someone who got her. Grace now stood in front of her sister’s house. She liked it the minute Clair and Henry had shown it to her. They excitedly pointed out the backyard, which would be great for a tree house; the pool where they expected Grace, the ex-lifeguard, to teach their kids to swim; and the master bedroom that had a bay window and library nook, which is where they planned to put the baby’s basinet for the first year.

Overwhelmed, Grace sat on the steps. Grace was at a crossroads--again. First, there was the great become a librarian debacle--after the Frozen Popsicle Affair, then the endless journey of self-discovery and dead end jobs after the Jesus died at thirty-three and did more than me epiphany, and now here she was on the corner of yes, the biggest most important question in our life does involve your womb, but you can say no.  In the past, Grace waited out the decision making process until the bitter end and usually there was only one choice left. This time, she couldn’t do that. Her pros and cons list was done. The cons were selfish physical annoyances: hormone shots, swollen feet, bad back, bad gas, gaining weight, etc. The pros were more substantial: the ultimate act of sharing, giving the gift of life, sacrificing herself for someone else. All of those years at St. Crawley’s were finally kicking in. Grace thought about what the NG said and what Jack had said. She went through all these steps numerous times and always came up with the same answer. She just had to tell Clair.

Of course, we all know Grace is going to ring the doorbell or Clair is going to conveniently walk out the front door and sit down next to her sister at this very moment because this is THE moment, but because we pride ourselves on being somewhat original, we must admit that we tried to come up with something better than the truth, but sometimes a tale--fairy or fractured--is like life and the people in them do the obvious. Grace stood up and walked to the front door and knocked. She didn’t want to ring the doorbell because it would startle Clair who would jump out of bed and wake Henry. By knocking, Clair, who had the hearing of a Doberman Pincher, would eventually hear it and calmly get up without waking Henry who slept with earplugs. Grace knocked again and when the lights in the hall went on she sat back down on the porch steps.

Clair, in her perfectly matching pajamas and robe, answered the door and saw Grace sitting on the steps. She knew it was the moment. She calmly took a breath, walked out, and sat next to her sister. “You okay?”

Grace leaned into Clair. “I’m fine. I just had a date with a really great guy who might actually transition from just a guy to maybe
the
guy.”

Clair was thrilled for her and sad for herself. Obviously, becoming pregnant with her kid didn’t fit in to Grace’s plan. “That’s great. So, what’s up?”

“Oh, the usual stuff gas prices, meeting my possible Mr. Right, and my uterus. Pick a subject Oprah.”

Clair closed her eyes.
“Meeting your possible Mr. Right.”

Grace looked up at the night sky. It was beautiful out. A clear night; big moon; not cold, not hot; and you could see the stars. “He’s great. I mean, I knew that just from talking to him for like six months, but even in person he’s like totally great, which wasn’t what I was expecting.  I was expecting gives good phone, but you know, gives bad one-to-one interpersonal skills thingy plus a hook nose, a lazy eye, and maybe a limp.”

“So, he disappointed you? That’s wonderful.”

“I guess, but then there’s the whole biggest, most important question I’ve ever been asked thingy. You know, the old, will I have your baby? So, the timing sucks, but then, you’re my sister and he’s a just a guy who might transition to not being just a guy, but he could still mess up and be just a guy. And, if I ask you to wait for me to see where the relationship is going, well that could take years and I could keep coming up with excuses like we just started dating or he broke my heart and I need time to recover. And, if I ask him to wait, you know, for ten months that’s a little more reasonable, but who’s going to hang around a fat, hormonal, human rollercoaster?”

Clair put her arm around Grace. “I don’t know.”

“I hate to say it, but I’m in no place to have a baby right now. I’ve had about forty jobs in the past two years. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I finally weigh what my driver’s license says. I’m at my goal weight. It’s like
Hawaii
. I keep planning to go there, but I never got the chance. Now, I’m actually there and damn, I look good in
Hawaii
. Besides, I’m not sure if I want to have kids of my own let alone yours and if I do want to have kids of my own, what happens if after I have your kid I can’t have my own kid? Plus, I’m thirty five years old, I’m a 911 Operator, I’m a slob, chaos follows me everywhere, and in spite of all that, I’m
gonna
be on an episode of Jerry Springer because I’m about to let my sister and her husband knock me up!”

While Grace took a well-needed breath, Clair took a moment to understand what she just said and when she did, she excitedly pushed her off the porch. “Get out! Are you serious? You sure, really sure, that you want to do this?”

“Well, not if you’re
gonna
hurt me.”

Clair helped her up. “Are you sure, really sure? You know we’re going to pay you and we’re going to go to a lawyer and do this like completely one hundred percent legal, so we don’t screw up our relationship.”

Grace was shaking. “I’m scared shitless, but someone told me to look into my heart to see who’s in there and why and you’re my heart. We’ve always been there for each other. I can’t turn my back on you now.”

 “There is no way I’m ever going to be able to thank you.”

Grace smiled, “I know, but you can try,” and pulled a Tiffany catalog from her jacket. “I marked a few things. The sapphire on page fifty-seven goes great with my eyes. Oh, and the diamond necklace on page eighty is not my taste. I wanted to let you know that in case you were thinking diamonds.”

Clair started to cry. “We’re going to have a baby.”

Grace started to cry. “With each other,
which is so wrong and so right in so many ways.
” Grace pulled Clair into a hug.

“His parents freaked when we told them we were considering a surrogate and that surrogate was you.”

Grace smiled. “Having a child really is the gift that keeps on giving--especially if it annoys the Queen of Mayonnaise.” And so, this how we got from here, to there, to now… The Higgins Sisters were about to enter a phase in their lives that would confuse, delight, frustrate, and scare them more than they ever imagined.

NOW
, that’s where the Higgins Sisters were. Every single second of every day was consumed in the “now” of trying to get Grace knocked up--it wasn’t easy. Like most couples struggling to have a child it never is, but Grace called it fun and more specifically fun to the third power! In this case, the third power wasn’t The Father, The Son, or The Holy Ghost. It wasn’t even lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my! It was more like The Lawyer, The Psychiatrist, and The Fertility Specialist. So, where would you expect to find two gals hot on getting one of them pregnant by her husband? Well, today they were with The Lawyer. Grace sat with Clair and Henry as The Lawyer, a tall, balding jovial man explained the surrogacy laws of the state of
Illinois
. He smiled at them a little too much.  Clair thought he was just trying to be kind. She was barren. People tended to be nicer to women who wanted to have kids, but couldn’t.

The Lawyer rambled on, “So,
Illinois
law provides for gestational surrogacy where the surrogate mother is not biologically related to the child she is carrying, but does not address traditional surrogacy in which the surrogate mother is the biological contributor of the egg. Now, because Grace is biologically related to the egg, but isn’t the contributor of the egg, we need to cover a few bases. The first being, according to Illinois law, a parent and child relationship may be established voluntarily by consent of the parties when the surrogate mother certifies she is not the biological mother and the husband of the surrogate mother must also certify that he is not the biological father, but because Grace is single that shouldn’t be a problem. Have you been sexually active in the past five months? Could you be pregnant and not know it? Will that pose a problem in anyway?”

Grace felt all the heat in her body rise to her face. Clair, Henry, and The Lawyer were staring at her. Grace hadn’t been sexually active in a long time and saying it out loud wasn’t easy, but she supposed it should be easier than saying she was a whore—not that she was.  Okay, maybe in her younger days she was promiscuous, but she was never a whore. Grace smiled weakly, “Um, no.”

Grace thought The Lawyer smiled just a bit condescendingly. “Great,” he said. “Then the biological mother must certify that she donated the egg, the biological father must certify that he donated the sperm, and then a licensed physician must certify in writing that all of the above is true.” He leaned back and put his pen down. “Okay, so these papers are what you’re going to sign today. Do you have any questions?”

Henry hated going to a lawyer’s office. As a kid, with every corporate takeover or some will or trust fund codicil, he was dragged by his parents to the family lawyer where he sat through hours of verbal gymnastics only to get to the part where he had to sign on the dotted line. He vowed he’d never make his kid go through that and now he can’t even have a kid unless he goes through it again. Henry sighed. “Uh, this is
kinda
morbid, but what happens if one of use dies before the baby is born?” Grace and Clair both gasped.

The Lawyer, who was very matter of fact, stated, “
actually
, that’s a very good question. If the surrogate’s life is in danger for any reason you must decide if everything should be done to save the surrogate or the baby. If Clair dies Henry, of course, gets the child; if Henry dies, Clair gets the child, and if you both die, then I’m assuming Grace, being your only sister, would get the child.”

“Not necessarily.” Clair was shocked that those words came out of her mouth.

“What the fuck?” said
Grace.
“Who would get the kid?”

Clair hesitated. “I don’t know. I need time to figure it out.”

“Really Clair, how much?
An hour?
A month?
A week?
How much time do you need to figure out if I can care for the child that I gave birth to?
Oh, and if it comes down to saving me or the kid how much time would you need figure that out?”
Grace dramatically paused, “buzz, times up, you picked the baby.”

Clair’s look gave it all way. Grace stood up. The Lawyer looked at Henry then at the women. “Uh, you know there a lot of variables that must come into play before any of this could happen.”

“No shit,” said Grace. “And one of them is that I still agree to this asinine plan.”

So, where would you expect to find two gals who were arguing over the ramifications about getting one of them pregnant by her husband? Well, they decided to continue their argument with The Psychiatrist or as Grace calls her, The Nubian Goddess.

“Let me get this straight,” sighed Dr.
Yael
. “You want Grace to have your baby, you’re willing to sacrifice Grace if something goes wrong to protect the baby, and yet you don’t want Grace to raise the child if you and Henry happen to pass away?”

Clair, who was feeling ganged up on, rolled her eyes. “I didn’t say that.”

“Yes, you did,” growled Grace. “Your look said it all.”

Clair knew Grace was right, her look did say it all and it said sacrifice Grace. “Come on Grace, if it was me I’d tell Henry to do everything it takes to save us both, but if push came to shove, save the baby.”

Dr.
Yael
tried to steer the conversation a bit. “Really in all likelihood neither of you will be you dying before the baby is born.”

Grace pouted. “But the fact that she’s willing to be so cavalier with my life is pretty disturbing. By the way, you’re no longer in charge of my living will. You’d probably pull the plug if I sprained my ankle.”

Clair was shocked. “I’m not being cavalier with your life and I would do everything in my power to save you, but if the choice was between you and the baby...”

“You’d save the baby because you’d love it more.” Grace pouted.

“You’re nuts! If the choice were between you and the baby I would save whoever would have the best quality of life. End.
Of.
Story! Would you really want to be saved if you couldn’t live your life the way it was before?”

“That would depend. If my quality of life got worse and I was brain dead or was going to need someone to help me pee and had to use a pencil to press buttons on some big machine so I could talk, well, then no. Let’s face it, I’m no Stephen Hawking and my life wouldn’t be about quantum psychics and the string theory. But, if for some reason my life would be better than the way it was like I won the ‘go away from the white light’ lottery and my prize was a million dollars and I could eat all I want and never gain weight and was given the power to transport myself everywhere I wanted to go, then yeah, I think I’d want you to save me!”

Clair deadpanned.
“Duly noted.”

Grace dryly asked. “Why can’t I raise the kid if you and Henry die?”

“Because I’m never dying,” stated Clair.

“Well,” added Dr.
Yael
, “Immortality aside, I think Grace asks a valid question.”

Clair fidgeted. “If I die and Henry dies and you raised the baby then you’d be the mother and that makes me uncomfortable.”

Dr.
Yael
sighed. “Uncomfortable because you’d be dead?”

“No. Well, yes that too, but Grace is the baby’s mommy.”

“No. I’m not. You and Henry are the baby’s parents. I’m just
UPS
.”

“But, for ten months it’s you who has the baby’s heart next to hers, it’s you who is literally and figuratively tied to the baby, and who is bonding with the baby for approximately the first seven thousand, two hundred hours of its life. That makes you the baby’s mommy and if I’m dead, what’s
gonna
stop you from having the kid call you mommy and forgetting all about me--the egg donor?”

For the first time since her sister’s long ago breakdown, Clair had finally beaten Grace in the crazy department. “Okay, first--you did the math on how long the kid will be in my womb? That’s sick! I’m never going to forget you, believe me, I tried. Remember in tenth grade when I told everyone you were an exchange student from
Russia
?” Grace turned to the NG. “She was going through a horrific bushy eyebrow period, no doubt trying for the Brooke Shields look, didn’t work.” Grace stared at Clair. “I would never have your child call me ‘mom,’ Auntie Mommy maybe, but never mom. And, being your sister is supposed to be a good thing. I’m the only one besides our mother who can fill the kid in on every single detail of your life. No stone will go unturned. Not only will this kid be able to conjure up an image of you at any age--especially the costume wearing fad you were into at twelve—but…,” Grace, now visibly upset, caught her breath, “…if you’re dead, what about me? I’m going to need this child to help me get over losing you and, well, don’t I deserve to have a part of you?”

Clair felt bad and softly said, “
it
just scares me.” She then tried to deflect her selfishness.
“Uh, Aunt Mommy?
No
friggin
’ way!”

“That’s not yours to decide. You’re dead. Besides, that’s between me and the kid,” argued Grace.

“Oh, really?” said Clair.

“Really!” a defiant Grace retorted.

“Okay, no, I’m putting that in my will too and you’re so not the godmother.”

Grace was completely shocked. “What?”

“Listen, if I live…”

“If you live, oh now it’s if you live?”

Clair rolled her eyes. “I’m just not comfortable with you having a title with the word mom, mother, mommy, or whatever idiotic variation you come up with.”      

Dr.
Yael
attempted to smooth things over. “Grace, Clair does have a valid point. Feelings of insecurity even of inadequacy are bound to come up for any traditional mom, but this bond you have as sisters, and will now have as co-mothers, is bound to intensify those feelings.”

Grace sighed. “I get it. I get it. So, I’m the guardian, but not the godmother?”

Clair sighed. “Yes.”

“Fine, but just for the record when you’re dead, and you will die one day, and I don’t care if you’re one hundred and two when you croak, I will outlive you and that kid is calling me Aunt Mommy whether you like it or not!”

Clair rolled her eyes again.
“Fine.”

Now that they had stopped arguing over the ramifications about getting one of them pregnant by her husband and everyone had signed on the dotted line, Grace and Clair went to their OBGYN Beth, who was also a Fertility Specialist or as Grace calls her “The Frigidaire” because she’s always trying to get them to freeze their eggs. “Okay,” said The Frigidaire, “are you ready?” Henry looked at Clair who looked at Grace who suddenly felt not so ready after all. Frigidaire knew how scared they were and tried to be as jovial as possible. “We’ve got the eggs, we got the sperm,
we’ve
got the uterus.”

Before she could give herself a chance to chicken out, Grace jumped up. “Let’s do this!”

Within ten minutes. Grace found herself in a white gown, legs spread eagle and staring up at the mosaic tiled ceiling in the examination room. Now, there are many things that go through your mind while you’re waiting for someone to insert a foreign object filled with your brother-in-law’s sperm into your cervix. First, there’s the “
eeew
, gross, it’s my brother-in law’s sperm” factor; then there’s the fear of peeing out said egg and sperm before they have a chance to acquaint themselves; then there’s gee, am I on a hidden camera show? Not to mention the fact that, well, you’re bare assed; you’re cold; where the hell is the doctor; and last, but not least, you’re day dreaming about the two hour nap you get after the procedure is done because you’re not supposed to move and how you’re going to ask your sister to stop for frozen yogurt on the way home. Obviously, Grace had a lot going on!

Grace was trying to unscramble the letters on the tiled ceiling, which was one big Scrabble board, when Frigidaire made it through the door. “Great, isn’t it? Makes the wait bearable plus I’m addicted to Scrabble.” Just then, the nurse came in
the with
the foreign object, Grace averted eyes. Frigidaire put on some gloves and picked up the foreign object. “Try to relax, try to keep your cervix relaxed, okay?”

Grace wondered how one went about keeping their cervix relaxed? She supposed she could just take deep breaths or maybe they should just give her drugs that were strong enough to relax her for the rest of her life. “Okay, we’re done.”

Grace looked at Frigidaire. “That’s it?”

“Yep.
Stay off your feet for at least two hours and I’ll see you on Friday, so we can shoot you full of hormones.”

“Uh, okay. So, how long till we know?”

“About two weeks,” Frigidaire smiled. Grace didn’t move she was unsure if she could truly get up. Frigidaire laughed. “The sperm and the egg aren’t going to fall out of you and no, they won’t come out when you pee. I promise.”

Frigidaire left to let Grace get changed. Wow, in two weeks she thought, I’ll know if I am someone’s Auntie Mommy.

They drove home in silence. Well, except for when Grace asked for frozen yogurt and, of course, they stopped. When they finally got Grace home Clair put her on the couch, made sure she had the clicker, snacks, a couple of bottles of water, and the phone close by, so that she would never have to get off the couch. Well, except to, you know pee, but because they were assured she couldn’t pee out anything of importance out they were okay with that.