Happily Ever Never (10 page)

Chapter 15

None of this is okay.

“Thank you all for coming today. I know none of this has been easy. I’ve watched Major grow up, so I can only imagine how hard this is for everyone.” The attorney sat at the head of a long conference table. He read over his notes with a pair of glasses lowered at the bridge of his nose. I was seated next to Major’s mother and across from his oldest brother. His wife sat close to him, and it was obvious she was concerned for her husband. In all of my grief I hadn’t thought about the rest of the family and how Major’s death was affected them. It wasn’t just the siblings either. His older brothers both had children and Major adored them. He teased his God daughter Vivian that she’d be our babysitter once our children were born. I wondered what it was like when she heard the news of her uncles passing.

Then I looked over to Major’s youngest brother, Oden. He’d just graduated college, and had been working on following in his brother’s footsteps. That was all gone for him. Aside from our brief encounter on the beach, I had no idea what he was going through.

The attorney cleared his throat before beginning, bringing me back to why we were all in the same place. “I’m not going to keep you. I’ll just get to the point so you can all go about your day. This is a pretty simple breakdown. The property and all of its contents located at 695 Linthicum Trail Road goes to Bailey Ellis, yada yada, this is just more information on the contents broken down. Then it continues, as does the two vehicles and contents of the joint savings and checking account.” He flipped to the next page. “The property located at 401 South Wabash will be sold with the proceeds going to Mr. and Mrs. Anthony Valero Sr.” He skimmed through the document while I came to grips with what he’d just read. Major have left me the house. He wanted me to always have his home, even if something happened to him.  We hadn’t talked much about death. I didn’t like to have morbid conversations, especially when I assumed we’d love a long life together. It never occurred to me that at any moment one of us could die tragically.

He fumbled through a few more pages. “Sorry, we had an appointment set for when he returned from Sicily to change over the new names. I had everything in a file waiting for the marriage certificate.”

I had to look down at my hands to prevent from losing it in front of everyone. It wasn’t like I had anything to hide from them. Everyone in the room knew what I’d been through.

“I have envelopes for each of his siblings, and Vince Gallo. In each of them you’ll find a letter and something he wanted each of you to have.”

He got to the last page of the folder. “Lastly, he wanted me to address his investments and retirement accounts. I’m working with his financial guy right now to get figures before I can distribute, but everyone at this table will get an equally divided amount according to the final figures once I get them. I hoped to have them before this meeting, but it didn’t happen. Generally speaking, I’d say you’ll have it by the end of the week. I’ll make sure my secretary calls and gets on their asses about it. Does anyone have any other questions? You know I’m always available.”

The room was silent. His father stood up, making a sound when his metal chair slid across the hard floor. “I think we’re done here. My son did well by having all his affairs in order. Thank you for helping us today. I’m sure we’ll be in touch.”

The two men shook hands while the rest of us got up and prepared to leave. Before I could get out of the building, after signing off on some paperwork and making a follow-up appointment, Vince stopped me in the stairwell. “Bailey, hang on a minute. Do you think we could sit down and talk for minute?”

“I have nothing to say to you, Vince. I was nice to you out of respect for Major. He’s gone now. You and I aren’t friends.”

“Please,” he requested in a low tone. “There’s something I need to say. There’s something I have to get off my chest.”

I put my hand up. “There’s nothing to say. Major is gone. My future is ruined, and as far as I’m concerned it’s your fault. I can’t forgive you, and I refuse to stand here and listen to anything you have to say to me.” I pushed him out of my way. “Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to get out of here.”

“Now that you know you’re financially secure, right? It’s so easy for you now to pretend like I wasn’t a brother to Major.”

I swung back around, taking quick steps until I was right up in his face. “I don’t want any of it without him, don’t you get that? Everything he left me is a reminder of what we’ll never have together. I never asked him to give it to me. We didn’t even talk about it. As far as you go, well, you aren’t his brother. Whether he felt that way or not doesn’t determine how I feel. You’ve been an asshole since I met you. I’m not interested in being near someone that brings me down.”

“Obviously he wanted you to be taken care of. That’s why he left the majority of everything to you. He loved you so much. He told me once that I didn’t know what love was. He said I wasn’t capable of letting down my walls.”

Was this guy serious? “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because, I don’t have him to talk to. If you’d listen to me for a second I’d tell you. Come on. Just let me take you out for coffee.”

That was it for me. I didn’t want his grabby paws touching me. “I’m not kidding, Vince. Stay out of my life. Don’t come to the house, and please lose our phone numbers. I’m not your friend, and I never will be. As far as I’m concerned you don’t exist either.”

I knew it was harsh. The old me wouldn’t have been so cruel. Perhaps losing Major had changed me. All I knew was that Vince was a connection to Major’s death. I blamed him, whether it was his fault or not. The sooner I got home and away from him the better.

I waited in the car for Vicki and Tony Sr. to take me home. They didn’t say much during the ride, probably because everything went the way Major had told them it would if an accident ever took his life.

It wasn’t until later that evening that Vicki called. I thought she’d want to check on me, but that’s not what the conversation was about. Had I have known she was upset I wouldn’t have started on her about Vince. “Mom, I know you said you want me at Sunday dinners, but I’m not going to be able to attend them with Vince there. I know how much he means to you, but…”

“That’s why I’m calling, Bailey. I wanted to tell you first.”

“Tell me what?” Was she retracting her invitation? Had Vince told them how I treated him in the stairwell?

“Vince came to us this afternoon to tell us he was leaving.”

“Leaving?” I asked. “Didn’t he just get home from Sicily?”

“He’s leaving the state. He’s selling the gym.”

“Did Major know? He never mentioned it to me.”

“We aren’t sure. He was quite emotional, but didn’t go into details. I think Major’s death has hit him hard. I didn’t have the heart to ask him what was in the letter, but I have a good feeling whatever was said hit a nerve. All I know is that he said he wouldn’t be stopping by anymore.”

“When is he going?” I didn’t care. I just wanted to seem interested, so she wasn’t upset with me.

“He says he’ll be leaving town to look at some places. He said someone already wanted to take over the gym on Moravia, so he just has the smaller one in town left. He says that one is managed well enough that he won’t have to be there. This is all so sudden. I guess I wanted to know if you knew about it.”

“No. Of course not. I’m just as shocked as you are.”

“Okay,” she said with a sniffle. “Please be there Sunday for dinner. I feel like I’m losing everyone. I don’t want you to think you’re not part of this family, because you always will be. I don’t care what a piece of paper says. In God’s eyes you two were married.”
“You are not losing me, Vicki. I love your family, our family. You’re all I have left to remember Major by. I don’t want to lose that. I can’t.”

“I’ll see you soon then. Love you, sweetie. Call me if you need anything.”

I ended up calling Vicki and backing out of dinner on Sunday, not because I didn’t want to attend, but because I’d been throwing up for two days straight. I couldn’t keep anything down, and my head was pounding something fierce. She seemed disappointed at first, but ended up stopping by later with a bowl full of fresh soup. She gave me some medicine and even did a load of laundry to help out. When I insisted she head home she refused.

I’m glad she didn’t leave.

That night I had terrible nightmares. I kept dreaming I was falling, but I never hit the ground or water. I just kept plunging down a never ending hole. I could hear Major calling out for me, but it was in an echo. Each time I woke up I was covered in sweat and clinging to my sheets. After the third encounter I went downstairs for a glass of fresh water. Vicki was sitting on the couch crying. She tried to play it off when she saw me, though it was too late. “I’m sorry, Bailey. I’m supposed to be the strong one. I do fine during the day. I keep busy. It’s the nights I’m having a problem with. I think being here makes it harder. Everything in this house screams Major to me. He was such a good boy,” she cried harder. “He never did a mean thing in his life. If anything he was too behaved. Now his brothers, on the other hand, they were trouble with a capital T, but not my Major. He had the heart of gold. You know, I keep asking God why he took him away, but I think I already know the answer. I think there are some souls that stay innocent. I feel like this life is just a test. If we make it through a certain point without sin we’re granted a free pass. Maybe this life isn’t the one he was supposed to be in. Maybe my son was meant to do something greater up in heaven.”

I didn’t know what I believed. In theory it was a beautiful way to cope with his loss. “I think that if anyone deserved to be an angel it was Major.”

She pulled me close and sniffled as she began to calm down. “He was lucky to have you; to experience such a deep love before he left this world.”

“I’d give anything to see him again. He will always be the love of my life. Nothing will change that. If he is out there somewhere looking over us, we need to find a way to keep going. I don’t want to disappoint him.”

“It’s true. Major would want us to be happy. It’s all he ever wanted. You have to find a way to get past this. I’m his mother. I’m always going to have an empty spot in my heart, and I suppose you will too, except you can find love again. I can’t replace my son, but you can repair your heart.”

I had to peer away. “I’ll never do that. I don’t want anyone else.”

She ran her hands through my hair. “It’s going to take a long time. I can see you’re going to hold onto him for as long as you can. You’re so loyal. It might not be in the next year, maybe not even the next ten, but you will open your heart again. You’re too good of a person not to. No matter what you decide, you’ll always be my daughter.”

“That means everything to me, especially right now.”

Vicki and I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night. Instead we sat up talking about Major. She told me stories about when he was little and the sweet things he did for the people around him. I knew in my heart I was making progress. In no way could I have listened to her when I first lost him. Day after day it was becoming easier to accept. He wasn’t coming back. All we had were the memories now, and I was determined to never forget them.

Chapter 16

Moving forward seemed like an impossible task.

It was difficult, but I managed to go back to work after three weeks. Even though my house was paid for, I still had bills to tend to and a life to live. Besides, it kept me occupied, whereas I’d be home day after day, rummaging through Major’s things, desperately trying to hold onto any part of him I was able to. I think for the most part I’d become numb. The pain was still apparent, but it was constant, making me used to dealing with it.

I couldn’t grasp the length of the time it would take to stop crying myself to sleep at night. Like the very day he’d left this world, I was still missing him just as much.

Since my appetite had been nonexistent, and I chalked it up to stress, I was utterly surprised when my period never came. For the simple fact of not wanting anyone to know any more of my business, I drew my own blood and tested it for hormones.

The overwhelming feeling I received when I looked at the results and saw that my HCG levels were elevated caused me to bawl.  I retested them again, this time with a new sample. It was the same result. I was pregnant.

A part of Major was growing inside of me, and I couldn’t grasp how life changing it was for me, and for the rest of his family. I knew for a fact that I was in the early stages, so making sure I kept it a secret for now was crucial. I couldn’t bear to give them wonderful news only to miscarry and break their hearts all over again.

It was that very day when things changed for me. Though I desperately missed Major, I knew he’d given me the greatest gift possible before he passed away. I was so grateful after all of my praying that there was light at the end of the tunnel.

That night, while naked in the bathroom, I brought my hands over my abdomen and looked in the mirror. Soon enough I’d start showing. Inside of me was the start of my new life without Major. I was going to be a mother to a child fathered by the love of my life. What better way to remember him? Part of his spirit would live on through his own child. It was beautiful.

When I crawled into bed I cried for a whole different reason. It was out of appreciation. This was why my prayers had gone unanswered. I might not have known it then, but I had something so important to live for.

It took me two weeks until I couldn’t hold in the news any longer. A big part of me feared it was too soon, but with the family still struggling so much I wanted to give them the same hope I was living with.

Sunday dinner was the perfect time to have everyone together. I waited until dessert to stand up and make my announcement. At first, I think everyone assumed I was either going to the bathroom or leaving. They were all shocked when I tapped my spoon on my glass of water. “I have something I want to say.”

The room got quiet as all eyes were on me. Before I could tell them my news, Tony Jr. stood up. “I have something I need to tell everyone when she’s finished.”

Since I knew my news was going to brighten everyone’s day I didn’t wait another second. With tears starting to fill my eyes, I looked directly at Vicki. “I’m pregnant.”

The area, congested with family, burst into celebration. The amount of hugs and emotions that we shared were overwhelming. Learning I was pregnant was a blessed moment for me, but this was the first time I’d actually been happy.  The elated atmosphere didn’t settle down for quite a while. All the women wanted to know when I was due, how I was feeling, and how long I’d known. The guys seemed pleased that a part of their brother would carry on. It was Tony Sr. that really shocked me though. He came up and pulled me into his arms, breaking down in front of everyone. “Thank you,” was all he could muster.

Having gotten choked up myself, I let him hold me there, and appreciated that this was more like a breakthrough for him. None of us had closure, but a baby opened a new chapter for all of us.

For the first time in a while we stayed longer than usual. Everyone was in a cheerful mood. It was finally pleasant, unlike recently when everyone walked on eggshells, never knowing what to say. Tony Jr. never made his announcement. I suppose my news must have been so good maybe he’d forgotten. I hoped that he had good news and nothing else that would cause the family more turmoil.

The excitement didn’t just last that night. It carried on for weeks, and those weeks finally turned into months. I had my first appointment with the doctor, who let me know my due date, and when I would start coming in once a month to be examined.

The days started to blend together, and although the loneliness hadn’t subsided, I was distracted. It got easier as my belly began to grow. My focus had changed, and with that left me more on edge. I’d always wanted to be a mother. Major and I had discussed it so many times. We’d talked about baby names, and how we’d raise our children. Doing it all without him would be a challenge in itself, but there was also the knowledge that he’d never experience any of it. That killed me inside, because I knew the moment he or she came into the world new memories would be made. They’d never know the wonderful man who helped create them. They’d never have a daddy to cuddle up next to, or save them from a bad dream. Major’s family would be around, but not for the little things that would add up to mean much more anyway.

When it came time to go in for my first sonogram, I invited Vicki, Shawna and my father. Aside from Major, there weren’t three other people better for the job. I think everyone knew how hard it was going to be for me, probably more than I anticipated.  I was so excited about seeing my baby on that screen, I hadn’t considered it would be a bittersweet moment.  As the wand ran across my lubricated stomach, I felt a knot in my throat. My eyes began to burn, because I was doing this without him. Being a mother wasn’t a dream without the father. I felt lost, torn apart, and right back to that place I’d gone when I’d lost everything.

I was such a wreck I couldn’t calm down to see the image on the monitor. My blood pressure became elevated and everyone was asked to leave the room so I could calm down. I was miserable, afraid, and terribly alone when it counted the most.

When I was finally able to finish the test they told me I was having a little boy. I knew right away he’d be named after his father; the best man I’d ever known. My anguish was once again replaced. The doctor explained to everyone that my hormones were heightened, and that throughout my pregnancy I would experience good and bad days, especially considering the loss of Major. Since I’d suffered a breakdown in the office, I was ordered to report to the doctor more frequently. They were concerned I’d develop preeclampsia. That scared me.

I’d already lost his father. I couldn’t lose this little guy too.

I wish I could say that was the only bad news I received that week. Waiting for me in the mail was a letter that would change so much.

It was addressed to Major from a cancer center in Pennsylvania. I had no clue what it could be. I think at first I suspected he’d been donating to them and they were sending a receipt. Major was healthy. He couldn’t have been suffering from something that serious and not told me.

After staring at the envelope for longer than I care to admit, I pulled it open and read the letter. It was a confirmation of surgery, but it wasn’t for Major. It was for Vince Gallo. Major had been his next of kin and they were sending the confirmation to make sure they had the correct information for notification in case of a medical emergency.  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Had Major been keeping a secret from me? Was something wrong with Vince? Was his life in danger as well?

I called the hospital, but they wouldn’t give me any information, especially when I wasn’t Major. Since I knew he hadn’t told the family, and I had no idea how serious it was, I felt it was important to get to the bottom of it. Suddenly Vince leaving seemed like it was more serious than he’d led on. As much as I hated the man, I knew he was a brother to Major. I couldn’t ignore something that important. He didn’t have anyone else to turn to. I owed him the decency to make sure he was going to be okay.

I took a couple days off work and hopped in my car, eager to locate the hospital and find out what was going on. The drive from Maryland to Pennsylvania was around three hours. By the time I arrived it was early afternoon. I walked inside of the large facility and prayed they’d give me some kind of information. Since his surgery was supposed to happen in a few short days, I didn’t know how I’d find him. Luckily the front desk person was new. I showed her my letter and may or may not have conjured up a few tears when I told the story of losing Major and fearing that we were going to lose his brother as well. She gave me a room number and the directions as to how I would get there. After I thanked her, I got a visitor’s badge and headed up. I didn’t know what to expect. Vince had been gone for months. The last time I’d seen him he was healthy and trying to pick up anything that walked. He was cocky and full of himself, and also the reason my Major felt as though he had something to prove.

The moment I stopped in front of his room and saw his name listed I could feel my heart pounding. I had no clue what to expect, and when the door opened I was at a loss for words. A bald man was in a wheelchair with his back facing me. He was looking out the window, sitting all alone. At first I assumed I’d gotten the wrong room. When he began to spin the chair around, I turned to leave. “I’m sorry. I must have the wrong room number.”

Then I heard his voice. “Bailey?”

I stopped dead in my tracks and twisted back around. “Vince?” I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The man in the wheelchair was none other than Vince and he looked ghostly. I could hardly recognize him. In a matter of seconds I was at his side, kneeling down in front of him. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I told Major a while back. He knew after the wedding I was checking myself in. The cancer spread. It’s in both of my testicles now. I waited too long to do something about it. They’re removing them next week, because the chemo didn’t help.” Then his eyes narrowed down on my stomach. They came back and looked into mine. “You’re pregnant?”

I nodded. “Almost five months along. It’s a boy.”

Just like that I watched the tough guy I’d always been annoyed by fall apart. I reached my hand out and placed it over his. “I’m sorry,” he cried. “I know I was an asshole. I deserve this after what I did. Bailey, you have to know I never wanted to lose him. I loved Major more than my own life. I would have given anything to trade places with him, especially when I knew my fate already. Even if they remove the cancer, it can come back at any time. I’ll never be out of the woods. I should have been the one to die in Sicily, not Major.” He kept weeping, and it was difficult for me to understand the things he was saying. “He was the only person I told. After he was gone I wanted to die too. I canceled my first treatment and pretended nothing was wrong. By the time I started getting sick it had progressed to the other side.  Now it’s spread further. They’re doing their best to keep me comfortable, but to be honest I don’t care anymore. I have nothing left to fight for.”

I squeeze his hand harder. “Don’t say that. You can beat this.” I didn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

“Why would I want to? You don’t have to be nice to me because Major’s gone. I know you never cared for me. It’s not like I’ve given you much reason to.”

“Major loved you for a reason. The things I said to you; the way I acted, it was wrong. I needed a person to blame.”

“No. You had every right. You still do. I pushed him to take that jump.”

“Major wanted to beat you. It was his choice.” It suddenly occurred to me what I was saying; what I was admitting out loud. Vince never made him jump off that cliff. He’d done it on his own. He was a grown man who made the choice to put his life in danger. I wasn’t the only person to lose the man I loved.  To Vince, Major was his family. He was all he had left. As much as I wanted to hate him for being obnoxious, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. This man was alone, and Major would have wanted me to help him. “You can’t do this by yourself, Vince.”

“I’d never ask for your help, but I didn’t try to keep it from you. It’s what I wanted to tell you at the reading of the will. I knew the hospital would be contacting Major. I knew how upset you were and didn’t want you feeling like he was keeping secrets.”

“He was keeping something personal about you from me. I wouldn’t have been angry about that. You’re best friends. Of course you’d turn to him.”

Vince was so upset I had to stand up and fetch him some tissues. While he cleaned off his face I got a good look at how hard the last few months had been on him. “What are you doing here, Bailey? Even if you suspected something was wrong, why would you come? I’ve been a terrible person to you.”