HAPPY PANTS CAFE (THE HAPPY PANTS SERIES) (19 page)

“Is that DJ Dirty Stuff?” he said, pointing to a thin-looking man in a white bucket hat, wife-beater, and orange leather pants, strolling down the street with a brunette who wore a barely there tank dress.

Huh?
Harper did a double take. “It looks like him. But as I was saying—”

“And that’s Christina. What’s she doing here?”

Harper glanced over at the opposite sidewalk, and sure enough, it was Christina Bass-Andrews and her new husband.

“I guess a lot of celebrities are here for the last day of the music festival. But I wanted to ask you if—”

“Crap. It can’t be!” Austin pointed at a man who looked suspiciously like Mark Lion, the famous action movie star, and his crazy-famous wife, Lulissa, the singer of the hottest girl band on the planet.

“Uhhh…yeah. That is a little strange. But I really—”

“Is that Congressman Ashbury?”

“Okay. Now you’re getting on my nerves, Austin. I get it. Famous people are descending upon St. Helena. But do you have to interrupt—”

“I wonder if this has something to do with Luci’s party. What other reason would there be?”

The music festival, maybe?
Harper let out a breath.
Okay, he’s not trying to be rude; he’s just a little excited, that’s all. I’ll try again later.
At least he wasn’t sulking and brooding any longer.

“I think we need to pull over and find out why they’re here. Could be an interesting story,” he said.

“Okay. But if there is, which one of us gets it?”

“Fair point.” He scratched his jaw.

Oh, don’t do that!
It so did naughty things to her.

“We can flip a coin,” he suggested.

“No. Wait. I have a better idea. If this story turns out to be something good, then I keep it, and you get to interview Luci if we win her bet.” Which they would, because nobody was falling in love by the end of the week. Okay, yes. She had some weird feelings going on, but it wasn’t love by his crazy-ass definitions. It was a strong attraction mixed with deep like, probably combined with all of the emotions that had accompanied the suppressed memory.

He thought over her proposal for a moment. “Deal.”

Harper felt a wave of relief wash over her. This could be that win-win she was hoping for. They’d both get a story, keep their bosses happy, and it would end their rivalry. Problem solved.

For now, anyway.

Austin parked the car down one of the residential streets not too far from the Muddy Duck. The benefit of their being in a small town was that there weren’t that many places for those celebrities to hide. Downtown was a mere five or so blocks long. But when Austin and Harper made the rounds, there wasn’t an A-list body to be found anywhere. They’d strolled past every boutique, restaurant, café, and “other,” but the people they saw were regular tourists.

Harper and Austin stood on the street corner, not too far from the restaurant where they’d had dinner the other evening.

“Where did everyone go?” Harper asked, her head whipping from side to side.

Austin shrugged, but as if they’d both realized the answer at the same time, their eyes drifted toward the flowery arched entrance to the Happy Pants Café. They walked double-time toward the arch across the street, but when they got there, a chain with a sign reading
Private Event—Invited Guests Only
blocked the path.

“Well, that sure as hell won’t stop me,” Harper said, stepping forward, only to be jerked back by Austin.

“Wait. If Luci is having a private get-together and you’re not invited, don’t you think she’d get a little upset if you crash?”

Dammit.
“Good point, but I’m just going to peek inside and see if that’s where everyone is.” She attempted to step over the chain, but was once again jerked back by Austin.

“Harper, stay put.”

Harper felt her blood boil. She didn’t like being grabbed. In fact—
Shit! Another pea?
This was starting to freak her out. How many pieces of her life had been influenced by that one event?

She began to shake. Terrified, she looked at his hand gripping her shoulder. “Take your hand off me, Austin. Right now.”

Austin pulled Harper toward him and kissed her.

~~

“All right, everyone!” Ms. Luci clapped to get the crowd’s attention. “Welcome! Welcome!” The group of one hundred or so guests who’d come from every corner of the globe were gathered on the patio of the café. This was always her favorite time of year, when she got to see last year’s customers return for the big gathering. Now, not everyone who found true love returned, nor did she know what became of each and every person who bought a cookie, but so many wonderful, happily-in-love couples did contact her after every season. They sent letters, pictures, and offered their help.

After forty years, the Happy Pants Café had a following reaching in the tens of thousands. And each year, they celebrated by doing two particular things: holding the gathering for all of the new couples, and selecting one person, nominated by a Happy Pants “alumni,” to receive Ms. Luci’s special help. The criteria for this person was that they had to be completely hopeless, but worthy of love.

Once the selection of the neediest person was made, Luci’s process was then quite simple: she would find an excuse, usually through the nominating family member or friend, to get to know the person. She would create a very detailed profile and then use her network to find Mr. Right. Now, if Mr. Right already happened to be in the woman’s life, then it was usually a question of simply removing a few barriers. And by barriers, she meant themselves. In all honesty, Luci believed, just as her mother had, that the heart already knew what needed to be done. If a couple were meant to be, it was generally the mind getting in the way. Fear, lack of belief that they were meant to be passionately loved, or, in some cases, unhealthy obsessions with work.

Harper had been selected because she scored a ten in all three categories and seemed to be at a point in her life where she was ready for change—ready for love.

That said, nothing had gone according to plan. There had been no man in her life for years, and when her sister, Jessa, provided Harper’s history to Luci, it didn’t seem that there ever would be. It had taken Ms. Luci six months to find three potential matches for the stubborn woman, who was clearly petrified of love, but a week before the casual, seemingly random introductions were to occur, the girl showed up on her own, as did her Mr. Right.

Love works in mysterious ways.
Of that Luci had no doubt. She also had no doubt in her mind that Austin was perfect for Harper, but she could clearly see why Jessa had reached out for help. In the area of the heart and all matters pertaining to love, Harper was a train wreck. It was as if some traumatic event had prevented her heart from growing up. This situation would call for some very drastic measures.

Ms. Luci cleared her throat. Her family, as always, stood next to her. “Everyone, first, I want to say thank you for coming all the way to St. Helena to participate in the annual gathering. I hear we will have a record number of couples coming on Saturday. So let’s be sure to give them the best wedding ever!” The crowd clapped.

“Now. As for this year’s ‘special project,’ I’d like to introduce you to Harper Branton.” Alberto began passing out a flyer with Harper’s and Austin’s profiles. “The good news is that I believe she’s already found her special someone. The bad news is he’s almost as romantically dysfunctional as she is. So given what I know about these two, as drastic as it sounds, I think our only course of action is to try to break these two up. We must sabotage their relationship—a task I’ve already begun.”

The crowd rumbled with confusion.

A woman in a light blue sundress and hat raised her hand.

“Jemma! I see you have a question.” Ms. Luci pointed to her.

“You want us all to try to keep them apart?”

Luci nodded. “This is correct. On their own, they have enough motivation to take small steps, but I fear their issues will impede a lasting relationship. They are two of the most stubborn, competitive individuals I’ve ever met. This is why I believe they must be forced to fight for each
other. We must make them see that there is nothing more important than this. Any questions?” Luci asked.

There were no replies.

“Great, then. You all have your instructions on the handout. I look forward to seeing you at the farm tomorrow bright and early for the wine bus.” That was the other fun thing about this time of year. Luci had daily events and outings planned throughout the week. As Saturday got closer, the crowd would get larger. But this was like her extended family. These happy people reminded her that her Jeffrey’s death really meant something. This was his legacy. And hers.

As the crowd dispersed, Luci dug her cell from the pocket of her apron and dialed.

It rang several times.

“Luci! Is that you, old girl?” said Dan.

She growled. “Old girl? I am not a cow.”

“Sorry. No, you’re not. I just got excited to see your name come up on the caller ID. So, how is our little project going?”

“Ah. I’ll get to that in a moment. But first, tell me: how is Shirley?” She’d forgotten to ask when they’d spoken last week. Shirley was his new wife, but they’d met three years ago.

“She is wonderful. The light of my life. I’m still amazed she married me. Did you know I used to be such an asshole?”

“Yes. I heard that,” Luci replied.

“Well, not anymore. Although, I still have to pretend to be one at work. Appearances are important.”

“This is exactly why I am calling. You need to play a little harder. I need you to fire her.”

“Fire her?” he questioned. “She’s one of our most promising reporters.”

“Well, then hire her back later. But for now I need you to fire her.”

“Uh…okay. If you say so.”

“Thank you, Dan. I promise you’re doing the right thing.”

“Who am I to argue, Luci? You saved my life. I trust you.”

“Great. And one more thing?”

“Yes,” he said, sounding afraid.

“Make it look like it’s Austin’s fault.”

~~

Austin wasn’t sure why he’d grabbed Harper and kissed her, but the moment he’d done it, he felt as though all of the organs inside his body were shifting around. It was a sensation like none other—passion, euphoria, excitement, fear. They blended together into this strange concoction that made him want to never let Harper go. Her lips were soft, her body felt so right against him, and her little groans filled his ears, fueling his need for her.

He moved Harper against the wall of the building, only a foot away, so he could press his entire body against her, feel her, keep her from running away. He wanted her. But not like a man wanted to scratch himself when he woke up, but in a way that was completely wrong. He wanted to possess her and make her stop playing games. He wanted her like a caveman wanted meat or to club something over the head, drag it off into his cave, and claim it as his own. And he wasn’t going to let her push him away this time. He was putting down his foot. They wanted each other. Period. End of story.

He shoved one hand into her silky hair and cupped her soft cheek with the other. Her full breasts pushed into his chest, and his cock filled with tension, urging him to rock himself into her.

On her side, there was no apprehension or reservation; she latched onto him as if she knew what she wanted, too, and wasn’t afraid to take it. Their tongues slid and sucked and lapped while their lips pushed and kneaded. When he’d kissed her earlier, it had been the kind of kiss a man never forgets. And when he’d kissed her the other night, it was great. Better than great. But they’d been pretty damned drunk. Perhaps too drunk to notice how good they felt together. In fact, if he didn’t have her right now, he might lose his fucking mind.

He broke the kiss and whispered into her ear, “I want you, Harper. Now.”

She looked up at him with those big green eyes and nodded. “Yes. Yes.”

He reached for her hand to pull her with him toward the B and B, which was only a few blocks away. But when he turned, a giant crowd of people stood there, gawking.

Austin’s mind sputtered as they all began clapping and howling.

“Oh crap,” Harper whispered from behind him. Just then a man in the crowd snapped off a photo of the two of them.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Austin growled.

The man’s eyes lit up, and he ran for it, disappearing down the street.

“You pervert!” Harper screamed. “Haven’t you ever seen two grown people make out on a sidewalk? In broad daylight?” Harper’s eyes wandered over to a woman with two little girls in tow. “In front of innocent children?” Harper mouthed, “I am so sorry,” to the woman, and then her gaze drifted to Austin’s groin. She gasped, and both eyes widened as if she was trying to tell him to look down.

He did.

“Oh shit.” He gave his back to the crowd.
Sonofabitch.
He was pitching the world’s biggest tent. Circus sized. You could fit a goddamned lion inside.