Harbinger in the Mist (Arms of Serendipity) (34 page)

“Are you OK?”

“Eli, I don’t want you to descend.”

“It’s already done.”

“No, it is not. This is insanity, Eli! There’s no denying that I’m attracted to you. Who wouldn’t be? Look at you. But let’s be real. I am
not
ready for something of this magnitude.”

“You doubt me? My sincerity?”

“No, Eli. I doubt
me
. I’m 18 years old. I just graduated from high school a couple of months ago. I start college in a couple of days. I want to go to parties, to football games and tailgates. I want to meet boys and go on dates like every other girl my age. I want to be irresponsible and carefree before I have to make
this
kind of decision. Maybe if we’d met 10 years from now … but now? Right now? I just can’t do it, Eli. And I can’t ask you to take such a step when I am so uncertain. It’s not fair.”

Eli stood silently and held his hand out for her.  She rose on her own, dusted the gritty sand from her backside, and walked to her car. They drove back to Walterboro in silence but the electricity in the small space was palpable. Eli drove, holding Lindsey’s hand with his free hand. Every once in a while he gave it a reassuring squeeze. He rubbed her knuckles with his thumb.

Outside, she was calm and collected. Inside she was screaming and crying and breaking things. She pulled her hand from Eli’s and took her cell from her purse. She was going to find a distraction. She typed feverishly on the keypad and hit send.

“Talking to your mom?”

“No.” She wasn’t going to tell him what she was up to. Not yet. A few minutes later her cell chirped, alerting her to a new text message. She opened the message and was relieved to see the reply.

“Cool! So stoked to hear from you. I can meet U or pick U up 2morrow. If U get sea sick, take some Dramamine. Or ask Maddie for a Trans Derm patch. Don’t want any puke on the old girl.”

“I’ll take some just in case,” she typed back. “I don’t know where you live. Can U pick me up? I am off from work 2morrow.”

“Sweet! It’s a date. I’ll be there around 10 a.m. Pack a swim suit and sunscreen.”

“Cool. TTYL,” she typed. She them tossed her cell back in her bag and fought back tears. Yes, she had to move on. Brent was available. Human. A good distraction.

“You’re just nervous, scared for me. But trust me, Lindsey.” Eli took her hand back.

“Eli, this has nothing to do with being nervous or scared. I know me, Eli. And I know that this is too much for me right now. I am just barely an adult, Eli. Sure, I want you right now more than you can know. But I also want to experience the life of a normal person my age. What happens if I meet someone else next month or next year? What then?”

“Lindsey –”

She tried to concentrate on the moss hanging overhead as they turned into the drive way to Retreat House. “Eli, please understand. I loved you the moment I laid eyes on you. I have loved every single moment I’ve had with you. God knows that I have. But I also feel like I led you on. I will always remember these past few weeks. But this is it. It has to be. I want to live life without always having this guilt on my shoulders because you gave it all up.”

As the car engine died, Lindsey felt as if the clock had just chimed midnight. Her carriage was about to turn into a pumpkin and the magic that was Eli was about to disappear. She got out of the car and walked to the foot of the steps. The house was calm and light. She wasn’t afraid to stay in it anymore, but she still didn’t want to go in. She knew that she would enter it alone – that Eli would be gone. She didn’t want to think about his vacated room or the unmade bed in her room, both places she knew she’d go the minute she entered the house, both places that would hold his smell, both places that would bring back memories that would hurt her heart.

Eli smiled at her sweetly.  “Trust me, I understand more than you think.”

“Well, um, I need to go over to Maddie’s. She and her parents are due back soon. I want to make sure that the horses are fed and everything in order for them.”

Eli looked at her questioningly, “Is that the only reason?”

“Well, no. I just … I don’t want to go in …
there
… just yet.” Lindsey turned and walked to the backyard. She gazed at the water without really seeing it; she was lost in thought.”

“Cara mia bella, you know Carina will be there. Nothing will happen to you.”

Eli pulled her to his chest and hugged her tightly. Lindsey wanted to continue to resist, but she could hear the clock ticking, ticking closer to the end. She let him pull her around to the back yard.

“I can’t see Carina, Eli, so it doesn’t matter if she’s there or not. And it’s not out of fear that I’ll stay away I –” Lindsey stopped before adding
I just don’t want to face the house without you in it.
Instead, she watched a Canadian goose waddle out of the water with eight fat, yellow and brown goslings tottering along behind her. She refused to look at Eli’s pleading face. 

“Besides, I want to hear all about Maddie’s trip. I’ve missed her. Then Mom will be back tomorrow.”

 “I’ll be back before you know it, too, cara mia bella.”

“Eli, I told you on the beach, I can’t do this now. Seriously, it’s not all about you. As a matter of fact, I have a date with Brent to go out boating tomorrow. You shouldn’t have to wait around while I decide what I am going to do with the rest of my life, who I will want to be with.”

“You and Brent will have fun, I’ll see to it. But I know what you’re doing. You said ten years, right?  Lindsey, you should know that time is not an issue for me. I can wait. I
will
wait. As long as you need me to.”

“I don’t want you to wait for me.” Lindsey took his face in her hands and kissed him gently. “I have loved every minute of this summer, ghosts and all. But, I just can’t do this. Good bye, Eli.”

A thick mist began to gather around the banks of the estuary. 

Eli sighed. “They’re waiting on me, I have to go.”

“Thank you, Eli, for everything.”

“Lindsey, I am going to speak to Camael tonight. I should have an answer in a matter of hours. I will make it my duty to be back here tomorrow night. Whatever his answer is, I will return. If it’s yes, I will come back. If it’s no, I will come back.”

“Eli, how else can I tell you? I don’t want you do that. Damnit! Why are you making me do this?” She turned toward the mist and shouted. “Do you all hear me? I don’t want him to do that. Don’t let him descend. It’s not what I want and I should have a say in all of this. You let this Camael know my wishes.”

“It is done, Lindsey,” Eli took her face in his hands and pulled her face close to his. “Like those newly-hatched turtles this morning, you are my ocean, now. The draw is instinctive, irreversible. You are my salvation, my world. Without you, I am doomed.”

“Eli, I might seem that way now, but I don’t know that this is what
I
want. Why are you forcing me to do this? You are assuming that my feelings are as strong as yours. I resent the fact that you are making me decide something of this magnitude right now! It’s not the same for me as it is for you.”

Lindsey was trying to be cruel, to make him come to his senses, to go home and not come back.

Eli looked at her sadly and dropped his hands from her face. Then he closed his eyes and took a step backwards. “You really don’t want me to come back?”

“No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know, Eli. That’s the point. What if Brent and I hit it off tomorrow? What if we don’t but I meet someone else when I start school.  I just
don’t know
. Not right now.”

“I … what? Aye. I understand,” Eli didn’t look at her. He focused on a point over her shoulder, furrowed his brow, nodded once, and disappeared in a flash of thick mist. He hovered around Lindsey for a moment then lifted into the sky like a cloud brushed away by a strong wind.

He was gone.

Lindsey sank to her knees and watched the misty reed bank; unshed tears blurred her vision but she didn’t want them to see her cry. She watched as a mosquito landed on her arm and drove its syringe-like proboscis into her flesh. The exact thing had happened to Abigail Walker over a hundred and fifty years ago, probably on a day much like this one. And it had caused everything to spiral out of control, ending with this massive heartache that was now suffocating Lindsey. She smacked at the insect, leaving a smudge of bright red blood in the place where it had been sitting.

Lindsey stood and retreated back toward the house. Near the back porch, though, she turned left onto the familiar path through the trees. Disappointment washed over her anew when she emerged into the Robbins’ backyard. Both the barn and the house were dark; the driveway void of the family Suburban. Her friend that she needed so desperately wasn’t back yet.

Maybe that was a good thing, though. How would she explain it all to Maddie without giving away Eli’s secret? And even if she did, would her friend believe her? Perhaps this was better. The loss of Eli was something she’d have to shoulder alone.

After checking on the horses, Lindsey drug her feet on the trek back to Retreat House. She was still unready to face the emptiness inside of it yet unable to stay outside any longer. She decided instead to get in her car and drive around town. Maybe she could even find a hotel room for the night. But as she approached the house, she was surprised to see two familiar vehicles sitting in the driveway.

Sara and Darby were on the front porch in a heavy discussion. Sara stood against the railing while Darby rocked slowly in one of the ancient chairs. She waved her wrinkled hand to summon Lindsey to come and sit in the chair beside her.

“Your grandmother was a white light,” Sara said without looking at Lindsey. “You inherited that from her and that is precisely why he’s so attracted to you”

Lindsey wasn’t sure what she was talking about and looked at Darby questioningly.

Sara turned and looked at her, a mixture of anger, sadness, and regret written across her face. Her question was a mere whisper between clenched teeth.  “Has  he told you?”

Lindsey nodded her head, unable to make words come from her mouth.

“I must advise you to leave him be. Do not take his existence from him for he cannot get it back should he descend.”

“Oh, Sara, Lindsey is very different from Roman,” Darby chided.

Lindsey looked at the two women, confused.

“Lindsey, I was like Eli once. No, no, I wasn’t a Harbinger, I was a Natura Angelius. Oh, how I loved my work on the ocean – especially the dolphins. They were my favorite. One spring morning, a pod led me to a stranded boater. His engine had failed and he’d been adrift all night. It hit me instantly as I gazed at him lying there on the deck, shivering from exposure. It was chilly still. And he had no fresh water to drink. Well, the moment I laid eyes on his face, I knew that he was the one. The pull was uncontrollable. My sisters tried to stop me, but I left the group and used my powers to send a wind that pushed his craft inland.

“Once he was safe, I appeared on the docks. It was the first time I’d ever taken human form. And, despite its limitations, I felt more alive than I’d been in centuries. I pointed his boat out to the director of the marina. I helped him when he was towed in and tethered to the dock. The director and I helped him out of the boat, gave him water and blankets, and called an emergency patrol. He felt something, too. We were instantly inseparable. So I descended.

“Things were perfect for the next year. I never told him what I was, rather what I had been. All that mattered was that we were in love and pledging to spend our lives together.  Then his ex-fiancé moved back to town to care for an ailing parent. And even I, with my angelic background and connections to the Creator, was unable to compete with the love the he and this woman shared. I was devastated. At first I cursed what I had been. I thought this was my punishment for giving up God’s gifts.

Now, Roman was apologetic and everything. When he left, he swore that I would find someone one day, someone who deserved me. I knew that was impossible. He got his happily ever after and I was left in this stupid flesh-and-blood, constantly aging, human body. And one day I will die. Alone. Oh, I was given my special powers to read objects, but what good does that do me? It’s only a speck of the powers I once had. And now I see Eli here, with you, making the same mistake! What happens when
you
find someone else? You’re a teenager for goodness sakes – your mind changes like the wind!”

“Sara, give the child a chance. You are jaded and not seeing things clearly,” Darby warned.

“Leave him alone. Don’t let him make a decision that is so permanent. If you are unsure, urge him to at least wait. Wait and see.” Sara pleaded, tears in her eyes.

“I did. I told him this morning that I wasn’t sure about all of this, that I wasn’t ready for it. What more can I do?”

“It’s not enough, Lindsey. You must try harder. You must do something, anything before it’s too late. Talk to the mist. Plead your case. Lie.
Do something to make yourself disgusting in his sight, to tarnish that white light surrounding you.
You cannot let this happen.” Sara turned and marched off the porch. Moments later, the dusty C.A.P.I. van swerved down the drive.

“Don’t you pay her no mind. She was jilted and doesn’t understand. You both are wrong, though, honey,” Darby said. “You won’t let him down and Eli will not be damned for his choice. Neither will you.  Love is from God, it’s the strongest emotion that He gives us. He wants all of His creation to be happy and loved completely—even His angels.”

Tears flowed down Lindsey’s cheeks again. When she didn’t speak, Darby went on.

“It’s really more common than you think, Lindsey, and you should thank your lucky stars that you found Eli. Look at the world around you, dear. Look at how many people search and search for true love. They spend most of their lives searchin’ for it and settlin’ for less than God intended. You have found a soul mate that will never beat you, never hurt you, never leave you for another. He will live and breathe to take care of you. Yes, one day he will die and return to his maker. But you will, too. And you two will be reunited in the Summerlands.