Hard to Get (20 page)

He stared at me and said nothing. I dropped my eyes. Whatever happened, Becca and Kelly were right. I had to get this all out. “Adam, I haven't been totally straight with you all these weeks, and I'm really sorry.” He lifted one eyebrow but otherwise didn't change expression. “I know there's some serious chemistry between us. I feel it too.”

“Well, I
did
think that.” He stressed the past tense. I put my hand on the table between us.

“There's something I have to tell you.” My words hung in the air before I rushed on. “Ever since before I met you, I've been running this … experiment. It was nothing, just something to help me personally. But the plan has been not to go out with anyone, or flirt with anyone, or do anything romantic at all. With any guy … including you.” I stopped the onslaught of words to take a breath. My eyes were fixed on his face, which was expressionless except for the twitch of a muscle at the corner of his mouth.

I went on. “That's why I couldn't take the coffee that first day. I'm not really allergic. But I thought … maybe you were starting to like me a little, and that would mess up my plan. And the same thing with the dance lesson. I really wanted to go with you. But I couldn't—so I asked my cousin Larry to be my partner.” I finished, slightly out of breath. I stared down at the splintery wood of the table, where two ants were dragging away a dead wasp.

I could hear Adam's breath whistling in and out. For what seemed like a very long time, he was quiet. Then he spoke. “So you were just playing games this whole time?” His voice was cold.

“No!” I resisted the urge to jump up from the bench and instead leaned across the table. “Adam.” I spoke quietly, intently. “It wasn't just a game. This was something I really felt like I needed to do. Things were really hard after Dave and I split up. I just felt like I needed a break from guys. But then things got out of control. I wanted to stop it, but I couldn't.” I felt tears prickling behind my eyes.

“But you've basically been lying to me the whole time I've known you.”

“I wasn't lying!”

“Well, you weren't being honest. You were covering this up the whole time.”

I couldn't stand that quiet iciness. “I couldn't say anything—the rules were that the plan was in place for one month.”

“So?” he asked. “What does it matter what the rules were?” He stared at me fiercely. “Why didn't you just forget it?”

“I—I wanted to,” I stammered. “But the rules—”

“You already said that.” He rose from the bench and walked a few feet away to a battered charcoal grill sitting on a concrete pillar. He stood with his back to me, scraping his fingers across the top. Then he wheeled around. “Why are these rules so important to you?” he demanded. “You're okay just sacrificing real life for rules, no matter what?”

I stood up. “I'm not sacrificing
real life
, whatever that means. I'm just not a quitter—not this, not
anything
.” My voice rose. “What I start, I finish, no matter what.”

For a long moment we faced each other. Adam's face was red. Then he shook his head. His face closed down. “Forget this. I'm not interested in going out with a liar.”

The blood rushed to my face. I could feel a pulse pounding in my forehead. “Well,
I
don't want to be with some sanctimonious, judgmental jerk who criticizes people he doesn't even understand!” My voice rang in the rich green stillness of the park.

Adam shook his head. “See you, Val.” He lifted his hand and, without waiting for a response, turned and walked away.

I watched his figure retreat across the grass and climb into the Volvo. The engine started and I could hear the scrape of the tailpipe as he backed out of the parking lot and roared away. Then, with the silence of the park settling around me, I sank back onto the picnic bench and dropped my head into my hands.

My life turned sort of gray after the big blowout. I went straight home with Becca every day after school. But the afternoons were so empty without Sternwell's. For the first time in my life, all my homework was done ahead of time. I avoided the art hallway like the plague. Once, a couple of days after the fight, I heard Adam's voice nearby while I was at my locker. I darted into the girls' bathroom next to me and held the door open a crack.
He passed by, pale and drawn. The blond girl from the dance lesson was talking to him, but he didn't really seem to be responding.

The only upside I could find, really, was that the guys at school had finally lost interest in the newly single, who was now the oldly single, Val. The Facebook postings and texts had dwindled one by one. Willy started hanging out with a girl in Science Olympiad. Even my faithful Kevin had forgotten me once track season started.

Becca and Kelly tried to cheer me up as much as possible—making me eat giant amounts of junk food, insisting we all cut class one afternoon and go to the water park—but they were mostly consumed by prom preparations: dress shopping, hair consultations, long debates about the pros and cons of strapless. I had already told them I wasn't going. They didn't need to ask why.

“Are you sure you're going to be okay, honey?” Mom paused in the doorway of the den for the fourth time, eyeing me slumped on the couch in my gray sweatpants. “I just don't feel right about leaving you alone on prom night.”

I looked up from
27 Dresses.
“Mom, I'm fine. I swear. Please, go out, have a good time.”

“Dad and I would be happy to stay in, honey. We could all play Monopoly.”

I groaned silently. “No, Mom, thanks. I'm just going to hang out. It's all good, okay?” I mustered up a convincingly cheerful smile. She wavered in the doorway for a moment.

“Well, only if you're sure …”

“I am. Bye! Have a good time at the opera.” I waved. Sitting at home on prom night wearing stained sweatpants was just about the pits of my life, but sitting at home on prom night
with my parents
would be absolutely rock bottom.

The front door slammed. I went limp with relief. Now I could just shamelessly wallow. I picked up the remote, aimed it deliberately at the TV, and clicked it off.

For a minute, I sat staring at the blank screen. The house was silent except for the ticking of the kitchen wall clock. I wondered what everyone was doing at prom right then. They'd probably all finished dinner and were just getting to the Belton in the limos. I shook my head. Forget it. Forget prom, school, the GNBP.
Adam,
my brain helpfully reminded me. Especially forget him. I hoisted myself up from the sofa and wandered into the kitchen, pulling open the fridge door. I leaned on it, staring sightlessly into the depths.

Depressing leftovers in Tupperware. Milk. Brita pitcher of water. Eggs. Half a lemon in a plastic bag. Half an onion. Withered strawberries. I heaved a gusty sigh and turned to
the pantry, finally pulling out a half-eaten bag of cheddar Goldfish.

I schlumped back to my lair and once again ensconced myself on the couch. I clicked Katherine Heigl back on and lined up a few Goldfish on my stomach, carefully turning them so they were all facing the same way.

My phone buzzed on the coffee table. I glanced at it in a desultory way. Becca.

“Hi.”

“Hey there!” She sounded breathless. I could hear the thump of music in the background. “Kels and I wanted to see how you were doing.”

I stuck a Goldfish in my mouth. “Awesome. I'm just hanging out. Watching
27 Dresses
. You know, the one where Katherine Heigl's a bridesmaid like a hundred times?”

“We're worried about you, Val! It doesn't feel right to be off here while you're sitting at home,” Becca said. “Maybe we should—”

“I'm fine.” I cut her off. “Seriously, I'm good. You know, just relaxing. You guys have fun, okay?” I forced a bit of bubbly into my voice. “Call me tomorrow and tell me all about it, okay?”

“Okay.” She sounded doubtful. I could
hear a male voice talking in the background. She said something indistinct back. Then she returned to the phone. “Logan wants to go dance.”

“Go! Text me later, okay?” I clicked the phone off and lay back against the pillows. Being upbeat was exhausting.

A half hour later, I'd almost made it to the bottom of the Goldfish bag when the doorbell rang. I paused the movie and, still clutching the crackers, heaved myself off the couch.

I could only see a shadowy figure behind the frosted glass. Probably just an ax murderer looking for girls who stay home on prom night. Good. I could use a little excitement. I flicked on the porch light and opened the door.

Adam stood there in front of me, wearing a slim-cut black tux and holding a giant pink rose wrist corsage. My mouth dropped open. He extended the flowers toward me.

“Please don't close the door. I have to talk to you,” he said, talking very fast. “That day in the park was a total mess. I'm an idiot.”

I stood frozen to the spot, one hand on the door, the other still clutching my nearly empty bag of Goldfish.

Adam kept talking. “I was just upset—I felt hurt but I didn't say it very well. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you were finally honest with me. I knew the minute I got in the car what a mistake it was leaving you in the park like that. Have I totally messed this up, or do I still have a chance?”

Gingerly, I released my hold on the door. I felt like I had to move carefully or I might topple over. I looked around me for a place to put the Goldfish bag. There wasn't anywhere. Adam saw what I was trying to do. He extended his hand and I placed the bag in it. Now he had the corsage in one hand and the Goldfish bag in the other. I opened my mouth. “I … I …” I couldn't get any other words past my numb lips.

Adam's face fell. Then he nodded slowly. “Okay. I understand. I just felt like I had to try, you know?” He turned and walked back down the porch steps. He had almost reached the door of his car before I realized what he was doing.

“Wait, Adam, wait!” I sprang forward as if shot out of a starting gate. Clattering down the steps, I ran over to the car and grabbed him by the sleeve. “Don't leave! I was just trying to understand how this
could be happening. To be honest, I thought I'd ruined things between us forever with the stupid No-Boyfriend Plan. I'm so, so happy you're not mad. And I'm so sorry I almost messed everything up between you and me.”

Adam's face lit up. He set the Goldfish bag on top of the car. “Okay. Well then, do you want to go to prom? I know it's kind of short notice—”

“Yes!” I shouted. I threw my arms around his neck, almost knocking him over. He staggered and caught himself against the car.

“Okay,” he said, grinning. Gently, he disentangled my arms from around his neck and slipped the corsage over my wrist. The pink rosebuds were heavy and fragrant on my wrist. I raised my arm and buried my nose in the delicate blooms. Adam was digging something out of the backseat of the car. Before I had time to wonder what he was doing, he turned around. Floating from his hands was the dark blue silk gown I'd seen in his house. I gaped at him. He smiled shyly. “My mom said you could borrow it tonight. She said she thought my grandmother would have loved this story.
I thought maybe since this is kind of short notice, you might not have a dress already.”

I took the gown. The blue silk slid through my hands like water. “I'll be right back.”

Up in my room, I nervously slid the dress over my head and smoothed the fabric. It fell perfectly over my hips, just brushing the tips of my toes. Quickly, I slipped on my high-heeled silver sandals and brushed my hair satiny-smooth, pulling it back into a loose, low bun at the back of my neck. I slicked on a little raspberry lip stain on my mouth and brushed my lashes with jet-black mascara. Then I opened my bedroom door and took a deep breath. I peered over the landing. Adam was pacing around below. I steadied myself on the high heels and carefully made my way down the stairs.

Adam looked up at my approach. His eyes widened. “Wow,” he said. “I don't think that dress looked like that on my grandmother.”

“Thanks, I think,” I replied, trying not to clutch the banister for balance. I didn't wear heels that often. “So should we go?”

“Yeah.” He opened the front door. “We just have to make one quick stop first.”

Halfway through the ride to the Belton Banquet Club, I sat up in my seat. Something was missing. I couldn't quite place what it was, but the car seemed different somehow. Then it hit me—the screech was gone. I looked at Adam. “You fixed the tailpipe!”

He glanced over and smiled. “I was wondering when you'd notice.”

“Aww, I kind of miss it,” I said. He slowed down. I looked out the window. “This isn't the way to the Belton.”

“I know. I just have to pick something up at a buddy's house first.” We were driving down an unfamiliar street with regal houses spaced widely apart. Adam peered through the windshield. “I think this is it.” He turned into a driveway, but instead of stopping at the house, he continued right past it. The driveway kept going, past the back lawn and into a little grove of trees. He stopped the car and killed the engine.